Kelsey and I sat together on the balcony as the sun slowly set. There was a cool breeze this evening but the mid-May weather had been nice. We were both cradling cups of herbal tea as we looked out over the lake.
Dinner wasn't anything terribly fancy but it was perhaps the first home-cooked meal my daughter enjoyed in a couple decades. After filling me in on the past fifty years of her life, and after asking for my help, she went on to admit she'd spent the past few months in hostels and shelters. The bag she brought with her held all of her worldly possessions.
After a few more minutes of silence I commented, "You know Kelsey you could have come to me at any time. My offer wasn't limited. No matter what you're still my child. I'd never turn you away."
She sighed, "I know. But I was too proud. I hated to admit I was wrong. I hated to admit I needed help. And I knew you wouldn't break any laws for me, you wouldn't come and get me out of jail."
I stayed quiet as I sipped my tea. I honestly wasn't sure what I'd have done in that case. If she'd called from prison and asked for my help, I very well might have come and extracted her. I wouldn't have hurt anyone, but I might have used a little magic to ensure they were all looking the other way for a while. It was probably for the best that she didn't ask.
"It's ok Kelsey," I told her. "Water under the bridge. You're here now, that's the important thing."
She nodded slowly, and after taking some tea she asked "So what happens next?"
I considered that for a few moments. I knew I couldn't force her to have the same sort of epiphany that opened my own eyes. I also realized perhaps I didn't have to. I hadn't sought help, at the time I didn't want to change. I had change forced upon me and the desire to become better followed afterwards.
Kelsey was seeking help, so perhaps she'd already had her epiphany. Perhaps she already wished to be better.
"What would you like to happen?" I asked her. "How would you like me to help you?"
She sighed deeply then stared out over the lake again as she took some more of her tea.
I wasn't sure if she was thinking of an answer, or if she already knew what she wanted and instead she was trying to bring herself to say it.
Finally she spoke, "The last time we met, you tried to tell me how you changed. That it wasn't something Tegan or Keira did to you, but it was something you decided for yourself. You said you'd never again be the monster you once were. How'd that happen, if it wasn't their doing?"
I had another sip of tea as I thought it over, then I decided to tell her. I reminded her of our first meeting in Stanley park. Kelly and Keira meant to leave me there, they wanted nothing to do with me. They wanted my daughter and I to be stuck with each other.
I told Kelsey how I begged Tegan not to leave me with her, and I told her why. I described how that evening back in Ontario it suddenly struck me, that the most awful fate I could imagine was to be left in the care of someone like me. How I finally understood what I'd been doing to other humans all those years. And for some reason I was spared, when none of them were.
My daughter and I both sipped our tea as I told her how I cried, how I wished Tegan had killed me so I wouldn't have to face the grief and guilt. And I told her how Tegan helped me understand, while my past could never be forgiven or erased, I could choose to be better. That I couldn't undo my crimes, but I could choose to help people going forward.
I told her how Susan and I bonded, how she and I helped each other. Then I met Claire we helped each other too. And when Claire and I went to university I found out what hardships trans people faced on Earth, I decided I'd do my best to help them. And the irony was not lost on me that a spell I once used to cause endless pain and suffering was now something I used to bring joy and relief.
My daughter remained quiet after I finished speaking. We both slowly drained the last of our tea as the sun slipped below the horizon.
The silence lasted a full ten or twelve minutes before I finally asked again, "So tell me Kelsey, how can I help you? What would you like me to do for you?"
She sighed and set her empty cup down. She seemed reluctant, or perhaps afraid. It took her another minute or two to work up the courage to say it.
"I'd like you to give me another chance. I want to learn to be better, like you. I... I don't know that I want to become anyone's saviour like you're trying to be. But I want to learn to not hurt people. I guess I just want to be a normal happy person? I don't want to be bitter or hateful anymore."
I nodded slowly, "I understand Kelsey. I know it can't have been easy to say that."
My daughter slowly turned to look at me. I could see the uncertainty in her eyes, as she asked "Will you help me?"
"Yes, of course I will."
She sighed, her expression showed both relief and fear.
"First though, I have a question." I continued watching her as I asked, "Will you tell me exactly what Keira's geas did to you? As far as I know she's never shared that information with anyone."
Kelsey sighed again and stared down at her feet. "All she did was prevent me from using magic on humans. She didn't make me a good person. She didn't stop me from hurting people in other ways. She didn't even lock my magic away completely. So I never really changed, I just got in more trouble that I couldn't magic my way out of. Till I ended up in prison."
"I'm sorry," I sighed.
She just nodded slightly as she continued staring at the ground. After a long pause she asked again, "So what happens next?"
I thought it over then asked, "Tell me the truth Kelsey. Are you ready to start learning to be a better person? Do you truly want to change? Will you commit to turning over a new leaf, if I give you another chance?"
Before she answered I added, "I need you to be honest about this. Not for my benefit but for yours. If I try and help you and you're not really ready for it, things will probably end up feeling even worse than they do right now."
She gulped but nodded "I'm sure. I'm ready for whatever decisions you make, however you want to do this. I know it won't be easy but I want to try."
"All right then," I nodded. "I'm going to warn you up-front, I won't be lifting Keira's geas. I'll be replacing it with one of my own that's even more strict. I'm going to lock away all your magic, and it's going to stay locked for the next few years at least, until I'm sure you're ready to use it responsibly."
She winced but nodded "Ok. I understand."
"Come on," I said as I stood up. "Let's go inside and get comfortable for this. You'll be staying here of course, the guest room is now yours."
She followed quietly as I led her back into the condo. Our teacups joined the rest of our dishes in the sink, I'd take care of that later. For now I took her into her new bedroom and had her lie down on the bed.
"What are you going to do?" she asked. She was trying to hide her fear, but I could hear the anxiety in her voice.
I replied calmly, "I'm going to give you another chance Kelsey. It's not going to be easy for you but nothing worthwhile ever is. Are you ready?"
She gulped then nodded, "Yes. I think so."
"Then just relax. It's going to take me a couple moments."
• • • • •
"And I've already emailed you her transcripts and the other documentation you asked for," I replied calmly.
The middle-aged woman nodded as her eyes flicked back and forth over the information on her screen, "Thank you Ms. Connolly. Yes I see it's all here and everything appears to be in order."
Tegan helped me set this up, she pulled some strings with some of her contacts. Back in my day you just needed some forged documents and the ability to lie with a straight face. Now everything was interconnected with all their computers and databases. Rather than forgers you needed hackers. Or people on the inside who responded to bribes.
Mrs. Cartwright finally took her eyes off the screen and repeated "Yes it's all in order. Let me just finish processing this and I think we'll be done here."
I nodded "All right."
The woman's attention returned to the screen as her hands moved over the keyboard and the sound of typing filled the air.
Kelsey remained silent as she sat next to me. She looked equal parts bored and anxious, as her eyes wandered around the small but brightly-lit office.
After a few more minutes of waiting, Mrs. Cartwright paused what she was doing and asked, "May I have both of your ID cards please?"
I pulled mine out of my purse, Kelsey dug hers from her jacket pocket. We handed them over and the woman passed them through the scanner. Mine went first, and after a few keystrokes Kelsey's followed. Finally our cards were returned, and there was another delay for more typing.
At long last Mrs. Cartwright pushed the screen off to one side and looked at me and announced, "There we go, we're all set."
Her gaze shifted to my daughter as she smiled, "Kelsey, welcome to Jarvis Secondary School."
She continued, "There's only a month left in the current school year, so I was thinking it might be easier on you if you finish up grade nine with your current tutors? Then in September you'll be ready to begin grade ten here with us."
Mrs. Cartwright looked back to me and asked, "Does that work for you, Ms. Connolly? If you and your cousin prefer she start immediately we can fit her in, but with only a month left it might just be more disruptive for her. Especially after everything else she's been through."
I looked at the fourteen-year-old redhead sitting next to me. She asked for a second chance, so I gave her one. Our cover-story was old and hackneyed, but it worked. She was my cousin from out west, her parents died tragically somehow, and I was her next of kin and now her legal guardian.
I'd have preferred to tell people the truth that she was my daughter, but I looked far too young to have a teenage child. Perhaps if fae were officially recognized I could have been up front about that, but according to Tegan that wasn't likely to happen for another three or four months at the very least.
As promised, I replaced Keira's geas with one of my own. Apart from that I'd left Kelsey's mind and personality untouched. She wanted to learn to be better, she'd have to put in the effort to make that happen. I wouldn't give her any shortcuts or force it on her.
Along with the geas I'd used a transformation spell. I gave her a new, much younger body, with a similar build to my own. Like me, she was small and weak. She wouldn't be able to rely on either magic or physical strength, she'd have to learn to get along with people.
I asked her, "What do you think kiddo? Do you want to dive in immediately, or take the summer off and ease back in next autumn?"
Kelsey gulped and hesitated, then asked vice-principal Cartwright, "If it's not too much trouble ma'am I think I'd actually like to begin right away? I'd like to start meeting people and maybe make some friends, before the summer break."
Mrs. Cartwright gave my daughter a warm smile, "That's the spirit. All right Kelsey, I'll make the arrangements. I don't think I can get everything set up in time for tomorrow, but Monday for sure. By the end of the day tomorrow I'll email you and your cousin a class schedule and we'll see you first thing Monday morning."
"Thank you ma'am," Kelsey smiled nervously.
I got to my feet and agreed, "Thank you Mrs. Cartwright. We'll look forward to hearing from you tomorrow."
With the meeting concluded, Kelsey and I headed out together. Door to door the high-school was only about twenty minutes away from our condo, with around half of that time on foot and the other half on public transportation.
As we made our way home she looked at me and whispered, "Thank you for helping me."
I smiled back at her and replied, "Thank you for asking me."
We'd both done plenty of unforgivable things in our lives, things we could never fix or undo. But by coming to me for help, my daughter had given me the chance to fix one of my biggest mistakes.
She'd given me the opportunity to raise her better, to teach her to be a better person, and for me to be a better parent.
We'd work together to give her a better, happier, more fulfilling life.