Chapter 217: Chapter 41: Geezer Speach

---D-Day+206, Siesic(Youyue) 17th, Monday(Yiri) Morning---

---Beyulongong, Lower Ward--- 

An old yanese elder in conservatively tailored blue, red and black robes speaks with a wizened tone.

"Immortality. The ultimate goal of mortal cultivation. A very slow and very long process,” frowns, glancing my way, “for most of us.” Patches of nervous or derisive laughter. Moves his right hand. The left is behind his back. “Cultivation is transformation. Evolving us into astral beings.” Clenches a fist. “What do I mean? As you know,” holds up two fingers, “our world has two layers. The physical and spiritual. Everyone who is of this world, has these two sides.”

Can hear it drizzling outside. But this should be one of the last rains of the year. Or so I’m told. The air is wet, chilly, and a confusing mix of smells. Like incense, perfume, sweat, paper, rock and more.

Along the outer edges of the hall are rows of colorful drying paper umbrellas. Lanterns mounted to pillars and hanging from beams bathe the chamber in warm light.

The building is laid out like an ancient amphitheater. Carved into the mountain. A descending half circle facing a stage at the bottom. It's not huge. Only room for a couple hundred to sit at most. And while the seats, stage, and supporting columns are stone. The ceiling beams, and folding doors between the perimeter pillars, are wood. With a roof of clay shingles above it all.

"We are born, mostly material beings." Holds up and wiggles his palm. "Flesh and bone. Our astral forms are small, weak and poorly defined." Pans across the room. "As we progress through the mortal realms. That astral body develops. Our meridians,  dantians, spirit root, etc… become more defined. More 'solid,' spiritually speaking." He's like a xianxia dumbeldore. "Yes, the material body improves too. But by the ninth realm our physical and spiritual forms are equal."

Outer Elder Bai Jing was scheduled to lecture today. But he couldn’t make it so Inner Elder Lai Xinyi is covering for him. Typical asian grandpa looks. Just one that goes to the gym. A lot.

Classes here are nothing like Stormgarde’s. There is no sign up but there are schedules posted. What elder will be speaking where. There is no syllabus. What the teacher chooses to ramble about on a particular day is up to him. Though they are supposed to keep to certain topics. Which are also posted.

Who is teaching what, supposedly gets shuffled every few months. To keep it fresh I guess. Or the elders from getting bored.

“Little is known about the immortal realms of cultivation.” A finger held high. “We do know that the tenth realm is called DixianEarth Immortal. And that they have no need to consume food or drink any longer. Yet, out of habit, most still do.” Arm sweep to gather a sleeve. “Their sustenance comes from qi itself. When breaking through from the ninth to the tenth realms. The third heavenly tribulation, if survived, pushes their material astral balance to the spiritual side.”

Apparently there are only fifty-ish “active” Elders in the sect. What that means wasn’t gone into. Nor did I care to ask at the time. So it's not unusual for an inner or core disciple to cover sometimes. Especially for martial arts training and during the coldest months.

Attendance is also up in the air. No one might show up. Or it could be packed. Standing room only. Depends on the popularity of the teacher and subject.

Lectures last for an eight-hour or two. Afterwards, disciples head to another lecture. Go off to train, spar, practice and meditate. Participate in their clubs. As well as complete assigned tasks or accepted commissions.

Sect life keeps them very busy.

“Immortals leave the middle kingdoms once they ascend. Joining the Celestial Court. Only being allowed to return when on missions for the court.” Pulls on his beard. “And must stay in disguise while here.” Smirks. “Though some have failed at that,” patches of amused laughter, “rather spectacularly.” Thoughtful look. “Despite their… foibles. It is thanks to them that we know anything of cultivation beyond the mortal realms.” Nods. “Including the truth that they are not completely immortal.”

I’m here with the ladies who are interested in wuxia stuff. This lecture is “101” level. Meaning it won’t do Tiang Li or Tiang Ji any good. So they are off doing their own thing. But AuriName: Aurai Lianlaf | Jon's Harem: Mistress | Gender: Female | Race: Human | Culture: Tourinese | Height: 5'5" | Age: 16* | Eyes: Black | Hair: Brown(Long Curly) | Skin: Olive | Face: Diamond | Breasts: B-cups(Athletic) | Body: Rectangular(Tight) | Butt: V-shaped(Firm) | Profession: Noble Alchemist(Copper) | Magic School: Air(bsc), Dark(bsc) | Weapon: Rapier(int) | Daoist: Lianti(Body Refining) Zhonqi(Middle-stage) | Formerly: Shortsighted(Cured) | Nicknames: Auri, Glasses, Frankie, Hitomi, Lizzy, Lula, KitsuName: Sayuri Yamabe | Jon's Harem: Mistress | Gender: Female | Race: Beastkin(Fox(Huyao)) | Culture: Nandao | Height: 5'3" | Age: 16* | Eyes: Orange(Slit Pupils) | Hair: Red(Short Straight) | Fur: Red & White(Short) | Skin: Fair | Face: Diamond | Breasts: C-cups(Athletic) | Body: Hourglass(Tight) | Butt: Heart(Tight) | Tail: Bushy | Profession: Daoist(Bronze) | Spirit Root: Void(single) | Weapon: Saber(int) | Daoist: Lianti(Body Refining) Zhonqi(Middle-stage) | Nicknames: Kitsu, Foxy, Foxgirl and Milti are here. Qiao Zhi is an Elder herself. Focused on cultivating to make up for lost time. Thought Blue would come, but she is mother henning Red with Mel and Lili again.

Poor knight-wife.

Once again, thank god I was born with balls.

The rest of my ladies are enjoying their lives as “kept” women today. Relaxing around the cave mansion. Some light exercises to keep them… limber. Bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. And going on, escorted, shopping trips to the marketplace.

Bigger trips all the way to town are already being planned.

Of course they are getting flirted with, a ton, but everybody knows how I’ll deal with anyone who crosses the line. And where is that line? Wherever the fuck I say it is. That’s where.

“The mortal realms improve and extend our life spans. The first three, Body Refining, Qi Gathering and Foundation Establishment, each add a couple of decades. Allowing top daoists to live around one hundred and fifty years.” A sad grin. “Of course that is also how long it takes for most,” side eyes me, “to complete them. Meaning the survivors among you may die of old age before your first tribulation. Still far better than the fifty some years, at best, those without daos have.”

Around a hundred students sit in the stands. Young. Rookies. Newbs. All but a couple are outer disciples. But who are those couple? Well, there's me. And there's Ding Dong. Yep, Moron Mountain is here too.

Sigh.

The atmosphere is tense. Rife with rivalry. Among the peanut gallery are several young master types. Each has one or two girlfriends plus two or three male minions for an entourage. Can also see hostile glares from a few, probably, jilted lovers, childhood friends, abandoned fiances, etc, etc…

Its trope central up in here.

“Core Formation, Spirit Condensing and Qi Realization, the second three realms, each further increase the life energy generated.” Raises three fingers. “Giving peak expert daoists well over three centuries of natural life.” Pauses for a moment. “Finally, the last three, Nascent Soul, Body Transcending and Immortal Ascension, delay mortality even further.” Spreads his arms. “Master daoists can rival the elves in longevity. Up to six hundred years. Walking the immortal way for over half a millennia!”

Of course Halfwit Hero has a posse too. Don’t see the “not simple,” little sister. Nor the big viking girl. But her younger sister is here. As is the tattooed catgirl. Though she’s getting a lot of dirty looks. He has three more girls. Two yanese and a beastkin, think she’s a dogkin. They’re outer disciples. 

But what raises my eyebrow? Is Su Xiao. Yep, she’s here and about climbing on Moron Mountain. Totally love-bombing him. 

Hehe, I think someone is feeling a bit guilty.

"Of course these numbers are for humans." Elder guy flicks a sleeve. "Curiously, the effect is significantly muted in longer lived races such as elves. While more pronounced in the lesser species." Dismissively waves a hand. "Yes, yes, experiments lasting centuries were conducted during the old empire to prove everything." A hard gaze across the gallery. "Until you transform yourself. Death will be your constant companion."

The Blue Snow Cult disciple woke me up early this morning. Calling me about every name in the book. Honestly? This might be the first time, in either world, that I’ve had a woman mad at me for giving her exactly what she wanted. My dick. Xiao's meltdown was so over the top that the harem actually found it funny.

Especially after the tantrum turned into make up sex. Then Zhi's student got upset again and stormed out. To the bathroom. Where maids helped wash her. Next to the laundry. Where maids helped dress her. Loudly cursing my ancestors and descendants the entire time.

While also spouting shit to herself like, "I can explain." No you can't. "It was just sex." Lots and lots of it. "I only love Dong." What's love got to do with it? "It was an accident." No it wasn't. "I didn't even like it." Seriously?

Ha! So this world has the Cheaters Handbook too. Think I'll start calling her Snowflake. Or maybe Spout? Sprout? Hmm…

What?

No, I’m not going to blackmail her. Nope, not going to tease her. Nor am I going to rub it in protag’s face. 

Though the angry eyes Su Xiao puts on every time she looks my way? Are asking for some sort of punishment. Hmm… Maybe handle this like they do at Castle Anthrax. Tie her down, on a bed, and spank her.

And after the spanking, the oral sex.

Well I guess I could stay a bit longer.

Hahaha! Fuck, what a great movie.

No, not going to warn Ding Dong either. Why? Because, one, I don't like him. Two, I really don't like him. And three, refer to reason one.

Let him wear a green hat for a while.

Anyone who thinks that forcing themselves on girls is okay? Don't care how "emotionally immature" he is. Don't care how groomed, by perverted aunties, he was. Is just wrong, period.

Ain't my job to save him. Ain't my job to fix him. But I'll sure as shit take the job to end him.

Plus I still strongly suspect that Metia or some other celestial force set him against me. The strange hostility between his spear and my swords seems a bit too coincidental. To be a coincidence. 

Afterwards, Qiao Zhi said. "Please forgive her, laogong." Blush. "Xiao’er had already been scouted and left. Before the village women began, um, using Ding Dong." Ew. "Who is an innocent and sweet, but also spoiled and immature, lover. Unable to be as… attentive as you are." Color me not surprised. 

So no harem membership card for snowflake until she gets her head out of her ass. For now her rank will be, "sidepiece."

Elder Lai is finally finishing up. "Remember, fellow daoists. Cultivation. Is transformation. Accept that your journey will change you. Evolve you." He does the fist in palm thing and bows a little. "Farewell."

Causing all of us to stand and fist palm bow too. Though our angles are much steeper, out of respect.

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"""Thank you for your guidance."""

Grandpa turns and walks straight out the backdoor. Not waiting for follow up questions. Which, by the looks on their faces, some of the students certainly have. Of course he's got shit to do too. But, if you're gonna teach? Fucking teach.

Sigh.

"Well that was rude." Auri, daughter of my replacement for Lions Keep and who stowed away in the harem’s luggage when we left Stormgarde, comments. "I anticipated insight into the longevity impacts of breakthrough pill quality." Cutely tries to push up spectacles on her nose that she no longer wears. Since I fixed her shortsighted eyes. "The topic post stated there would be alchemical data."

I’ve encouraged each haremite to find a profession. A purpose. Instead of just loitering around, waiting to get a “Vitamin D” injection from me. Glasses has decided to become an alchemist. But she’s still terribly shy. Bookish. So it's been slow going.

But even baby steps are still steps.

"Agreed," Milti adds, "mayhaps the absence was caused by the scheduled elder's absence?" Wheels turns to me with a gleam in her eye. “Literature on the subject may be found in his quarters, yes?”

Shake my head, “no.” The once legless girl has gone full bore into becoming a great thief. One of those acrobatic ones that climbs flat walls and parkours everywhere. Hitomi’s been passing on her ninja-wannabe skills. Who knows? One day, she too, may become a Beverly Hills Ninja.

I am one with the universe.

"Shall I bring him back," Kitsu asks eagerly, "my lord?"

Raise an eyebrow. And just how are you going to do that? That geezer’s a fifth realm, Spirit Condenser. You’re a first realm Body Refiner. Jesus, foxy, stop being so willing to martyr yourself for me.

Reach out and scratch behind a fuzzy ear. Instantly making eyes flutter and sending a shiver all the way down the spine and out into her bushy tail.

“No, Sayuri, it's just one lecture.” Cup a cheek and gaze deep into those orange slit pupils. “There is plenty of time to find answers.” Graze her lips with a thumb. “We can take it slow. No need to rush.”

“Blimey…” Lizzy mutters and shudders. Staring at me lustfully.

Give her a tender smile before asking. “So, where to next?”

“Master,” my busty short half dark-elf says, “you have an invitation to lunch with the Siwangdao at The Jade Pheasant today.” Tilt my head, questioning. “It is a restaurant next to the marketplace. Famous for its head chef following the Dao of Grilling.” BarbecueFu? “The building is a wide pagoda with six floors.” Frankie’s pointy ears twitch. “The higher the floor, master? The more prestigious and qi-rich the meal.”

“Oh?” Interesting. “And what floor is-”

“The sixth,” a sultry raspy voice interrupts me, “senior brother.”

Of course I sensed them coming. But they didn’t feel hostile. Just… aloof? So I ignored them.

The ladies and I turn to see, um, cultists? There are three of them. Standing halfway between us and the exits at the top of the amphitheater. Each wears dark soaked cloaks over their sect attire. Hoods have been pulled back. Revealing all three are completely bald. Don’t even have eyebrows.

Creepy.

Two are guys. Look kind of like Laurel and Hardy standing besides each other. One chubby. One skinny. But yanese. With rings in their ears and lips. Studs in cheeks. Heavily tattooed faces and heads.

Maybe they used a groupon?

A step down from them, but still taller, is an elf. A female elf. Six and a half feet tall. Angular features give her long face a sort of “V” shape. Not as pronounced as Lurch’sGrandmaster Alchemist Methil Alre Heiris Qinxin | 7'2" | 400+ years | Dark gold eyes | Long straight dark gold hair | Huaqi(Qi Realization) Zhongqi(Middle-stage) | Core Elder(Beyulongong) | Leader of Danshao(Alchemy) club | Publicly declared he is Jon Barton's teacher/master | Lurch, the Castrated Fairy, the Eunuch Elf, Slim Shady, Prankster, but you can still see it. She has silver eyes and pale skin.

Unlike the, taking themselves way too seriously, comedic relief duo behind her. Hairless only has one ring in each long tapered ear. And one stud above her left eye. Pretty sure I saw through the shadows that her tongue is pierced too. Only tattoo on her head is a small abstract one beneath her right eye.

Kind of reminds me of that sith chick from the Clone Wars cartoon. Continuing that theme, I glimpse two sabers beneath her heavy wet raincoat.

“And you are?” [Super Senses] shows me a lot. But it doesn’t give me a name.

She bows deeply doing the fist palm salute. As do her cohorts.

“We are Inner Disciples Heicaryn Allisa Vennsys Leolie, Pan Cheng Jie, and Xing Tai.’ Elfy says. “Sent by our mistress to guide you there at your earliest convenience.” Her bent angle gives me a clear shot of her C or maybe D-cup cleavage.

Huh. Well, that isn’t suspicious. At. All.

“And your mistress would be…?” Bet I know who it is.

“Ahem.” Pauses before smoothly standing back up. “Senior sister Shen Ling Yi, esteemed daoist.”

*grrr*

See? I knew it. I fucking knew it. Knew Necrobitch wasn’t done with me yet.

Everyone picks up on the sudden change in the air. Shadows across the room… shift. Becoming deeper, darker, longer. My steel sphere-like aura somehow gains razor sharp edges. Colors bleed away from the room.

Feed mana into these amber eyes. And use them to harpoon hairless’s silver orbs. Keeping them locked to mine as my widening grin fills with malevolence. I quote words from another world. Another time. About a max. A mad max.

“Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls…” A tremble passes, visibly, through the three. Shaking water loose from overcoats. Wetting the stone beneath. But they wisely choose to remain still. “Dying time’s here.”

“B-br-brother d-daoist, p-please.” Elfy stutters as gloom spreads out from under them. “Mistress s-seeks to a-apologize. To beg f-forgiveness.”

“Jon-kun,” Hitomi whispers from behind me, “I hear the food there is really good.”

Eh?

“Really?” Murmur back, my glare staying locked on the about to become ex-disciples.

"Really really." Ninja-wife nods.

Could they have a porterhouse? Christ, I’d kill for a good steak. One without a gamey taste would be nice for a change.

Hmm… fine, whatever.

*CLAP*

Flood my palms with qi and bring them together. Hard and fast. Making everyone left in the hall ‘bout jump out of their skins. Shattering the murderous atmosphere. Shadows cast by the chinese lanterns look, well, like shadows again. The sharpness in the air is gone. Color and warmth return.

"Alrighty then." Stride past Shen’s shocked minions. Who look, and smell, like they've sweat ten pounds off in the last couple minutes. Turn back when I reach the top and motion with an arm. "Shall we?"

…

God? Buddy? You up there?

Yeah, hi, know it's been a while since we’ve talked but would seriously appreciate you doing me a solid here.

Please, please, by Jesus and all the Apostles.

…

Don’t let the joint be vegan.

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