Chapter 27: Chapter 26.5: Reminisce

DISCLAIMER: Umm, so... This particular chapter may contain some more 'violent' content compared to the previous ones, or at least in a more realistic sense. If you are someone who might get easily triggered by more explicit elements to a story, you may skip it if you like. This chapter isn't absolutely necessary for the immediate plot going on right now, but it provides some slight foreshadowing for the MC's internal conflicts which I considered relevant to leave out here.

That said, I hope you enjoy the story. I'll be posting a more regular chapter shortly after this, if it isn't your cup of tea. There is still more to come.  :)

 

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“Damn you!! Everything’s ruined now, because of you!”

Everything was black. All he could hear was a single, shrill voice echoing all around him. He didn’t recognize it.

“If it wasn’t for you… If you didn’t exist…”

And pain. A heavy, blunt pain unlike anything he’d ever felt since arriving on the Cyberway. Yet, it was familiar to him. Oh, so familiar…

“If only you hadn’t been here!! Oh, Maki… Where did you go, Maki…?”

The shrill clang of metal against itself. He closed his eyes as if waiting for something, feebly opening them again after a moment’s hesitation. The narrow strap of leather swinging, quick, ruthless, arching over head. Heading straight for… someone. For him.

“This is all your fault!! Now Maki is gone because of you! I have to be all alone… The only person aside from me here is you!”

The small piece of metal collided directly with the top of his forehead, sending yet another jolt of pain through his skull. He could feel something burning in the area of impact. A wound had opened up.

“Oh, Maki… Maki!! Where did you go, dear!?!? Haha… ha… Where did you go??”

He could see, now.The darkness had cleared up somewhat. He was in a dimly lit room, pure white just like the inn’s entrance hall. But this one, on the other hand, was furnished to the brim, mostly with brown, old-looking movables.

“P… Ph… lease stop… I… it hurts…” he cried weakly, trying to push himself up, his hands pressed hard against the dirty-looking tiles. But it was useless. He didn’t have the strength for that.

The brown strap came down again, accompanied by the tiny piece of metal. It clanged again, colliding partway against the flat flooring. The whip-like object had been directed at his back now, and had missed the center of it by only a few inches.

“Just die already, you useless brat!!”

He was on his knees, bending himself over while the strap and buckle struck him again, from every possible angle, from head to toe.

He glanced down at his hands. They were not his. They were small. Disturbingly so. They belonged to a young child.

Staining the tiles below him even further, there was a tiny pool of blood, and one at a time, countless more of the dark red drops would dribble down his face and fall directly onto it, silently. Instinct told him they came from his aching nose, but he wasn’t sure.

There was someone behind him. A tall, stocky figure towering over his groveling body, which was now entirely covered by its deep shadow.

“Stop it… please…” he begged.

He didn’t know who that was. He couldn’t remember having ever heard that voice before.

He wanted to turn around. Get a good look at whoever that person could be.

But he couldn’t do it. His body was too weak, trembling uncontrollably from side to side as it barely even supported itself. He felt his mind nearly freeze in horror as he could do no more than implore and whimper for mercy.

But no one would hear his pleas.

“Why did you do this to me? Why do you work so hard to make me like this? You know I don’t want to do this, but you always force me to, every damn time!!! Why do I have to live in this hell!?” roared the enormous man, as he heard the belt swing around for him one more time. “I DON’T DESERVE THIS WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THIS TO ME!?!?”

The belt kept on for a moment longer, and then eventually it stopped.

“After everything I sacrificed. Everything I gave up for you… You took Maki away from me.”

“I’m… sorry… Please forgive me… Father…”

That was what he called him, in the end. He did not know this person, and yet, this was, by instinct, the first thing that came out of his mouth to address the man.

“I cannot forgive something like this.”

He caught a glimpse of the belt’s shadow, being thrown to the side and landing far away from the two of them with a loud clang on the other side of the room.

“You know, Haruto… The thing about you, is that you’re just too damn selfish sometimes, you know? After everything you did to me. First, your mother. Now, Maki’s gone, too… After everything you caused, you’re still not able to think about anyone other than yourself.”

“No… No…” he whimpered some more, his face buried in his arms as he shrunk pathetically against the floor.

“Don’t play the victim, son. That won’t help you. One day, I won’t be here anymore, and there’ll be no one to come and save you from the consequences of your actions. No one will be there to hear you cry. So, you have to man up, and stop running away from them. Stop acting like a wuss. You will grow to appreciate this.”

“I… It didn’t… I didn’t know… I didn’t want to… I’m sorry…”

“And yet you did what you did. And acts like those have serious consequences for everyone involved, dear Haruto. I need to teach you right from wrong. One day, when you’re older, you’ll understand why I need to do this.”

Over his wavering cries, the now small, insignificant boy could hear the faint crack of knuckles above him.

“All this time, you’ve been begging solely for yourself. Apologizing to save your own skin, without a care for anyone else. Unfortunately, I can see perfectly through you, Haruto. You cannot comprehend… No, you refuse to comprehend the plights of others. But I will set you straight, now. I’ll show you the right way.”

He wanted to crawl. Run. Hide. Anything to get away. But he couldn’t move, no matter how he tried. He couldn’t even speak anymore.

“This next lesson might require a more… hands-on approach.”

The first of the man’s fists had started to descend, aimed straight at the center of his back. He knew it was coming, despite not being able to see it. He couldn’t stop it, nor move out of the way.

One strike, and his body was in agony, writhing uncontrollably about.

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And before he could even realize it, the white room was gone, replaced by darkness again. His body was gone, without a trace. And the man, just as well. Only the shrieking pain lingered on.

He opened his eyes to find himself lying in bed, drenched in cold sweat. Next to him, lay the redheaded girl, turned slightly away from his side. She seemed to be in a deep sleep.

The room was dim, but still filled with enough light to be barely maneuverable.

He got up, wobbling weakly over to the door.

He couldn’t be in that place any longer. Each second that passed the walls seemed to close in on him, the ceiling lowered itself to crush him. He was being crushed to death. The temperature seemed to have fallen below zero, as the boy trembled uncontrollably at its mercy.

There had to be a menu window there… A choice box... Something, anything…

Gradually, the physical pain had faded away, replaced with pure dread. He breathed fast, shallowly, and by the time he’d noticed the change he found he could barely even control his own lungs. He’d started to cough, air was running out, even though he wheezed and sniveled desperately for it.

Near the door, a small menu popped up in front of him.

‘Do you wish to leave the room? Your staying period has not yet expired.’

Barely mustering up the strength to raise a hand to it, he tapped ‘Yes’, and just as before he’d been instantly moved out back to the reception, out of which he staggered back out to the black and purple empty streets, hand pressed tightly over his screaming chest.

Just as before, there was not a single soul in sight. He was all on his own at the center of Kataki, trudging aimlessly under the black, purple sky.

Eventually, the strength in his legs had been completely exhausted, and defeated, he had slumped down over a low curb, coffing and rasping some more.

It took him a while to settle down, to get his breathing back in control. He couldn’t say how long. Maybe a few minutes, maybe a whole hour.

Even after calming down, he didn’t think he’d be able to go back to that room so soon.

It was still cold. Why did he feel so cold? Despite there being no wind, or rain, or anything, he felt unbearably cold. The cause was not the environment surrounding it, naturally. He, himself, was cold. His whole body. Or rather, this strange vessel that somehow passed for his body. His true body was still back in the living world, cold as well. Dead.

Though Haruto didn’t notice it, he’d started to cry. The tears trickled endlessly down his face, some past his neck and into his shirt, others dripping down over the stone road.

He longed for it. He wished he could get his life back. And yet, he could barely remember anything about it. He wanted to go back, simply because he’d like to believe there was a better place to be in than this crazy world he’d just happened to end up in.

Maybe… Just maybe… He’d actually had a purpose back in the old world. Perhaps, his life had had some kind of meaning.

He wanted to make himself believe so. But he could not. Deep inside, he was well aware he meant nothing on one side and the other.

There was little he could remember from his first year of high school and even before. One of his memories stood out intact, regardless: solitude.

He was alone. He had no one. His parents were gone.

Maki.

“That’s right…”

At some point, some woman called Maki had come into his life. His father had been involved with her, in some way… He couldn’t retrieve many more details, but that, at least, was certain.

Then, there was [Redacted].

They’d been together ever since they were kids. She’d always been there for him. She’d helped him get back up every time his own dejection got a hold of him. She’d never let him down.

Before he’d realized it, he had grown attached to her. He thought himself incapable of living without her. With time, she’d started to get popular with classmates and even other boys outside the school, while he remained as sullen and insignificant as ever. They’d stopped spending as much time together. Since he didn’t have any other friends or even acquaintances, he’d isolated himself. Started to spend most of his days alone.

He’d gotten desperate, overtime. He couldn’t take the solitude. So, he figured he might as well try to win her back. Show her he could be worthy of her, and if being friends didn’t cut it, he’d slowly take it a step further if he had to.

She seemed receptive at first. It almost seemed like things had gotten back on track. He managed to spend most of his days with her like before. They’d become closer again.

Then, came the fateful day he’d decided to officially seal the deal.

And, then: boom! Dead on the floor.

Still, what use did he have, now that he was dead? He was pathetic. What was the point of anything in the Cyberway? Why had he fought so hard to win those races, to begin with? What purpose had any of his actions served so far? Simply surviving? Why fight so fiercely for that, when his life had no actual meaning in the first place?

He was here because he was a loser. One of the universe’s many afterthoughts.

He looked up at the empty sky. Or, should he say ‘skybox’? There was probably nothing else beyond it anyway.

With time, he’d finally been able to calm down. He felt somewhat at ease, at least comparatively to how he’d woken up. He didn’t think he’d be able to go back to sleep, but it might not be the safest idea to stay out there like that, with no one else in the vicinity. Knowing his luck, another ghost train might just appear.

Walking back to the inn, he reflected upon the new life he’d been handed.

It was true he’d have to live in a shitty, barebones world filled to the brim with cars and crazy people…

(But so what? You came so far already...)

But even if it looked hopeless to him already, he didn’t feel he could throw in the towel just yet. The way Suzuka had described it, it seemed like a big world. Even Kataki Town’s map, while not as wide as Chariot City’s, provided him with a surprising amount of space to move around. And that was only in regard to a single town. Who knew what might be out there? Other cities, other businesses…

Who said he had to be some crazy street racer? Who said his life needed to have some deep, symbolic meaning? Perhaps he could find a comfortable, pleasant way of life away from all the breakneck action so many of this place’s racers lived by. Many people already had, if Kataki was anything to go by. There might still be some way for him to be happy in this new world, without having to worry about everyone else’s woes and dramas. Perhaps, there might even be some way for him to go back…? Thinking thoroughly about it, it wasn’t completely impossible that he could find a backdoor out of the Cyberway. His soul had certainly found a way in to begin with, hadn’t it? Then again, it wasn’t like he had a body anymore…

“Heh. Like I’d ever let that stop me.” he grinned to himself, drying up the tears with his blazer’s sleeve.

That night, Haruto had decided to live his life however, to take whatever he could get. People might call him crazy, deranged, whatever else they wanted. It might be wishful thinking to aim for higher grounds, to achieve more than he’d had in life. But at that point, he was through caring. His mind was broken, and so was his greater sense of caution. He didn’t miss it one bit.

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