Chapter 152: Chapter 140: Punishment

ding
For your research into the nature of mana, [Researcher] awards 2 soul points.

That didn't come as a surprise. I'd made some rather interesting discoveries today, after all. And, kneeling on the floor in the institute's lobby, being stared at by the passers-by, with Cluma standing guard in front of me to ensure I didn't run away, I was soon going to pay for them.

"What's taking them so long?" complained Kari, who was kneeling next to me. "Can't we get this over with?"

The Law was causing problems again. Punishing people for wrongdoing wasn't something that generally came up when people did no wrong. Sure, there were instances like Camus, but he didn't do anything that Earth would have considered a crime. I'd caused harm to Cluma, with only luck preventing it from being more serious, and then, when I went to seek professional help, Kari had egged us on and made things even worse.

Why did I go to the magic-maniac Kari for professional help? That was my mistake, right there.

Doing stupid experiments on myself was one thing, but involving someone else was something different. On Earth, this would have warranted at least some investigation, probably by lots of people in suits waving clipboards around and job titles that had 'health and safety' in the name. I'd have been in trouble. There would probably have been police involvement. Here, there were no police. Nor was there organised punishment.

Cluma was considering the problem as a personal matter, rather than something that perhaps should involve authorities. It was interesting the way the lack of a concept of wrongdoing led to her treating this nearly fatal accident as nothing more than a more serious case of when I'd banned her from using [Stealth] and let her fall down some stairs.

When Cluma had wanted revenge on me for that, she dressed me up as a maid. She was inventive. I'd almost prefer the police.

ding
For your research into the nature of the world, [Researcher] awards 2 soul points.

Yes, thank you System. Now please stop rewarding me for injuring my best friend. I felt bad enough already. Why are the rewards so delayed?

"At least explain that maid comment while we wait," said Kari.

"Nope. And why couldn't you just accept it when Cluma said no?"

"That's unfair! I didn't force her to do anything, and it's hardly my fault that the System decided to get involved. Besides, you started it!"

"I know; that's why I'm patiently waiting here. What about you? Why are you going along with this?"

To be fair, I was starting to wish they'd hurry up too. My legs had gone dead long ago.

"I just want to see what she's planning," Kari answered.

Seriously? What sort of reason was that? At least feel guilty, dammit! Of course, Cluma couldn't actually hurt us, which made the whole thing a bit of a farce. Knowing her usual behaviour, she'd go for something embarrassing.

We didn't have to wait much longer before Adele and Grover turned up and started whispering to Cluma. How had she got them to help her with this? So... heavily enchanted, embarrassing outfit of some sort? She wouldn't have got Grover to put mana shackle on something, would she? That would be bad enough for me, but Kari would go insane.

"Right," declared Cluma, "since you changed my species, I'm going to change yours."

Huh?

"Adele, if you would, please?"

"Please stay still," said Adele, pulling out a comb and scissors. "I wouldn't want to leave you with any bald patches."

Huh?

"Hey, hang on," said Kari. "What are you doing?"

"Making space," answered Adele, moving to me first. By the time she'd started combing my hair, I'd made my guess at what was coming. Grover must have had some enchantments he could use on ears after all.

Sure enough, she cut out two small patches, following up with a razorblade to remove as much hair as possible. I could only assume that this time they'd be attached by glue rather than a headband. It would spoil the payback if they could be taken off, after all.

"Oi, I'm not letting you cut my hair," complained Kari.

"Let her have her bit of revenge," I said. "She deserves it."

"Cutting a girl's hair isn't revenge! It's torture!" Kari shouted.

"Stop being melodramatic. This might teach you a bit of self restraint."

"Bah. I'm not taking part in this joke."

Kari jumped up. Or tried to; the position we'd both been in wasn't conductive to good blood flow, so even with her rank three endurance she ended up hobbling her way out of the room.

"Well, that's unfair," I muttered.

"Don't you worry about her lad," laughed Grover. "We'll get her to cooperate later. And after running away, it'll be all the worse for her when we do."

"Mmm," agreed Cluma. "At least you're apologetic!"

"Come on then. Get those ears on me. And then I guess I'm going to need to get my armour redone?"

"Nah, I put a comfort enchantment on them. They'll flatten underneath your helmet," said Grover, pulling a pair of fluffy ears out of a storage bag. They were loose, rather than attached to any sort of headband, so I must have been right about the glue, but were otherwise identical to my existing ones. I noticed with interest the bag was threaded with orichalcum runes. They must have started using orichalcum to produce permanent storage items, just like I'd guessed would happen.

Costume Catkin Left Ear (Quality: 50)
- Enchantment: Comfort (Rank 4)
- Enchantment: Durability (Rank 4)
- Enchantment: Biological integration (Rank 4)
- Enchantment: Irremovable (Rank 4)

"Wait, what's with biological integration and irremovable?!" When she said she was going to change my species, I thought she was just going to stick a pair of fake ears on me. I was wondering what sort of enchantments Grover would have placed, but 'irremovable' sounded far too permanent for my liking.

...Again, what I did to Cluma was permanent. Besides, there was no way they really would be irremovable. I could cut out the patch of skin they were attached to, or destroy the ears directly; even a rank four durability enchantment wasn't going to make them invulnerable. I'd only need to damage the runes enough for the enchantment to break.

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"Be thankful it's not a complete copy of the last outfit I made for you," said Adele. Yeah, that would be bad. At least I'm not going to be a permanent maid.

"Biological integration is something that I'd normally use on artificial limbs. There's not much call for them when you can spend a few days letting a healer regrow a real arm for you instead, but I've known delvers to get metal replacements on the grounds that they're less likely to get lopped off again."

Woah, he can make entire artificial limbs? And they're functional? At least enough for delvers. How does that work? How does a metal arm move? Could it feel? How real would the ears feel to me? They're fabric and fur, so there's nothing in them to feel, or even to tell them they're 'ears', but my brain doesn't have the relevant bits for moving or feeling from them, so it can't come from me either. Was it a System thing? I knew it could adapt my brain to extra senses, so why not new body parts? But these weren't real, so the whole thing made no sense.

"And irremovable?" I prodded.

Grover treated me to a grin that went on for a few seconds longer than was comfortable.

"Cut it out," said Adele, whacking him over the head, which was in easy reach given his dwarfishness. "It's not quite what it sounds like. It just means they won't fall off accidentally and can't be pulled off with brute force. It doesn't mean they can't be removed."

Was I really going to let them stick some heavily enchanted fake ears on me? Semi-permanently? I had to admit that aside from the guilt I felt for what I'd done to Cluma, there was suddenly a lot of curiosity. How did they work and how realistic would they feel? I blame my [Xenophilia]. Besides, they'd be a good reminder to not do anything so bloody stupid again in the future.

I let Adele place the ears on top of my head—which, thanks to the enchantment, didn't actually involve glue or any other sort of fixing mechanism—and immediately felt an unbearable itch spread across my entire scalp.

"Argg... Is this revenge for your recharge itch too?" I complained, scratching madly. It didn't help, and worse, each time I brushed against the ears, it resulted in horrible bursts of pins and needles.

"Oh, it itches, does it? Interesting," said Grover, making notes. "How bad would you say it was, on a scale of one to ten?"

"Isn't it supposed to?"

"No idea. Replacing a lost limb doesn't, but as far as I know, no-one has tried this enchantment on a body-part that a person didn't previously have before. As long as the System recognises the faux part as what we intend—in this case, catkin ears—it should work. And if it does, could we give people harpy wings? Extra arms?"

"Wait... You're experimenting on me?"

"It's for a good cause!" exclaimed Cluma. "Just imagine if this lets everyone fly."

I stared at her. Talk about an eye for an eye! And what if this experiment had gone wrong, like mine had? Despite his words, Grover must have been confident.

"Never tried before on a person, or never tried ever?" I asked for clarification.

"Person, obviously," he replied with a snort. "We know it works on animals."

Phew. Better than my experiment, then.

Thankfully, the itching died down after a few minutes. I really could feel my ears when I poked them. It was weird. Interesting, but weird. At least it was just touch, and I couldn't hear through them. How long would I have to wear them before I could remove them without Cluma complaining?

"Okay, you've had your fun," I said, trying to stand up on my jelly-like legs. "Now, let's get you back home so I can apologise to your parents, and then try to explain what it is I'm apologising for."

"Not just yet, lad," said Grover, reaching back into his bag and pulling out a tube of fur.

Costume Catkin Tail (Quality: 50)
- Enchantment: Comfort (Rank 4)
- Enchantment: Durability (Rank 4)
- Enchantment: Biological integration (Rank 4)
- Enchantment: Irremovable (Rank 4)

I felt some light movement on the top of my head, and everyone in the room burst out laughing. I reached up to find my new ears had flattened. Great, I'd just done the typical catkin display of sadness.

"That's not really practical," I pointed out. "None of my clothes would fit!"

"Nothing I can't fix, if you give me a few seconds," said Adele. "Or your mum, for that matter."

"But... But..." I desperately tried to think of an excuse. "Catkin tails grow from the base of their spines. I'd have to strip!"

"No you won't. Hold still, and this will only take a few seconds. Or are you reneging on your remorse?"

Dammit, now Adele was emotionally blackmailing me, too. I stood still, and she ran her hand down my back, leading to a distinct breeze in my nether regions. Was that the opposite of the skill she uses to repair armour? Something to cut instead of stitch?

I didn't get long to muse over what she'd just done, because I'd hardly felt the touch at the base of my spine before my entire back burst with an unbearable crawling sensation. Not just my back... My... my tail. I could feel it, but what I could feel was agony. "Gah," I gasped, falling onto my hands and knees, unable to stand. "Get it off! Get it off!"

The phantom feelings coming from my tail ceased, and the crawling itch over my back was replaced by a freezing cold chill that spread over my entire body.

"So, how much worse than the ears would you say that was?" asked Grover, with his notepad still out.

I ignored him, on the basis that the answer was bloody obvious, and prodded at my back instead. Not only had the tail been removed, thank goodness, but the holes in my clothing had been repaired. So much for being irremovable.

"Much," I replied, once I'd checked everything was back in place. The freezing sensation was dissipating too, but I had some yellow spots flashing across my vision that I was pretty sure shouldn't be there. And how had Adele removed the 'irremovable' tail so easily?

"Hmm... Maybe it's to do with volume? Or degrees of flexibility? Either way, that probably rules out wings," muttered Grover, scribbling on his notepad.

"Or my own willingness, perhaps, since that turned out to be important for [Item Box]," I added. I was curious about the ears, but a fake tail seemed like a pain, so I was far less accepting of it, and just because I was kind of an unwilling participant here was no excuse to skimp on the science. "Is that enough punishment for you?" I asked Cluma, looking up at her.

Her ears were drooped and tail limp. She looked about to burst into tears. "I'm sorry!" she cried. "I didn't mean to hurt you. Grover said it would be safe!"

And so we came full circle. Would I need to punish her, Grover and Adele now, for an experiment of their own gone wrong? The whole situation was so stupid I couldn't help but burst into laughter.

"I'll consider us even if you will," I said, still laughing.

She sniffed and nodded before charging over for hugs. I hugged back, happy to have survived Cluma's punishment time. Now I just needed to survive telling Camus that I'd switched out the species of his daughter.

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