Chapter 212: Chapter 37: Enter the Geezer

---D-Day+202, Siesic 13th, Thursday Morning---

---Yuxueshi, Downtown---

"That's strike two."

NecrobitchName: Shen Ling Yi | Gender: Female | Race: Human | Culture: Yanese | Height: 5’7” | Age: 150+/- | Eyes: Green | Hair: Black(Long Straight) | Skin: Jade | Face: Rectangle | Breasts: C-cup(Bell) | Body: Spoon(Tight) | Butt: Heart(Tight) | Profession: Expert Daoist(Gold) | Spirit Root: Wind/Water/Ice(triple) | Weapon: Jian/Sword(adv), Rope Dart(adv) | Daoist: Ninling(Spirit Condenscing) Dianfeng(Peak) | Status: Core Disciple(Beyulongong), Member(Siwangdao), Core Elder Qiu Chin(master) | Nicknames: Necrobitch, Xianxia Karen, Miss Bitchitude is confuzzled by my reply to her attitude problem as I raise two fingers.

“...What?” she manages.

Huh? What’s not to understand? Is it the young master's old bodyguard who still has his fingers pinching the tip of Sanctity like vice grips? Maybe it's my pose? Halfway through a lunge that started perforating douchebag shao’s throat? Or is it the fact that I clearly do not care for her bitchitude?

Perhaps it’s the environment? This oriental apothecary emptied out fast when things got serious. The shaoye, his two cronies and their servants are super pissed about me stabbing mister young master in the neck.

Though Shen Ling, the yanese necromancer, is a hotty. Slits in her black chinese dress reveal legs that go on forever. I don't like her attitude. First, in the traffic jam outside the capital. And now, an alchemy supply shop in cultivator town.

“Something wrong with your ears?" I ask. Not even looking her way. "Hair buns too tight?” Most yanese like to keep their hair long. Just folded, wound, rolled, whatever, up and kept in place with pins. “I said, that’s strike two.”

Seems like I’m not the only one unhappy with miss nosy sticking her schnoz where it don’t belong. Since the freshly patched up dipshit butts in.

“Shen Ling.” Hing Zedon growls. “This is Hing clan business. Leave, before you also earn our wrath.” Feel the temp rise as the silingfashi'snecromancer's frosty aura is pushed back by another's. This new one is light, breezy. Wind qi. And it's coming from his grey guardian. "Finish this." Douchebag arrogantly commands.

*tremble*

Asshole and his cronies are sneering at me, but grey robed uncle wuxia isn't. The fingers clamped onto Sanctity's tip begin… shaking. Shaoye notices the distinct lack of “finishing” going on and gets even more annoyed. Touching his recently leaking throat he barks.

"I said finish this! Kill him, uncle!"

*rattle* *grunt*

"Cousin, the savage is stronger than… reported."

Well, duh. I've entered "war machine" mode. Flooding my veins with mana. Add that to breaking through to the fourth realm? And, yeah, I'm a lot stronger now. So while I may not be able to move my divine blade?

Neither can he.

Of course, this isn't really a stalemate.

*PKOW*

Cause it's a fucking magic sword.

The lightning bolt going off blinds everyone and adds a deafening blast for good measure. Sadly, I saw him yank out a paper talisman with his other hand as soon as he noticed me grin. The lack of blood around, or smell of cooked flesh from, the new uncle bodyguard shaped hole in the back wall means he probably survived.

Oh well, I'll do better next time.

Everyone besides me has been knocked down. Pots and other implements scattered about. Even Frankie and Big Ji were bowled over. Hehe, necrobitch's undies are on display since her rear is up in the air. Shao dipshit has also been knocked flat. Struggling to get up and shake it off.

Sucks to be him.

A tug of qi brings Tormentor flying from the scabbard my priest-wife still grips. The same sets the blade to blaze as I approach the soon to be deadman.

*foosh* *crash*

The first burning swing meets and shatters a barrier that springs up around Hing Zedon at the same time. Likely a "life-saving artifact" these stock villains tend to have. Though my ominous presence only a step away wakes his ass up right quick.

"No, wait, please." Crab walks back and draws his own sword. But knows he's in deep shit. "Brother daoist, I apologize!"

My grin gains an evil tilt. "Bit late for that, asshole. You insulted my woman." Feed more qi into the flames. "And had something to do with her fall back then. Didn't you?"

Young master is sweating bullets and pale. His throat leaking life stuff again. Apparently whatever this is? Is not going according to "plan."

"Dashi, I beg you, wait." Ji and Frankie are wobbly, but back on their feet. Little Li's older sister bows to me with the fist in palm salute/greeting thing yanese do. And a pleading expression. While my cult's high priestess looks… yeah. Them ain't bedroom eyes. Those peepers be screaming, "fuck me, NOW!"

Shen Ling is up too. Her face a funny mix of rage and shock. A quick wink, making it clear I approve of her lacy blue panty choice. Isn't helping calm the xianxia karen.

Rest of the audience is coming to their senses. Zedon's minions too scared to move. And old grey guy is MIA. Well, should wrap this up. Wife number two needs a dicking, stat!

"Sorry, Ji'er," she blushes. "You are mine. And those who hurt you? Hurt me. So I'm going to hurt them." Focus back on douchebag. "You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?"

*thrus-*

"WHO DARES DISTURB THE PEACE OF THE BEYULONGONG!"

*BOOM*

Half the front wall explodes outward. As if gripped by a giant invisible hand and ripped off.

*zoink*

Like a disobedient dog at the end of a phantom leash. Young master dipshit is yanked to my left and flies out through the shattered wall.

Leaning over, I watch him soar up into the air. The impromptu flight ends with his throat in the grip of a burning cultivator hovering a hundred feet above the street.

Literally blazing. As in actually on fire. Orange and yellow ethereal flames cover the daoist from head to toe. Though the torch effect appears to be harmless. Not scorching either sect member. Nor their clothes. Big mouth has wild red hair, and is dressed like a mortal kombat character in red robes.

Burning man is also seriously swole. Muscles on top of muscles. He looks like a chinese athlete who's taken way too many steroids.

"Elder Tiang." A choking Shao Hing pleads. "Please save this disciple-"

"SAVE?! The impudence! The arrogance!" Shakes him like a ragdoll. "Do you think this elder a fool?!" Spits to the side in disgust. "A disciple brings chaos to the streets of my city!" Looks down. "Fills my streets with Hing clan thugs! How do you explain this?!"

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Turn my own gaze down and see, "Christ, it's a battlefield." The guardsmen around my wagon are all bloodied. Apparently besieged by dozens of daoists who are dressed in commoner tunics but each with a yellow scarf tied around an arm. Several of my troops are down, severely wounded, but now being tended to by blue robed disciples. Yet all of their amber kerchiefed enemies are also down. Dead, knocked out, or kowtowing. Begging for mercy.

The North Jade Dragon Palace is out in force. Cerulean fills the street. Locking the area down. That diverse crowd from earlier, gone. Not a single, "Courting death!" to be heard. It's like the night before Christmas.

The already battered shaoye struggles at the end of yanese hercules' grip. "Vendetta!" He croaks. "The barbarian killed," *choke* "my cousin!"

Squeeze. "Again you treat this master as a fool!" Points with his other hand. "The stadium is where feuds are to be settled! Unless…" His head leans back like he's discovered shit on his own hand. "You know you will lose!" Squints. "Nor can you find a champion willing to dishonor themselves by crushing one so junior!"

"No." *choke* "Senior, this encounter was coincidence." Pulls with both hands on the arm suspending him a hundred feet up. "A simple," *squeeze* "-ack!"

"Enough!" Shakes his head. "This was no duel! No challenge!" Snarls. "This was an ambush! An assassination!!!" His waving hair and flames calm somewhat. "What say you, Old Chen? Show yourself, or I will drag you out!"

One moment there is no one. The next? Old guy in grey robes is standing on a floating saber. Hovering halfway between fire dude and the ground.

He cups a fist and bows. "Greetings, Dalao Tiang Zhi Ming. JiaClan Hing apologizes deeply for fourth son's actions." Staying respectful and dignified. "The relative Badun Yuehan murdered was a dear friend of Hing Zedon. Clouding his judgment."

"Murdered? Hahahaha!" The fire seems to laugh with him. "Did that fool not challenge Badun Yuehan for his women? Did he not threaten him?" Scowls. "Murdered, you say?"

Uncle bodyguard bows again. "Forgive this Old Chen, Elder of Flames, a number of young masters have fallen victim to that trap." Staying calm and reasonable. "When the tiger's cubs keep finding a dragon instead of a deer. Can the tiger be blamed for resenting the dragon?"

Okay, I'm lost.

Flame dude laughs more. What a happy guy. "Hahaha! Then those cubs should stop hunting the dragon's deer!" Scowls again. "This is beneath you, Old Chen. Shames the Hing as well." Shaking his head as he lifts the choking young master higher. "Waiting until I was called elsewhere? Until the Saber Elder, your uncle, is patrolling the city?"

Grey geezer knows where this is heading. "Patriarch Hing knew nothing of-"

"Ha!" Another gut buster. "The scheming fiend letting anything happen in that clan without his permission?" Shakes his head. "Perhaps elder brother is correct. Our clans have forgotten their place. Lost their way." Suddenly let's go and drops the young master. "Tch! When the lion sleeps for too long! Even mice will roar!"

Grey dude smoothly shifts on his floating sword and catches the young master in a princess carry. "Thank you for your mercy, Grand Elder." Bows again. "May we depart to heal fourth son's injuries?"

"Go!" Waves his hand dismissively. "And inform your patriarch! I will come seeking answers to his son's acts! And compensation for the chaos he brought!"

Simple box wagons roll out of side streets. Hing clansmen quickly load their dead and wounded under the watchful glares of sect disciples. Grey geezer sails over the rooftops and out of sight.

"So you are the Junfei Badun everyone is talking about!" Fire dude sees me and begins floating down as I step out through the shop's new exit. "And you wield opposing forces! Both claiming and balancing!" Is he talking about my swords? "Intriguing!"

"What the…"

Is all I can manage as the wild red headed steroid abuser transforms in front of me. As he lands he also… deflates. Where there was muscle, there is now… wrinkle? His wild red hair and now loose robes remain. Seeming to move with wills of their own. The seven foot giant becoming a five foot, uh, raisin.

My shock is visible.

"What is it, young one?" His volume has lowered too. "Ah," motions to himself, "our paths may start in the same place but every journey is unique." Bows to Ji before continuing. "I discovered a body cultivation art in a dungeon that greatly increased my strength." Shrugs. "Unfortunately, when I'm not actively using it?" Chuckles. "The physical body withers."

Oh, hell no. "Everything?"

"Everything." A sad sigh. "My wives adjusted and some even welcomed the challenge." Gross, that was not a mental image I wanted. Thanks gramps. "Have not your achievements with dual-cultivation been just as extraordinary?"

Douchebag's minions are led out of the shop by disciples, as an annoyed looking Shen Ling joins priest-wife and Big Ji outside with me.

"It is true, Dalao." Li’s elder sister proclaims with pride. "Women, both young and old, have found hope after laying with dashi."

Amused. "You call him, great master?" Then rubs his wrinkly hairless chin. "Yes, though I doubt their fathers, husbands and sons feel the same."

"True, Grand Elder of the North Jade Dragon Palace." Frankie chips in. "Which is why his imperial majesty granted my master the title, imperial physician." Bows, showing off her huge dusky skinned tits. "Allowing their appointments to officially be for other health reasons."

Gramps with the shar-pei looking face notices those G-cupped dark elf knockers too and pauses to appreciate them. "The world is indeed a wondrous place." Ahem. "Well, the largest flowers do attract the most bees." Eh? "No wonder your encounters with shaoye often end so… poorly."

Ji is curious. "Elder of Flames, how will dashi's patients reach him once he joins the sect?"

"Oh ho, disciple, excellent question." Her geezer uncle smiles. "Though you should not be concerned. Truly determined women always find a way." Smirk. "Did not you and your sister do the same?"

Princess Li's sibling blushes from collar bone to ears. While xianxia karen does the hand cup thing and says.

"Dalao Tiang Zhi, thank you for your assistance." Is she grinding her teeth? "I will leave to report this incident to my master."

Rumply face nods as she turns to leave. But makes her pause when he comments. "DiziDisciple Ling, accept this old fool's advice." Sage mode. "When the fish refuses to bite. The wise fisherman changes their bait."

Xianxia karen gives the barest nod before striding away. With all the dignity she can still manage. Then out of sight down a side street. Good riddance, miss bitchitude. Okay, now onto bigger and better things.

"Grand elder dude," That earns a raised eyebrow. "What happens during the-"

"Aaaauuuggh!" *crash*

A scream and the sound of breaking wood interrupts me. Coming from the street necrobitch just went down. Drawing worried looks from several blues near there.

"Jesus." I mutter. "That lady really needs to get laid."

A statement the red robed elder finds absolutely hilarious. "Hahaha! So true, Dizi Yuehan." Walks up and pats my shoulder. "So true." Observes as I let go of Sanctity and Tormentor, who float back to the scabbards Frankie and Ji hold. Sheathing themselves. "Spirit artifacts completely submitting to his will. Fascinating." Pats again. "Perhaps you should bottle your penis and sell it?" Chuckling. "Your wealth would rival even the Celestial Emperor’s!"

Christ, I can hear the commercials now. "Spooge yourself." And the blurb warning at the end as old chicks do stuff on screen, like mountain climbing and running with puppies, that has zero to do with what's being sold. "Do-not-take-if-allergic-to-spooge-do-not-take-if-pregnant-planning-to-get-pregnant-know-someone-who-is-pregnant-or-ever-heard-about-pregnant."

Cruising cultivating cougars cucking kin.

Sigh.

Fuck my life.

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