Chapter 16: Yuuhi Momiji’s regret, part 2.

Yuuhi Momiji’s point of view.

Sayu came to the classroom.
Just three months ago, we used to play together almost every day. But since the incident, despite living in the same area, we haven’t had the chance. No… Maybe we did see each other here and there, but I consciously didn’t look at Yuu’s house.

…What?

The conversation spilling from her cell phone made my heart gnaw at my chest, almost ripping it from the inside out. This is a lie, this can’t be happening! I thought. I wondered what he looked like then, but I was just too scared to turn around.

…This is bad, I’m going to hurl.

Enduring against the cold truths, I fought back nausea with tooth and nail—I couldn’t win. I dashed for the bathroom and barely make it in time. With my back against the door, I laid my eyes on that filthy toilet bowl, covered in puke and muck. Had he not betrayed me? I thought.

No, he hadn’t.

So who was the one that crossed me? It wasn’t one. Hisame did. Miu did… I did.

Why, why did I… Yuu…

While cleaning the bowl of my smut, I had a bird’s eye hindsight of my current state. What a pathetic creature, she was—I was. He’ll never talk to me again, and I can no longer make amends. It’s far too late.

…Amends?

I couldn’t help but chuckle at how shallow my own notions were. What I really wanted was to stand next to him again. Wiping and wiping, I realized I was still trying to use him as a shield with all my selfish, egotistical thoughts of making “amends.”

I can’t forgive Hisame for what she’s done, but I don’t have the courage to blame her. What comes around goes around, and I’m part of it. Having lost my reliability, I spent days and days avoiding everything, though, after a while, I ended up learning Hisame was transferring to a new school.

Not “ended up.” One day, she herself told me she was going away as I was making my way home. I had happened to meet her at the shoe lockers while my insides were the most ashen fireworks display.

Our eyes met for a few seconds, but we didn’t say a thing. Her expressionless poise crumpled into sorrow and contrition in the blink of an eye, almost religiously. That’s what I’d expected of her, and she knew.

Then, that girl walked away, leaving me only with a sly, wordless sneer.

Strange.
Despite my trying not to think about it, I understood everyone in class ignored him and talked smack behind his back.

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Why are you all talking so willy-nilly to him again? I’d thought.

Yamazaki, who had been in his club, had an awkward look on his face as he bowed to the ex-friend. Yuu returned an innocent smile and left a few words, and Yamazaki’s face flinched as if he’d been forgiven. He walked back into the circle as though he had been given permission to do so.

So… If I apologize too, can I go back to being friends? Lovers? With Yuu?! Yes, he’s so kind! I mused. Moreover, I could very much say I had a stronger connection with him than they all did before.

Thus, I devised a plan, albeit a simple one. At first, I thought of running into him by “coincidence” and apologizing then, but he would just think I wasn’t being sincere. Scrapping that, I summoned him with what bravery I had left.

“Sorry to call you on such short notice,” I began.

“It’s fine. What is it?”

“Yuu, I’m sorry for everything I’ve done! I should’ve trusted you when I had the chance. I knew you weren’t the kind of person to do such a disgusting act… Let’s, please, get along as we did before!”

After a beat, he smiled and said, “I don’t blame you for distrusting me under those circumstances. I might have done the same had I been in your position. Don’t worry about it.”

I was in heaven.

“So, wanna walk back to school with me tomorrow?”

“Sorry, I’m not ready to do that. I need some alone time for a while to calm down.”

Well, it can’t be helped. What matters is that we’ll get a fresh new start!

From then on, although we didn’t go to and from school together, I was able to strike a conversation or two with him from time to time. However, if in a year I still can’t talk with him properly, I have a simple solution: go to the same high school as him.

While the school was issuing career counseling, I was able to find out what high school he was aiming for by storming into his homeroom teacher’s office. Apparently, Ryoshu is the most difficult high school in the neighborhood. Huh, so Yuu has been studying hard lately, hasn’t he? I mused.

I was only average, but from the moment I saw where he was going, I studied like a madman. The fruits of my labor weren’t in vain, and we were both accepted to the same school together.

How oblivious I was.

That smile he gave me wasn’t sunkissed as it’s always been, that same one I loved so much back then. It was fake, covered in false pretense.

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