Chapter 148: Chapter 136: Embarrassment

I woke up back in the village, but didn't move from my bed. I had some important questions to answer first. Starting with: Did yesterday actually happen, or did I drink a particularly potent batch of Remous' brew?

I pulled a hand out from under my bedclothes, held it up, and invoked [Item Box], only for a bundle of black and white cloth to appear. This was not looking good for my 'maybe I imagined it' theory.

Cotton maid's dress (Quality: 50)

And now it was looking even worse. I stored the dress and invoked the skill again, at which a curved length of wire appeared, on which was fastened a pair of fluffy, fabric ears.

Costume catkin ears (Quality: 50)

Yup. It all happened. A quick check of my status revealed nothing had changed, so I had at least avoided picking up any more weird titles or traits, but my available skills list now had one extra.

Skills available for purchase:
0 points: [Weapon Style: One-Handed] [Weapon Style: Two-Handed] [Weapon Style: Shield] [Weapon Style: Dual Wielding] [Basic Etiquette]
8 points: [Profound Mana Pool] [Profound Stamina Pool] [Rapid Mana Regeneration] [Rapid Stamina Regeneration] [Soul Sight]
23 points: [Eye of Judgement]

So, there was an etiquette skill after all. Several, in fact, going from the 'basic' in the name. Well, why not? I'd embraced Cluma's madness yesterday, so I might as well reap the rewards. Maybe it would help me feel less out of place when visiting Lord Reid.

ding
New skill acquired: [Basic Etiquette]

While I still had no idea how to pick which door to use when visiting Lord Reid's manor, the knowledge downloaded by the skill did inform me that the way I'd been pouring the fake-tea yesterday had been completely incorrect, even putting aside the lack of cups and teapot. Why even was there a 'correct' way to pour tea? I'd apologise to Cluma for getting it wrong, except that she dressed me up as a catkin maid, complete with fake ears and tail and, for some reason, paws, and then had me...

I bolted upright. Right, she'd made me do that. And then Clana had walked in on us. I'd never been so embarrassed in either of my lives! Glancing around with [Mana Sight], Darren was still sleeping, but my parents were already awake. Dad had left the house, presumably giving the livestock their morning feed, which was perfect. No way did I want him here for this.

"Mum?" I hissed, jumping up and running into our living room. While I really didn't want to know the answer to this question, I needed to.

"Yes, dear? Are you okay? You're looking rather flushed."

"I'm not sure yet. I'll tell you once you answer this. You know how beastkin ears aren't sensitive or special, and if you ask to pet them, it doesn't have any meaning beyond making them think you're weird?"

Mum looked at me oddly, but to be fair, I deserved it. "Yes?" she hazarded.

"And their tails aren't like that, are they? You should never ask a beastkin if you can touch their tail, just like a fairy's wings."

"Yes?" she repeated.

"So when a beastkin asks me to brush their tail, what does that mean?"

Mum laughed, which was reassuring. "Cluma, I assume?"

I nodded silently.

"Don't worry about it. I'd be concerned if it was anyone else, but with how close the pair of you are, it's fine."

Phew. Given Clana's scandalised expression and immediate about-turn when she'd walked in on us, I was worried I'd been tricked into doing something obscene, especially given the way having her tail brushed had reduced Cluma to a semi-conscious, purring puddle. Maybe it was less what I was doing, and more the fact that I was doing it while dressed as a catkin maid.

Where had Cluma even got the costume from? Given the quality rating of fifty, Adele shot straight to the top of my suspect list. It was a good outfit too, in ways beyond the quality rating; thanks to mum and my own [Basic Crafting], I knew good quality cloth when I saw it, and the dress was both hard-wearing and comfortable. Not to mention all the discreet accessories, even if I did only wear the paws for a few minutes, for reasons of practicality. To have arranged the entire outfit for a one-off joke, just to get revenge on me for letting her fall down some stairs, seemed rather extravagant.

She'd told me to keep it. What exactly was she expecting me to do with it? Admittedly, she'd been mostly out of it at the time she'd said it, but it was obviously sized specifically for me, and wasn't enchanted, so it wasn't as if she could do anything with it either. Well, I'd already decided to embrace the madness, so I didn't want to just leave it to waste in my [Item Box] forever. I pulled my new dress back out and clutched it to my chest.

"Mum? Do you have any orichalcum thread left?"

"Enough for a few more outfits. Why? I was saving it for the next time I made us new clothes."

"Can you put comfort and durability on this? Along with... I dunno, etiquette enhancement, if that's a thing that exists."

Mum took the bundle of cloth from me, before giving me another odd look. Then she unfurled it, confirming that yes, it was indeed exactly what she thought it was. "Well, this is an unexpected career change," she said, with a perfectly straight face.

"I lost a bet with Cluma, okay! That's all!" I hastily explained, far more loudly than intended. I was fairly sure she was joking, but no way was I taking that chance.

"You do know I want to see you in it, right? And it sounds like you have a story to tell."

Yes, I knew full well that was coming. The only question was whether to admit that I had a complete outfit rather than just the dress now, or wait for them to discover it on their own later, when they spoke to Clana or I accidentally let it slip myself.

With a resigned sigh, I took the dress back from mum and moved out of sight of the window before removing my pyjamas. Mum boggled at me, eyes almost popping out of her head. What for? I know I have my own bedroom now, so don't normally change in front of her anymore, but it's still not that unusual.

I looked down, and was treated to the sight of rather more black lace than I normally wore. Right, there had been that part of the outfit, too. And, given the state I'd been in when returning home last night, I'd neglected to remove it. Looks like I'd let slip that there was more than just the dress already.

"You should be very thankful your father isn't here," opined mum. "That much ammunition would last him years. He'd never let you live it down."

Which, of course, was the perfect time for the door to click open. Thank goodness for [Item Box] being able to remove worn items. Of course, that still meant that dad walked in on me standing in the living room stark naked, and while I couldn't see my own expression, I had no doubt it radiated one hundred percent pure guilt.

Dad peered at me in suspicion, but never had the chance to ask what was going on.

"Mummy? Why was Peter wearing your bra and panties?"

"They weren't mine, little one. They belong to your brother."

Betrayed by my brother, who had to pick that exact moment to walk in! Perhaps it was my fault for shouting and waking him up, but still... He could have waited a few more seconds. I saw the corners of dad's mouth twitch upwards and knew my life was over.

"Fine!" I yelled. "Dad, I lost a bet with Cluma, and had to cross-dress for her. That's all. I'll show you the full outfit, but only if everyone promises that today never happened. And that includes you, Darren."

Was this why Cluma told me to keep it? Had she envisioned this situation? Was this a continuation of her revenge? And to think she claimed that she wasn't holding a grudge.

With Darren placed safely outside the house to play, I was once again forced to dress up as a catkin maid. One bell jingled on my collar, with a second one on a bow at the end of my tail, poking out from under my dress. The paw-gloves went over my hands, because who needs thumbs? The ears were on a headband, and were covered in fur that was perfectly matched to my hair, with a maid's cap to wear behind them. There were stockings and black shoes with a slight heel. There was, of course, the lace. The bra was even padded to give the dress a better shape. By the time I was dressed, so much blood had rushed to my face that I was amazed there was any left for the rest of me.

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"What stops the ears sliding over the wire?" wondered mum, fiddling with my headband. "Oh, that's clever!"

"Shame about the hair," said dad. "You need a long wig, really. It would hide your real ears and give you a more feminine face."

"I don't want a more feminine face," I pointed out. At least he wasn't mercilessly mocking me, like I'd expected, but suggesting improvements wasn't much better. "Besides, the tail just hangs loosely and the ears are static, not like a real catkin at all. I'm not fooling anyone."

"Hmm... Think you can do anything about that with your fancy enchantments?" dad asked mum.

"And again, stop trying to make this worse!" I exclaimed.

"Not with any I know about, but I can ask Grover," answered mum, ignoring me.

"No! How far are you going to spread this?!" I cried, using [Item Box] to remove the costume before things deteriorated further.

"Are you sure?" asked mum. "I don't need to say anything about it being yours."

I hesitated in the middle of pulling on some proper clothes.

"Besides, you asked me to enchant the dress," she added, "so I don't know why you're getting worked up about it now."

"I knew it," laughed dad.

How did reassuring myself that me and Cluma hadn't been engaged in any sort of obscene act in front of her mother end up turning into a discussion about improving my maid costume?! I had to admit that accurately behaving ears and tail would be cool, and that it was me that started this conversation, but I'm pretty sure this wasn't the end result I was aiming for!

"Fine," I said, giving in. "Yes, I do think enchanted ears that react to my emotions would be cool. But it'll have to wait until you can travel to Dawnhold. You can't use Darren's fire bubble for this. Now, for the sake of my sanity, I'm going back to the dungeon to commit savage acts of violence upon unsuspecting goblins. And I'm taking the incriminating evidence with me, before you start showing it off to the entire village."

"Have fun, and say hi to Cluma for me," said mum, which made me hesitate again. Right, the other half of my delving party was the one who had started all this.

I think it was time I started plotting my revenge for her revenge. I couldn't think of anything though; the most embarrassment I'd seen on her was when she'd been told off by the fairy waitress. Ranking second was when her tummy had rumbled right after she'd been trying to convince me she wasn't hungry. Neither situation was applicable now, though. Hopefully something would occur to me later. Maybe something involving not-Blobby?

I jumped to my teleport point in the guild, but she wasn't there. To be fair, we hadn't arranged our next dungeon trip. Now that we'd both solo-cleared it, we needed to move elsewhere, to a place with a deeper dungeon, but I'd been putting off talking about that with Cluma for the obvious reason.

Just like Vyre's party, her family was here. Her friends, too. So were mine, but I could teleport. She couldn't. With a one-way portal trip costing a minimum of a gold coin, but more likely two or three, depending on which dungeon we chose next, visiting regularly would be difficult.

I pondered our options as I walked to her house. I'd been considering a road network, and had even made the suggestion at the institute during a visit a couple of weeks prior, but that wouldn't be ready in time even if they did start building one. With the two of us using [Weft Walk], perhaps we wouldn't need roads, but our commuting range would still be limited. I could act as a messenger, obviously, but that wasn't the same as visiting in person. My bracelet that let me share [Weft Walk] did nothing for [Redistribute].

Could I [Detach] my skin, have her wear it and then [Redistribute] it with her inside? Would I want to even if I could? The image was viscerally disturbing, even before considering the bulk of me left over that would then be lacking any skin.

Could I store a person using [Item Box]? That one might be worth a try.

I knocked on the door, [Mana Sight] informing me that both Cluma and Camus were home, but Clana was out. A family getting back together after what had happened to theirs would be weird on Earth. Here, I found it weirder that the Law had let them split up in the first place. There didn't seem to be any sort of residual tension that I'd noticed, but maybe that was thanks to the amount Camus had mellowed out. If the [Monk] class was responsible, I'd seriously underestimated its usefulness.

Of course, there was another argument to make that the System modifying someone's personality was, to put it mildly, unethical. I suppose the difference between that and the Law was that taking the class was consensual. The same would go for Tilyana's [Oracle], the skills of which were apparently responsible for her personality quirks. Back on Earth, having voices in your head answering your thoughts would result in a swift mental diagnosis. Here, it just led to a healthy amount of respect, and her occasionally getting confused as to when the voices she was responding to were real.

Walking into the house, I spotted Cluma looking unhappy, with droopy ears and limp tail. Given how successful her prank had been, that was unexpected.

"My lady," I greeted, my right arm held diagonally across my heart, the other horizontally below, while I shallowly inclined my head, [Basic Etiquette] having filled in the knowledge of how a commoner was supposed to greet their social superiors in an informal setting in this world.

"Stop that!" she shouted. "I'm... I'm sorry for yesterday. I'm sorry for taking things too far."

So, it was guilt rather than unhappiness. I grinned back. "Hey, you got me a new etiquette skill, and you know I'm a sucker for collecting skills. Besides, mum is currently, at dad's urging, planning on working with Grover to get enchantments on those ears and tail that make them react properly to my emotions, so if you think you took things too far, how would you describe that?"

"You told your parents?!" she exclaimed in pure horror. But Camus was in the room, and she wasn't bothered, so didn't he know too? I glanced over and he seemed to be struggling to hold a neutral smile that was obviously trying to turn into a grin, pretending not to know what we were talking about.

"Well, I told mum. Dad just walked in at an inopportune time."

"And you don't mind? You aren't mad?"

I shrugged. "Not how I'd have chosen how to spend my day, but I can't spend every waking hour stabbing goblins. I'm more than happy to play with my friends, and the whole role-play thing was hilarious. Besides, like I said, new skill. Now I know the proper way to pour tea! And I'd be happy to brush your t..."

Apparently, I was wrong in my earlier musings. Cluma could teleport. I had no other explanation for how she had moved from the other side of the room to right in front of my face, hand clamped over my mouth, seemingly without crossing the intervening space.

I noticed out the corner of my eye that Camus' tail, which had previously been swaying from side to side as he silently watched us, had now frozen rigid. He was still smiling, but it was a placeholder smile, decorating his face on a purely temporary basis, only until he worked out what his reaction was supposed to be.

"We'regoingtothedungeonbyebye," blurted out Cluma, grabbing my hand and making a break for the door. A door which Camus was suddenly standing in front of. Apparently everyone in this family could teleport. The superhuman dexterity granted by the System made for some impressive comedy skits.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't quite catch that," he said. "It sounded very much like you were going to say 'tail'. But it can't have been, because all children around here, human and beastkin alike, are taught how inappropriate it would be to make that sort of comment."

His gaze transitioned from me to the increasingly fidgety Cluma. "Unless they're invited first, of course. Is there perhaps something you need to tell me?"

Cluma looked between me and her father in increasing embarrassment and panic. Apparently I was getting my revenge for yesterday already, and with no effort on my part. Not that I knew quite why she was acting like that; mum had thought it was okay, and it wasn't as if Clana had told us to stop. She'd just about-turned and given us some privacy.

"Peter, please could you leave the pair of us alone for now? You can run the dungeon with Cluma tomorrow."

I glanced at Cluma, who suddenly looked less embarrassed and nodded at me. So it was my presence here that embarrassed her, not her dad finding out more details about yesterday? That just made me even more curious! Could I get away with detaching and hiding an ear? Probably not; I doubted I could fool Camus' nose. I left the pair of them to their discussion, intending to make my way back to the dungeon on my own, but distracted by the sudden thought that detaching my ears could solve the four-ear problem without the need for a wig.

"Oh. I forgot to tell you yesterday," shouted Cluma after me. "Adele wanted to see you in... you know."

So it was her. By the time this finished spreading, I suspect I'm going to have earned another unwanted reputation... Perhaps fleeing Dawnhold would be a good idea after all?

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