Chapter 11: Chapter Nine: Hole in One

In front of me was the last of the 8th Circle of Hell. Or since I’m going from the bottom up, it’s the first? Whatever. I can be bothered with the technicals later. Preferably when I’ve passed this hellhole and Hell in general. 

Shoving my inner monologue to the back of my mind, I looked ahead at the big hole in front of me. It was pretty freaking large, easily multiple times the size of any of the bolgias. It also looked to be a lot deeper.   

Another thing that stood out was the bridge…or the lack of one. The others either had a bridge or had the remnants of where one used to be. Here at Bolgia Uno? Nope, absolutely nothing. I guess that’s telling you that you have to travel through. Ugh, that’s lame. That’s like a professor making attendance mandatory and then just reading the slide show that was posted verbatim.

Not cool, Hell. 

Grumbling internally, I carefully began to slither my way down the last hellhole. Soon thereafter, I reached ground level.

And it was surprisingly and anticlimactic empty? Like I was half expecting one of those tumbleweeds from an old western movie to appear.

Then it struck me that I was being an idiot for complaining, as this is exactly what I wanted. So I started to haul my scaley behind out of there. 

Of course, I was halted by a javelin rudely impaling itself just feet in front of me. 

That was swiftly followed by a figure dropping a dozen feet to my right.

Then came a similar person appearing a dozen or so feet to my left.

In a ping pong-like fashion, more beings popped into existence before me. This progressed until they reached the middle, with one more figure appearing, pulling the spear from within the ground.

Taking a closer look at the humanoids in front of me, what they were was pretty apparent. 

Sharp horns adorned their heads like sinister crowns. Most of them had massive bat-like wings upon their backs. This may be stereotyping but I think these people are demons.

If my math is correct, there are thirteen of them standing in front of me. Oddly enough, I feel no sinister intent from any of them. In fact, I feel a bit of curiosity. 

All though that's probably due in some part to their appearance. The one directly in front of me is sporting the most wicked tail I’ve seen. It was like a scorpion tail on steroids or something. 

Then there was one with the most luxurious beard I’ve ever seen. It was actually shining. And you could tell he took pride in it, as he was constantly combing through it. 

There was a pair that….to put it bluntly, looked like a pair of humanoid hell hounds.  There was also a person-shaped butterfly… Can’t forget the pig guy and the dragon lady.

Much like the beard guy, there was another infatuated with their curly hair. There was one who looked so angry steam was rising from their ears, while another one was freezing the floor under them.

There was one dressed up as a clown, and one with literal heart-shaped pupils. And finally, there was one who looked completely normal in comparison to the rest.

As I took in their appearance, the thirteen ‘demons’ in front of me knelt down. The action kind of startled me. 

Noticing this, the demon directly in front of me slightly lifted her head, squawking and hissing nervously, flaying her arms around. Apparently realizing something, she stopped, her face turning a deep crimson.

My head instinctively tilted sideways. It seemed that she was a serious acting person, but also a clutz. Well, I don’t hate people like that. 

 In response to my movement, but probably unaware of my thoughts, the demon cleared her throat and spoke again.

“My apologies, can you understand me now?” the demon asked.

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I nodded my head in response. Her eyes widened and a grin spread across her face. 

“Great!” she beamed. 

Then as quickly as the smile had appeared on her face, it vanished. 

“My apologies once again. I forgot that I hadn’t introduced myself. I am Malacoda, leader of the Malebranche. The others are my subordinates.”

The others lifted their heads to give me a smile and a wave.

“I hope you forgive us for being presumptuous…” Malacoda started, looking at me for permission to continue. 

I again nodded.

“We cleared out this bolgia without permission, as we the Malebranche selfishly wanted to be the ones to see you off. We are willing to take any punishment for our imprudence but we couldn’t contain our excitement,” she said, apprehension dripping from her voice. 

I shook my head, trying to convey that I wouldn’t be punishing anyone.

The group seemed to get my intention, erupting into a celebration. 

The whole interaction got me thinking. There have been several signs pointing toward it the entire time, but that pretty much put the nail in the coffin.

I’m somehow reincarnated into a bigshot in Hell. But how? Or why?

Malacoda seems to know or at least has some sort of idea…seeing as how she’s purposely treating me with respect but skirting around actually addressing me with a title. 

Stupid snake body. I wish I could just open my mouth and as-gah! 

Suddenly the connection between snake me and tree me heated up, giving me a massive headache. I felt like someone just dug a bolgia in my brain.

Malacoda, who I initially thought was a clutz, somehow noticed my suffering. 

“It seems it’s already happening. It seems our time will be cut short today. How unfortunate. Well, there’s always the next time. We will be at your beck and call. You only need say the word. And do come visit if you have the time, we will always welcome you.” she said with what seems to be her signature smile. 

“Geryon,” she called out. “You know what to do.”

A massive man with three heads and the sharpest suit I’ve seen appeared from the shadows. 

After nodding one head at me and another one at Malacoda, then scooped me up into his arms.

He strode towards the end of the whole as the headache intensified and my consciousness faded.