Chapter 21: 9.2

Chapter 9 : She’s Starting to Stay – Part 2

“Nee~, Sho-chan.”

When the clock struck 9:30, Amiru suddenly opened her mouth.

Shoichi was in the kitchen, making a second pot of tea.

“What is it?”

Somehow, he replied. He wondered if she was going to ask him to prepare some snacks or anything like that.

Amiru was silent for a while before eventually saying, “Sho-chan knows, right?”

“About what?”

“…About Mom, about how she doesn’t have another year to live.”

“……!”

He almost dropped the teabag.

The sizzling sound of an electric kettle could be heard in the distance.

He moved his head slowly and turned his eyes towards Amiru. From here, he could only see the back of her head, but she looked somewhat calm and composed.

Shoichi took a deep breath, brewed another pot of tea, and carried it into the living room.

“What the h**l? You’re exaggerating. Are you kidding me again?”

He tried to play it off, but Amiru smiled sadly and accepted the tea.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to pretend you don’t know. I know that Sho-chan knows… Ah, thanks for the tea.”

“You’re welcome. …When did you notice?”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it for a while.” To a grim-faced Shoichi, Amir replied while holding a teacup with both hands. “I already knew something was wrong when Sho-chan told me he was going to cook dinner… Because that was the first time Sho-chan ever said something like that.”

“A-Ah… Right.”

“That’s right. Besides, when I asked to stay over, you didn’t particularly refuse, did you, Sho-chan? Usually, you would say, ‘Are you kidding me?’ or ‘That won’t appear good, go home.’”

“You know me well, huh… But you don’t seem to understand the meaning ‘appear good.’” (T/N: A word play from the dialogue above, Amiru didn’t use it correctly, and the Japanese could also translate to ‘keep up appearances.’)

“That’s not all. You also made me tea, and you said earlier that you would let me copy your homework. If it was the usual Sho-chan, he would have told me to do it myself.”

Shoichi was disappointed at his own shallowness.

He regretted that he should have treated her a little more naturally than this.

Or rather, he realized once again how much Amiru could see through him.

Then, still smiling, Amiru said something somewhat lonely. “Thank you, Sho-chan… For being so considerate.”

“We-Well, it’s only natural when someone hears something like that.”

“I think it’s amazing you can do something like that. You’re so kind… And so different from me.”

“Huh? What are you talking about? Well, you’re a bit noisy, but that doesn’t mean you’re not kind…”

“Mhmm, you see, I’m not kind.”

After saying this, Amiru put her teacup on the table–

–Suddenly, she nuzzled her face into Shoichi’s chest. Her move was so natural and sudden that even Shoichi could not stop it.

“O-Oi?”

As he impatiently tried to pull away–Shoichi noticed that Amiru’s body was trembling.

“I’m not kind… I’m a terrible child…”

“What…?”

“Mom is trying her best fighting her illness, but I didn’t visit her for three months, and I kept avoiding her…”

Her voice, like her body, was frail and trembling.

Shoichi could tell that Amiru was no longer smiling.

He was ready and willing to face her, so he asked, “…Why didn’t you go to visit?”

“Because I was scared… I didn’t know what to tell my mom if I went to the hospital… Even though I can’t do anything about it.”

“Can’t do anything?”

“Yeah, I can’t do anything… Even though Mom is there, she might die and be gone soon, but at home, I can’t do anything about that… When I thought about that, I was too scared to look at Mom’s face…”

“……”

“That’s why, that’s why I… I avoided going to the hospital for so long! I knew Mom was lonely and alone, but I left her alone for so long just because I was scared! That’s just terrible…”

“Amiru…”

“One day, the doctor ordered a new medicine for Mom. We decided to assume that it would work and that Mom would get better in time. That way, I wouldn’t have to visit her, when I thought that…”

“But the medicine didn’t work…”

When Amiru heard this, how much despair did she feel? Shoichi couldn’t even begin to imagine.

Amiru blamed herself for not going to visit, but Shoichi honestly thought it couldn’t be helped. Even he would need a lot of courage to meet his parents in the event that they might die. Like Amiru, he would surely feel hesitant to meet them.

For her, the new medicine and the results of the medication must have been her only hope. It was because of this that she had been able to relax until now, but now that thread had snapped–

No…

He corrected his own thinking.

Her mother’s death was imminent. There was no way that she could be optimistic just because of the medicine.

Amiru must have been battling anxiety for a long time. It must have taken a lot of courage for her to go and ask for the results of the new medicine she was depending on. That’s why she invited me.

It was a very painful reality to face. She had been living with it for a long time.

And yet, this girl…

Shoichi was about to arrive at a certain idea.

Suddenly, Amiru looked up.

As one can imagine, her face was messy and wet. Her eyes were also red.

Still, she wiped it off and staggered away from Shoichi.

“Ah…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Ah, um, I’m sorry… I couldn’t help myself from telling Sho-chan all this.”

“……”

“I’m really sorry. My head was all messed up… But I won’t bother you anymore, so don’t worry about it either, Sho-chan…”

Then, she tried to force a smile.

It was at this moment that Shoichi ran out of patience.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Eh…?”

Amiru’s surprise was probably not because of Shoichi’s harsh tone.

–Surely it was because he hugged her as hard as he could.

In Shoichi’s chest, Amiru let out a stunned sound.

“Sh-Sho-chan?”

“Who’s not nice? Even at a time like this, you care about others. And about how your Mom is about to die… There is no one in the world who can talk about that with composure.”

“……”

“Amiru, you don’t have to force yourself at a time like this. If you are in pain, you can say that you are in pain. If you want help, you can ask for it. I’m not yet an adult, and I may be unreliable. Still, I’ll help you as much as I can.”

“Sho-chan… But that will annoy you.”

“Don’t say it will annoy me. I’m not a cold-blooded person myself, and I wouldn’t leave a girl in a situation like this alone. That would be the worst. Besides… For what it’s worth, I’ve known you since we were kids. I’m used to taking care of you. I’m used to it.”

Shoichi then smiled wryly.

In Shoichi’s chest, Amiru looked up and gazed into his eyes with wet pupils.

“But… Are you sure? I’ve had a lot of help from you, Sho-chan. I’ve asked you to help me with many things… Even so, can I still rely on you?”

“Yeah. But only as much as I can since I can’t do everything. Even so, I’ll do whatever I can… I’ll do anything.”

“Sho-chan… Yes!” Amiru nodded happily and sniffled.

She was still a little shaky, but seemed to have calmed down considerably.

After hugging Shoichi tightly once, she let go of his body a little regretfully.

“Thank you, Sho-chan. Somehow, I’m feeling better… I love you, Sho-chan,” she said shyly, then looked down and added, “I really love you.”

“…Why did you restate that?”

“Well, no idea.” Saying so, Amiru fidgetly grabbed the collar of her own shirt.

She looked strangely alluring, and Shoichi couldn’t help but feel a thrill.

In a hurry, he switched to a different topic.

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“Ah, before, you told me not to worry about it, but to begin with, Auntie isn’t irrelevant to me either. After all, Auntie told me to take care of you.”

“…Mom told you?”

“Yeah. But it’s annoying to have it forced on me so unilaterally. I need Auntie to get better and take care of you… That’s why I’m going to help. We’ll both look for other ways to cure Auntie.”

“Other, ways…”

Amiru was puzzled, as if the thought had never occurred to her, but a slight tinge of hope flashed across her face.

“I wonder if there are other ways.”

“Don’t say that. We’re definitely going to find it. Of course we’re just amateurs, so basically we have to ask the doctor. But even we can believe and not give up.”

“Believe…?”

“That’s right. I have told you before that even the occult is important. A person who never doubted the existence of the geocentric theory has made a great achievement in today’s academic world. Let’s believe that Auntie will be saved and consult with doctors as many times as possible. And that we will certainly find a way.”

“……”

When Amiru fell silent, Shoichi regretted a little, wondering if he had been too pushy.

Occultism and human life and death. It may be inappropriate to connect the two.

But Shoichi was serious. He didn’t want Amiru to give up, and he didn’t want to give up either.

After a while, Amiru opened her mouth, “Sho-chan, will you believe, too? That there is a way to save Mom.”

“Of course. I’ll never give up.”

“Okay… Then I’ll believe in Shochan. I’ll believe in Sho-chan who believes that Mom will definitely be saved.”

This was probably the best compromise Amiru could make after having faced reality up to this point.

Shoichi nodded his head and said that was fine. If he were to be honest, he would like her to be more positive. But that could be done little by little.

Finally, Amiru smiled.

Shoichi was relieved to see this.

I guess this is all right. Now all she needs is a good night’s sleep and she’ll be back on her feet. It seems that my role at this stage is over.

Shoichi was inwardly mumbling to himself and thinking that he should get ready for bed as well.

Suddenly, Amiru shouted, “Ah!” and pressed closer to Shoichi.

“That’s right! Ne, Sho-chan. Earlier, you said you’d help me with anything, right?”

“Eh? Ah, yeah, If I can…”

“Then, I’ll get right to it, I have a request to ask of you.”

Shoichi couldn’t help but back away as he had a bad feeling at the sound of that sweet voice.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○

“I wish I never said anything…”

Shoichi shrank back as he mumbled. It was too cramped, so no wonder he was trying to squeeze himself in one-third space of the small futon.

The middle third was empty, with Amiru lying in the remaining third.

“Nee~, Sho-chan. It’s a little cramped. Can I move over there a little more?”

“No. If you come here, I’ll never listen to your wishes again!”

“Mou, even though I want to stick with you. Stingy, boo, boo.”

Amiru blurted out something outrageous.

The request she came up with, needless to say, was to sleep with Shoichi.

She said she was lonely sleeping alone, sounding like a child.

‘Because, whenever I’m alone, I can’t help but think of Mom! I feel like I can sleep peacefully with Sho-chan! Just for today, please just for today!’

When she requested it with such a serious face, Shoichi couldn’t ignore it.

But the situation of a girl sleeping next to him–albeit with some space in between–with nothing but a shirt on over her naked body was the most unsettling of all.

Shoichi turned his back to Amiru and tried to avoid looking at her as much as possible.

Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

He desperately told himself.

After reciting it fifty times, he felt something thin sliding down his back.

“Oi, Amiru. What are you doing…?”

“Nothing… Fufu, Sho-chan’s back is so big.”

“S-Stop it, don’t trace it with your fingers. That tickles. Besides, I said I wouldn’t do you a favor if you came over here!”

“I’m just stretching my arms.” Amiru chuckled, then sounded a little sentimental. “But your back is really big, Sho-chan. Well, of course since you’re a boy.”

“I-It’s not big. No, I might be bigger than you. But among boys, I’m often told that I’m rather slender…”

“Is that so? But I don’t think that’s true… Sho-chan, do you remember us taking naps together when we were little?”

“That did happen a lot.”

“Yeah, that’s right. That’s why I’ve seen Sho-chan’s back many times when he was sleeping. But at the time, I didn’t think anything of it. I just thought, ‘He’s looking the other way, it’s a little sad.’ I just thought it was a normal friend’s back.”

“…Now you’re saying it’s different?”

“Yeah. Sho-chan’s back looks like Dad’s.”

“What?”

“You know, Dad died when I was little. So I don’t remember much about him, but I remember he had this big back and I used to lean on it and play with him.”

“……”

“His back was so big, but when he died, it’s all gone… I wonder if that will happen to Mom too. If that happens, I wonder if I’ll be alone…”

“Amiru.”

Shoichi was a little nervous. And Amiru’s voice sounded somewhat lonely.

He had thought she had regained some of her energy, but was that really the case?

“Nee~, Sho-chan.” A soft, wet sounding voice rang in Shoichi’s ears. “I don’t want to be alone…”

“……”

Shoichi’s eyes widened in surprise. He wanted to respond to something Amiru said, but nothing could come out of his mouth.

Then, a few seconds later.

From behind his back, he could hear the gentle breathing of her sleeping.

“Is she asleep…? Her voice sounded lonely, maybe because she was sleepy.”

After thinking about it for a moment, he turned to Amiru with a determined look on his face.

There, was the girl, lying on her side with her eyes closed, repeating small breaths.

Her mouth was chattering, mumbling, “Mom…”

Her voice sounded lonely.

Shoichi was relieved that no drips were running from the corner of her eyes.

He stared at her face and mumbled absentmindedly. “Amiru, you’ve been thinking about Auntie for a long time.”

This was not the first time it had happened. Shoichi recalled that she had been in despair for so long.

But Amiru had been so bright and cheerful when talking with her friends in the classroom–Here, Shoichi’s heart was suddenly filled with regret.

I’m an idiot. Why did I say that about Amiru?

Noisy, flirtatious, full of energy, and being so extra.

All the while, he envied her. She seemed to have no worries, and he thought she must have had a very carefree life after she left him. He thought that she had no hardships like himself, who was studying hard on his own to get into a prestigious university.

–But there is not a single human being in this world who doesn’t have troubles and hardships!

I’m really an idiot. I thought I was the only one having a hard time. No, that’s what I wanted to think. Because I was unlucky and didn’t get into the high school I wanted to go to. Because I couldn’t stand the absurd reality. Therefore, I assumed that Amiru was easy-going and tried to keep my peace of mind… However…

However it was different. Amiru, too, had suffered bad luck and misfortune. It was much more absurd than his own.

Even so, Amiru remained undaunted and lived her life to the fullest in a cheerful manner. There was no way he was qualified to envy her for being so carefree.

No, it’s not just Amiru. The noisy people around Amiru and our classmates who seem to have a lot on their minds, I’m sure they have some kind of trouble too…

They just didn’t show it to others.

He had not even realized such a simple thing. Shoichi sighed and looked at Amiru’s closed eyelids.

“Hey, Amiru. I don’t know how much I deserve you. You made me realize something important… From my own stupidity to what I have to learn. You taught me that, and I’m sure I’ll never be able to do the same for you no matter how much I do for you in the future.”

Shoichi held Amiru’s outstretched hand as he said the words he would never say if she were awake. The small, soft feeling warmed his palm slightly.

At this moment, Shoichi vowed to do something.

He let go and closed his eyes.

“From now on and forever…”

With these last words, Shoichi fell asleep.

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