Chapter 58: 57. Deduced

"So what brings you here on a Friday morning?" I asked as I got the coffee machine started. "Not that I'm unhappy to see you of course, just surprised."

Dad pulled out a chair and sat down at the kitchen table. "I wanted to talk with you, Tegan. Without your mother around. Just you and me, in private."

I raised an eyebrow, "That doesn't sound good. Is something wrong?"

I hadn't heard from either of them since thanksgiving, but that was just under two weeks ago. I figured if something was up they'd have called, or at least sent me an email or something.

Dad shook his head "Not at all, hon."

It was still kind of weird having him show up out of the blue at half past eleven on a weekday. I started making lunch for the two of us, and asked "You took the day off work to come see me?"

"I cashed in a sick-day," he smiled. "I have a bunch of them saved up, I figured I may as well use them."

"Ok," I was still curious and a little uneasy about the whole thing. It was unusual, to say the least. "So what did you want to talk about?"

He took a deep breath then replied, "Your mother's been talking again about accepting your offer. When we spoke at thanksgiving, you told me some of the details about the uh, magic. I guess what I need to find out now are the logistics, the practical considerations."

"Dang," I sighed. "You two are really serious about it?"

Dad nodded, "I think so hon. It's a rare and amazing gift you've offered the both of us. Your mother seems to have her mind made up. And the more I think about it, the more I feel the same."

I sighed again and turned around to face him, "Dad is this something you really want to do? Or is this just mom pressuring you into something that she wants?"

He shook his head, "I admit I was wary at first, but since we talked I've put some more thought into it. If I do this, it's not just going to be because your mother wants to. I'm going to get something out of it as well."

That brought a frown to my face and once again I wondered what sort of changes he wanted to make to his life. For now I let it go, and turned back to the counter to finish making our sandwiches.

By the time I had the food ready, the coffee machine was done too. I poured us a couple mugs, then served everything up for us at the table.

As I sat down across from him I asked, "So what sort of logistics stuff do you want to know about?"

Dad thanked me and had a bite of his sandwich, then replied "Well, you've been through all this right? Three years ago, you had to basically reinvent yourself. Granted it wasn't an age thing for you, but uh, pretty much everything else changed."

I nodded, "Yeah. So I had Kelsey Connolly to help me through it that first time. And I can help you two the same way. I can take care of the ID, paperwork, stuff like that."

"Figuring out how we transfer the money is a concern," dad said. "I'm taking early retirement, in just under two months I'll be done with work. Your mother and I have our RRSPs, and equity in the house. We were thinking, we'd start dropping hints with friends and neighbours that as soon as I'm retired we'll pack up and move. We'll be vague about where, just that we're moving to a retirement community."

He paused for some coffee and another bite of food, then continued "We'd sell the house and cash out our investments. The question I have is, how do we get that money out of our current names and transferred to our new identities? I mean, without actually taking it all out in cash, because I know that would look suspicious as hell."

I sighed, "I know some uh, people who can help with that. We'd have to set up an account for you with them, then you transfer everything there. You two 'disappear' and I get the account info changed to your new identities, then you transfer it all back out to a normal bank somewhere else. It's not cheap, they'll probably hit you for five or ten percent in fees, but when it's done the money's clear in your new names."

Dad frowned, "Ten percent's outrageous."

"Sorry dad," I shrugged. "The only other way I can think of doing it is we stage your deaths, you leave everything to me, then after the dust's settled I transfer it back to you."

"Hmm," he was still frowning. "Estate tax would be just as bad, and probably slower than going through your friends."

We were both quiet as we finished the rest of our lunch. I topped up his coffee then washed the dishes while he sat at the table and looked thoughtful. Once I had the kitchen cleaned up the two of us went into the living-room since it was more comfortable in there. I sat on the sofa, dad was across from me in the recliner.

He looked at me, almost like he was studying me, or like he was seeing me again for the first time. Finally he asked, "What was it like for you, Tegan? I mean, having to change your name, having to re-invent who you were, having to get used to the uh, physical changes? Having to become a whole new person?"

I shrugged, "Some things weren't that hard. I was trans, or a trans egg anyways. I always wanted to be a girl, I even had my name in mind already. I just thought it was impossible, up until it happened. So from that point of view it was a relief I guess? The stuff that was hard was dealing with you and mom, like trying to figure out how to convince you two who I was, then hoping you'd both accept me for who I'd become."

I added, "Dealing with college was rough too, and getting my head around the fact that I couldn't just be the same person I was before with a new name. Having to move, start a lot of stuff over from scratch. Having to pretend to be someone completely different. Like with you and mom I had to hope you'd believe me about who I was. Everywhere else I had to hope nobody figured out who I was."

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He nodded slowly. "Three years ago, after your mother told me you were trans and you'd changed your name, but before I found out about the magic and all that? You sent us some emails, links to information, websites that explained things. I did a lot of reading. I had a lot of misconceptions, there was a lot of stuff I didn't really understand before then. A lot of things I was dead wrong about."

"I remember," I smiled. "Mom told me. We were both proud of you for making an effort to educate yourself."

Dad just nodded, then said "Obviously you didn't need to go through all the medical stuff. And I know other trans folks today, they still don't have it easy, but it's a hell of a lot better nowadays than things were when I was young. If you were trans, and grew up in a rural farming community like I did, there really wasn't any good information or advice. Maybe in the city, or if you had a modern educated doctor it was different. Out in the sticks though, the sort of thing they'd tell you back then was to just marry some girl and have kids, then you'd forget all about those crazy ideas."

"Crap," I scowled. "That's like, really bad advice."

"Yeah. And that's what you'd get from the doctors. Never mind the sorts of things you'd hear from other folks."

I shook my head slightly and sighed "Well, at least things are better now. I hope, anyways."

The two of us were silent again for a few minutes as we sipped our coffee.

I was still curious to know what my parents' plans were, what they were thinking about. I asked, "So where do you think you and mom would move to? What would you two do with yourselves afterwards?"

Dad shrugged and got a sort of distant look on his face. "I don't really know, Tegan. Your mother keeps finding excuses not to discuss the details with me. I know she wants to ah, have you roll the clock back, I think that's how you put it? I don't know how far though, and I don't know what she thinks we'll do."

"What about you?" I asked, watching him. "You've already hinted you'd like to change some things about your life. So ok we don't know what mom wants. What do you want?"

He grimaced slightly and looked like he was embarrassed to discuss it, but after a few moments he replied. "If I was going to do it, I'd make the most of it. Go back to your age." He clarified, "How you look I mean, nineteen. Old enough to be independent, young enough to enjoy it. I wouldn't want to move anywhere too far away. I'd still want to be a part of your life. I thought maybe we could be cousins, since I wouldn't be a parent anymore."

He finished his coffee then said, "I know I'd need to find a job, but I don't know what sort of work I could get. Obviously I wouldn't be able to use any of my existing credentials. And I don't really want to go into the same line of work again anyways. I've done that and I'm about to retire from it. I'd have to think about what else I'd want to try, I suppose. I'd actually like to go back to school. College, or university maybe, assuming there's money for it. Obviously there'd be money to help start over, but that wouldn't be enough to just live off. Not for someone young with a whole lifetime ahead."

Finally he took a deep breath and dropped the bomb on me, "I'm not sure your mother and I would stay together. So there's a good chance all the money would have to be split in half, and we'd each be starting over separately."

"What?" I stared at him in shock. "Why wouldn't you and mom stay together?"

"It's complicated," he sighed. "I'm sorry Tegan, I shouldn't have mentioned that. Especially considering I don't actually know for sure how things will play out. I guess I just see it as a strong possibility."

I slumped back on the sofa and rubbed my forehead, "I never should have mentioned this to mom. I can't be the reason you two split up."

Dad gave me a sympathetic look, "Now Tegan whatever happens, it won't be your fault. I certainly wouldn't blame you."

I just sat there stunned for another minute or two, then finally stood up and asked, "Want some more coffee?"

"No thanks hon," dad shook his head. "Two's enough for me."

I grabbed the two mugs and went back to the kitchen and rinsed them both out, then left them in the sink for now. I just stood there for a few minutes and stared out the window at the back yard. I sighed as I realized how much I regretted ever having mentioned this stuff to my mom.

It was a dumb idea from the start, I let my emotions get the better of me. I blamed it on my leg being sore that day, and mom's insistence on poking and prodding and trying to make everything worse. Except she only acted like that because I was such a disappointment. So it was still my fault.

And now ontop of all my other screw-ups and failures, I could add my parents' marriage to the list of things I'd messed up.

I was still there, leaning against the counter and staring out the window a minute or two later when my brain finally kicked out something I'd missed a few minutes ago, something my dad had said. And I also noticed something he didn't say. He still hadn't told me what he wanted to change about his life, apart from starting over as a nineteen-year-old.

I frowned, then turned around and walked back into the living room. I sat down again on the sofa and stared at him.

"Hey dad?" I asked. I was still frowning, but I was anxious now too. I guess I was kind of uneasy about what his answer might be. "How do you know what doctors in your home town would have told young trans people, back when you were growing up?"

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