Chapter 1: Ch.1- To The Abyss

The room was void. Not white or black. It was colorless. I was there, with it.

It was an enigma, a paradox that defied understanding. Unfathomable and mysterious, its existence seemed impossible. Yet despite this, it had always been there. Its being was felt in everything, and at every single moment.

It was the source of me and the reality where my presence unfolded. Its power felt limitless and its form was unknowable, an illogical being, something that cannot be described nor understood. It was untouchable and incomprehensible. 

I was with it, I existed with it. But I no longer do, I was cast away...

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As usual, I woke up in the orphanage bed. I had grown accustomed to the creaking of the old wooden floors, the rats on every corner, the odors on the air, and this alternative reality itself. However, I still couldn't shake off a lingering feeling of unease and confusion as I woke up each morning. It was like a fog that clouded my thoughts and numbed my senses, but slowly it began to dissipate. Is this what it feels like to be alive?

I trudged to the orphanage cafeteria, my stomach already growling as I neared. The room was dingy and filled with the hum of adolescent conversations and laughter. As I approached the food counter, a wave of putrid scents assaulted me. I stepped up to the counter and got my daily ration, then sit at a table.

I am what is denominated as an adolescent, a fifteen-year-old girl with red eyes and white hair. My white hair is covered by dust and grime so it looks dark grey. I currently wore my school outfit. It had a black blouse, with cuts behind it and several dried bloodstains. My skirt, once navy blue, was faded and worn in places, making it look almost grey.

When I first arrived here, at this plane of existence, I couldn't understand anything. Breathing, seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling. Everything was incompressible, living was incomprehensible. The world illustrated itself to me by the intermediary of 'eyes', and when I stopped inhaling and exhaling my consciousness disappeared and the world turned dark.

I was cast away from home for an unknown reason, and now I'm here. In this strange reality. Not being able to get back home provoked in me something called fear. It influenced my decisions and thoughts. It took custody of me and made me act. I couldn't stay steady anymore, my instincts earned for me to move, like a slave. I was no longer free. 

Emotions frighten me, they take control of me. During my life, I have been attempting to suppress them to the best of my ability, yet, fear always won. It was always present, and the reason was people.

'People' are other individuals just like me, but contrary to me, they acknowledge their emotions. Their emotions and sentiments are so alien that sometimes I wonder if we are even the same species.

In the orphanage where I live, every single person is a slave to their emotions, they act based on them, and every effort they take starts with these unknown elements. Living here is torture.

Fear is without doubt the strongest because no matter what I did, I couldn't win against it. This fear of the unknown kept me alive. I was scared of dying from inanition, so I kept eating even though I didn't mind the pain of starving. Due to fear, I live trying to be the less noticeable possible for worry of conflict. 

Since the day I was born, I haven't spoken a single word, I didn't know what other people could do. I stayed in a corner during breakfast and tried not to engage with others individuals. But contrary to my expectations, this didn't work.

"Hey! The mute little shit over there. Give me your food" A familiar voice boomed through the small dining room. 

Every day it was the same. I would try to shrink away, to make myself invisible, and yet it never worked. No matter how hard I tried, I always found myself in this same predicament. 

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I bowed my head as three boys approached me and silently gave my ration of soup. Conflict is something potentially dangerous, if something went wrong I could die. If I died, then what would happen to me? Where will I go? Will I disappear? This unidentified result is scary, dodging conflict is the best outcome. That's why I always give my ration of food without making a fuss.

Instead, I will chase any wild animal or steal fruit from a farm. This might sound superficially like a bad idea, after all, only nobles can hunt, and stealing is a criminal act. But having to confront those 3 guys is even worse. They are part of a gang and they rule the whole district. I saw them kill 2 individuals due to their unwillingness to cooperate.

Human desires are truly strange. They can guarantee their survival by just eating the portions they already have each day, however, they always want more. I can't understand why would someone want to make enemies just for the sake of having more resources, incomprehensible.

I had never wanted more than my survival and solitude. Growing up on the streets of a crowded city, I learned that fighting for little was my only chance at getting through each day. The higher I wanted to go, the more competition I have to face.

Stealing farms and hunting was dangerous, but precisely because of that no other individual did the same. They all begged on the streets for money or went to the abyss. Each way they ended up dead most of the time.

I left the orphanage and was greeted by the filthy streets full of garbage and excrement. My stomach growled hungrily, reminding me of my goal, to get food, I haven't eaten for 5 days, and I'm incredibly hungry. It was time to hunt. My objective was a certain meadow about 4 kilometers from here if my calculations are not wrong. I would be able to hunt rabbits there and get the sustenance I needed.

I cautiously trudged up the long road with my self-made knife and tinder, taking many turns to avoid being followed, my heart pounding with the horrible feeling that is fear. If any of the guards caught me, they would surely behead me after torturing me. It was a crime punishable by death for someone like me to hunt on these lands reserved only for nobles, but I had no choice. Due to this, it takes more time than necessary.

I took my first steps up a hill to the meadow, one foot in front of the other. The climb was difficult, it felt like every time I looked up, I barely moved. The sun beat down on my back as I continued my journey, it makes my skin burn. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I reached the top of the hill and stopped to catch my breath. It took me around 2h to arrive here.

As soon I could breathe, I turn around and I look down at my current residence. Agartha, the City of Adventurers laid out before me like an intricate model, with its sturdy buildings and soaring towers, statues of every shape and size dotting the landscape. But most impressive of all is the massive dungeon at its center, an abyss so deep that it's said to reach into the furthest parts of hell itself. 

It's hard to believe that this is where I grew up. Down in the lower districts, rats, mud, and trash were my usual companions, a  world that was totally different from the one I'm seeing now.

I gaze at the city a little more and then I continue walking. I could see my objective. When I arrive at the meadow, I silently crouched low in the tall, lush grass, hardly daring to breathe. My fingers tightened around the handle of my small knife made of rock, its blade sharpened and ready for action.

I had smeared my body with plants that I stole to mask my smell, knowing that any rabbit that could pick up on my scent would never come near me. I had also made sure to keep perfectly still as I waited, not wanting to scare off potential prey by making any sudden movements.

Time passed slowly as I waited, my anticipation growing with each passing minute. I needed to come back before noon, if I didn't my situation might get worse. I was getting anxious.

And then finally, just when I thought it would never happen, I saw one, a lone rabbit, hopping through the grassy field. I held my breath, not daring to move a muscle. Carefully, I inched forward, closing the gap between us. With one swift motion, I lunged at the rabbit, catching it in and then stabbing my knife to his throat.