Chapter 9: Why Can’t This Dragon Use This Wonderful Shop!

 

We see Smaug walking around in the back yard while humming and she walks next to some tall grass and suddenly stops. She slowly turns to the grass and gets close and sniffs it.

Her pupils dilate. 

Later

Kazuma is walking around the mansion and he spots everyone, minus Smaug, standing in the living room.

Kazuma walks over to them. "Hey, have you guys... seen... Smaug?"

Kazuma stops next to the girls and sees Smaug sitting on the couch. Her tail swings gently behind her.

Smaug also has some of the grass from outside in her hand.

"Whoa!" Kazuma yells in shock. "What's wrong with her?!"

"I think she's high?" Aqua questions.

Darkness goes over to Smaug and grabs the grass and sniffs it. "It smells like garlic."

"Really?" Megumin asks and she grabs the grass and sniffs it. "Huh, it does."

Aqua grabs the grass and 'studies' it. "It's just a herd that people put in tea to add flavor to it." 

"But why did it affect, Smaug?" Kazuma asks.

Everyone looks to Smaug. Blood drops onto the floor from her nose as she keeps staring into nothing.

"Well, there's an old legend in my village." Megumin starts. "A long time ago it was used to calm dragons down, and it was called 'Dragon Nip.'"

Pause.

"So it's like cat nip for dragons?" Kazuma asks.

"Yup." Megumin says, popping the P.

The group hears some sniffing and they look over to Smaug and she's now crying.

"Why is she crying." Aqua asks.

"I-I-I will never see the end of Attack on Titan!." Smaug cries out. 

"What?" Everyone asks confused.

Smaug grabs some more dragon nip off the table and sniffs 

Kazuma sighs. "Someone get me a mirror or something crinkly." 

----

"K-O-N-O-S-U-B-A" A high Smaug says.

----

Smaug is in her room, at her desk, and she's reading a paper while Darkness is sitting on her bed.

"There's a succubus shop in town?!" Smaug exclaims. "YES!" Smaug slams the paper onto the table. "I need to see this!"

"But succubus magic only affects males." Darkness says.

Smaug's right eye twitches.

"What?" Smaug asks.

"Yeah, succubi magic only affects males. Incubus magic only affects females." Darkness explains.

Smaug sniffs.

'You'll be avenged junior.' Smaug thinks as his fists tighten. 'You served well soldier.' 

"Smaug, are you crying?" Darkness asks.

Smaug wipes her eyes. "No." Smaug shakes her head. "Wait, this is Aqua's fault!"

"How is it Aqua's fault?"

"It just is!" Smaug quickly stands up and runs over to the door. "I'll be right back."

Smaug slams the door open and runs down the hall.

Megumin is walking down the hall while swinging her staff side to side. She hears yelling and she looks behind to see Smaug running towards her.

Megumin yells in shock and Smaug stops right in front of her and pats her head. Megumin smiles.

"I hope you have a good day." Smaug says in a sweet tone. Then she resumes running down the hall while yelling.

Megumin keeps smiling while she walks down the hall. "Today is a good day."

Over with Smaug.

Smaug reaches Aqua's room and she opens the door to find Aqua laying on her stomach while reading her adventure card.

Smaug huffs and stomps over to Aqua and slaps her ass.

"OW!" Aqua cries out. She looks at Smaug. "What was that for!"

"For junior!" Smaug raises her hand again.

"AHHH-"

----

-----

Smaug leaves Aqua's room, leaving a red ass Aqua behind.

Smaug walks down while grumbling and she finally reaches her room and opens the door and she freezes.

"Welcome, back master." Darkness says with a blush.

Blood falls from Smaug's nose. "You. bed. now." She orders.

Darkness moans.

-------

"KONOSUBA." Darkness moans.

----

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Aqua, Megumin and Smaug are in the dinning room of the mansion as Darkness brings cooked crabs to the table.

Smaug rubs her thighs together. 'One of the bad things about being a dragon is having a giant libido..' Smaug thinks as she drools at the sight of crabs.

"I'm back!" Kazuma's voice is heard down the hall.

Megumin drools at the crabs as Kazuma enters the dinning room while zipping up his jacket. 

"Be glad, Kazuma!" Aqua says. "Tonight's dinner is incredible!"  Aqua holds up a crab and moves it pincers. "It's crab! Crab!"

Smuag's tail wags behind her. "I haven't had Crab in a long time."

Darkness enters the room with another plate of grab. "My family sent them to congratulate us on moving in."

Darkness sets the plate on the table as Aqua rubs her head on a bottle of alcohol.  

"It's super high-grade marbled red crab, and it even came with this amazing, top-quality liquor!" Aqua says with happiness. "They said it's to thank their daughter's party members for always looking out for her!"

Megumin is praying. "I can hardly believe I'm laying my eyes on marbled red crab! I've never been more glad that I joined this party than I am today."

Smaug is holding up two crabs and her tail is holding a bottle of liquor. "PARTY!"

Kazuma sits down. "Is it that luxurious?" He asks Megumin.

Megumin stands up. "Of course!"

Megumin continues. "If you told me I could eat this crab in exchange for holding off on using explosion magic for the day," Megumin hugs herself. "I would restrain myself with pleasure, and unleash my explosion magic after I've eaten!" She does a pose. "That's how luxurious it is!"

"Wow, that's aweso- Huh?" Kazuma questions. "What did you say at the end there?" 

Megumin breaks a crab leg open and pulls the meat out and dips it in a sauce. Everyone begins to break open grab legs and eat them. 

Smaug just shoves the leg inside her mouth without breaking it. 

'I'm in heaven!' Smaug shouts in her head as she blushes. 

Smaug grabs an entire grab and shoves it in her mouth.

"Kazuma, Kazuma!" Aqua gets his attention and she holds up a liquor bottle and a bowl. "Give me a little fire. I'll teach you a tasty way to drink this."

"Here. Tinder!" Kazuma casts.

"Just place a shell filled with crab innards here, and..." Aqua starts. 

"It should be ready." Aqua finishes and she picks up the shell and drinks its contents. 

Aqua releases a satisfied breath. 

"M-Me, too!" Kazuma says.

Smaug is drinking a liquor bottle like it's a sippy cup. A red blush starts to slowly form across her face.

Kazuma sets everything up and he grabs a liquor bottle and grabs the cork, when he suddenly stops. 

'This is a trap!' Kazuma yells in his head. 'That succubus lady told me, didn't she?"

"That's a clever idea." Darkness says to Aqua. 

"Isn't it? Nothing less from me!" Aqua proudly says.

Kazuma continues his inner rant. 'If I drink too much and sleep soundly, I won't be able to dream!'

Kazuma sets the liquor bottle down.

"Aqua, Aqua, what does it taste like?" Megumin asks.

"Not going to drink?" Darkness asks Kazuma. "I'll go first, then."

Darkness grabs the liquor bottle and prepares her drink.

"Let me think...." Aqua states. "If I had to say, it's like..."

'Calm down.' Kazuma thinks to himself. 'I'm a man who's capable of self-restraint.'

Over with Smaug. 

She's still drinking the liquor bottle like a child. 

'Hehe, I have no self-restraint.' Smaug thinks to herself.

Back with Kazuma. 'A man who possesses a will of steel and the strength to endure!'

Darkness finishes her drink. "I could definitely drink this! It is good!"

'Don't be tempted!' Kazuma yells in his head. 'I can't be tempted! I'm sure there'll be no stopping me once I get a taste!'

"Please give me some, too!" Megumin asks. "Just for today! What can it hurt!"

Smaug sets her drink on the table and she hiccups. "No, drinking for you young miss!"

Megumin pouts.

Aqua holds up a crab shell. "Everyone drink up! I'm in a great mood now, so I'll show you the grand unveiling of my new party trick! A trick of the fingers... The mobile fortress, Destroyer!"

Aqua does things with her fingers and everyone, minus Kazuma, gasps in surprise. 

"Th-The form, shape, and movements!" Megumin exclaims. "It's the Destroyer for sure!"

"To think you could mimic that movement!" Darkness says.

"You must practice with your fingers a lot." Smaug says and she shoves a crab into her mouth.

'Again, what the heck is a Destroyer?!' Kazuma asks in thought.

"Aqua, do it again! Do it again!" Megumin chants. 

"Art isn't something you can just show off when asked." Aqua states. "It's something that presents itself naturally when the soul commands it."

Smaug looks down at her hands and stares at them. "Do I have a hidden talent?"

A small jar of dragon nip falls from her nightgown and she gasps and quickly stuffs it back up her sleeve.

Aqua holds a bottle of liquor above her head as Megumin tries to grab it.

Darkness notices that Kazuma's been quiet. "What's wrong, Kazuma. Did the food my family sent not suit your tastes?"

 Kazuma holds up his hands. "N-No! The crab is super tasty. It's just that I drank with some friends today and don't think I can drink any more. Tomorrow. I'll have some tomorrow."

Darkness smiles. "I see."

'Stop!' Kazuma shouts in his head. 'Don't give me such a genuine smile! You normally blurt out nothing but nasty stuff that creeps me out!'

"At least eat lots, then." Darkness says. "It's my thanks for everything."

'I kind of feel guilty...' Kazuma thinks. 'That's right. I should just drink with everyone and forget about the dream.'

Over with Smaug.

Smaug's mind has gone over the deep end as she sings in her head.