As she spent more time here, Alessia learned something new.
“I don’t want to. It’ll be troublesome to have a separate unit. I haven’t even reached the age of majority yet.”
“You only talk of not being an adult at times like this. Anyway, I’ve delivered Lady Leonida’s message. You can’t say you didn’t hear it.”
“Joseph, who is your master, again? No matter how you look at it, it’s not me.”
It was the fact that Kaon Ferdinand only pretended to be mature in front of her.
Once she noticed it, it became evident in each interaction.
It was kind of hilarious that the perfect-looking boy was actually an immature child to others.
“Miss Alessia.”
When he saw her, his face automatically smoothed out, his voice lowered, and his posture straightened as he became the Kaon Ferdinand that she knew.
“I heard that we’ll be going out in a week, Kaon. Can I ask you a few questions?” Alessia pretended to not have seen the two of them earlier and was rewarded with a sigh of relief.
“Of course. Joseph, we’ll talk later.”
“Ah, yes…” the aide replied, understandably shaken by the appearance of a gentle young master.
Alessia laughed out loud and two pairs of eyes turned to her at once.
“Oh…”
Kaon’s lips curled up. “It’s because you’re suddenly looking at me that way, Joseph.”
“What did I do?”
“Just keep doing it.” He patted Joseph on the shoulder encouragingly, then looked at her with a huge, carefree grin. “Shall we go, Alessia?”
“…Yes.”
Somehow, she couldn’t think of anything. She didn’t feel unpleasant or uncomfortable. Just… strange.
But she didn’t want to explore those feelings.
Briefly, she wondered if the two of them would be able to keep laughing and smiling like that if they stayed with each other.
***
Alessa ran into her dressing room and shut herself in her wardrobe in search of darkness. She’d just run away from Kaon Ferdinand, who was wearing a garishly red cloak and red jewelry.
Just like how she had been as a child, she wrapped her arms around her knees and buried her face in them, trembling.
“But please remember it from now on. I really like this color.”
His clear yet quiet voice lingered in her ears, his appearance burned into her eyes.
Alessia had noticed early on that the people of Ferdinand hated her red eyes. It was hard not to when they all bowed in haste when she accidentally made eye contact.
Her solution had been a hat, colorful and distracting like a poisonous mushroom.
Although she looked peculiar and it occasionally obstructed her vision, it was worth wearing because the people were no longer terrified of her.
She was adjusting faster than she had anticipated, and she felt a little proud of herself.
However, the moment she saw Kaon saying that in front of everyone with that absurd outfit, countless emotions tangled in her chest.
Did she look that funny? That pitiful that he intervened in that way?
Looking at it logically, it was easy to see that the young man just wanted to make her feel a little more comfortable.
But right now, she felt embarrassed and ashamed. She thought she was doing well in her own way, and her pride stung at the thought that someone had to help her.
She wanted to look dignified in Ferdinand, in the land where no one knew that she was useless. She didn’t even want to be pitied, thinking that it would help her forget a little of her past.
Alessia gritted her teeth and held back tears. She decided that it would be better to have a word with Kaon. She would thank him and then reassure him that he didn’t need to go so far because she could take care of herself.
She… would also tell him that she would rather that he pretended not to know if he saw her struggle…
“Alessia, I…”
But as soon as she pulled open the curtain between their rooms and faced him, she realized that she would never be able to say any of that to the boy who was looking at her with innocent concern.
“I can explain—”
She didn’t need an explanation. She knew just from his eyes that he didn’t intend to make fun of her or pity her.
Oh, those eyes were so sincere. Clear and honest, practically screaming that he only hoped for her not to have a hard time.
Alessia impulsively ran into his arms. She didn’t want to hear the words she already understood, or let him see her crying face.
She didn’t want to look weak in front of Kaon Ferdinand.
He was big and strong and infinitely warm, one of his hands sweeping across her back, awkward but still welcomed.
Alessia buried her face deeper into Kaon’s chest to smother her tears.
‘Oh, now I have to admit it.’
Kaon Ferdinand liked Alessia Ingelos, enough that he didn’t mind looking funny.
And she didn’t mind it either.
***
“…”
“…”
The two held each other for a long time before pulling apart abruptly. Kaon looked at the ceiling while Alessia stared at the floor.
Her embarrassment worsened when she saw dark spots on the red cloak. With her swollen eyes, it was obvious that she was the one who cried.
“…Thanks.”
“Ah, yes…”
She turned around and realized belatedly that she had spoken casually, but she wasn’t in the position to pay attention to that. She just wanted to get out of this situation quickly.
Being with Kaon no longer felt uncomfortable, but she didn’t feel comfortable either. Besides, she had shown more vulnerability to him than she was intending.
“Wait a minute! I mean, could you give me a moment, no, could you spare me some time?” he babbled.
He seemed to be so flustered that he couldn’t pick between polite and casual speech.
It made her feel better.
‘I thought I was the only one with confusing feelings.’
“Why don’t we just talk casually? After all, it’s just the two of us,” she offered.
‘Is it because I feel at ease?’
Fortunately, Kaon didn’t seem to hate it. “Can you give me a bit of your time later this evening?”
“…Sure.” Alessia nodded slowly, thinking that she would have to soak her face in cold water after this conversation.
In the first place, she was not in a position to reject the man whose arms she had borrowed earlier.
“Then, see you later.” She pretended to be calm until she crossed into her room.
‘What have I done?’
Regrets flooded in, but in truth, she was not confident that she would have done differently even if she went back in time.