Chapter 11: Chapter Ten: Empty Feeling

Shade entered the dining hall for dinner the next day. It was the first day he didn't wear his cloak in front of the residents of Styx. He glanced around the room and saw that some people were looking at him; he also noticed a few points and heard whispers that seemed to be about him. He approached the window and ordered his meal, then he stood aside to wait. He noticed Matt, the young man from the ferry, sitting by himself in a booth. Matt seemed to be moving his food around, more so than eating it. Shade watched him; he looks really down about something... Matt had his phone out, swiping and tapping. "Shade, your food," A cook handed him a bag.

"Thanks," Shade took it and walked away. Matt was going through his photos, deleting some of them when Shade approached and spoke to him. "Hey; are you alright?" Shade asked.

Matt looked up at him, quickly turning off his phone; Shade didn't see what he'd been doing. "Oh- Hi, Shade. Yeah; I'm okay," He smiled, then faltered. "Actually- I could use some company... Want to sit down?"

Shade sat across from him. "You want to talk about it- Or just want a distraction? I can do either," Shade offered.

Matt smiled again, "Not much to say about it. I just broke up with someone today. It was mutual and the right thing to do but it still hurts, ya know? The icing on that cake is, it's my birthday in two days. Why does a breakup always feel worse if it happens too close to a special day?"

"Ah- I'm sorry; that's rough." Shade looked at Matt's food and noticed the dessert seemed to be the only thing he'd eaten; there were brownie crumbs on his tray. Shade reached into his bag removing his brownie and placing it in front of Matt. "You need it more than me. I don't have much of a sweet tooth anyway."

Matt chuckled, "Thanks; I appreciate it. Now, how about a distraction or maybe commiseration? You could tell me about your last breakup, assuming you've had one."

"Hmm; not sure you would call it a breakup. We were friends who tried one night to be more. It was regrettable and we agreed to go back to friendship. Really close friendship but a clear line not to cross again..."

"Yeah; that makes sense." Matt took a bite of the brownie, then noticed Shade hadn't taken his own food out of his bag. "Are you going to eat?"

"I can't eat and talk to someone at the same time; I prefer to keep my voice hidden," Shade motioned to the converter.

"Oh, well; please, eat. You don't have to say anything. Would you mind if I talk at you a bit?" Matt asked.

"I'd be fine with that." Shade got his food out and removed his converter. He ate while Matt told him a bit about his relationship and why it didn't work. Then he switched topics talking about hobbies and interests while finally eating his own food too. When they were done eating, Shade put his converter back on and the two talked for about an hour before swapping phone numbers and saying goodnight.

 

The following night, Shade had gone for a night stroll outside. As he entered the main lobby to return to his room, the doors leading to Kharon's Rest opened and Midas walked out with a woman. They were headed for the elevator. Shade intended to let them enter it and not be seen but the lobby security desk guard spoke to him loud enough to catch Midas' attention. "Hey, Shade; enjoy your walk? Nice weather, right?" Midas paused, looking over.

Shade nodded, "Yeah; it's beautiful out."

"Headed back to your room then?" The guard asked.

Shade glanced at Midas. The woman smiled and waved, "Your room is on the top floor too, right? Come; don't miss the elevator," She encouraged him.

Shade couldn't think of an alternative, "Yeah; thanks." The three of them boarded the elevator and Midas pushed the button for the top floor.

"I'm Rebecca, it's nice to meet you, Shade."

"Pleasure. What is it you do here?"

"I'm an art expert; I authenticate stolen pieces and grade the quality of counterfeits."

"Oh; that's really interesting."

Rebecca laughed, "It's okay- You can say it's boring."

"I really don't think so. I don't know much about art, I admit. It's far from boring though. The emotion that can be imparted through the brush strokes or color choices feels similar to the way certain chords and notes do in music. It feels like more people appreciate music than art, possibly because it takes less effort to absorb the feeling? Really exploring a piece of art can be just as satisfying though."

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Rebecca beamed, "I don't think anyone's been sincere when saying what I do is interesting in a minute. Nice to meet another art fan. How decorated are your walls? I could have some pieces sent to you if they're looking a bit bare."

"I have nothing on my walls, so I'd love that."

"Then it shall be done." Rebecca turned to Midas, "Sorry, we're kinda leaving you out here."

"Not at all, happy you found a new art buddy." Midas smiled and Rebecca wrapped her arms around him.

"Almost there," She noted looking at the floor number. The doors opened; Midas and Rebecca stepped off the elevator first. Shade followed them down the hall. They reached their doors and Rebecca turned to him, "Have a good night."

"You too," Shade responded. Midas noticed that Shade's voice seemed tight; Rebecca didn't seem to notice.

 

Shade locked his apartment door, then went to the lab. He turned on some music and got to work; don't be stupid about this. You damn well knew what you were getting into- You have to be okay with being one of many or nothing at all... Besides, you aren't even willing to be yourself with him, so you don't get to be upset that you aren't special. Do you want to continue seeing him or not? Shade sighed; of course I want to keep seeing him. I'm not ready to give up these feelings again... Wait- Does he want to keep seeing me though? The way it ended the other night didn't feel final, did it? How would you even know? What do you know about any of this? Almost everything you think you know about the world comes from books, television, the internet, and random conversations with strangers you'd never see again... So nothing- I know nothing... After a while of struggling to concentrate, Shade gave up on trying to get anything done and turned in for the night.

 

Midas attempted to enjoy his night with Rebecca but his mind kept wandering to Shade. Rebecca could tell something was off; Midas' foreplay didn't feel nearly as enthusiastic as normal. "If you aren't feeling it tonight, we can stop. Don't force it," She put a hand on his shoulder.

"Sorry; I guess I'm distracted tonight..." Midas took a breath; his voice at the end there... How was he feeling? We didn't discuss anything, just jumped into sex again... It's far too early to label what I have with him, isn't it? He was well aware that I see multiple partners. I'm not going to stop; I don't want to... Right? Right. I'm not changing- I haven't changed. Shade is fun; Rebecca is fun too- Simple as that; Midas stood up. "If it's alright with you, I'd still like to do this. I think I just need one more drink and to clear my head a moment."

"Sure, can I get a drink too?"

"Of course." After they drank their drinks, Midas shook off the thoughts and the two of them shared a night much like previous ones they'd shared. Afterward, Rebecca put her clothes back on and left Midas' apartment. He slept alone in his bed, like he did every night.

 

The next evening, Midas left his apartment in time to notice Shade entering the stairs. He decided to follow him, hoping to have a quick chat. As he entered the stairwell, he heard the door to the roof close. He went to the roof, quietly opening and closing the door. Styx residents usually didn't go to the roof; the only thing up there was a picnic table Midas had placed to occasionally use with his family. He looked and saw Shade standing near it. He was facing the city; he appeared to be watching the distant night lights as he smoked a cigarette. Midas approached him. "Didn't take you for a smoker," He commented.

Shade held his converter to his mouth for a moment, "Only sometimes. Want one?"

"Yeah; sure." Shade handed one to him. Midas put it in his mouth; Shade held out a lit lighter. Midas lit the cigarette and Shade returned the lighter to his pocket. Midas leaned against the chain-link safety fence and then looked at Shade. "You didn't have a problem with me being with Rebecca, right? It occurred to me we never had a discussion about things like that. I know you're aware I see many women; you've seen me with them. Even so though, I still usually make it very clear before sleeping with someone new that they shouldn't expect exclusivity... I'm sorry that I didn't talk about that before with you."

Shade held his converter to his mouth and let out a small chuckle before speaking, "'Someone' new- 'They'- You mean a new woman and she, right? Maybe me being a little different threw you off- Caused you to drop your normal protocols, so to speak." Midas didn't know how to respond; he felt a little guilt settle in his stomach. Shade removed the converter, quietly finishing his cigarette in a few long drags before putting it out in the ashtray he'd brought with him. Shade ran his hand through his hair; you've made up your mind- You want to see him so long as he is willing, no matter who else he has in between. He put his converter back on fully. "I'm aware of the women. I haven't asked you to change your lifestyle and I won't. I believe I mentioned I wasn't capable of bonding with others anyway, not really. I guess I threw aside my own protocols as well, in a way." Shade turned towards him, "All I need to know for sure is- Am I one of them now?" He asked.

"One of them?"

"Someone you see regularly and, if so, do you always tell them when you want them, or do they approach you too?"

"They come to me too. I would like it- If you were one of them," Midas smiled. His guilt faded; perfect, this is exactly what I wanted. It seems he's okay with it.

"In that case," Shade put his hand on Midas' cheek. "I'll seek you the next time I want you and don't worry, I'm discreet." His hand slid off Midas' face and he left the roof, leaving the ashtray for Midas. Midas felt a sudden emptiness as he stood alone on the roof.

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