Chapter 33: 32

* A thank you to Mar for the Kofis [3 of 3] ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ *

For Ian, Rachel was always a difficulty.

If they’d been in an environment where they could love each other without any interference, then maybe they would have been happy.

They didn’t have that. 

He was greedy enough to give up everything, and chase after Rachel, and he felt great regret for not having done so.

However, unlike his father, he wouldn’t take a night and throw her away, or hug Rachel to his heart’s content to fulfill his own desires.

He couldn’t do that to Rachel. 

That’s when he finally made up his mind.

Even if he finally gave up everything, he wanted to have Rachel and only her, but she’d already left. 

Ravenna.

Ian knew where Rachel would have left for. He was sure she went to Ravenna.

When she was young, she’d said as much. She wanted to live there when she left the Imperial palace. 

In a small village with a large lake. He didn’t know where she’d heard about it, but she talked for a long time about the scenery in the village that she’d never been to.

Ian couldn’t leave to find Rachel, even though he knew she’d definitely gone there. 

Was it because he was scared that Rachel would push him away? Or did he hate going to Rachel without anything?

Or maybe he wanted Rachel’s heart to ease a little over time. Maybe he was reluctant to visit Rachel, who was hurt by him.

So, Ian didn’t visit Rachel.

Just as he did in his previous life, he still spent time in the cabin, but he would often go down to Ravenna. He would see her face from afar, then he would return to the cabin. 

It would be seven years at most before the war ended, and he became the Emperor.

He was confident that he would finish everything by that time.

Ian vowed to visit Rachel again by then.

He didn’t ask for love again, or forgiveness. He just wanted to give to her as much as she gave to him. 

The truth was that Rachel had left him because she hated him, but Ian wasn’t sure he could live without her for the rest of his life, so he thought of a ridiculous excuse to keep her by his side.

Even though he knew he was a selfish jerk until the end. 

That was the best Ian could do.

The time away from her passed slowly, and it felt like an eternity.

It was painful, but his only hope was that Rachel was alive here. Thinking that they could meet again if he waited a little longer, Ian waited with patience. 

As he was waiting for Rachel, he hoped that she would visit him at some point. But Rachel never did, and so six years passed.

***

Ian had no choice, but to visit Rachel in person.

Eleven years.

For the first time in eleven years that he came face to face with Rachel.

He missed her so much.

When he tried to stand in front of her, he was worried.

Ian didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t know where to start talking.

He wanted to hug her at least once, but all he’d ever done was hold her hand like he was offering up a favor.

Ian wanted to say ‘I missed you’, but he couldn’t say anything the moment he made eye contact with Rachel.

He wanted to say he was sorry, but he couldn’t spit out the words that lingered in his mouth. Then Ian felt like he was going to lose Rachel forever. 

He couldn’t do anything as if their connection was broken. It had been a long time since he’d seen Rachel, and she was very different.

Ian couldn’t spit out any of the things he wanted to say. The ten years apart was too heavy to ignore. 

He still didn’t know how to treat Rachel.

But now Ian just wanted her to stay by his side.

It had been so lonely and hard for a long time.

He wanted to give Rachel precious and valuable things. He wanted to make Rachel feel happy because of all the trouble she had gone through for him.

As a result, Ian hoped that Rachel’s feelings towards him would ease a little bit. Then maybe it was possible that she might like him again.

Everything was just his greed, but he couldn’t think of what else to do.

Ian couldn’t let Rachel go or give up on her, who’d left him. This was the best he could do. 

***

Rachel blinked slowly as she looked around the people outside to see her off. From the butler, to the servants, and the maids. 

“Have a safe trip, My Lady.”

“…I’ll be back.”

The current situation was uncomfortable enough that she wanted to hide, but Rachel consciously forced herself to not bend her head as she recalled the Countess’ teachings. 

Rachel stepped into the carriage, and left the people seeing her off behind.

Ian Dakendov.

He didn’t come today.

After they parted ways after the night market, Ian stopped visiting her every day.

He sent the carriage and the knights, but he didn’t show his face. 

That didn’t mean that she missed him, but she was a little concerned because the person, who used to visit every day, didn’t show up.

Only a little bit.

“No…”

Rachel leaned her head against the wall of the carriage. 

The carriage she was in only shook slightly, which was significantly different from a public carriage Rachel had ridden before. Unlike the public carriage, where she had to stand up because there was no place to sit, she was alone in this carriage. 

She didn’t have to be bothered by other people. The ride was comfortable, and she didn’t have to worry about motion sickness.

The bench was also soft. 

It was originally a carriage that she could’ve never dreamed of. 

It had been like that since she’d arrived in the capital.

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Even if Ian wasn’t around, Rachel spent half the day thinking about him. The splendid mansion, everything surrounding her, all of it reminded her of Ian at every moment. 

Ravenna.

He wasn’t there, and she was on her way back to that place where she had run away to avoid him. Her head felt confused with thoughts of him.

“I like you.”

He told her that he liked her.

“I can’t believe him.”

What did he want her to do?

Ian just asked her to stay with him, which was a strange request. Considering that’s what he wanted from the one he liked.

Was that really all he wanted?

“Strange.”

Ian Dakendov.

It reminded her of that day at dawn long ago, when she held his hand and slipped out of the Imperial palace.

“I’m leaving the Imperial palace tomorrow.”

The young man whispered to her.

“…What about you? Do you want to come with me?”

He asked, after he hesitated for a moment.

Would she go with him?

Rachel still hadn’t forgotten how excited she was that day. It was as if she had a family. We were a family that would stick together in any situation.

She was also aware that Ian was running away to save his life. That the road ahead wouldn’t be an easy one.

Still, Rachel was just happy to be with him, rather than the trepidation that accompanied such a distressing situation.

They’d been together a long time, and he didn’t want to leave her behind, which made Rachel feel like she was important to Ian.

She was just happy that he’d asked her to go with him.

This time again, he took her out of the Imperial palace without fail. Rachel hated Ian, but she certainly felt safe with him taking her hand and pulling her along.

At least at that moment, she was grateful to be with him, but Rachel eventually left him behind. She didn’t want to hold on to her foolish hope anymore, and she didn’t want to be hurt by expecting something like a fool.

She knew that people didn’t change.

One day after she’d adapted to living in the Imperial palace, her mother, who she thought she would never see again, showed up. 

In the end, all she wanted was money, and not her. She was sad and upset for a few days, but this time she was able to forget it sooner than she thought. 

So, she thought she’d be able to forget Ian just like that, but it wasn’t as easy as she’d thought.

Ian had given her many things, so she thought of him all the time.

Everytime she read, everytime she wrote, she suddenly remembered him. Whenever people were amazed and asked her where she learned to write, she remembered him.

She thought she’d be able to forget him easily. 

Even when she ate chocolate or cake. As the festival period approached, her time with him came to mind. 

The times he would secretly give her something to eat. She remembered him sweating as he searched for her, and he looked for her until he found her.

Eventually, she was saddened by the memories that came to mind one after another, even though she was so happy. 

For Rachel, all of her memories of Ian were painful.

“Ha…”

What happens when you like someone? What did Ian want to do?

No matter what, she hoped she wouldn’t get hurt this time, and she didn’t expect anything from him.

Rachel, who was quietly mumbling, clenched her fists with strength.

***

Knock Knock

“Who is it?”

Knocking on the door once more, Rachel took a deep breath when she heard the sound of someone approaching the door.

She was glad to be meeting Marilla, Ian and Dean again. She just couldn’t think about how to explain what happened. 

Squeak

“Rachel?”

“Marilla, it’s been a while…”

“Rachel!”

Marilla, who opened the door, furrowed her brows as if she couldn’t believe it. Soon enough, she looked like she was going to cry, and hugged Rachel in her arms. 

“It’s really you, Rachel! What was all of that about!”

Marilla’s voice was a little angry.

“I was so worried when I heard about it from the boys!”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Where have you been? Hmm?”

She frowned when she noticed the men standing behind Rachel.

Then, she carefully let Rachel go.

“Who are those people?”

“Oh, they’ve come all the way here with me.”

Rachel hesitated for a moment on how to explain the Imperial knights. 

At Rachel’s dubious explanation, Marilla looked at them silently, but soon opened the door wide. 

“First of all, don’t stand outside and come in. Come on in.”

She even opened the door to the knights, but the knights shook their heads quietly, and refused her hospitality.

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“No, you don’t have to pay attention to us. Miss, we’ll be waiting here. Have a good time.”

“…Okay. Marilla, let’s go inside.”

Rachel replied quietly, as she noticed that Marilla’s face was painted with astonishment.

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