Chapter 105: 104

The first place Ilya took me on the Yin side was a garden that was both beautiful and haunting. Various bright green and purple flowers bloomed on dark stems, even the trees used to grow the walkway and other parts of the garden were dark. I recognized many of the plants as poisonous and even the ones that I saw that were harmless could be turned into very potent toxins with Alchemy. There were other plants that were not blooming, but I knew that a few of them were nocturnal plants, while others were more rare and only bloomed during specific conditions.
Ilya led me through the surprisingly large garden until we reached a gazebo with a small table at the center, grown from dark wood and several kinds of deadly plants, including hemlock and wolfsbane, but at this point it was something that was just another part of the scenery in this garden. I didn't know if Elves had a different physiology than humans and had some sort of immunity or if they simply didn't care that this deathtrap of a garden existed, likely as it was used for some purpose I was unaware of.
Ilya sat down in the gazebo and motioned from me to do the same. I didn't really have much of a choice, but I also didn't think that she was out to harm me, so I would probably be safe, and even if I wasn't, I'd probably be fine, despite the fact that I hadn't done much testing with how poisons affected me.
"What are your intentions with my daughter?" The friendly and joyful tone she had as we'd talked on the way here was nowhere to be found as she looked me directly in the eyes. "I refuse to believe that a member of the Eldur family is here for something so innocent as a marriage. Alcrem put you up to something right? Even if my husband thinks you're fine, I can sense the kindred Yin inside of you, it wouldn't bother you at all to slaughter this entire village, right?"
I opened my mouth to protest her claims but she ignored me and continued. "Don't defend yourself. You've done it before right? Not only the men, but the women and children too, and not only once at that. I'd go so far to wager that you probably even enjoyed it, the dark pleasure of depriving the weak and helpless of their most precious possession. How can someone so dark as you not have an ulterior motive for marrying Arya?"
I wanted to argue against her words, but what she said wasn't untrue. I did indeed have ulterior motives for marrying Arya, at least at first, but now though, the line between my original motive and simple affection was blurred and I was honestly afraid that I was deceiving myself in order to accomplish my goals. While it would be a first for me, Velen had done so on many occasions, including the times that he had done just as Ilya had said and made a blood-soaked ghost town in a few hours.
It hadn't happened only once either, but was a frequent occurrence during the war, of course he was the only one that never questioned the order, even amongst the other Vanguard members he was known to be the most heartless and cruel soldier, a perfect killing machine, one that turned on his masters, because of a single mistake they made. On top of that, both Velkis and Vellastria had killed both the innocent and guilty without a care, both looking to satiate something with the death and blood of others.
"You're wrong." I said, shaking my head clearing the doubts about myself that were circling around. While those three were me, I was not them, and even if their sins stuck to me, I would do my best to, at the very least, not increase them. "While I may be inclined to the deeds you speak of, there is one thing that I can assure you. I-" I hesitated for a moment as my emotions got the better of me. "I love your daughter, and I would give my life for her." This was the first time I had vocally spoken my feelings for Arya. I was almost certain that despite the fact that Arya knew, I had never actually told her, then again, some say actions speak louder than words, so perhaps it had just never been needed. 

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Ilya seemed happy with my answer as I saw her smile before she nodded her head a few times. "Good, good. That's an answer I can accept. It's good that you didn't deny your nature, it will only cause issues, avoiding it will only delay the inevitable. If you are serious about Arya you will need to embrace the darkness inside yourself, face your darkest and vilest desires and accept them, there is nothing wrong or inherently evil with that."
I was surprised that she told me to accept the dark desires inside myself, wasn't the point of most teachings to do the opposite, and do the right thing in spite of your desires? The deepest parts of my soul had desires that I thought should never be unleashed, desires that I wasn't entirely sure were my own, yet were a part of me nonetheless.
Ilya must have seen me make a difficult expression as she suddenly continued her lecture. "Too many people think of the world as good or evil, however, there is no such thing, as those are values that are subjective to sentient beings. The wolf cares not for the life of the rabbit it hunts to live, yet we of the races tend to sympathize with the rabbit, and therefore the wolf is evil, yet to the  wolf, it would be those who stop it from eating and therefore living that is evil.
To be with Arya, you need to be the darkness to her light, the black to her white. To do so requires you to live true to yourself, the view of others be damned. Arya must do the same, and the two of you must strike a balance, that is the fundamental principle behind our clan, and also the Universal Yin-Yang Technique you practice with her."
Her words seemed like mystical advice, something that despite hearing I would need to think on to truly understand. I didn't know how Arya and I were supposed to balance out each other, yet I understood that we needed to do so. It might explain why I hadn't been seeing much improvement with Universal Yin despite practicing at least once a day. "How do Arya and I balance each other?" I asked not expecting much of an answer, only to be surprised when Ilya grinned.
"That's something only the two of you can figure out, however, if you're not against it, there is a special ritual that can help the two of you do it." She paused, building my tension as I looked at her expectantly.
"You should just get married."

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