Chapter 14: Give Peace for the Nice Lich

(Crunchyroll decided to make Konosuba a premium show to watch, like what the fuck?! So I had to spend a little while to find a site that uses the sub version with English subtitles.)

(Also this chapter might be a little bad since I got kinda made, because I accidentally started the next chapter before this one. I was happy to start writing the next one, because Darkness comes back and I'm doing something really good in the next one)

The party is sitting at a table at the guild. Megumin, Smaug, and Aqua on one side with Kazuma on the other.

Smaug is resting her cheek on the table as drool falls from the corner of her mouth. "So hungry."

Aqua's and Megumin's stomachs growl.

"Tomorrow we're going to a dungeon." Kazuma states.

"No." Megumin quickly says.

"We are."

"No, no way!"

"We are! We are!" Kazuma yells to Megumin.

"I mean, I'm practically useless inside a dungeon!" Megumin cries out. "I can't use explosion magic, which makes me an ordinary civilian!"

"Remember when you joined up with us, and you said you'd carry our bags, or whatever we needed?"

Megumin looks down in sadness and Smaug raises her tail up and Megumin quickly hugs it tightly. 

"Hey, can't we wait until Darkness gets back?" Aqua asks.

Kazuma stands up and slams his hand onto the table. "Listen to me! Right now, we've got as much debt as some countries! If we don't do something, we'll starve to death! How can you guys not understand this?!" He starts to rubs his hair.

"Even though I'm being paid more now for folding those milk cartons?" 

"Are you stupid?! Of course you are!"

"Even thought I've been selling vegetables non-stop?" 

Smaug closes her eyes. "Smaug's tried, you guys are way to loud."

"Shut-up Smaug!" Kazuma shouts and he turns back to Aqua as he reaches for something in hos pocket. "Those side and part-time jobs are never going to bring us the kind of money we need!"

Kazuma slams a piece of paper onto the table and the three girls look at it.

"For beginners... Keele's Dungeon?" Aqua reads the paper. "Hasn't this place been thoroughly explored already?"

"Well, the thing is..." Luna walks over to the table. "Recently, a new passage was discovered by accident, so there was going to be a large-scale quest to escort the survey team..."

"But I asked her to give us the first crack at it." Kazuma informs the party.

Luna smiles. "That being the case, the other adventurers don't know about it yet."

"I see... Then there might still be treasure in the unexplored areas." Megumin says.

"I like treasure!" Smaug yells. "Smaugy wants treasure!" 

Dust pops over, slightly drunk. "What? hey, are you guys talking about a score?"

Kazuma suddenly appears in front of Dust. "It's a very serious matter." He holds up a ticket for the succubus shop in town. "I don't want to drag you into it."

Dust looks down at the ticket. "Hey, this expires tonight!"

Kazuma smiles. "Make good use of it."

Dust smiles and grabs the ticket. "I've got it!"

Dust walks away while laughing and holding his hands over his crotch.

Smaug sweat drops and her tail just shakes its head? How does that even work? (Don't question it.) Who are you?! (Don't question this either!)

"I'll never understand humans." Smaug says.

"You were a human once." Aqua says.

"Huh?" Megumin questions.

"I didn't even understand humans then!" Smaug says. "Humans are a confusing species." 

"You're a confusing species." Aqua insults.

"You got something to say!"

Luna interrupts the moment. "Anyway, there's no telling how dangerous it might be, so watch yourselves out there."

----

"Hmmmpf!" Sakura muffled voice is heard.

------

Exploration Quest

Keele's Dungeon
Investigate the newly discovered route

Difficulty Level: Unknown

The party stands outside the dungeon's entrance.

"For a lowbie dungeon, it's annoyingly far from town." Aqua complains.

Megumin is setting up a tent as Kazuma looks over their gear, Chomusuke watches him.

Smaug is laying on the ground, looking up to the sky as her tail sways along the grass.

"Being this far from civilization, I can blow up whatever I want!" Megumin says.

"I'm hungry." Smaug whines.

"We're going underground, so you'd better not." Kazuma warns Megumin and he turns to her as she holds her staff out. "Seriously, don't."

Megumin pouts for a few seconds before she explains the dungeon's history. "Long, long ago, this dungeon was created by the kingdom's greatest arch wizard. Why do you suppose he holed up in a place like this?"

"Beats me. Must be hard to rest in peace when people are constantly digging around in your house." Wraps the gear up and stands up. "All right. I'll head in first. You guys wait here."

Kazuma goes in first and heads down into the dark dungeon. Then Aqua and Smaug follow him.

"Hey, hey, are you seriously able to see?" Aqua asks Kazuma.

Kazuma sighs. "Yes, I am. Were you two listening at all? You came in here with me, but you two can't even do anything in the dark."

"Hey! I can see near perfect in the dark and I have many useful skills!" Smaug defends herself. 

"Huh? You can see?" Kazuma asks.

Smaug points to her fire orange eyes with a keyhole shaped pupils. "Racial trait."

"And have you forgotten who I am?" Aqua asks. "This arch priest identity is just an alter-ego." She leans close to Kazuma. "Go on, say it. Megumin and Darkness might be too stubborn to believe it, but..."

"I miss Darkness." Smaug says in a sad tone as she hunches over.

"Go on, state my real class." Aqua says smugly.

"Debt goddess?" Kazuma asks.

"No!" Aqua yells in annoyance. "I'm a water goddess, remember?! In spite of everything, I'm still a goddess! I may have lost some of my powers down here among mortals, but I still have godlike power or two up my sleeve! I might not be omniscient, but a little darkness will be a piece of cake!"

Aqua spots a little chest and she runs over to it and opens it. "Man, these really are all empty." She closes the lid and runs back over to Kazuma and Smaug, only to trip on a rock halfway.

Aqua stands up, there's a bug crawling in her hair.

"The thing with dungeons is that there are always undead in them." Aqua states. "And they stalk the living by following their life force. Which means that the Lurk skill isn't going to work on undead monsters. So I just have to go with you, don't I?" She then skips off down the hall. "Treasure, treasure, la la la, treasure!"

Smaug facepalms. "She's an idiot."

"Like you." Kazuma says.

"Hey, I'm not an idiot!" Smaug then angrily stomps off. "I'm the most powerful in the party, you can't say bad things about me!"

---

"I wonder what her heart tastes like... Oh, Konosuba." Io says.

----

Kazuma, Aqua and Smaug come to a closed off wall and Kazuma looks at his map.

Kazuma pushes in a brick and the wall opens up.

"So this is where the unexplored territory starts, huh?" Aqua question. "Maybe it's littered with treasure!"

"We're gonna be in trouble if it's not." Kazuma says.

"I want treasure!" Smaug drools.

The three walk into the unexplored hallway and head down some stairs. Suddenly a loud roar is heard and the three stop, with Kazuma and Aqua slightly shaking. Then they keep moving.

"Hey, if my keen eyes aren't deceiving me, it looks very much like you're shaking in fear with each step." Aqua says to Kazuma.

"Well, for the record, I can see you pitifully freaking out at every little sound we hear, too." Kazuma states.

"Even in here, I can still run away, so if you detect any monsters, let me know."

"Can we hurry up." Smaug says from the back.

"You're not scared?" Kazuma asks.

"The only thing that should be scared are these monsters getting between me and my sweet treasure!"

Suddenly Kazuma stops, causing Aqua and Smaug to stop.

"Is it food?" Smaug asks as her stomach growls.

"Something's coming." Kazuma says. "My Enemy Detection is picking it up." He looks back and shushes the two girls behind him and then he points behind him.

"What? What is that?" Aqua asks. "Are you showing me shadow puppets? Okay, put a light on! Forget your silly little fox and rabbit shadows. I'll show you a perfect mobile fortress Destroyer!"

"That's not it!" Kazuma yells. "That gesture meant 'an enemy is coming, so let's run away!'"

Something runs up behind Kazuma and lunges at him.

"It's ugly!" Smaug shrieks.

---

"Dragon's fist of Flames!" Smaug yells.

----

Kazuma is leaning against the wall as Aqua cries. Smaug is eating part of the smoking monster corpse. 

"What the hell was that?" Kazuma asks.

Kazuma continues. "I could see its shape with Foresight, but not what is actually was..."

"That's a low-level demon called a germlin." Aqua informs. "You sometimes get weak demons in dungeons like these."

"It taste like burnt chicken." Smaug says as she rips off on of it's arms and chews on it.

Kazuma turns to Aqua. "Wait, so you can actually see pretty well in this darkness?"

"As well as I can in daylight." Aqua says.

"You said before that you'd heard me rustling around when we were sleeping in the stables..."

"I didn't see what. Once I heard you rustling around, I turned the other way to try and sleep. even though I had to deal with a snoring Smaug."

"Thank you for that, Aqua-sama." Kazuma says.

The party continues their trek further into the dungeon and after a while Kazuma steps on something and he looks down to see a skeleton wearing armor and he shrieks. 

"Oh, it's just some adventurer's corpse." Kazuma says. "So someone else has made it this far before? I wonder what's up ahead."

"Kazuma, wait a second." Aqua kneels down to the corpse and she rests her hands on it. "Oh, lost soul who died with unfulfilled ambitions..." Her hands and the corpse start to glow blue. "Go, rest in peace." After a couple seconds the light dies down. "That should do it." She stands up.

"Aqua,s something's up with you today..." Kazuma says.

"She's more annoying." Smaug states.

"Kazuma, I can't believe you went, 'Phwah!'" Aqua laughs. "After playing tough and coming in here alone, you're like, 'Phwah!'

The three continue to search the dungeon and they come to a room, Smaug looks around the room for things.

Smaug then finds a lone chest against a wall. "Guys! I found a chest!" She runs towards it.

"Smaug, wait!" Kazuma calls out. "It could be a trap."

Smaug reaches the chest. "Oh, what could be so bad about--" Teeth come out of the wall. "Huh?" And swallow her whole.

They both scream.

"Oh, what am I gonna tell Megumin?" Kazuma asks.

"I remember the Guild people saying to be careful of Dungeon Mimics... Poor Smaug." Aqua says.

Suddenly the dungeon starts to shake.

"Huh? Ehh?" Kazuma looks around. "What's going on?"

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"Why is everything shaking?!"

Yelling echoes into the hallway and the mouth with large teeth appear again and Smaug burst her away out. "MY TREASURE!" She yells and she turns around and aims her hands into the mouth. "Dragon's Stream of Fury!" A stream of fire bursts from her hands and into the mimics mouth.

"She's alive." Aqua states.

After a couple of seconds Smaug calms down and she moves to teh treasure chest and opens it. "The hell is this?!" Smaug takes out a couple of coins. "I get eaten and for what! A few coins."

Smaug  yells in anger and kicks the chest, smashing it to piece.

"And now she's mad." Kazuma sweat drops.

A few minutes later.

Aqua is is sending the soles to the after life that were stuck in the dungeon. Then skeletons come after them and Aqua uses turn undead to make them go away.

One skeleton appears behind Smaug and raises it's sword and brings it down onto her, only for the sword to snap in half as it touches her head.

"Huh?" Smaug looks side to side then she turns around. "Oh." She brings up a hand and flicks the skeleton, it's bone go flying everywhere.

After all is said and done Aqua wipes her brow as Kazuma walks up to her. "Man, you've been a huge help." He says.

"I'm here too!" Smaug says in the background.

"I really would've been in trouble if I'd been alone."

"Oh? Finally realizing how great I am?" Aqua asks. "You can praise me even more, if you want."

Kazuma grunts. "But doesn't this seem weird to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"There are so many undead around. No party could've made it through here without an arch priest..." 

Aqua golds her hand up. "Wait. I can still smell undead in the area." Aqua starts to sniff around the area.

"What is she, a dog?" Smaug questions.

"I don't see anything..." Kazuma says.

"And I don't smell anything." Smaug says.

Aqua stops in front of a wall and looks to Kazuma and Smaug. "That's weird. I definitely smell something." 

Part of the wall behind her disappears and she falls through it. Aqua holds her head in pain.

"Oh, there is something." Smaug says.

"Hey, are you okay?" Kazuma asks Aqua.

A new voice comes in from the new room. "Is there a priest among you?"

The three look up to see a Lich sitting in a chair.

"My name is Keele." The Lich greets. "I built this dungeon and kidnapped a noble's daughter. I am an evil wizard."

He goes on to tell a story about how he ended up as a Lich and how he married a noble's  daughter that was originally married off to a king that showed no love for her.

"So I says that to him and run off with her!" Keele finishes his story.

Kazuma keeps Aqua back from Keele.

"In other words, you're not an evil wizard, but a good one?" Kazuma asks.

"That's actually kind of sweet." Smaug says.

"Rather, I was one!" Keele responds to Kazuma. "And when I proposed, she immediately accepted! While we were eloping, I found myself facing off against the whole kingdom! Oh, those were glorious days. By the way, that's her right over there." Keele points to a skeleton laying on a bed.

Smaug leans to Kazuma. "I'm no doctor, but I think she's dead."

"Well? Doesn't she have the most beautiful clavicle?" Keele asks.

Aqua looks over the skeleton.

"I'm not sure what to say." Kazuma says.

"She managed to pass on in peace." Aqua informs Kazuma and Smaug.

"That being the case, I've a favor to ask of you." Keele says.

"A favor?" Kazuma and Smaug question. 

Keele nods. "Would you purify me? The young lady is a priest with enough power to do so, correct?"

After a few minutes Aqua gets some chalk and starts to write a magic circle on the ground as Keele kneels on the ground and holds the skeletal hands of his head wife.

'I feel bad for the guy.' Smaug says in thought. 'Having to waste away for a long time, waiting to pass on to finally see his wife again.' Smaug sighs. 'Man, I really want to see Darkness, I feel kinda lonely without her, I mean there's Wiz, but Darkness was the first. I hope she's okay.' A feeling of worry spreads throughout Smaug. 'Gah! The great Smaug has no need of worry!'  She tries to lie to herself.

"Okay, everything's ready." Aqua informs as she stands up.

"I'm really grateful." Keele says to Aqua. "Unfortunately, undead can't do anything as surreal as killing themselves. While I was waiting to slowly decay, I sensed a tremendous holy power, also a smaller one, and was snapped out of my long slumber!" He laughs.

Aqua smiles. and she holds a hand over Keele. "Arch Wizard Keele, who forsook god's law and willingly became a lich... In the name of goddess of water, Aqua, your sin is forgiven. When you awaken, you will likely meet a goddess with unnaturally large breasts, named Eris. If a difference in age doesn't matter to you, or the trappings of man and woman, and you'll accept whatever form it may take... Then ask for her help in meeting your beloved again. I'm sure she'll make your wish come true."

"Thank you so much."

"...Sacred Turn Undead."

The circle Aqua drew glows.

Keele and the Skeleton disappear and the glow dies down.

"Let's head back." Kazuma says.

The three head back towards the entrance as Kazuma carries some treasure that Keele gave them.

"Hey, Aqua, Smaug." Kazuma calls out.

"What's up?" Aqua asks.

"Hmmm?" Smaug hums.

"That guy said he woke up because he sensed a tremendous and a smaller holy power." Kazuma says and Aqua nods. "We didn't run into all those undead back there because of you two, did we?"

Aqua and Smaug stop.

"Hey, it's probably just some holy power from Aqua, you know, because she had to make this body." Smaug says.

Aqua starts to stutter. "I-I-I don't... think that's... the case..."

Kazuma starts to walk off without the two, then he stops. "That reminds me, when the dullahan attacked, didn't his undead minions go after you two?"

"Don't blame this on me!" Smaug the motions to Aqua. "It's her fault!"

"H-Hey, now..." Aqua stutters. "Why are you moving so far away, Kazuma? Shouldn't we stick together in case of monster attacks?" Kazuma walks forward and Aqua runs forward and grabs him. "If you're trying to ditch is down here, that's not gonna happen!"

"Hey, let go!" Kazuma yells.

"You can't make it back on your own without me to fight off the undead! Please don't leave me behind!"

Smaug sweat drops so does her tail.

"Then you really did draw those undead to us?!" Kazuma says.

"You can't leave me! There's other monsters down here, too! Don't leave me alone!"

A loud roar is heard from far down the hall behind them. The three turn around and see many different kinds of monsters running towards them.

"Lurk..." Kazuma disappears. 

"Wait!" Aqua calls out. "Smaug?" Aqua then sees Smaug running down the hall away from the monsters and Aqua. "Don't leave me here!"

---

"Konosuba!" Smaug yells.

---

The three make it outside and Megumin stands in front of them.

"May I ask what happened?" Megumin asks.

Aqua is on the ground crying.

"It was Kazuma and Smaug!" Aqua cries out.

"No it wasn't!" Smaug yells.

"Don't blame me!" Kazuma yells. "It's your fault for being catnip to undead!"

"It's not my fault!" Aqua kneels as she looks at the two. "I was born with divine and overflowing with vital energy!  Or what are you saying?  Am I supposed to lower my holy aura to that of Kazuma, the shut-in NEET and Smaug, the hungry and horny dragon?! Think about how sad all the devout Axis cult members scattered throughout the world would feel!"

"She doesn't even feel a bit guilty!" Kazuma mutters and then he points at Aqua. "You could learn a lesson about spiritual purity from those two!"

Aqua stands up. "A shut-in NEET is telling a goddess to take cues from a pair of undead?!"

Today's Results

Keele's Dungeon
Exploration Complete

Special Bonus: Keele's Trasure

After bathing the party returns to the guild and they bump their treasure on the table as they eat and drink. Smaug is already three pints in and she has a large plate full of food.

Megumin sighs in happiness. "This proves chances are worth taking, even if they seem unlikely!"

"And thanks to me, it was a huge success!" Aqua claims. "We can divide up the spoils 9:1."

"Baka! All of this is going toward our debt!" Kazuma says.

"Damn!" Smaug mutters as she eats a turkey leg with a small drunken blush on her face.

"But we can at least order refills today, right?" Aqua asks. "Excuse me! Keep the drinks coming!"

"All I did was wait at the entrance, so it doesn't feel like I deserve it," She picks up her pint of beer. "But thanks for--" 

Kazuma snatches away the pint form Megumin. "You're too young for that!"

"That's no fair! Please let me drink some! Come one!"

Kazuma lifts up both pints above his head and pours them into his mouth.

Smaug lifts up her empty plate of food. "Smaug demands more food and beer!" She hiccups. 

"I can't handle these part-time jobs anymore!" Aqua yells. "We gotta do quests!" She stands on top of the table and holds out her fans. "Hup! Nature's Beauty!" She starts to perform party tricks.

Luna sighs and sweat drops as she watches the seen, suddenly Smaug slides up to her.

"Luna, you really did us a big favor this time." Smaug says and she holds up a glass of wine. "This is on me. Please enjoy."

Luna blushes as she grabs the glass. "T-Thank you..." Smaug smirks.

Dust turns to Smaug. "You're paying?!"

"Seriously?!" Another adventurer asks. 

"Hey, guys! Drinks are on Smaug tonight!" Dust yells out to everyone and they all cheer.

Kazuma face palms as people cheer Smaug's name.

"Yes, Yes. Praise the great Smaug." She smiles and wraps an arm around Luna, causing her to blush more.

"Hey, Kazuma!" An adventure calls out to him. "Do that things!" He points to another person waving around a cloth.

Kazuma shrugs. "Well, since you asked!" he laughs and does a creepy hand motion.

"Steal! Steal! Steal!" People chant.

Kazuma holds his hand out towards the cloth. "Steal!"

Chris enters the guild. "Kazuma's paying for drinks?"

A wind blows and a pair of white panties appear in Kazuma's hand. Everyone cheers.

"No!" Chris screams. "Give me back my panties!"

Kazuma twirls the panties around in the air. Dust starts to harass some of the bar maids, chanting steal.

Yunyun tries to challenge Megumin to a drinking contest, but Dust gets slammed into the table, knocking drinks off.

In the background Smaug and Luna are making out in a corner. 

"Let's drink all night!" Aqua yells and everyone cheers.

Next Chapter : The Dragon has Become the Betrothed!

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02-03-2023

3883 words

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