Chapter 4: Chapter 4 – Of Fungi and Favors

An ear-rending roar sounded, seemingly from the door itself. The next thing I knew I was hurtling backward, only just maintaining my balance and bladder control as I skidded into the opposite wall.

“What the f—”

Pounding footsteps and a weird sort of clanking issued from around a curve of the hall, and then a bulky figure skidded into view.

“Halt!” bellowed the creature, raising a spear of marbled orange, gray and black, all carved of the same substance. And whatever substance that was, it perfectly matched the coloration and patterning of its wielder. He had small wings for his size, and horns that curled down and around his ears like those of a ram.

I halted. He stared at me. I stared at him. Called up the glyphs.

 

3Gem Jasper

Armor of Unbreakable Stone

Weapon of Unbreakable Stone

 

As the newcomer’s eyes went incredulously wide, I realized I was grinning. I couldn’t help it, he was just so cool-looking and adorable, all at once. His scales were oversized to the point of resembling plate, his body was thick and stocky, and his face…well, it reminded me of a golden retriever’s, but only just a bit. He smelled distinctly of sun-warmed sand. Not that I was sure sand actually had a smell, but that’s what came to mind.

“You. You take pride in your failed thievery?” he demanded, or tried to. There was something unnatural and forced about his threatening tone.

“Thievery? What? No, I was just looking for a—a place where I can relieve myself.” I’d almost said bathroom, but decided that wasn’t specific enough. What if I said that and it translated wrong, and he just lead me to a room full of baths? I didn’t want to pee in a bath.

He blinked, his spear-holding arm relaxing a bit so that the tip pointed a little less directly at me.

“What?”

“I need to pee. Really bad,” I insisted, hoping my squirminess would at least attest to this fact. “I was just getting healed up before I realized, and I kind of lost my way looking for somewhere I could go. I’ve been having some memory problems, I’m not sure if I’ve even been here before, and I’m completely lost, so…”

The lizard-dogman considered me for a moment.

“I am almost certain you’re lying to me, though I’m not sure why you would, with the Seers here. But then again—”

“Could you consider whether or not I’m lying to you while you show me somewhere I can pee?”

Though he’d looked vaguely affronted at my interruption, thick-guy nodded solemnly.

“Very well. I will escort you to a greenroom, and then back to GrandHall. And after that, straight to a Truthseer.”

“Alright,” I agreed, entirely too close to doing the cartoon thing and skipping from foot-to-foot with my thighs squeezed together. “Rest—er, greenroom now?”

“This way, please,” replied the creature, slipping at once into the tone of a gracious tour guide. It suited him much better, and it suited me just fine, too. He led me back the way he’d come from, the opposite of mine. Before long we slowed, approaching an arched opening in the wall facing another wall further in, the narrow passages to either side labeled with simple glyphs.

I squinted at them, trying to make sense of the translation. To the left, it read “skyborn.” To the right, “deepborn.”

“Uuuh…”

I looked over at Thick Guy, ready to ask him which way I should go, when my eyes caught on his wings. Appendages which I did not possess, and something I’d probably have been pretty damned disappointed about—were it not for my fear of heights. In any case, the answer seemed obvious enough, and I figured he’d stop me if I got it wrong.

I took the right. Thick Guy said nothing.

As I rounded the curve at a jog, the sound of trickling water became apparent and the space opened up until it was about half the width of the corridor I’d come from. To one side, a profusion of dark fronds, moss and blue flowers grew from openings in the wall, basking in a faint greenish light cast by sigils carved into the ceiling above them. To the other, a series of arched openings were hung with lengths of scaled leather for privacy.

Thank goodness for that. I’d been expecting much worse.

What’s more, the place smelled like an overgrown summer garden after a heavy rain. Absolutely fantastic.

Shoving past one of the hangings and into the viridian illumination of even more sigils beyond, I found something a bit more in line with my initial expectation. The whole space was coated with squishy moss and speckled lichen. A thin stream of water flowed freely from an opening in the back wall, down a short channel, and into a mushroom-lined hole set directly into the ground.

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This, however, was not as inconvenient as it would have been with my original anatomy. My tail, raised heels and strong thighs made squatting not only easy, but comfortable.

Bladder emptied and euphoric at the revelation that I did indeed have exactly the parts I wanted and not the dreaded cloaca, I washed my four-fingered hands in the little waterfall. Then, for good measure, I brushed them off on some moss. On contact, the stuff released a sudden gust of a minty sort of smell, and the sensitive, exposed skin of my palms tingled pleasantly.

Feeling about a thousand times better—but a little sad there were no mirrors—I returned to the main corridor and my latest babysitter.

“So, what’s your name, if you don’t mind me asking?” I wondered as retriever-boy clanked along at my side. I’d gotten the distinct impression that he—as well as gray-robes and even Trassek—were all somewhere around my age. The equivalent of eighteen to early twenty-somethings in humans, technically adults but also very much not.

“Thors of Clan Khural,” he said after a beat, sounding a little taken aback.

“Nice to meet you,” I chirped, enjoying the sound of my new voice. A little breathy and higher pitched, but not annoyingly so. “I’d tell you my name, but it seems like everyone already knows it.”

His scale-brows drew together, cute canine mouth turning down at the edges in what looked like a frown. He didn’t seem to know what to say, so I moved on to my next question.

“What is this place, anyway?” I made a sweeping gesture with both arms to indicate that I meant the whole building and whatever it might be a part of.

“Central Peak, Terrasgard Academy,” he replied at once, voice booming with pride. “Academy” wasn’t exactly the precise translation of the word he’d used, of course, merely one of the multitude it conveyed, along with school, university, college, village, fortress and a number of other things which I found deeply confusing.

And also…Central Peak? Not sure I like the sound of that.

Not only did it remind me of Friends, but it meant that we might be high up. Possible very, very high up.

But if Thors thought it was weird that I was asking where we were, he didn’t show it. I decided to press my luck.

“And, um…what are we, exactly?”

At that he gave me the side-eye.

“I am a fourth year Jasper. You are a first year Opal, starting today.”

“No, I mean…what is our species called?”

He stopped, turning his head to frown down at me.

“You must think I’m stupid.”

“What? No! I promise, I don’t. I just really don’t know. I told you, I’m having memory issues.”

His brows pressed further together, forming a deep furrow between them.

“Please, just humor me. I’ll owe you a favor!”

I’m not sure what made me say that—after all, what could I possibly offer him? But it popped out before I could think too much about it. Thors’ eyes and pupils went wide.

“Really? You’ll give me Favor? Even if the Truthseer finds you at fault?”

There was something to the way he said “favor” that gave me pause. But not much of one.

“Yes! And if you’ll answer just a few more questions for me after that, I’ll seriously owe you. All just basic things, nothing complicated or prying. I promise.”

His ears perked.

“How much Favor will you give for each of my answers?”

“Er…” yeah, I’m definitely getting myself into something here. “One favor per answer?”

“One glow of Favor? Per answer?” His tail—which was only just long enough to brush the stone tiles—began to wag.

“It is a deal!” he said. “We are kobolds, Heirs of the Mighty Ascended. Next question!”

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