Chapter 132: Get Used To It

Little Shao presented him a letter next.

Su Yi almost keeled over after reading it.

“Susu, I have thought things through. I finally realized that you are unable to accept me, not because I am not good enough, but because our affinity is not as deep as I thought it to be. Li Yao said that a love like ours is not something you might get even after thousands of years of cultivation. Therefore, I have decided to sit in front of the Buddha and do religious cultivation for the rest of my life. If in this life it is insufficient, I will do it again in my next one until it is enough. Susu, just remember that even after I take the tonsure, I will still miss you very much.”

Su Yi felt wrecked. Zhao Qixuan might be a shrewd businessman, but he has a one-track mind when it comes to relationships. The man was just hopelessly foolish. How could he believe Li Ya’s nonsense? How could he even consider becoming a  monk?

Little Shao’s tears were still flowing when he said, “Madam wants me to become a monk too so I can wait on Heir-Son Lord. I don’t want to become a monk! Master Su, please persuade the Heir-Son Lord! He will only listen to you.

Qixuan, you f*cking moron! You’re doing all these because of a crazy thought that we’d be together in another lifetime?

“When is your Heir-Son Lord taking the tonsure?” Su Yi asked, his face pale.

Little Shao was elated and cried even harder.

“This morning. Yesterday, the monk in White Tower Temple promised to shave his head this morning.”

Su Yi gripped the jade bead and that lock of hair, rushing off to White Tower Temple without another word.

He could not allow Zhao Qixuan to become a monk.

Su Yi rushed over to the temple on a horse. When he reached White Tower Temple, he practically rolled down from the horse, silently praying that he was not too late.

He ran up the stairs, all of its 399 steps, in one breath. At one point, he fell and cut his knee, but he did not stop. He got up and ignored the pain, stumbling his way up to the monastery.

White Tower Temple has three sections. At the second section, Su Yi was stopped by someone. “Sir, we are in the midst of a tonsure ceremony right now. We do not accept pilgrims.”

In the main hall, the sound of the mokugyo beating and the monks chanting Buddhist scriptures filled the air. Su Yi peered in and saw someone kneeling before the Buddha, the person-in-charge of the White Tower temple shaving his head. He wanted to yell for them to stop, but the words were stuck in his throat. He felt dizzy and disoriented like he was about to faint.

He was too late. Zhao Qixuan has already taken the tonsure.

He would never take all his scoldings and beatings shamelessly again. No one would call him Susu again.

S usu, I feel that we are a match made in heaven…

Susu, why do you think I like you so much? I liked you from the moment I saw you.

Susu, will you say something?

Susu, my father gave me a beating, but that’s okay. Even if he beats me to death, I will not change my mind about you…

Susu, I don’t care what others say about me. I only care about you. Please, don’t ignore me…

Susu, you are a coward…

Something warm was trickling down his cheeks. Surprised, he reached up to touch it. Tears. It looks like he knew how to cry, after all.

Zhao Qixuan has always chased him around, finding ways and means to make him happy, but he has never been willing to give in to him. Su Yi acted as though he could not stand to be near him.

In reality, he does not find him annoying.

In reality, he actually liked hearing him spout nonsense.

In reality, he liked to see him being silly.

In reality, he liked hearing him call him Susu…

He never wanted to leave Jin Ling. On those days where he couldn’t see Qixuan, he would sit under the moon and play the tune ‘Phoenix Seeks the Phoenix’ on a vertical bamboo flute. He heard Qixuan say that he liked the tune very much so he learned it secretly. He never had the chance to play it for him.

Qixuan was right, he’s a coward.

He was afraid of the different looks people would give him and the hurtful words they’d say. He was afraid to be mocked and pointed at by others when he walks down the street. He was afraid that his parents would disown him.

He was so afraid of being with Qixuan that he hid far away.

He always thought that Qixuan was heartless. How could he not care about anything? How could he just proclaim his intentions so easily and so freely? It was only now that Su Yi understood him. It wasn’t that Qixuan doesn’t care about anything – it was just that he only cared about him. He was able to ignore all the contempt others threw his way because the only opinion he cared about was Su Yi’s. He endured being beaten so badly by his father that he was bed-ridden for months because, in Qixuan’s mind, he has Su Yi.

Now… he has given up everything to take refuge in religious life, still all for him.

The tears were getting uncontrollable and for once, he didn’t wish to control them. His heart felt like it was ripped away. He couldn’t think of anything else but the thought of the person he cares about the most leaving him forever.

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“Susu, what are you doing here?”

Su Yi turned around, almost jumping out of his skin in shock.

Zhao Qixuan stood before him, donning a monk’s robe with his head still full of hair. He took another look at the kneeling person in the main hall, his hair falling, then asked a very silly question, “The person inside isn’t you?”

Zhao Qixuan touched his head. “It is not my turn yet. Today is a good day to take the tonsure so there are three other people who are taking it.”

Su Yi’s fist clamped tightly on the jade bead in his palm, staring straight at Qixuan.

Zhao Qixuan has never seen Susu cry. Seeing his face wet with tears, he almost couldn’t resist the urge to rush up to him and comfort him.

However, Li Yao has made it clear; before the time is right, he has to bear with it. Bear with it, he must bear with it…   If he crumbles now, their efforts would just go to waste.

“Susu, thank you for coming to see me. However, you don’t have to worry, I am really going to take the tonsure. From now on, you don’t have to hide anymore…” Zhao Qixuan stuttered.

Su Yi just stared at him wordlessly.

“Umm, I have a villa built there. You said that you like the scenery so I am going to give the villa to you. Someone will be going over to your residence to give you the deed of the house. I, um, I wanted to give it to you from the start…”

“Sir, it is time,” a monk interrupted, giving a Buddhist greeting to Zhao Qixuan.

“Oh! Okay. Susu, I am going now. You have to take care of yourself, okay? I will chant scriptures and pray for you in front of the Buddha.” Zhao Qixuan lowered his head, afraid to look Susu in the eyes.

After taking two steps, Zhao Qixuan glanced back and said, “Susu, you should go back. Don’t watch. I am afraid I won’t look nice without hair.”

Su Yi watched him take each step towards the main step. Each step symbolized Qixuan giving up his worldly affairs, giving up on  them. 

He couldn’t take it anymore and Su Yi suddenly rushed up in big steps, grabbing his arm and dragging him out.

“Ay! Susu, what are you doing? I am going to take the tonsure soon! There must not be any delay, otherwise, the Buddha will think that I’m insincere. He might even punish me to many more lifetimes of cultivation…”

“Then, so be it. I don’t care if we’re going to hell after death. In this life, we will be together,” Su Yi said determinedly, pulling him out in fast paces. He wanted to leave this place as soon as possible.

Zhao Qixuan stared at the back of Susu’s head in disbelief. Did he hear correctly?

“Susu, you… what did you say?”

When they were finally out of the White Tower Temple, Su Yi flung his hand away and practically shouted, “You moron! Didn’t you say you are only persistent on this one matter in your whole life? What is this, then? If you take the tonsure and become a monk, what am I going to do? Should I take the tonsure with you?”

Zhao Qixuan stammered, “Are you afraid that the people of my family will blame you? It won’t happen, I assure you. My parents are very reasonable. They know that their son fails to live up to their expectations and that it has nothing to do with you.”

Su Yi really felt like punching him, making his other eye swollen to even them out.

“Didn’t you say that you don’t believe that I don’t hold you dear in my heart?” Su Yi screamed.

Zhao Qixuan said meekly, “I… I was trying to console myself. I was living in my lies.”

In the next moment, Su Yi pounced over. Zhao Qixuan dodged instinctively, thinking that Susu was going to punch him, but Susu merely grabbed the sides of his face and planted a firm kiss on his lips.

In that split second, Zhao Qixuan felt as though everything around them was reduced to nothingness.

“What about now? What do you say?” Su Yi lets go of him, the fury in his eyes replaced by a calmness as still as water. That Li Yao might be impertinent, but what he said was true. A lifetime is too short and he didn’t want to leave any regrets again. His family and other people would just have to get used to it.

Zhao Qixuan was completely dumbstruck, standing there staring at Susu stupidly. “I… what did I say?”

Su Yi rolled his eyes. It looked like he has not made himself clear.

He kissed him again. This time, it was tender and filled with love and affection. He was actually surprised to find out that he was not repelled by such intimacy.

“Silly, do you still want to take the tonsure?”

Susu’s slightly cool lips made Qixuan’s whole body sing with happiness. Susu actually  kissed  him! They even barely progressed to holding hands after so many years! Susu has finally and truly accepted him.

Zhao Qixuan did not remain silly for too long and threw himself into Susu’s embrace, kissing him back passionately. He wanted to make up for all the kisses they didn’t get to share all these years.

Ye Jiayao and Helian Jing, who was hiding in a temple to spy on them, heaved long sighs of relief.

“Should we go out and congratulate them?” Helian Jing asked.

Ye Jiayao stared at Helian Jing. “Do you have a death wish? If Susu finds out that all this is a trap, the three of us are going to die a horrible death.”

Helian Jing withdrew, thought back at how pathetic Zhao Qixuan looked when Su Yi roughed him up and shuddered.

“We will just hide here and go out after they leave. You can’t tell anyone about this. You must take this secret to the grave, do you hear me?” Ye Jiayao warned.

Helian Jing nodded immediately. “I will never tell a soul.”