Chapter 13: Chapter Thirteen: You CAN Teach a Dog New Tricks

“Why do you always say that?” Jess asked after yet another adventurer had casually entered the shop and then, just as casually, left before Mike had finished his welcome speech.

“I can’t just let them enter and not say anything. That’d be rude,” huffed Mike.

“No. I mean… why do you always say exactly the same thing? Have you ever tried welcoming them differently?”

Mike snorted heavily, pointedly avoiding eye contact with her, making himself busy by rattling items on the shelves and sweeping away imaginary dust particles from his wares. A response that Jess took as a firm no. Weird that they can talk normally to each other but seem stuck in set patterns for adventurers, she thought absently.

“You must have tried saying something else at least once,” she said, carefully watching Mike.

“Ye don’t just say what ye wants to say. Ye has to say what’s been laid out otherwise ye get ignored,” Mike explained in a crabby tone. His usual calm demeanour had evaporated, leaving him appearing testy and tense. He might even have appeared threatening if he hadn’t focused all his ire on buffing out a small smudge on the polished wood of his shelves. The term “bull in a china shop” did not apply when it came to Toleron’s Trinkets.

“How do you know what the right thing to say is?” asked Jess.

“Ye just feel it, I suppose,” said Mike, tilting his head with a contemplative look on his face. “It’s hard to describe. It’s like when ye get the feeling that ye’re being watched, or ye’re heading home through the woods and ye just know that something ain’t right.”

Jess carefully stored away this tidbit of information. So, no official script that they must follow then. Interesting.

“I don’t like the look on ye face,” Mike said, interrupting her thoughts. He was staring suspiciously at her with a grumbling expression.

“That sounds like an accusation,” she replied pointedly.

“I’m not getting involved in some daft scheme. I told ye that not following rules can get ye in trouble,” he said sternly, still regarding her with a degree of suspicion. “And I’m not changing what I say to customers.”

“What if you didn’t have to?”

He said nothing but tilted his head slightly in a questioning manner.

“In my world, we have different hand gestures for greetings. I haven’t seen anyone doing them here. I bet they’d be pretty popular with visiting adventurers,” she said, letting the bait hang. She worried for a moment that Mike wouldn’t bite, but with a weary sigh, he eventually caved.

“Alright, Lass. Out with it then. What hand gestures?”

Jess grinned triumphantly. “Well, have you ever heard of a high five?”

Mike paused, contemplating the question before he shook his head.

“Good, because we’re going to skip that and move straight onto the good stuff,” said Jess excitedly as she rose from her stool. “I want you to ball your hand into a fist.”

Mike obliged, raising both fists up into a boxing stance with a confused expression on his face.

“Easy tiger. Just one fist needed. Preferably the one you normally shake hands with,” Jess said, raising her own to demonstrate her meaning. Mike slowly lowered his left and relaxed his right arm slightly, no longer keeping up his defensive position.

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“Now, all you have to do is gently tap your knuckles on mine,” she advised as she extended her arm to fist-bump the minotaur. Skin touched skin and once completed she looked to Mike expectantly. He seemed unimpressed.

“Is that all?” he asked.

“That’s all,” she agreed with an impish smile.

He did not appear convinced, continuing to stare at her with narrowed eyes, his nostrils flaring slightly. Eventually he gave a quiet snort. “We’ll see,” he said simply.

It did not take long for the opportunity to test out Jess’s theory to arrive. An adventurer stomped into the shop, before turning this way and that, observing the interior with glazed eyes. He was wearing a selection of leather braces, trimmed with fur. A gladius was sheathed at his waist whilst a large knapsack mirrored it on the other side.

“Welcome Adventurer! Thank you for choosing to visit Toleron’s Trinkets. I’ve got the finest wares in the land!” boomed Mike, his eyes flickering towards Jess uncertainly. The adventurer stepped towards the sales counter, but then stopped as though having second thoughts.

Hesitantly, Mike extended a fist in the direction of the adventurer. The adventurer’s eyes locked on Mike and he strode towards him, staring intensely. Again, Mike’s eyes glanced in Jess’s direction and Jess shrugged, unsure of what to make of the visitor’s current behaviour.

The adventurer raised his own fist and, for a moment, Jess was concerned that he was about to throw a punch. Thankfully, the adventurer did indeed bump fists with Mike who inhaled sharply. Or perhaps it was Jess who gasped, she was so surprised that her plan had worked that it felt as though the rest of the world had fuzzed around the edges.

It is possible then, she rejoiced. She flashed a victorious grin at Mike who returned a more reserved smile. Now to figure out how far this rabbit hole goes…

“I’ll leave you to it,” she said to Mike as she headed towards the door.

His eyes widened and he leaned to be seen around the adventurer who still stood in front of him. “Ye can’t just leave now!”

“You’ve got this, big guy,” Jess insisted as she continued edging towards the door. Once she reached it, she turned to say, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

She laughed as she exited, walking out into the bright street as she shielded her eyes. A reminder of her current attire flaunted itself in her face. Today was an off yellow dress that someone had carefully embroidered hundreds, if not thousands, of tiny flowers on. Up close, the dress was charming. What Jess had quickly realised was that at any sensible distance, the whole pattern and colour arrangement started to resemble vomit. Despite this, she was in a good mood as she headed out with the extra coins that she had earned in the pouch that hung from her neck. Her figure wasn’t anything to write home about, but it would be nice to feel like she had a waist again. Mike had offered her a short piece of rope in the place of a belt but had rescinded the offer when Jess had glared at the offending article.

Jess considered her options as she walked. Lace seemed to be in fashion with the fancier frocks that she had seen on afternoon walks around the city. It was pretty enough but the realisation that she would have to wash and dry all that white froth with her own two hands caused her to disregard the option completely.

Something in good quality wool or cotton…

The idea of having to cope with silks, as beautiful as they were, had met the same fate as silks. She had mentally catapulted it into the sun. Being stuck in this unfamiliar land was difficult enough without inviting whole evenings of rocking and weeping over a suds-filled sink.

The image of Julie Andrews floating down from the sky as Mary Poppins suddenly burst into her mind.

Navy blue, classic A-line skirt, modest… I can probably leave out the scarf, but the magic umbrella and bag would be worth the cost.

A dark blue colour wouldn’t just complement her eyes, it would also hopefully mask any marks or stains. Potentially invaluable when she still hadn’t decided what she was going to do for an income. It would also get Mike off her back with his obsessive need for unending cleanliness. Not that she planned on rolling around in the dirt, but it would be nice to not have him hovering over her with a damp cloth every time she dropped a crumb of food down herself at mealtimes.

She paused for a moment as she reached the tailors. There were no mannequins in the window, but bright coloured rolls of fabric could be seen behind the small squares of glass that made up the windows. With a long, slow inhale, she prepared herself, before exhaling as she entered the wonderland that lay beyond the threshold.

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