Chapter 53: 52. Disillusioned

"Thanks for breakfast babe," Kelly said as she pulled me into a hug. "See you tonight."

As she held me, she whispered "Please don't waste another day moping about the house ok? Promise me you'll get dressed and go do something? Even just go for a walk or something?"

I hugged her back but protested quietly, "My leg was killing me yesterday. I didn't want to watch TV all day, but it hurt to do anything else."

She sighed, "It only gets like that because you don't exercise it, Tegan. And anyways we took care of it last night, so you're good for today. So promise me you'll go do something?"

I nodded "Ok Kelly. I promise."

"Yo!" Keira called from outside, "You coming or staying sis? We're going to be late!"

"Bye babe!" Kelly kissed me then let go and hurried out the door.

I stood there and waved, and watched as they pulled out then set off. This place was nice and all three of us loved living here, but it was an hour-long commute for the twins to get to university.

We'd actually looked into whether or not they could get away with teleporting to and from the campus, but Earth's lower magic level combined with Kelly and Keira only being part-fae meant they just couldn't muster the strength to do it, even after they learned the spell.

We also had some concerns about the distance, and whether or not the teleport spell was even safe over that range. Teleporting tended to get less accurate the further you were going. Across the room was accurate to the millimeter, but at ten kilometers it was more like accurate to the nearest meter. Their campus was something like sixty kilometers away, and that felt a little too risky even for me.

I figured there might be a solution to that problem, but since the twins couldn't teleport anyways it wasn't something that really needed solving at the moment.

Once their little hybrid was out of sight I swung the door closed then sighed. I really didn't feel like doing anything today, but I promised Kelly. And I absolutely hated to disappoint her. I mean, I'd disappointed enough people already, I couldn't add her to the list.

So I carefully climbed up the stairs to our bedroom and pulled on some jeans and a t-shirt, then back downstairs and got my hiking shoes on, then a warm jacket. A few minutes later I was out walking along our quiet country road, alone with my thoughts.

And of course I started thinking about all my other failures, and everyone I'd let down.

I knew I was a disappointment to my parents. Both sets of parents, actually. It was harder on my human parents though, because I lived on the same world as them. So they had a better view, a closer look at how much of a failure I turned out to be.

If I was being generous, I'd say my fae parents were patient rather than disappointed. They probably saw this as a phase or something, that I had to get through on my own. Maybe it was a thing other changelings went through too, for all I knew.

The real problem was, I didn't know how to fit in here and I didn't know what to do with myself.

I'd completely lost interest in my childhood dream of being a game dev. I never went back to that course after me and Kelly got home from our first trip to Otherworld. I didn't own a console anymore, I hadn't even looked at a game since we moved here.

After I dropped out of that program I tried doing something useful. A lot of people told me I was kind and caring and empathic and all that stuff, so I started over in college with the idea of becoming a social worker. But I didn't even finish my first year, I dropped out halfway through the second semester. It just wasn't me.

After that, I had no ideas. I didn't know what to do, what to try. There were things I wanted to learn, but they were things I couldn't really learn here. And even if I could, they were things that wouldn't help me here.

I wanted to learn to use a sword, and to shoot a bow. I wanted to learn to ride a horse better, how to travel and camp. I wanted to learn how to be a Brádaigh. About the only thing I could do here was learn more magic, and learn more about how magic worked.

I could do that on my own from home though, so that's what I did with my time. I also learned how to cook and clean and look after the house. So I hung out at home, messed around with magic, and basically acted like a stay-at-home housewife for Kelly and Keira.

To be brutally honest, I was a disappointment to myself. That's what hurt the most. What hurt almost as bad was knowing I could probably turn my whole life around, if I was willing to make one little move.

In Otherworld I was brave, wise, just, powerful, and well-liked. I had a future there, and the things I wanted to learn and do were things that mattered there. On Earth I was just an unemployed two-time college drop-out. I could afford to do nothing with my life here because I was living off the generosity of my rich family over there.

Basically what I thought would fix things was to move back to Otherworld and be who I was meant to be. The reason I couldn't do it was my girlfriend wanted to stay here.

Kelly was mostly human, she was born here. Her sister and her mom were here. On Earth her one-quarter-fae heritage put her slightly above the average. It gave her an advantage, made her special. On Otherworld, her three-quarters-human heritage was a massive liability. Nobody would hold that against her, if they did they'd have to face me and that wouldn't end well for them. But it was something I'm sure she was acutely aware of.

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So Kelly wanted to live here, and I wanted to live with Kelly. At least, for as long as she'd have me.

That was the other thing gnawing at me. She hadn't said anything yet, and maybe she wouldn't. Maybe we'd have another three or four years before it became an issue. But I could already see it, and I dreaded the day when it finally did come up.

I knew it would, the only question was when. In two more years Kelly would be done university. She'd be Doctor Kelly Connolly, she'd be ready to open her own clinic or something, ready to start helping people. She'd be a professional. And she'd be twenty-seven years old. So would I, except I'd still look like a teen.

And that's the thing that was eating at me. How much longer would she be willing to date someone who's stuck looking like a college freshman for the next thirty or forty years? How much longer before people started to talk, or ask questions? And how much longer before she started to resent me?

Those were the things that kept dragging me down. On Earth I was a loser, a misfit, a screw-up. I had no job, no ambition, no education, and the only thing really keeping me here was my love for Kelly. But every day I worried that was going to end. Meanwhile I had a life, a future, and another family waiting for me in Otherworld.

And I realized they might just be patiently waiting for that other stuff to happen. I didn't like to think about it, but Maeve and Connor knew as well as I did that my family and friends here were all going to grow old and die before I even reached my mid-twenties, in terms of how I looked. When you've been around nearly four hundred years and have another seven or eight hundred ahead of you, waiting fifty years for your foolish wayward daughter to sort herself out probably wasn't such a big deal.

The last thing on my mind was the fact that all this stuff kept dragging my mood down just made me feel like even more of a loser. I mean, when I thought about all the stuff I had to be thankful for? It made me feel like a jerk for complaining at all.

I went from being a dense trans egg to getting an instant magical transition into the body of my dreams. I kept my girlfriend, heck we actually got even closer after it happened. And my adoptive parents both accepted me for who I was. On top of all that I learned magic, and I got actual 'fairy-god-parents' in Otherworld who lived in a huge castle and sent me a sack of gold now and then.

But if that whole thing three years ago was a fairy-tale, the bottom line was I felt like I never got to the happily-ever-after part. Instead I got stuck with the bad leg, the existential angst, and the knowledge that the girl I loved was either going to dump me because I was too young for her, or she'd tough it out and I'd watch her grow old and die.

I suddenly pulled myself up to a halt and looked around as I realized I was in town. I'd been so caught up in my pity-parade, I hadn't even realized how far I'd walked.

First thing to cross my mind was my leg would be screaming again tomorrow. Then that smaller voice that I rarely listened to pointed out if I did this on a regular basis my leg would get used to it and maybe even start to get better.

I just stood there on the sidewalk in front of the pharmacy for probably ten minutes, trying to figure out what to do with myself. Eventually I realized since I was there I may as well do something useful.

The grocery store was just across the street, and I made my way over there to pick up a few things. I decided to make a fancy dinner for the three of us, to prove I'd done something with my day. I just had to figure out if I was going to try and walk home, or if I'd find someplace to hide and teleport. The twins weren't strong enough to do that, but I was.

In the end I split the difference. I bought more groceries than I should have, struggled to carry it all for the fifteen minutes it took to get out of town and back onto our lonely country road. Then I teleported the groceries home. It would all be waiting for me on the kitchen floor when I got in, and I could hopefully walk the rest of the way without too much difficulty since I wasn't struggling under the weight of the food.

It took me a little longer to get home than it did to get to town, but I actually felt kind of proud by the end of it. That was about eleven kilometers in total. It was the furthest I'd walked in one day since before I got hurt.

The groceries were waiting on the kitchen floor when I got in, and I set about putting them away. After that I relaxed for a while, but when it got closer to evening I got to work.

I made up a nice pork roast and a bunch of roasted vegetables. I also made gravy, and had some fresh rolls to go with it. It was kind of funny in a way. It was exactly the sort of meal both my moms enjoyed, but my human mom would be proud to know I'd cooked it myself. My fae mom had servants who did that sort of thing for her. Though when I thought about it, she might actually know how to do it too. She just didn't have to.

Everything was ready to go as soon as the twins arrived. I welcomed them home and poured some wine for the two of them, then brought out the food.

"Wow, dinner smells great babe!" Kelly grinned.

Keira watched as I brought out the platter of meat and smirked, "Only thing missing is the maid uniform."

My cheeks went pink but I just smiled back, "Maybe for Sunday dinner, if you two are nice to me."

"Nice try," Keira laughed. "But I know you didn't get that outfit so Kelly could be nice to you. You like being bossed around."

I blushed a little brighter as I hurried back into the kitchen to hide. Or get the vegetables, one or the other.

They were both smiling at me when I emerged with the last of the food. I knew it was all in fun, though I did wonder if Keira was in need of some companionship. Maybe it was time me and Kelly started encouraging her to try dating again.

For now I put the thought aside as I joined the two redheads at the table, and the three of us got started on the food.

PurpleCatGirl

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