Chapter 1:  Fixed In Motion

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Aizen had never asked for any of their trust, and only a fool would have surrendered it. It was not in an Arrancars nature to trust, yet the word itself was placid. What did it mean?

Ulquiorra had been walking a moment before, unaware he'd even stopped. Those near feline-like eyes had found themselves fixed on the moon, it had halted his progression toward his own quarters. That realization had yet to meet awareness, which only showed how much Ulquiorra was a slave to unseen and unfelt forces within himself.

Not long ago he'd been a vagrant, of no value to anyone... yet Aizen had decided he now was of worth. Did that mean Aizen knew Ulquiorra better than the Espada himself?

Espada.

A new title, a word to denote his position in the world. That which moves all things had given him this word and it had value... but not to the trees, sky, sand, and this moon. Meaning itself had no meaning, words like sand and moon were given by arbitrary decision long ago. Their names could have been any number of things, so in that, they had no relevance either. But they still were what they were, exalted elements that defined and painted the world. Memories were carved into each one.

This was when he'd realized he was no longer walking, noticed he was transfixed by a heavenly body that he could only validate because his eyes perceived it. Did that mean when no one saw the moon it no longer existed? To be certain, it affected the world as more than a spectacle. It pulled on the planet, created tides. That's why he'd once called it the mover... yet now, he was.

"Sophomoric." Needing a single word to dissuade him of any more distracting thoughts, this was the one that he'd elected to make use of. Something having no meaning and something having no purpose was entirely different. Let the moon shine, let the sand roll with chilled wind, and let Aizen rule it all.

Nadežhda happened to be leaning against one of the vast structure of Las Noches' pillars, entertaining the thought of going to see Aizen for herself when the newly appointed Espada #7 passed by, or rather paused in awe of the moon...

"I personally don't think there's much to be intrigued by with our moon..." Nadežhda's words echoed strangely within the nearly empty space of Las Noches. Bone white hair (The only visible remnant of her former Hollow mask.) glistened under the moonlight. Sapphire eyes beheld Ulquiorra Cifer, a grim smile crossing over the former Council Member's features. A gentle calm weighed over Nadežhda's form, even her wolfish ears were relaxed as she greeted the Fellow Arrancar.

Ever since Aizen's arrival it seemed few others, if anyone at all, dared to enter the place anymore. Though she hadn't yet spoken with him personally, their new Shinigami leader seemed to be a pragmatic one, even aiding the less fortunate Hollows into achieving their new, almost mask-free forms. Though she currently sat as a former member of the Arrancar Council, Nadežhda still answered directly to Barragan, though Barragan himself now sat as a member of Aizen's personal army, ones coined as the Espada.

Aizen's current interests didn't seem to align with stripping the former Council members of any rights or property. Her territory, Shirakabe, even Underbright and the secrets it held were hers to keep. In fact the Shinigami invaders hadn't changed much at all except for the command structure... Due to these reasons Nadežhda hadn't yet seen any need nor necessity to attempt or coordinate any form of removal.

But not all of the Espada Nadežhda scouted were necessarily that strong. In a strange way, Aizen's choice to exclude her from his selection and instead keep her under Barragan's command left a sour taste in the Prideful Wolf Queen's mouth.

What pulls the moon still had on him became apparent, when he'd clearly let someone slip through his Pesquisas. A mistake, mistakes were signs of a psyche unperfected. What else could they be? Ulquiorra wanted the measure of anyone he reacted to, yet Nadezda was going to see his first.

Human philosophers had once said that the truth of a man was revealed in the instances where there was an unseen voyeur able to study them while their victim remained ignorant of their presence. He'd compared it to rats scattering when the light was flipped on, or some other such none sense. Yet, if his mind rejected the idea... why had it clung to it to superimpose it on this instant?

Ulquiorra knew what consequences came of a mind that was made vulnerable by figments of sentimentality. He had no moon anymore, it was now Aizen. The hierarchy had been established and now needed to be adhered to. He was perfectly willing to surrender control, but only to 'him'. There was no 'hers' in that calculation.

"Nadezda." Her name came to his mind, and then his mouth in a wrote repetition of the identical way he'd heard it pronounced the first time. Ulquiorra wouldn't change the way he spoke her name until pressures in an opposing direction corrected his current way of verbalizing it. As a stand-alone title, it merely served to push his thoughts to start attaching authorities and histories of Hueco Mundo to its ledger. This was what his mind associated with Nadezhda and thus became Nadezda.

He remained as ever a slave to his reactions, a partial widening of his eyes lasted longer than an instant, but less than a moment. It was there for her to see, but still subtle enough to be overlooked.

... Then he took in the contents of her words, not just 'what' she said, but how she said them. Were they of interest to her, or was she merely breaking the silence? Either way, it required a motive. Though new, Ulquiorra was gaining a reputation of being dismissive to the point of negating someone's presence. Some of the more anxious Espada didn't care for that, they wanted to be seen as great by anything with a number higher than theirs.

Ridiculous...

'Our moon', that was her wording of choice. Not 'the moon', our. What did it imply? Was she merely being inclusive? No one in 'that' pit was ever inclusive, they were black on black... she was the furthest from, hair as white as the very sands of Hueco Mundo. This was a desert creature, yet desert creatures fed on anything that strayed out by itself.

" Does a different moon intrigue you then?" He was willing to play the part of prey to this predator, and any weakness she might expose would change his measure of her in terms of use to Lord Aizen.

In the end, he needed her only to answer one question. Would her words and actions aline?

Nadežhda gave a subtle frown at Ulquiorra’s mispronunciation of her name, one which turned abruptly into a hint of amusement in his brief but noticeable surprise at her presence before him. Fresh The wolfish Arrancar mused. Her back pressed against the cold stone pillar, pushing Nadežhda to standing rather than continue to lean so casually. ”I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced yet. I am Nadežhda. Formerly a member of the Arrancar Council, I presently serve as Fracción to Barragan.” There were no forced movements or rigidity with how the wolf Queen approached Ulquiorra, and her words were emphatically clear towards the proper pronunciation of her name as she proceeded to introduce herself.

”You don’t seem to be one for mincing words, though I fail to understand the reasoning behind such a statement.” Nadežhda cast a curious glance towards the Espada before her. An Intellectual perhaps dwelling on his own thoughts without sharing what he’d meant by the word, ’Ridiculous’? Either way this one seemed inclined to engage in conversation, as limited as such conversation seemed to be at present…

His question though… The wolfish Arrancar took a moment to gaze towards the moon her counterpart had engrossed himself within a mere moment prior. ”Perhaps… In the past I believed this moon to be unreachable, but in recent years I’ve come to realize something through my observations...” Nadežhda reached up with her left hand towards the moon in Hueco Mundo’s dusk and gloomy sky. From her perspective she held the moon perfectly in the palm of her hand before closing her fingers around it. ”Ulquiorra, are you aware that the humans in their world have something similar to this which hangs high within their own sky?” Nadežhda asked, turning an eye toward him in order to gauge his response. ”Humans are pitifully weak creatures, and yet they’ve managed to actually touch upon that moon with their own hands.” The wolfish Arrancar let her arm return to her side before addressing Ulquiorra more directly. “They might still be weak in every sense of the word, but humans have managed to accomplish a feat which we have yet to achieve.”

Aizen’s presence in Hueco Mundo alone defied the very logic of their world. Shinigami and Hollows did not mingle, yet here he stood atop the chain of command, willingly resigning himself to an existence within the vast emptiness of this place. Nadežhda could only think that, similar to the humans, perhaps he too sought to accomplish something the others had not. This thought intrigued her and she wished to inquire further into Aizen’s intents, his purpose...

She was too loose with her expressions, showing weakness should be reserved for those that had the power to compensate for such shortcomings. Only lord Aizen should have that freedom, showing his neck and daring a wolf to bite it.

You are reading story An Arrancar Named Nadežhda at novel35.com

" I know who you are." He was quick to say it, in a hurry to correct the idea that his knowledge didn't encapsulate anything that happened within the halls of Las Nochas. Every Fraccion, every Espada, EVERY Arrancar that Aizen made from the Hogyoku Ulquiorra did all in his power to gather the valid data. Since boredom wasn't one of his faults, he could scan through endless documents without the need to stop until his thirst was satisfied. Anything near Aizen, he had to know about...

Even Tosen and Gin had been thoroughly looked into... yet, Gin's record felt incomplete in a way. Still, he was so much like an Arrancar Ulquiorra felt compelled to overlook it, Aizen at the very least held little reservation in keeping him close.

Ulquiorra's time here had been limited, but Aizen had directed him in what was worth investigating...taking stacks of data and reducing it to more manageable reading.

This had to be combined with growing his own Reiastu, not because he wanted to be stronger... but he wanted to be more useful to Aizen, and that meant BEING stronger.

Regardless, nothing about pronouncing her name properly had any value to him. Yet, if one's name is their identity - then getting it wrong did mean he was denying one of his lord's warrior's existence. So, he stopped... drew her title back in, then tried once more putting slow emphasis on her name this time around. " Nadežhda..." Not unlike a child trying to learn a teacher's name for the first time.

He remained statuesque, having both hands placed in his pockets while looking upon her without the use of an expression. He could very well be looking beyond her, yet his eye did see all. Since he rejected the metaphysical, his ability to determine patterns in the physical was quite keen.

He had to filter out some of what she said, all of it required thought in deciphering the type of person she was, yet he could only pursue one strand at a time. Only Lord Aizen could put all someone was in a box and not allow any of it to seep out of the sides. That was not a talent Ulquiorra could use, even Arrancar's pretended like emotions were real, and deciphering lies others believed was taxing.

... Then she did it, she mirrored the same movement he'd made in the pit of his birth. Her hand reached out toward the moon, it shined on her exposing any part of her body that was in front of the window to its light. Ulquiorra imagined this is what it looked like when it had touched him back then. She was white too, what kind of beast had she been when her mask was adorned? Was she rejected or embraced?... Nadežhda was not a void, she was not nothing.

Realizing he was transfixed on her wrist, his eyes drifted off her and his legs carried him away more than a few steps. But, he did come to stop again. One might almost believe sentimentality created a noxious aura that he could not endure. " To what end would we go there? Humans have a vain desire to do all their crude minds bring to the surface. Arrancars should only do that which serves a purpose." His bitterness toward humans and obvious condescension laced every word. Even without putting emotions into his syllables, he managed to make each one reveal his hostility toward the weaker race.

Was there an underlining meaning she was getting at? She spoke of disgust toward humans, yet her mind also conjured ways to see them as superior. Was it a concern? Not yet, it was premature to draw that conclusion.

”Do you really know who I am though?” Nadežhda threw the question after the tail end of Ulquiorra’s response which seemed to have been made in hasty confidence. The Espada’s arrogance shown brighter than he might’ve believed he’d let on. Foolish, shortsighted arrogance. In a way This Espada’s response reminded her of Azsheran’s own arrogance. Believing he knew more than she did, he’d attempted to coo against her position as ruler over Shirakabe, only to end up learning a valuable and very humbling lesson in response. Nadežhda offered a quaint smile in response to Ulquiorra’s correction to her name. He was at least respectable, if nothing else.

”I would advise against presuming to know more than you do, else you might find yourself falling short in the end.” Nadežhda’s gaze drew distant as she spoke these words. Knowing, realizing, and understanding the real truths behind others. These things required more than simple research and disconnected observation. If one voided themselves of all emotions when looking out into the existences of others then their perspective would inevitably become stunted and incomplete.

”What makes you think there has to be an end? The vain desires and struggles of humans to constantly improve upon themselves eventually leads to progress and purpose alike. Think about it for a moment, if everything in existence were perfect what then would purpose amount to?” Nadežhda paused a moment to allow the philosophical atmosphere to set in before continuing. ”The answer is quite simply nothing. Without a goal to reach toward there can be no purpose.”

Nadežhda’s own feet carried her in like direction, once again moving beside Ulquiorra. ”While I agree that humans can be rather simple, it is also true that they are, each of them, unique in their own ways. Whatever your reasons are for detesting their existence, there still remains much that is useful which can be learned from them. From both their mistakes and their achievements. Even their inherent ability to forget and repeat the mistakes of their predecessors. It would be unwise to ignore the treasure trove of knowledge which can be obtained from humans through something as simple as observation.”

Nadežhda spaced forward, leaving Ulquiorra a few steps behind herself before pausing. ”That Arrancar should have purpose is correct. Without purpose we’d simply have no reason to exist. Before this ascension we now share in, the both of us were nothing more than survivors. But now we have a chance to do something more than that…” Glancing behind towards Ulquiorra, Nadežhda offered a confident smile. ”Since you claimed to know so much about me, perhaps you can guess as to what my current purpose in being here happens to be.” Not a question, but an inquiry. His response, even if it were nothing more than silence, would tell Nadežhda much.

"Nothing is enough." It was a flat response, revealing his total satisfaction with the reply. Few knew the true value of nothing, he was indeed unique in this. While submerged in the Moonlight Tree, he'd been cut off from everything...nothing to see, feel, hear... nothing to harm, nothing to exalt, just the pure bliss of nothing.

Was this a lesson everyone should know? Or was it one for him personally? If he did try to teach it, it occurred to him based on her previous answer she likely would reject it.

Fair enough, he'd keep his paradise to himself.

She, like others, believed there was a 'true self' beneath the surface. That without knowing this obscured, furtive presence that they remained an enigma to all who engaged with them. It was this illusion of 'true self' that revealed their identity, it showed a desire to remain unknown. By this, they were known.

The lids on his eyes narrowed slightly, the tell-tale sign that Ulquiorra was not just listening...but concentrating. She was revealing something about herself without knowing it, and his mind was starting to unravel what it was.

" I know what I know, that too is sufficient." He'd changed the word 'enough' from his first reply to 'sufficient' now. Would she realize why? Did she feel the weight of his measurement of her? More importantly, were such things important to her? What did she dismiss and what did she retain? He could continue to change subtle details, to show her through manipulation what emotions really are. If he started to try and pull her strings, would she realize how empty emotions are?

...would she realize they weren't real?

His stare was at her back, they believed their flesh to be a cauldron with emotions churching inside them. It was a word to use because few wanted to be just a by-product of nature, no different than the sand they would return to in the end. If she was split open in this instant, would all those 'so-called' emotions come spilling out to drown him?

His eyes closed to contemplate on her question, leaving only green tears behind to be looked at by the observer. Each Arrancar had unique reasons to be in Los Noches, escape, companionship, fear, hate, or to sate one's hunger. A wolf though, in the end, joined a pack to feel safe and be secured. Yet in the end, what all wolfs wanted... " To be the alpha, to lead your own pack." He could not think beyond what nature revealed, he was blind to the metaphysical.

A part of him wanted to pry at what she called emotions, find out what she attached herself too and terrorize it. But to what end? She was not the enemy.

" Humans are trash, I'd not exalt myself in the ways we are similar." And THAT, was his measure of her.