Chapter 8: 8. Confessed

The walk from the restaurant to the theatre was a short one, but we took our time. Kelly's arm was around my shoulders, and I had mine around her waist. My head was leaning against her shoulder.

It was almost nine o'clock and there was still some traffic on the streets and people walking around, but it wasn't that busy. It was significantly quieter out here than it had been in the restaurant, and I was glad to get Kelly away from her sister for a while.

Normally I could handle the two of them together, but with everything else going on, I guess I was feeling a little more vulnerable than usual. Or a lot more.

Rather than walk straight to the theatre, Kelly guided us on a slight detour. We kind of meandered across the parking lot and then along the sidewalk. It seemed she was serious about giving me some quiet time to unwind.

A couple minutes after we'd left the restaurant, she asked "Tegan? How are you doing?"

I was taken aback again by the amount of care and concern I could hear in her voice.

"Better," I replied softly. "Thank you Kelly."

I felt her give my shoulders a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm sorry how things went at dinner. I'm sorry Keira is like that."

I shrugged slightly, "It's ok Kelly. I know how you and your sister get." I added, "I'm sure she's not like that all the time. I mean, I know you're not, it's just when you two get together. Most of the time, you're better. Like now."

Kelly sighed but didn't respond to that. It felt like her shoulders slumped a little though. Then I realized, I'd basically just told her she was as bad as Keira during dinner.

She spoke before I could apologize. "Hey Tegan? Tell me the truth. Why are you going along with all this craziness? I mean, I know you 'agreed' last night, but you had no idea magic was real. I basically tricked you into this. You let me completely change your body, boss you around, dress you up like that, drag you out in public... Parade you in front of Keira and her date..."

Her voice trailed off but I could tell she was feeling guilty.

I still had an arm around her waist and I gave her a reassuring squeeze as I replied "You're my girlfriend. I trust you. I want you to be happy, and I know you like to beat your sister. And I love you."

Kelly went quiet, and then it hit me too. That was probably the first time either of us said the 'L' word.

I mean, we'd always been sort of casual about our relationship before. Don't get me wrong, we'd been together over a year and we both liked each other a lot. I realized though, something changed in the past twenty-four hours.

Like, I'd noticed she was a lot more concerned for me. Then there was that moment on the way to the restaurant where she was holding my chin. And then back in the restaurant, the way she looked at me when I said I needed air.

I was feeling it too. I felt closer to her, both physically and emotionally. She made me feel safe, and she made me feel happy, in ways I'd never realized before.

So weirdly enough, after thirteen or fourteen months of dating, I was the first one to say 'I love you'. And I did it while I was temporarily transformed into a girl.

We walked in silence for another couple minutes, I guess neither of us were ready to touch on what I'd just said. And I still wanted to tell Kelly my suspicions about Noah, and now we were a good distance away from both the restaurant and the theatre.

"Hey Kelly," I said softly. "During dinner, I had a strange idea. It might be crazy, might be nothing, but I figured I should tell you. Just in case."

She was quiet for another couple seconds before asking, "What was it?"

I blushed slightly, suddenly doubting myself. But I'd kind of set myself up so I decided to press ahead anyways.

"So um, I've only actually met Amy once. But I noticed, Noah's about the same size as her. He has the same colour hair and eyes, even his complexion is similar. I mean, maybe it's a coincidence, maybe that's just Keira's type or whatever? But considering you used magic on me, I couldn't help wondering if maybe Keira used magic on Amy."

Kelly stopped walking, so I stopped too. She turned to look at me, her eyes wide and her face going pale.

I wasn't sure what that reaction meant, so I quickly added "Like I said, it was just a crazy thought. Maybe I'm wrong. And I mean, whether Keira did that or not I still think you won because... No offence to Noah he seems nice but he's like, the most femme guy I've ever met. Not that big a stretch for a lesbian to go out on a date with him, you know?"

I was nervously babbling now, because of the way she was still looking at me. "And like, how I look now compared to before, I mean there's nothing masc about me now at all. Like if Noah really is Amy, it's like Keira kind of half-assed the spell, while you knocked it out of the park..."

My voice trailed off again as I finally realized there were tears in Kelly's eyes.

"Kelly? What's wrong, are you ok?" I looked up at her, suddenly worried. "Is it something I said? I'm sorry!"

She shook her head slightly, looking like she didn't trust her voice yet.

My stomach clenched as I realized I'd seriously upset her somehow, and I had no idea what I'd done.

"Kelly I'm sorry!" I told her, looking up at her. I'm sure she could see the worry in my face. "Whatever I said that's hurt you, I'm sorry! Like I said it was just a crazy thought I had during dinner."

She shook her head again, then put her arms around me and pulled me into a hug.

Eventually she whispered, "Let's go home Tegan. I can't do this any more."

I was surprised, "What about the movie? What about the bet?"

She just shook her head, "I can't."

Kelly held me for another minute or so, then finally let go and fished her phone out of her purse. I had no idea what I'd done or said, but my girlfriend was fighting back tears and my stomach was twisted in knots knowing I'd upset her that much.

She called Keira, I couldn't tell if she got through or if it was voicemail but either way Kelly was brief. "Keira, we're done. Me and Tegan are going back to her place. Enjoy the movie."

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She hung up then switched to the ride-share app. A moment later with her voice wavering, she said "Our ride will be here in a couple minutes."

I just nodded, then asked "Will you tell me what's wrong, Kelly? What did I do?"

She just shook her head and wiped away a couple tears. "We'll talk at home."

The ride back to my place was quiet and awkward. Kelly was still fighting back tears and refusing to talk, and I felt almost nauseous with guilt as I tried to figure out what I'd done to screw things up so badly.

In the apartment we wound up sitting on the sofa, but at opposite ends. After all the hugging and physical contact earlier it made me feel even more isolated and rejected.

Kelly took a deep, shuddering breath then said "Ok Tegan... I have to tell you the truth. You're probably going to hate me. I'll understand if you never want to see me again."

I didn't even know what to say now. Here I was going crazy trying to figure out what I'd done to upset her, and now she was acting like she was the one who'd screwed up.

She turned on the sofa so she could face me. "You're right, Noah was really Amy. I knew that all along. I... I lied to you about the bet."

That hit me like a slap across the face. It took me a few seconds to find my voice again, "So... There wasn't really a bet? Then why did you change me into a girl?"

Kelly shook her head "There was still a bet, but... It wasn't for me to take 'some girl' on a date. It was for me to turn you into a girl, and take you on a date. Same with Keira and Amy. The bet was whether or not we could convince you two to let us do that to you, then convince you to go out in public on a date."

I stared at her, stunned. I was somewhere between confused and angry as I asked, "Why? Why would the two of you make a bet like that? Why would you do that to me and Amy?"

Her lower lip trembled as she replied nervously "Keira made a comment that you were such a quiet, passive guy... She said that you were almost like a girl in disguise. So I said the same of Amy, she was so tough and so butch, and going around on her motorcycle, that it was like Keira was already dating a guy..." Her voice wavered and she gulped. "That's when she got the idea. She challenged me and you know I couldn't back down..."

There were fresh tears running down Kelly's face as she said "I used you, I lied to you... I wasn't thinking. I... I didn't think it would be that big a deal. I didn't... I just didn't think."

My voice was gone, I had no words. I just kept staring at her.

Kelly wiped her tears on the back of her hand but kept crying, as she continued with her confession.

"And you're right, Keira half-assed her spell. But I mean... I kind of did that too? I told you how I thought you'd turn out... But you went and came out so perfect... And you're still perfect, Tegan. You're loving and you're kind and you're always so worried about me..."

She sniffed, "Even last night when you were drunk, you were worried about making me uncomfortable, you worried about making things weird for me." She rubbed her eyes again, "I mean, I just fucking changed you into a girl and all you cared about were me and my feelings!"

She finally ran out of words and dissolved into sobs.

I got up and grabbed the box of tissues from the bathroom, then came back to the sofa. I set the tissues on the coffee table in front of her, then I sat down right next to her.

As I pulled her into a hug I said, "Of course I worry about your feelings Kelly. You're my girlfriend and I love you."

She slowly, almost nervously put her arms around me as well. I continued holding her, though it was actually kind of awkward figuring out how to be comforting when I was so much smaller. I ended up gently stroking her back and giving her the occasional reassuring squeeze.

Eventually her tears slowed and she finally pulled away. She grabbed a couple tissues and sat back, staring at me as she wiped her eyes.

After a few more minutes, she asked in a small voice "Why aren't you mad at me?"

I sighed, "I'm upset, and there's some stuff I need to think about and figure out. But I'll say it once more Kelly. I love you."

After a pause I added, "And to be honest the past twenty-four hours have been pretty wild. It's been fun. I'm a little sad I didn't get to try sex like this, but... Yeah. It's been fun."

She wiped away some fresh tears as she continued watching me.

We were both quiet for a bit, then I asked "You're not as straight as I thought, are you? I mean, the bet wasn't about making the straight chick go out with another girl. And I've uh, got the feeling you were enjoying me like this a little too much for a straight girl."

Kelly nodded quietly. "I don't care so much what's between someone's legs. It's the person, their personality, that I'm attracted to. I guess that makes me bi?"

She rubbed her eyes again then shook her head and added, "I don't deserve you. You're too good."

That actually made me laugh. "Kelly, turn that around and I've been asking myself that for the past year. I mean, I could never understand why a smart gorgeous amazing girl like you would want to waste your time with a boring bland nobody of a guy like me."

She shook her head "Oh Gods Tegan, is that how you thought of yourself? No! You were never boring or bland... You've always been loving, kind..." She bit her lip, hesitating a moment, then said "You've always been genuine. Whether your normal self, or now as Tegan. That's why I..."

She hesitated again, then finally said it. "That's why I love you too. You're genuine, and you're honest. And you're loving, and caring, and kind. You're perfect, Tegan."

I had tears in my eyes too, but mine were happy tears. I sat watching her for a minute or two, I didn't trust my voice just now.

Finally I got up and grabbed us a couple bottles of water from the fridge, then I sat with Kelly on the sofa again.

I had a sip of water, then looked up at her. I took a deep breath and asked "So... What do we do now?"

Kelly mumbled a quiet thanks as she accepted the bottle. She had a few gulps then stared at the floor. She looked like she was still upset, still feeling guilty.

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