Chapter 1: Unrequited Love

There she stands, in front of the tree shedding its orange leaves, waiting for someone. In her hands, a tiny envelope containing her feelings for the person she’s spent so long admiring. Each word had been thought out and rewritten over and over throughout the night and over many crumpled drafts. Some start out with the same greeting, some even started about the autumn weather before trying to segue into the confession awkwardly, some just start with when, why, and how she came to fall in love.

I would know as her roommate, the smile she has when talking about him, her efforts at trying to get him to look her way, the small rivalries, and friendships she’s built with the other girls aiming for him, her frustration when she loses the mini competitions against her rivals. I know how much she loves him and have told her I’d support her no matter what. Yet, none of the words she penned down last night, no matter how much I wished for it, were meant for me. It’s a bit mean spirited but deep down, I held hope that he would reject her, and when he did, I would come out from my hiding place in the shadow of the orphanage and console my roommate after he leaves.

But on the chance that he does reciprocate her feelings, I’d better go back to our room and prepare a celebration for her success while burying my own feelings deep inside. There would be no room for my love in her heart afterwards anyway.

As I watch her nervously pace around and fiddle with the letter in her hands, occasionally taking deep breaths to calm herself, I find myself getting impatient with his tardiness. If it were me, I’d arrive 10 minutes early and say ‘Yes!’ to her immediately without her having to say anything. We’d then hold hands and skip our way back to our room, eat the celebration cake, then take a bath together, then…

“Sorry for being late, I had some documents that I needed to settle.”

Ugh, way to kill my mood.

“It’s okay Mr. Mayoi. I haven’t waited that long.”

We’ve been here for the past half hour my dear.

“So, what’s so important that you have to tell me all the way out here?”

“P-P-P-Please make me your girlfriend!” she exclaims, bending forward and extending out her hands still holding onto the letter. Why are you such a cutie?

Mr. Mayoi takes the envelope off her and opens it, “A love letter huh?” and begins reading. At least that’s what I assume since his back’s facing me, and as he reads, she straightens up.

After a minute, he folds her letter and looks up to the sky. What will your answer be? Depending on it, I may have to make you pay reparations for emotional damage.

Another minute, he drops his head back down to look at her, she’s trembling all over like a new-born fawn, her eyes shut in fear and anticipation over his response.

“I’m happy to receive your letter.” He begins. “I didn’t know your feelings went this far, this passionately, and that you’ve held onto this since I took over the orphanage officially.”

Her emerald eyes are wide open, her tears threaten to spill out any moment. “Is… Is this a…”

“No.” He steps forward and hugs her. “I accept your feelings and I will give it my all to give you all the happiness you deserve!”

She says nothing in response as her tears fall, seeing her now, would I be able to make her this happy? I ask myself as my own tears fall unrestrained. She now has someone that will stay by her side through thick and thin, give her support when in need and eventually, she’ll have a family of her own.

“She won’t need me for much more now, will she?”

I mumble to myself as I stand up shakily, my legs numb from sitting so long, turning around, I slowly make my way back to our room with a heavy heart, knowing that behind me was a scene that would further break my it.

 

“Congratulations.”

I say as the door to our room swings open.

“Thanks, Yocchan. I had the courage because you were there.”

“But I didn’t do anything though.” I say, taking out the cake I kept in the ‘fridge’.

“You were looking out for me, weren’t you?”

“I can’t really deny that.” I sigh.

I set the cake in the middle of the table, the plates, cutlery, and cups were set before she arrived and the ice bucket containing drinks were arms reach away at the foot of our bunk bed.

“Once again, congratulations to your feelings getting reciprocated and I wish you all the best.”

“Geez, you make it sound like we won’t see each other for a while.”

I divide the cake into slices and serve one for the both of us, then offer a short prayer before taking the first bite.

“As delectable as always, the cakes you make are the best Yocchan! The strawberry and mango filling hidden below the white chocolate frosting is great! Why not go and open a cake shop?”

“Well, baking is only really a hobby of mine, and I still haven’t really figured out what I want to do.” I say, taking a bite out of my slice, “What about you? Now that you’re finally in a relationship with Mr. Mayoi, are you going to help out with the running of the orphanage?”

I look up at her and she’s squirming around in her seat. “I-I mean, it’d be nice since it’s been our home for the past 5 years and I do want to help Mr. Mayoi out since he’s done so much for all of us since he’s come here.”

“If that’s so, I foresee trouble when you two are trying to find a quiet place to have a child.” I tease as I pour my drink.

“Wha! Hey!”

I laugh as we enjoy our little celebration and banter. Tomorrow, the news will be spread all over the orphanage, some discourse might happen, especially with the older crowd since that’s where most of her rivals lie. The younger, more recent orphans need not worry though, I feel some if not all of them won’t stay here for as long as we have.

 

The next morning, we head to the dining hall for breakfast, and upon entering, her rivals came up to us.

“You finally done it huh?”

“I’m so jealous that he picked you! But congrats!”

“I thought he’d reject you for sure, but it turned out differently huh?”

“Natalia you sneaky bastard! How dare you steal him from under my nose!”

“It must be those breasts of hers! She must’ve seduced him with them!”

“If so, why did he reject me then?”

It was a mixture of congratulations and weird comments from them. At least it was civil, and no fists have been thrown, else I would have to start throwing some myself.

After a while, everyone settled down and we can finally start eating breakfast. At least she still sits beside me and not suddenly move to Mr. Mayoi’s side like a clingy girlfriend. Though some of the usual suspects are trying to feed him as usual.

“You’re not going to stop them?”

“I mean, I’m a bit scared but if everything is as always then there’s really not much to worry about. I just need to be firmer and assert my position as his girlfriend when the time comes. Not to mention, if we end up with a batch of orphans like us in the future, I need to be a little tolerable given I’m their senior.”

“So, you’ve thought that far ahead…”

I feel a sense of loneliness, now that Mr. Mayoi has been taken by Natalia, the status quo will change and eventually it won’t feel the same as before. Everyone will likely move on and maybe even find a new love to get hitched to.

As much as I want to stay here, I feel that maybe it’s about time I leave the orphanage. The only reason I refused to be adopted was because I wanted to stay by Natalia’s side. As her “best friend”. But now, she’ll move on to the next stage in life, so maybe I should too.

With a lonely feeling in my heart and a full stomach, breakfast ends uneventfully.

The rest of the day was also spent mindlessly, hanging out laundry to dry, playing with the other orphans, tending to the field out back, groceries, etc. Though occasionally Natalia would go off with Mr. Mayoi to do things, or flirt, I don’t fucking know. I don’t really want to know. I feel like just knowing would make me lonelier.

Tonight, I’m going to pay a visit to Mr. Mayoi.

 

I hear Natalia’s breath fall into a gentle rhythm, she was always a fast sleeper and with her on the top bunk, I don’t need to worry about her waking up. If I were on the top bunk instead, just moving down at an inopportune time could kick her awake. I walk towards the door and slowly turn the knob, being careful to not make too much noise.

“Sorry, Natalia.”

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I mutter as I exit our room and slowly shut the door. Now, to make my way to his office, which honestly doesn’t take too long despite being on the opposite side of the building.

The office doors look bigger and more foreboding despite being only a wee bit larger than the doors to our rooms. Don’t worry me, you’re just here to tell him that you’re planning on leaving the orphanage to try and expand your horizons and whatever bullshit that you can come up with so you can leave your worries and lost love behind.

I knock on the doors gently and his voice comes from within.

“Come in.”

“Ah, good evening Yocchan, what brings you here?” He greets me.

“I just want to say I’m planning on leaving the orphanage.”

“Why is that so?” He replies, closing the book on his desk.

“I… want to experience the world.”

“I see.” He nods, “But why at this timing?”

“No reason…”

“Could it be because I took away your beloved Natalia?”

What?

“Your silence is an answer in itself.” He gets up from his chair and walks slowly toward me.

“I’m sorry that it happened, and I knew of your feelings for her not long after I took over. The way you look at her, how you try to be with her in everything we do, how you poured your effort into making pastries just for her. I really admired how much you gave for her. Unfortunately, I am not at your level, but believe and trust me that I can and will make her happy.”

He’s not a bad guy, that I know, but him saying that his love for Natalia does not equal mine feels like he’s mocking her love for him and my love for her.

“Are you mocking my love for her? Cause your previous statement sounded like it to me.”

“I can’t mock it; you’ve been with Natalia for longer than I. I only came here because of circumstance whereas you two have been by each other for much longer.”

“Then why not reject her? If you know that much, why not just give her to me instead? Why did you accept her confession?”

“As stupid as it sounds, and maybe you might not believe me, but it was not fated to be. Your destined partner lies elsewhere. The goddess that brought me here said as such.”

What. The. Fuck?

I storm up to him and grab him by the collar.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY THAT HUH? NOT FATED TO BE? IS THIS FUCKING GODDESS PLAYING WITH MY GOD DAMN FEELINGS FOR FUN? ARE YOU PLAYING ME FOR FUN? WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT ANSWER!? WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT SOUND LIKE YOU ACCEPTING HER IS A FUCKING OBLIGATION INSTEAD OF WHAT’S IN YOUR HEART!?”

“H-Hear… me out…”

“I AIN’T HEARING YOU OUT, YOU STOLE HER FROM ME! ALL BECAUSE OF FUCKING FATE! GIVE HER BACK DAMN IT!”

“If… you kill… me… here… It’s… not worth… the… punishment…”

If I kill him, she’ll be devastated, even more so if she finds out I did it out of a jealous fit. But…

I loosen my grip, letting him ground his feet before hammering my fist into his chest.

“Give her back, damnit…” I cry, tears falling.

“You know… I’m actually more jealous of you Yocchan.”

“Why?” I ask without looking up.

“You’ve known more sides to her than I do and grown up together, I can’t replace that, I can’t take that away nor replicate it. I’m sure you’ve given her enough happiness over the years and now, I hope you can leave her to me. Because I believe that my love, will continue to grow and become bigger than yours eventually. Till the day that you find me worthy to stand beside her as an equal.”

“Why are you speaking as if you’re asking for someone’s daughter?” I chuckle.

“Cause that’s how I feel you are right now.”

I can do nothing but laugh at that response.

“I’ll arrange for your departure from the orphanage, find out what you want to do and who you want to do it for. So that when you eventually come back and see us. I can show and prove to you my worth.”

His hand rubs the back of my head gently, it’s quite fatherly for some reason. Not that I’d know what it feels like since I’m an orphan but, I’d imagine it’d be like this and really, I’m just saying things.

 

A few days later, my carriage and luggage are prepared for me to go to the city, where from there I will find my one way until I return to revaluate Mr. Mayoi.

“You’re really leaving huh, Yocchan?”

“Yep, I’ll miss you, Natalia.”

“Me too, and I’ll miss your pastries too.”

“Oh, you glutton.”

I’ll really miss that smile, her emerald eyes, her long golden hair, and all the little things she does.

She found out about my confrontation with Mr. Mayoi two days after it happened and, she wasn’t the happiest about it but, being the understanding girl she was, came to forgive me for my outburst. Mr. Mayoi didn’t really mind, except for the strangling part but that’s about it.

“Mr. Mayoi, you better not back down on your promises or else I’ll fuck you up real good.”

“Rest assured; I’ll do everything in my power to uphold them.”

“Well then,” I look up at the clock face in front of the orphanage, “it’s about time I leave. I still haven’t gotten over it fully but when I do, I’ll be back!”

“Godspeed Yocchan.” Mr. Mayoi salutes.

I get in the carriage and as it takes off, my friends and the other orphans start running after it.

“Bye bye, Big Sis Yocchan!”

“Take care!”

“I’ll look after them, don’t you worry your pretty little ass!”

I smile and wave as the carriage slowly picks up speed and leaves them in the dust.

I lie back and shed a tear, all the memories and experiences here all feel nostalgic suddenly.

Oh well, to an unknown future ahead!

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