Chapter 20: Chapter Nineteen: Therapist’s Couch

Everyone slept in the next day, then gathered in Midas' apartment for lunch. After eating, Mari was occupying Erica while Marco informed the others that he had successfully made contact with Erica's uncle. Midas confirmed that the Desmond Mafia was getting fairly quiet on the matter of the stolen bride; it seemed like they were close to chalking it up as a loss. Marco decided that it should be safe to move the next day. The rest of the day, Midas left to work but Marco and Shade joined Mari, Jason, and Erica. They played games, keeping Erica in high spirits. Marco gently told her about her uncle that she would be meeting, preparing her for the transition.

 

Everyone gathered at the docks to wish Erica and Marco farewell. Erica was already on the boat where Mari and Jason had joined her to say goodbye. Shade and Marco stood on the pier; Shade hugged him tightly. "Please keep in touch, if you can," Shade requested.

"I definitely will." Marco switched to a whisper, "You come to me if he ever hurts you. I mean it, don't hide from me if you need help."

"Thank you, Marco."

Midas approached them, "Mind if I speak to Marco? Alone."

Shade hesitated; but Marco smiled, turning towards him. "Sure thing, Golden Boy." Midas glowered at him.

Shade snorted. "Marco! Don't fucking antagonize him."

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry." Marco motioned for Midas to follow him to the end of the pier to speak in private. "What'cha need?"

"I thought it best to inform you that, while you were here, my team compiled every bit of information that they could find on you."

"Can't say I'm that surprised. Also can't say that I know why that calls for a private meeting- I'm clean."

"Indeed you are and so is your bank account."

"What's that now?"

"It is abysmally empty, so I'm thinking- What, 8,000 a week? Not a lot, but it should help you make a bigger impact."

"Wha-what!?"

"Don't worry; this is no strings attached. I'm not asking you to work for me. It's a donation, for you to continue your work."

"You mean that?" Marco was tearing up.

"Just don't tell Shade about it, please."

"Why wouldn't you want him to know? He'd be thrilled."

"I'm sure, but I'm not trying to buy his love."

Marco put his hand on Midas' shoulder. "That's good because you couldn't anyway- You sure can buy mine though." Marco hugged Midas from the middle, lifting him off the ground slightly.

"Stop!"

He released him, laughing. After a few more laughs, he put a straight face back on. "Seriously, thank you. This means a lot. You're a good man."

"Yeah... Well-" Midas looked at Shade who was watching them from a distance, confused. Everyone said goodbye, waving as the ferry departed.

 

A couple of days after Marco had departed, Midas attended another session with Carla. "Good afternoon, Midas. How was your week?"

"Long..." Midas ran his hand through his hair, sinking into an armchair. "I feel like things with- Guy- are going well. I thought about what you said about how comfortable am I with waiting on him. I told him I'd wait forever if I had to."

"That is a very bold and potentially dangerous statement."

"Yes... I found out, from someone else, that Guy has made a suicide attempt in the past." Carla frowned. "Finding that out made me want to protect him."

"That is understandable but it's unwise to sacrifice your own mental well-being."

"Yes..." Midas sighed.

"Protecting someone from themselves in that way is not really possible."

"True... I think it's more that I want to provide him the best chance at helping himself. I don't know much about his past, aside from that it was clearly traumatic. Maybe a safe place is good enough. I always wanted Styx to be a safe place."

"So you hired him to keep you and Styx safe but now you want it to go the other way around..." Midas stared at her and she realized what she'd done. She let out a long sigh and put down her clipboard. "I'm sorry," She rubbed between her eyes. "I knew it'd be tricky to treat you two separately but I didn't think I'd slip like that." She looked at Midas. "I apologize; you two never told me each other's identity and I shouldn't have assumed."

"So, he never said my name either?"

"No; and don't ask me anything else about what he has or has not said."

"I won't," Midas sighed. "It's fine, everyone makes mistakes; you're only human... I suppose we can drop the nickname and I can just say Shade from now on."

"You could..."

"Actually, maybe this is a good thing... Now that it's out there already. I don't know... I feel like there are some things I know about him that maybe you don't but I can't decide what's okay to talk about."

"Perhaps stick to how things relate back to yourself. For example, the suicide attempt, what we were discussing about that was how finding that out made you feel, not simply that it had happened. If something he told you, or you found out, gave you really strong feelings, stick more to those feelings. We won't be discussing Shade, only how you feel."

"What about something I was literally there for... Because, I actually encountered him before, when he was a child..."

"You met Shade when he was a child?"

"Met isn't the right word, more like found," Midas explained, telling her the story.

"Do you think you perhaps are feeling over-protective now that you know you were unable to protect him then?"

"That's likely part of it- Like I'm trying to make up for my failure to help him then."

"Did he ever say anything that made you feel like you failed him?"

"No- He insisted I did the right thing."

"But you don't believe him?"

"I believe that he really feels that way. I still think there must have been something else I could have done. I never even checked up on the situation after calling the authorities. I was too afraid to approach the house a second time- Never return to the scene, you know? I basically just washed my hands of it, knowing damn well the authorities were probably going to fail. Helping out with Erica this weekend got me thinking about it all again. I remembered the night I brought Jason home too... Mari told Jason I'd never leave a kid in trouble, by that time I'd forgotten all about Shade. I left him in trouble and then I forgot him..."

"Midas, you weren't the man you are now then; you were barely an adult yourself and you certainly didn't have the resources you have now. Think about Mari and Jason at eighteen; would you hold them to the standard you hold yourself to?"

"No..."

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"So stop holding your eighteen-year-old self to it. You don't have to try to answer for some perceived mistake a very young man made, that nobody else even thinks was a mistake."

Midas was silent for a moment then nodded slightly. "I don't think I can walk back telling him I'd wait for him though..."

"How optimistic are you that he is going to make the kind of progress you want to see?"

"I'd say I am pretty optimistic about it. I do think he's trying and I love that."

"I'm glad to hear that. People's feelings can change. In the moment you told him you'd wait forever, I'm sure you were being honest about how you felt at that moment. Continue being honest about how you're feeling, including gently telling him if you are starting to feel uncomfortable with his secretiveness." They discussed a few more things, including some work stress Midas was feeling, before concluding their session.

 

Shade went to his therapy appointment later that week. He sat on the couch in Carla's office and she locked the door before sitting across from him. "So, I normally don't bring this kind of thing up first but it seems you had a busy weekend. The man who was rescuing that little girl was your friend, correct?"

"Yes, Marco; I've known him a few years."

"People would generally find it surprising that an assassin would be friends with someone who's dedicated himself to helping others escape. What drew you to him?"

"I never wanted to be an assassin..." Shade sighed. "I know I keep looking for reassurance; but, total secrecy, right?"

Carla faltered, "I have a confession. In a session with Midas, I slipped and acknowledged you two's relationship before he had told me it was you. I told him that you had never said his name either. The two of you were using nicknames and, even though I was aware you were speaking about each other, I shouldn't have pushed it."

Shade absorbed the information. "You told him I never said his name..." He thought about it. "You didn't tell him anything else though?"

"No."

"So you didn't say anything about my stilts..."

"No."

"He knows about the stilts; he also knows about this." Shade held out his arm and removed his glove. He showed her its purple color. "I was cursed a decade ago. This is how I became an assassin. Necrotic-Touch; skin to skin contact and my victim will decay in my grasp." He returned the glove to his hand. "I never imagined I'd kill hundreds of men. I do everything I can to avoid extra collateral."

Carla nodded, she understood that must be the thing in common Midas had mentioned that drew him to Shade in the first place. "So do you think Marco is the kind of man you actually wanted to be?" She asked, catching on to what Shade must be feeling.

"Yes... If it had been possible for me, I think I would have joined him. I would help people escape from dangerous men."

"What made that not possible?"

"I..." Shade froze; I can't tell her I'm not a free agent. She'd never let it slide knowing I was sent to kill Midas. She specifically told me posing a threat to Styx residents is the line. "I guess, with this ability, I just felt more useful getting rid of the men doing the hurting. Take Erica, for instance- I'm glad we saved her but they will just purchase another girl... It's a never-ending cycle. The only possible way to stop it is to stop the source..."

"Do you often feel like your efforts are futile?"

"Yes; all the time," Shade leaned back. "I haven't really thought about it like that before..."

"I'm sure Erica doesn't think that what you did for her was futile. Sometimes, looking at the big picture is important but you'll miss the details if that's all you look at. No one can save the world- So don't let the fact that you can't either cloud what you have achieved."

Shade nodded. "I'll keep that in mind..."

"I was ready to address Erica right away so, I realize, we didn't do a check-in."

"Right; no alcohol or cravings and no panic attacks this week," Shade confirmed.

"Good to hear. Now last time, discussing your past we left off with you saying your father got rid of you on your twelfth birthday. Are you ready to elaborate on that?"

Shade hesitated. "I don't think so..." He rubbed his neck slightly and looked down; if I tell her too much, she'll piece it all together... And- If I talk about it... Events from Shade's past began to replay in his head; no. I can't. I don't want to. "I don't think I'm ready to discuss my teenage years. Actually, I'm not sure I'm up for this today at all..." Shade pushed the thoughts away. "Would it be alright to cut short this time?" Shade asked.

"If that is what you prefer. I don't advise it but you are not obligated to be here; it has to be your choice. Are you still coming next week?"

"Yes... Maybe I'll be ready then," Shade nodded; I'll have to eventually. Maybe not today is good enough. I'll do it next time... Won't I? Shade stood and they said goodbye; Shade returned to his apartment.

 

Midas decided to grab a drink at Kharon's Rest, after working in his office all day. He was surprised when he saw Shade was there, dancing with a woman. Midas grabbed a drink and sat at the bar, watching them; they look like they are having fun. He said Carla told him to dance more. A very angry-looking man approached the two of them. "The fuck, Ava!?"

The woman turned towards him. "Calm down, Roy, baby; we are just dancing."

Shade moved Ava gently away from the man and spoke up, "She's right, it's just a dance; no reason-"

"I didn't fuckin' ask ya now did I?" The altercation had quickly caught everyone's attention. Things like that did not happen at Styx often. The other people on the dance floor were backing up and whispering amongst themselves. Midas was already on the approach; it will be a cold day in hell when I let this shit slide. Roy stepped forward and grabbed Ava's wrist, yanking her towards him. "C'mon we're gettin' the fuck out of here."

Shade grabbed Roy's arm, forcing him to let her go, then he shoved him to the ground one-handed. His voice boomed through the club as he spoke, "DO NOT FUCKING GET UP! It'll be the last Goddamn thing you ever do. Do you not know who I fucking am!?" Roy covered his face with his arms in fear. He did know who Shade was but, since arriving at Styx, Shade had been so soft that Roy was sure he wasn't as dangerous as they'd been led to believe. Shade swiftly grabbed him by the collar, raising him off the ground slightly. "ANSWER ME!"

"Y-you're an assassin..."

Shade threw him hard onto the ground again, his head bouncing off the floor. Midas' heart was racing, adrenaline hitting him. He was next to the fighting men now. Shade leaned towards Roy, his voice was a terrifying growl as he warned him. "You ever lay a finger on a woman again and your death will happen in a way that makes seconds feel like hours."

"Enough!" Midas stepped in, voice also booming, his sheer rage was evident. "You two," Midas gestured to some guards. "He's fired get him the hell out," He ordered, pointing to Roy. "And you!" He rounded on Shade, "My office. NOW!"

 

On the elevator ride up, Midas was standing in front of Shade, right behind the doors, his foot tapping impatiently. When the doors opened, he moved quickly, Shade following closely. When he held the office door open, Shade entered, facing Midas' desk, waiting for Midas to take his seat. Shade tapped his fingers against his thigh; wonder how much trouble I'm in? Maybe it'll just be a warning about overreacting... I know I'm not supposed to physically harm anyone here at Styx... But that piece of shit- Shade heard Midas close the door, then he heard the lock click. He turned to face Midas; what is he- Midas' face was flushed and he was removing his tie. "Shade, please-" His voice dripped with desire.

 

After having witnessed what happened, Mari checked to see that Ava was okay. Once she confirmed she was going to be fine, Mari began to wonder about Shade. She decided to check on him too. As she went to get on the elevator, Jason caught her just before she entered and pulled her into a corner where nobody was. "Were you about to go to the top floor?" He asked in a hushed voice.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, no; you do not want to do that..."

"What? Why?"

"I'm, uh, pretty sure those two are about to go at each other like wild animals and I don't mean fighting..."

Mari pressed her eyes shut and groaned in disgust. She realized he was probably right; she wasn't used to having to worry about her dad with men. She mumbled, "It used to just be women... And mostly on the weekends-" She thought about it. "Accidents were usually avoidable... But now- He is living next door to his secret lover, but I also live on the top floor. I think I need to move..."

"Yeah, probably..." Jason put his hand on her shoulder sympathetically.

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