Chapter 346: 346 343. Ragne, Kaikuwora--.txt

Nosfi Fusoya's and Lagne Kaikwola.

If the other side is the light, this is the darkness.

Their magic power was contrasted and divided into clean light and dark.

And 'substitution' and 'reversal'.

The two truths intersected, resonated, and enveloped me.

It was light but not light, darkness but not dark, just a dark fog.

In the midst of it all, I finally came to the third verse of Ragne Kaikwola.

The answer to the third verse was darker and more prominent even in that dark world.

The 'truth' confronting me.

'My mom is still ....... And I also (...) my mom is ......--

-- 'I hate (...)

As I had planned, 'The One Who Steals the Reason of Light' Nosfies gave me the answer.

Nosfi Hoozeyers, who took a completely opposite path from Ragne Kaikwola and promised an ending that I would never reach. In her blinding light, the shadow that was me was clearly visible.

However, even though it was planned, the sacrifice I paid ...... was too great.

I'm not going to be the only one who can do this.

I'm not going to be the only one to have a huge hole in my heart right now.

It's only natural.

My mother was everything to me.

Once I denied my mother, I had nothing left to say to her.

The content of this Lagune person will seem hollow.

In fact, there is nothing underneath the surface skin of this "ideal".

There is no blood, flesh, or soul inside Ragne Kaikwola that a human being should have.

The world, which was even darker than it was, becomes even darker and I instantly want to die.

Empty, I wander around in search of my own contents.

I look around and look around - and find one thing that I deserve.

It's the atrium in the center of the top of Hoosiers Castle.

It was a hollow that was worthy of a suicide jump.

'--oh (...)'

I understood.

The reason I had come to such a high 'summit' to be the 'first' was to jump off of this place.

I was being sucked into the hole.

Without any hesitation, easily.

I shut my eyes and stepped off of it.

With a crunch, my body collapses and I fall headlong down.

In the midst of the floating sensation, I calmly recall that the number of floors in Hoozeyards Castle is fifty.

This is the highest place in the world.

I'll fall headfirst.

If I do, I'm sure I'll die instantly.

And Ragne Kaikwola will die.

The end.

This long, empty life is over.

It's all right.

No, that's the way it should be.

I don't want to think about it any more.

Because--

The more you move forward (・・・・・・・・・), the more it only hurts (・・・・・・・・・), because the more you move forward, the more it hurts (・・・・・・・・・).

The more you fight, the only thing that hurts (・・・・・・・・・) and the more you kill (・・・・・・・), the more painful (・・・・・・・).

The closer you get to the 'best', the darker the world just gets.

I have no reason to live.

No, I'm simply afraid to live anymore.

I'm afraid of life. Just being alive is painful, painful, bitter and dark. The thought that this kind of day-to-day life will continue for a long time to come scares me and I can't stand it.

Death" is kind. It is the only hope for me to end this painful, painful, and gloomy life. I want to die. Oh, I've been dying to die for so long, I can't stand it.

--I'm going to die.

Finally, after my mama told me not to die, she's gone, finally.

Finally, finally, finally, finally, I can...

Oh, you mean ......?

But I wasn't going to die any time soon.

I opened my eyes, wondering at the awareness that would last forever.

I could see the ceiling.

Realizing that it was the ceiling of the Fuzzy Yards Castle's corridor, I could see that the darkness had faded a bit from my world.

Apparently, it seems that the 'magic power has been drowned out'.

At the same time, the heart that should have been broken was back to normal.

'What, eh ......?　Why ......, I can't kill myself ......

Impossible.

I couldn't believe I was about to die earlier, I couldn't believe it myself.

I desperately tried to think back to what had happened just before to figure out what had happened to me.

I had been fighting with Mr. Nosfi.

As expected, Mr. Nosfi said he wouldn't give me the Elixir of Immortality, so I almost fought him to take it away, even if it meant taking it by force. I knew in my gut that this was the last way for me to become strong - the last way for me to reach my true 'magic (...)'.

And I almost broke my heart with just a few words from Nosfi-san.

In order to silence it, I used the [Reason of the Stars].

There's no doubt about it. The cause is this.

That's where I must have 'reversed' Nosfi-san's 'replacement'.

From there, everything became a mess, my mind was attacked by the mental interference of the light, I didn't understand myself, and the end result was that I 'hated'--

No, no, no!

I love my mom.

Now that was just Mr. Nosfi's stolen logic working, and my stolen logic working on me!

I just got 'flipped' from liking to hating!　That's not my answer!　Absolutely not!

I don't make mistakes in my thoughts!　This love is the only thing I can't mistake!　This is the only thing I'm absolutely, positively, positively--

In the midst of that denial.

A flutter.

There was a sound beside me.

'......?'

Surprised, I picked my upper body up.

Fortunately, the world was only dimly lit, so I immediately knew what the sound was.

The 'blood puppet' that Fafner must have summoned was standing right beside me, protecting me. It didn't make any unnecessary noise, but continued to control it.

Looking at that too quiet figure, one name almost makes me want to throttle it.

The 'Blood Puppet' has a red Noh mask on its face, and its attire is not distinctive. The only thing that could distinguish it from the others was its magic and gestures, but I could tell. I knew better than I could explain, only because I'd been following it with my eyes for so long in the past.

'...... ri, Riel-sama?'

I called out his name.

At the sound of his voice, the 'blood puppet' that had been restrained reacted and looked at me. I was convinced of its identity, upset, and moved my blank head to spin the words.

I knew I had to say something.

All along I thought that I should have had 'something to tell Rielle Kaikwola'.

'Riel-sama ....... That, I ......, since then I have become a 'Celestial Knight (Celestial Knights)' ....... Of course, I'm not suitable for Riel-sama, but I'll do my best to replace you ...... and protect the Kaikwola family ....... So, that ......--

Halfway through, I don't know what I'm talking about.

My epidermis moved in my body, and all I could say was something too unimportant to say.

I wish I could get to the point, but I can't think of a single word. If I hear one word, it's over (・・・・・・・・), but I can't find that one word in my overly blank mind.

'--, ----'

The 'blood puppet' nodded and responded to it.

There is no voice.

Perhaps it has no vocal cords.

But it is trying to tell me something by the wriggling of the Noh mask on its face. It's moving it as if it were a mouth, but there's no hollow space there to make a voice. I try to hear the words of the Blood Puppet, but I can't hear anything.

I don't feel like I can hear it at all.

I don't know what Rielle sounded like in the first place: .......

What did I sound like and what did Rielle say to me in the past?

As I follow the movements of the Noh masks in The Blood Puppet, I recall the figure of Rielle, who was gesticulating in the garden of her hometown house - the house's garden. I also recall the conversation we had there.

Gradually, the Riel of my memory and the "blood doll" in front of me now overlap. Their magic and gestures are the same, and the movements of their mouths are the same. The past is repeating itself through magic. I thought I heard it. A nostalgic tone of voice reverberates in my pure white head--

'...... It's hard for me to watch Ragne fooling himself like that.

Yes, I've been told that.

And now, without fail, the same thing is being said to me right in front of my eyes.

The words that follow echo in my head.

In the past, his will, which I received at the time of our parting, has stuck to the underside of the surface skin called Lagne, and I can't remove it.

''-- Lagne, find your new self in the great holy city, I want Lagne to be Lagne, I want Lagne to be Lagne, I want Lagne to decide for himself...''

My vision wavers at that group of words.

With dizziness, I turned over.

...... What's the new me?

Like me?

My meanness is definitely my mom.

I am only my mom. I'm the me that loves my mom, me.

There is no one else but me. That's why I'm always trying to make my dream come true, with the promise to my mom in my heart. I'm always trying to be the best. That's Lagune Kaikwola.

It's okay. I'm clear. I'm not going to make a mistake.

This is who I am--

"--Hey, is that ......?　Dear Rielle: ......!

When I looked up from my prone face, there was no longer a 'blood doll' beside me.

No one was there. I was all alone.

Hurriedly, I stood up and looked around.

This is Hoozeyards' castle, a corridor on the side of the atrium.

I don't know the exact number of floors, but I'm pretty sure it's a bit below the rooftop.

Even from this position, I can see the figures peeking out of the rooftop atrium.

Because of its characteristic magic, I immediately recognized it as Nosfi-san.

''Well, this is bad ......!　It's taken away: ......!

It's just Kanami and Nosfi-san on the roof right now.

All I knew was that I had to get back soon.

Rielle can be dealt with later.

First and foremost, I have to be 'first'.

That's right. Now that I've fallen, I can go back to being the best.

Now, move before you think. That's what I said to Mr. Nosfy, too.

I'm 'Lagne Kaikwola'.

'......?　Speaking of which, the road is ......

Before I ran for the stairs, I noticed something unusual about my surroundings.

The Fafner-controlled castle should have been filled with a great deal of blood.

Ungainly flesh stuck to the walls and ceiling, and if I walked, I would be trapped in a shallow pool of blood. It had been a place where just moving around took away your energy and strength, but now it was different.

It was bloody, to be sure.

But there was no more pulsating flesh, no more blood flowing like a river.

There is no obstacle at all to running out.

Fafner's control has been lost.

Before parting with me, Fafner was ready to fight on until he disappeared. To say that he has diluted his blood would not be his intention.

It was settled downstairs while I was fighting Mr. Nosfy.

If I listened carefully, I could hear the victorious battle cry of the army from outside the castle. I moved to the open window to check out the Great Sacred City and saw that the blood red that had been staining the ground was more than halfway back to normal.

''Fa, Fafner-san lost ......?''

I can't envision that one losing, but I can't explain it other than in defeat.

At the same time, it's Kanami's friends who have won against Fafner and are looking to move up. In contrast, I have no more friends.

That Fafner was my first and last companion .......

'Don't bother ......!　Originally, I was going to do it alone: ......!

I start running down the blood-thinning corridor.

I pop the clattering pools of blood with my feet and aim for the 'top'.

Just like that, the anxiety that had gone out in my chest seemed to disappear.

The emptiness disappeared and I felt alive.

I felt like strength was coming from my body.

'I'll be right back: ......!　Go right back to Mr. Nosfi at ......,--!

It was as I was climbing the stairs that the momentum was building.

An unseen wave of magical power hit my entire body.

I thought it was someone's attack, but I soon found out that it wasn't.

-- the source of that magical power was me.

Moreover, it was a pure white shining magic power - Nosfi-san's magic power.

Suddenly an unusual magical power gushed out of my body, and it went out of control, "It's not over yet".

My dark magic power also gushes out to match that magic power. It is not my will. A phenomenon that can only be called a runaway occurred suddenly in my body. The magic power of light and stars crossed and intertwined again--

'Kukk, kukk, ah, ....... Ma, ta--?　Wha--

Instantly, the light in front of me goes dark.

No, the light in the castle hadn't exactly gone out.

Thanks to the light from Nosfi-san on the rooftop reaching downstairs, there was enough light to walk down the street.

--but it was dark.

I felt as if the stairs and corridors I could see earlier were nowhere to be seen, like the night.

Then I sensed the presence of others in the dark world, on the upper floor of this supposedly empty Hoosier's Castle.

''--?''

Flopping.

I can hear people walking.

For a moment, I thought it was Rielle coming back to me.

But a moan that seems to stain my eardrums denies it.

The staircase I'm walking on now, below it.

A vindictive voice rises from behind me, like the dead cursing the living.

Suddenly my legs begin to tremble and my speed up the stairs slows down.

The world was dim, bottomless and chilly, as if we were in a graveyard.

It was as if the voices of the dead were grabbing my legs, my thighs, my waist, my arms, my shoulders, my neck, trying to drag me down.

'What ......?　Fah, Fafner: ......!　No--

I guessed that the voice was Fafner's 'blood puppet', but I quickly denied it myself.

The Blood Puppet cannot speak. However, there is no doubt that the voice is reaching my ears now.

Even if it's not the Blood Puppet, it's definitely Fafner.

He has the ability to call the dead from the graveyard. And I know that he is tormented by the voices of the dead at all hours of the day and night because of that ability.

That phenomenon is happening to me ......?

In this castle where the souls of the dead pool, the unvoiced voices of the dead are echoing ......?

"Uh-uh-uh. ......--

I'm not of such a pliable nature that I trembled in the graveyard.

And yet, despite this, my body couldn't stop shaking.

Combined with the darkness, I could often hear the moans echoing from downstairs.

And even the meaning of the voices is well understood.

This lean, dark world just emphasizes the meaning of the voices clearly.

-- these are the voices of people who have died because of me.

Together with my mom, the number is over a thousand.

Today alone, it will reach ten thousand.

All of those murdered people are screaming at me.

They are asking why they were killed. They say they will never let me go until they know what they died for and why they are dead.

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"Well, that's ......--

I kill people so that I can be the 'best'.

It is the nature and right of 'people' to kill someone and take away their value.

There is no other meaning or reason for it. Yes, I was trying to answer that.

"--Uh, ......

I can't get those words out.

I knew it myself before I could say it.

The dead will never be convinced by such arrogance, even if they hear it.

The truth of that truth is clear to me now because of this dark place.

''Uhhhh, uhhhh, uhhhh ......--''

I continue to climb the stairs in the darkness to the 'top'.

That's too painful .......

No, I'm not feeling any kind of pain.

I'm sure you'll be able to find out what's going on.

And yet...

It doesn't hurt, but it hurts.

It doesn't hurt, but it hurts.

It is not dark, but it is dark.

I am not afraid, but I am scared.

Fear makes me cower in place.

At the same time, a regret that I've never felt before is building up.

Why have I killed so many people?

Why have I never felt any guilt about killing people?

Why do I have to walk alone through such a dark night?

I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know what it means, why, what it's worth.

--I don't want to know (・・・・・・・).

'Ma, mama ......'

I was on the verge of tears, and naturally I was calling her name.

Just saying my mom's name gives me strength - I feel like it.

The world is brighter - I feel like it's a brighter place.

I feel like I can still go for it - I feel like I can do it.

It's going to be okay.

It is. I just screamed on the roof a while ago.

I swore that whatever happened, I'd never make that mistake.

That's why I love my mom.

Of course I like her.

Of course I like her, and that's why I helped her.

We can't lose. Always have.

It's just some bottom-feeding, mean-spirited guy in the world trying to get me to say "I don't like my mom".

But I've yet to say it, never once.

It just never has and never will--!

As long as my mom is here, I'm fine ......!

That was the moment I thought.

A darker outline was created at the end of the dark staircase.

''--Hi!''

I let out a scream that made my throat close.

It looks like a 'blood puppet', but it's not a 'blood puppet'. An insubstantial outline as if it were a ghost.

And that ghost wasn't the only one.

Like bubbles of boiling water bursting, new contours are born one after another.

In an instant, countless ghosts surrounded me.

I could tell that all of them were people I had killed before.

If I hear them moan, I know they are the ones who have been sacrificed.

'Uhhhh, uhhhh ......, aaaaah--!

I barked away my fears by barking.

Moving my trembling legs, I ran through the ghosts as if to escape.

Surprisingly, there was nothing to stop me from going straight ahead. As if he had run through the fog, he was able to see through and pass through the outline of the ghosts.

But what awaited me beyond was a nightmare that was more than a ghost.

I am in the Great Sacred City of Fuzzyards Castle, up its stairs.

And yet, there was a plain in front of me.

Without a doubt, I am now stepping on the stairs and moving upwards.

And yet, what I see in the dark world is the village of Sidore, my home village.

Regardless of my intentions, I run around the perimeter of Kaikwola's mansion there, and into the collective cemetery at the edge of the garden, until I reach a place I recognize.

I remember what is waiting for me there, and my body shakes as I remember what is waiting for me there.

This is .......

This is the place where the mother and daughter of the maidservants, together, slept and--

"Get out of the way!

I refocus my entire body and run through it even faster.

I can feel my way up the stairs, but all I can see is the cemetery.

I trample the graves and move forward over a pile of rotting bodies.

I felt like I was going crazy.

'Hah, hah, hah--!

I wanted it to be over quickly.

Still, it's long.

The stairs are too long: ......!

When I saw it earlier, it was probably one or two floors up to the roof: ......!

I'm already up ten floors!　So why don't we get there!

Why don't you get to the 'summit' when you're running so hard, so fast, and for such a shortest distance!　Why don't I get there!

I can't hold out for this long: ......!

I won't be able to get to it before I get to it: ......!

'It's okay ....... I'm strong, I'm strong I'm strong I'm strong ....... Because I'm a mama's girl, a mama's girl, a mama's girl. I'm not going to lose, I'm not going to lose, I'm not going to lose, I'm not going to lose ...... this much!

I give myself a pep talk.

But the more I say it, the more the opposite voice reverberates in my head.

'I can't do this anymore ....... I'm weak, I'm weak I'm weak I'm weak ....... I'm not a mama's girl, I'm not a mama's girl, I'm not a mama's girl. I'll never win again, I can't win, I can't win, I can't win ......!'

That's what it sounds like.

The "price" of being the "one who steals the logic of the stars" is playing with my heart and laughing at me.

I'm not going to be able to get the same thing done.

--Oh, it's dark. Oh, dark, dark, dark.

My eyeballs moved on their own, and I began to search the stairwell and windows.

My instincts chased after me to find somewhere I could jump.

It's the same as when I jumped off earlier.

It's too hard. It's too painful. It's too painful. It's too dark.

Too much like death.

I know why.

I can see it clearly due to the remaining magic of Mr. Nosfi's magic in my body.

So, already--

Then it flopped again.

I heard blood popping.

Before I knew it, I was on my knees and turned my head towards the sound.

'Rielle ......, sama ......?'

I don't know if it's real anymore, but there was one 'blood doll' standing beside it.

And it's Noh mask face is turned towards me.

Slowly, I look around and see something else besides the Blood Puppet.

It was a red room that looked familiar.

There was a round table in the center and seven chairs. It was the 'Senate' room on the fiftieth floor.

Apparently, this is where I sat down and kept stopping.

The 'blood puppet' was watching over me.

Occasionally, he would move slightly and turn his head to the stairs leading to the roof.

Waiting for me to proceed.

I can only assume so, and I answer him.

"I can't ...... do it, sir. I can't ...... move anymore.

I was weak.

How many years had it been since I'd uttered words that weren't acted out?

No, maybe not even once since I was born.

Now - driven by the magic of the light and the stars - I finally let it out in this room just before the 'summit', at the very edge of the room.

So I can't stop.

There's nowhere else to throw up but here, and I know there's no one else to throw up but him - so I'm going to be 'honest' just a little bit.

'Because I know: ....... This now (...) is not Fafner's power, it's my own problem ....... It's not dark and bright here ....... It's all about my hallucinations and auditory hallucinations .......

I'm giving up one of my performances and admitting something I never admitted before.

The darkness I've always felt doesn't really exist.

The same goes for the ghosts and the cemetery.

Fafner is defeated, he's not fighting anyone.

So it doesn't matter to him that he can hear the ghosts.

It all comes simply from the mental illness of a girl named Ragne Kaikwola - a delusion.

'Maybe there are still two 'powers of reason' left in me ....... 'Light' and 'Stars', both of which are out of control and unstoppable ....... I'm just barely able to regain my reason now because I'm on my way to the 'summit' .......

Lagune Kaikwola is strong in her quest to be the best.

The best "person" that is "mom's ideal" - that is the skin of "the best person".

It's a good thing that you can't accept any kind of mental interference as long as you're wearing that skin.

But once you get to the 'summit', the 'mama's ideal' will end ....... When it ends, you won't be able to bear it again ....... Because once I get to the 'top', I won't have a reason to live anymore. The world will get darker, and it will be hard and painful ...... and I'll want to die ....... Yes, I'm already stuck. And I can never say the third verse of 'magic (...)' to break it out. Because just the thought of it makes me jump off ......!

I am sure that every time I go to the 'summit', I will jump off for some reason.

Even though I know it's pointless, I keep trying.

Forever. As many times as I can. Twirl and twirl.

The broken doll keeps dancing.

That's The One Who Stole the Reason of the Stars.

I know that is my third (end) section.

'Oh my ....... I'm already ....... I don't want to go anywhere ......, I don't want to go ....... I don't want to go, Master Riel .......

I can't get up because my legs are not strong enough.

I can't walk because I can't get up.

'Haha ....... I've finally been able to admit that I've become "the one who steals the logic of the stars" ....... I am a weak person ....... No, I'm not. I wasn't even a person. I was a false image in a mirror, not even alive. An illusion of someone's 'ideal'. That's Lagne Kaikwola--

I accept this with self-mockery.

Apparently, this is the bottom of the barrel for the 'Stealers of Reason'.

At last, I've fallen to the bottom of it.

I've said so much that I'm fine, but in the end I'm losing. It's really funny.

--I'm sure you'll be able to find a way to make fun of the other "reason-stealers".

Rowen, Nosfi, and Titi.

I thought they were weak-minded people who could break my heart with that level of life.

-- I was somewhat confident in myself.

I would be able to swallow 'The Price' and take the power of 'The One Who Steals the Reason' for myself.

Because I am strong.

There is no way I, that mama's daughter, could lose.

I thought I had the strength as a 'person' so I could beat the world as well.

--But here we are.

That confidence was a lie.

No, I'm not talking about a lie.

Ragne Kaikwola dressed up as a 'dream' itself, but there is only one truth.

-- "'I am a phantom chasing a phantom' --

This 'chanting' is everything.

I am an illusion with no substance.

I can't be strong.

It's a haze.

The haze is just moving under the skin of a strong person.

This is the problem before the strong and weak.

''Riel-sama, I'm sorry about that day ....... Riel-sama is the one who should have lived, not this illusion .......

I would do penance.

I have never prayed to a grave in my entire life.

Because I had heard from my mother that people are finished when they die.

Prayers mean nothing to me. Rather, an apology is an insult. The strength of carrying a life is the strength--

I'm sorry ...... for that day. I'm sorry that I couldn't help you ....... I'm sorry ...... for using that death to help you.

But not me anymore.

I was the one who should have died then: ......

It doesn't stop.

I never should have lived: ......

Because there's no reason to stop (or go).

'I've been thinking ....... It's always been .......

My ideal self, my best dream, the one who steals the logic of the stars, all of them.

Because there is no meaning to act anymore for me.

"-- I shouldn't have been born (・・・・) in the first place (・・・・・・・・).

He said those words.

Then he raised his face from its prone position and looked up to the heavens.

There is no more voice.

There are no more tears.

I just feel sick.

It's just painful, painful, painful, and scary.

I don't feel like doing anything else.

I want to starve to death, not eating anything at all.

I can't even breathe anymore.

Just inflating my chest and inhaling and exhaling air is so exhausting that it's mind boggling.

I can't even keep my heart moving.

I don't have the energy to continue with life.

No more. I don't care about everything. I don't want to think about anything.

So, I'm going to keep--

A flutter.

I heard the sound of blood popping again.

And my skin felt the approaching magic power with killing intent.

I saw a bright red blade at the edge of my vision.

A blade that was trying to reap the life of the defenseless me who was poking at my knees.

This is the enemy's surprise attack.

The surprise attack of an opponent I trusted - but not the intervention of a benefactor (・・・・・).

But, of course, my cursed person's body (kawa) moves, as it should.

Like someone somewhere else (scum), I'm going beyond my limits.

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