Chapter 9: My Niece Buys My Rabbit a Salad

I want to say the Quest got off to a good start.

I really want to say the Quest got off to a good start. The best start. A truly auspicious beginning to a great and epic tale of triumph!

But the truth is the Quest started with the doorstep of Argus’ white SUV being a little further away or a little higher than I thought it was.

Look. Don’t laugh. I was nervous and anxious and feeling all kinds of not great things and wasn’t paying as much attention to my shitty depth perception as I should have been. Don’t tell me that’s never happened to you. I won’t believe you.

Still.

I blame my sunglasses.

My sneaker toe kind of just slid off it. I fell forward into the vehicle, banging my right knee on the step and my head off the surprisingly hard back of the passenger side chair. I flinched backwards (because OW!) and the weight of my backpack and my concussion meant I ended up falling right back out of the SUV into Luke. I tripped over his foot as he held Artemis safely over his head and the jerk just watched me hit the ground hard enough to slide down a little on the wet grass of Half-Blood Hill. I scrunched my eyes shut through that sick feeling you get when your brain gets rattled. I heard a meaty thwack as someone’s palm met their face.

“He can’t even get in the car!” A very muffled voice groaned.

Chiron choked as I raised a middle finger in Apollo’s general direction. Mr. Blind Jump Off The Sun Chariot Because I Can’t Teleport has no room to talk.

At all.

It took a bit for the stars behind my eyelids to go away and when I opened my eyes again, there were three blue-eyed blonds looking down at me. Luke looked disbelieving. Argus looked concerned and Apollo looked constipated.

Artemis wasn’t looking because she had buried her face underneath her paws.

I sighed. “Tell me we can pretend that never happened.”

“No.” Luke said very seriously.

Luke was a bit of a bastard.

Apollo pinched the bridge of his nose as Argus helped me up.

“I know I am asking a lot Luke…” the Greek sun god said slowly as he passed a hand radiating a soothing, healing light over my head and leg. “...but please keep him alive too.”

“His first week at Camp,” Luke announced as he got in the van with Artemis tucked under his arm. His voice became a bit muffled as he got in the back seat. “He was nearly murdered by a pegasus.”

“You promised not to hold that against me!” I protested, a little hurt as I snapped the hem of my poncho-jacket and the grass stains vanished. I did nothing wrong! I checked my footing this time and held on to the little bar by the door. “And that wasn’t my fault! The horse-pigeons hate me.”

“What’s your excuse for breaking the Climbing Wall?” Luke asked as he shrugged off his backpack and set Artemis down on the middle seat. She immediately curled up in a miserable ball of fluff.

“Clarisse started it.” I shot back as I took my own seat. That was my story and I was sticking to it. “Both times.”

“I had to save you from a nereid.”

“She was blaming Mom for her dumbass boyfriend being a dumbass and she should have left his suicidal ass,” I grumbled as I closed the door. “What was I supposed to do?”

Luke gave me a look. “Maybe not say that while you are in the middle of a lake, on a boat, with no water powers.”

So.

Okay.

I’ll admit it.

He’s not wrong.

Mom doesn’t need me to defend her honor, but I’m going to be honest. The drowning part I could have really done without, but breaking that bitch’s nose was great.

“I have no regrets,” I said stubbornly.

Luke rolled down the window and stuck his head out as Argus got behind the steering wheel.

“You are asking a lot,” he deadpanned at Apollo. “I am going to need a miracle.”

Apollo gave the dark, boiling thunderclouds covering the sky a skeptical glance and grimaced.

“No promises.”

And that was a total buzzkill.

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence,” I muttered.

Argus turned the key and I could pretend the funny feeling in my stomach was just the vibrations from the engine rumbling to life. Luke pulled back and went to roll the window up when he froze, and then put his head out again. I followed his gaze and saw that by the Big House, a blonde girl with princess curls was on the deck with her arms wrapped around herself holding a long dagger to her chest like it was about to break into pieces.

Luke’s face was blank as he raised a hand. The girl waved back with wild, sweeping gestures. The kind you expect out of an over-eager four year old kid and not a Daughter of Athena. A little forced, maybe.

A little desperate.

Chiron fished a bronze pen out of his shirt pocket and uncapped it. A shining Celestial Bronze leaf shaped blade flashed through the air as he saluted us. Argus adjusted his mirrors and I felt a slight crackle surround the car. I thought I heard Apollo growl, but maybe I was mistaking the purr of the engine and the crunch of the tires on the gravel road for it as he flung a hand at the heavens. His father’s clouds reluctantly parted just enough to let through a ray of sunlight as the SUV started down the hill.

Heh, ‘god’ rays.

…

Don’t say it.

Annabeth was right. I am a dork.

Luke rolled the window back up and rested his forehead against the glass, sighing. Artemis shuddered as the car hit a small bump at the bottom of the hill and curled into a tighter ball. As for me? I buckled in, because Safety First and slowly counted to ten.

First rule of survival: Don’t panic.

Mom’s tests aren’t new to me. I’ve had them ever since I turned seven, with a bit of a break, but back then they were graded on a curve. They were impossible to fail because they were basically placement exams, and Mom would bail me out if I was about to die. It was like my personal version of Camp Half-Blood’s training, but better. Camp Half-Blood was sink or swim at both ends, which was another reason it was stupid. Untrained demigods fight monsters getting to Camp where they are then trained, but their version of live exercises were Quests where you chuck kids at a monster with no backup and hope they make it out alive.

Definitely preferred the way Mom did it. She made sure my basics were not only solid, but tempered first.

Then I get thrown into the deep end.

Luke was six years older than me, but this was only his second Quest. I guess third, if you count how he got to Camp?

Huh.

I had twelve tests over him.

So maybe he should be listening to me!

Artemis blew us both out of the water with thousands of years of Hunts under her belt, but she couldn’t really lead the team right now. We don’t speak rabbit and I hate Charades.

Okay, stop being distracted, second rule.

Trim the objective.

I drummed my fingers on my knees as I looked out the window. We were leaving the countryside into western Long Island. It felt a bit weird being on the highway again. After almost a month at Camp Half-Blood, the rest of the world seemed dull and boring. My eyes skipped over the McDonalds, the billboards and shopping malls as unimportant. I smiled a little as I spied a small kid, maybe around five, playing on her Gameboy in the back of her parents’ car.

So far so good. Ten miles and not a single monster!

“The real problem is the time limit,” I said, breaking the silence. A mortal hero stole the Bolt, so we probably didn’t have to dive into a monster pit for it. They probably had godly backing, but the Ancient Laws still mattered. They could send monsters and that would suck, but the objective was the Bolt, not killing them.

“Yeah. Thirteen days.” Luke straightened and ran a hand through his hair. “Our best bet is our Prophecy, any chance you remember it?” He smiled weakly. “No one actually told me what you said.”

Oh.

I dug into my backpack for my tin of cards.

“So, my Prophecies aren’t in words.” I flattened my backpack on the floor to use as a makeshift table. I paused with my hand over the cards. “It’s a Quest,” I made sure to tell him. “It’s a Quest because we are going on a Quest.”

“Okay?” Luke’s brows furrowed as Artemis’ ears twitched back towards us.

“That’s how this works,” I explained.

Because if it was actually a Great Prophecy and we were fucking things by going on a Quest instead, that would be stupid.

Mom’s not stupid.

I started to draw those thirteen cards and put them in their star pattern. As soon as I laid out the last card, The Right Hand of Kronos, the Titan Lord, Luke sucked in a harsh breath. His eyes bounced between Hermes, God of Thieves and The Right Hand of Kronos as the blood drained from his face. I could hear his grip on the door tighten, making the fake leather squeak.

“It’s okay!” I said quickly and he jerked towards me, like a weird flinch where he was half-pressing back into his seat away from me and half-leaning forward with this feral look in his eyes. “Luke, it’s okay!”

He froze. After a few moments, he blinked slowly. He glanced at Artemis still curled up in a ball and then back at me.

“It’s...okay.” He repeated dully.

“Yeah?” I shrugged. “I mean, Titan Lord is scary, but don’t worry about him.” Artemis snorted and I shrugged again. “The thief probably wants to bring him back or works for him or something, but that doesn’t really matter?”

Because if I know Sam, and I do, Kronos either ran away from or got his ass beat by a cat.

We were basically at Hello Kitty Vader levels.

He’s still Vader, but I wasn’t really feeling it right now.

“It doesn’t matter,” Luke said, echoing me again. He relaxed slowly. “That’s right…” He smiled slightly. “I keep forgetting. Your mother has nothing to worry about so neither do you.” He gave me this weird, distant look like he was rolling that around in his mind over and over. “It makes no difference if it's Olympus or Othrys. You know so much because you owe Olympus absolutely nothing.” He let go of the door and slumped over, threading his fingers in front of his face. “It doesn’t... matter to you if the thrones fall?”

“The backlash would suck,” I admitted. “But they don’t have to fall.” Luke tilted his head towards me. “They can be surrendered, right? Hestia and Mr. D.”

His eyes widened. “It doesn’t need to crumble to be replaced?”

“Nope.” I popped the ‘p’ and shrugged. “Some deserve to lose their fancy chairs.”

The bunny stiffened.

Luke pinned me with an intense look. “Who doesn’t?”

“Uh, Apollo’s good people,” I said slowly. I shyly glanced at our resident moon rabbit. “His sister’s cool too.” Artemis snorted again and relaxed. “I would give Hestia her throne back.” I frowned and muttered, “Dunno about Athena. Maybe.”

Maybe.

Luke snorted as he leaned back. “And your mother could do that, if she wanted to.”

“If she wanted to,” I agreed.

“That is so weird,” Luke breathed.

I get it.

The Camp was built around the Twelve Cabins for Twelve Thrones of Mount Olympus. Luke spent four years getting used to the idea of being a demigod in a place where the children of every other god were extras. Vagabonds. At Camp Half-Blood, only the gods with thrones got tables in the Dining Pavilion. Got a Cabin for their kids. They called Hecate, the Three Formed and Queen of Those Below, Titaness of Everything Ever Because Fucking Magic, a minor goddess.

She could have been King of Olympus. She was third in line.

Because she scared people shitless.

But they didn’t know that. No one taught them. It’s been millennia since a demigod of one of the Protogenoi was at Camp. They didn’t know other pantheons even existed.

To Luke, Olympus looked like the only thing that mattered.

“Why are you on this Quest at all?”

“Zeus,” I said tightly. “My Dad lives in Manhattan.” If I failed - no. Mom wouldn’t - my parents loved each other. She wouldn’t put Dad’s fate on me. So it had to be an assessment. A placement test? She was going to grade me on a curve and maybe I couldn’t actually fail.

Maybe I couldn’t actually fail.

A knot in my chest loosened as I pointed at The Oracle of Trophonius card. “Mom decided I should probably stop the King of the Gods from throwing a tantrum over losing his sparkler.”

Artemis let out this muttering sound as she lifted her head to look at me. I raised my eyebrows.

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

The rabbit returned to her sulking.

Thought so.

“So these three represent the Questers?” Luke asked. I nodded and he reached out for his father’s card and his lips curled into a slight sneer. “Hermes volunteered me in his place?”

“Uh, yes? But actually no.” I made a rocking motion with my hand. “He technically can, but he’d be pretty useless.”

Luke gave me a look of disbelief. “Pretty useless? He’s a god.”

As Mom would say, “That doesn’t actually mean anything.”

Luke stared at me.

I sighed. “You know about the Ancient Laws?”

Luke frowned. “Aren’t those just decrees from Zeus?”

I groaned and bumped my head into my window. “Oh my god, no!”

Every time I think it couldn’t get any worse.

“Well,” Luke shrugged as he also looked out the window. Traffic was really beginning to pick up. It was late morning on a Wednesday in New York City. No one was going anywhere fast. “We got time for a lesson?”

“Short version,” I said. “The Fates are cunts.” Luke choked as Artemis cast an alarmed glance over her shoulder and shuffled as far away from me as she could without falling off her seat. I sighed. “They are my sisters. I can say that.”

The son of Hermes barked a short laugh. “What’s the long version?”

“The long version has like a dozen pages of exceptions but basically a Young god’s divinity is their Domain,” I quoted and watched Luke frown. “It means they can’t act like a god outside of their Domain.”

“He’s not a war god,” Luke said slowly.

“Right. So if he gets jumped by a Hellhound on a Quest, there’s a million things that will get him ass blasted by the Fates - ” damn it, Hermes. That phrase was going to be stuck in my head forever now thanks to him. “ - and three things that won’t.” I ticked them off on my fingers. “Dodge. Let it chew on him. Recall all his Names from whatever they were doing and unveil his divinity.” I shrugged. “So yeah, useless meat shield.”

Now it was Luke’s turn to bump his head against his window. He glanced down at the card in his hands and then cast a sideways glance at Artemis.

“At least he’s not a rabbit.”

A tiny growl rumbled from the furball as I wagged a finger at him. “That’s not nice. I’m sure you don’t want to be a rabbit. Think of how her Hunters feel about their patron being a prey animal.”

Artemis flinched.

Luke raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Didn’t you say she tried to kill you?”

I scoffed. “Come on, it’s not like that’s super important.”

If I held a little attempted murder against everybody, I wouldn’t have my best friend!

“Ye - es,” Luke said. “It kind of is.” He paused. “No, it really is.”

I stared at him. “And you call yourself a demigod?”

“What does that have to do with -” Luke blinked, then he rubbed at his temples. “By the Styx, no, Percy, just because lots of things want to kill you, doesn’t mean people trying to kill you is normal. That’s not how it works.”

“If shit normally happens,” I said slowly. I wasn’t trying to traumatize the guy. “That shit’s normal, dude.”

“Wha - no.”

“It’s the twenty-first century!” I threw my hands up. “And we use swords because we’re demigods. It’s normal for us! That’s definitely how it works.”

“Merciful Rhea.” Luke buried his face in his hands. “That explains so much about you.”

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Artemis groaned and thumped her head against the back of her seat. In the front, I caught Argus’ helpless smile. He saw me looking, of course, and the blue eye on the back of his neck winked at me.

The drive was a long one.

Just so you know Montauk, New York was at the very tip of Long Island and Camp Half-Blood was about a ten minute drive from there. We had to come all the way back through Long Island to Queens and then a bit of Brooklyn to get back to Manhattan. Traffic really slowed us down once we got to the city so by the time we got to Manhattan proper, the sun was already setting.

Twelve days left.

I swallowed down the sudden lump in my throat.

Placement test.

Luke peered blearily out the window after his short nap, taking in the skyscrapers and shimmering sunlight on the water surrounding Manhattan island as we crossed the bridge.

“You live in Manhattan, right?”

“Upper West Side.” I squinted at my Gameboy Advance screen as my character Isaac got jumped by yet another random encounter.

Let me complete the puzzle already!

“Why?”

“Know where to find a pet store?”

Artemis’ ears twitched as she raised her head and gave him what might have been an incredulous look. Bunny faces made it hard to tell. Hey, at least she was paying attention? I didn’t want to say she had been ignoring our existence, but...she had been pretty much ignoring our existence.

Not that I blame her.

Not much for a rabbit to do on a road trip.

“We’re late for dinner,” Luke pointed out. “How’d you think we were going to feed her on the Quest? Keep buying salads at Wendy’s?”

“Uh. Yes?” I tried, pausing my game. “Maybe McDonalds?”

He sighed. “We need rodent food, some way to deal with her shit and maybe a collar,” he muttered. I kind of froze for a second? It had not occurred to me that moon rabbits might need to use the bathroom. Is that why Argus tossed her into that bush? Had that seriously been the first time Artemis had to poop in her entire life?

Mind. Blown.

“Do rabbits shed?”

I was about to answer him when I saw the way her ears were flattening against her head.

“Uh, Luke - “ I began.

Luke held out both hands as if measuring her. “We can pick up some kind of carrier, for a gerbil or something.”

We didn’t have to ask what she thought of that idea because the moon rabbit fucking hissed at him.

I did not know bunnies do that.

“Okay,” Luke said with his eyebrows raised as I leaned away from him and the impending blood spray. “Maybe a cat carrier.” As soon as she started to growl, he cuffed her on the head and she sputtered out in surprise like a dying lawnmower. “No,” he snapped. “If you get stepped on or run over in the streets of New York, your brother is going to make it my problem.”

I winced.

Apollo do be like that.

“Give her a little bit?” I tried to defend her. “She’s had a really long time being goddess of the hunt and a really short time being...” I waved at the flinching moon rabbit. “That?”

“Does it change anything?” He asked me pointedly.

That’s fair.

“Maybe not a collar,” I offered in compromise. “Or a leash. We can carry her.”

“We can always get her microchipped,” Luke said with a bit of a mean smile as he poked the rabbit’s side. “That way we can’t lose her, unless she prefers being carried by me - ow!” He recoiled and clutched his bleeding finger to his chest. His eyes were wide in disbelief. “You bit me.”

“You put your hand in biting reach.” I had to say it as Artemis deliberately turned away and huddled into an annoyed rabbit loaf. “What did you think would happen?”

“I didn’t think the famed Artemis, goddess of the Moon would fucking bite me!” Luke raged.

They don’t need to be friends, alright? But it would be nice if I could be sure Artemis wouldn’t just murder Luke the second the Quest was over. Because that would kind of suck? Luke was one of my friends and that would devastate Annabeth and the rest of Cabin 11.

It would also be nice if ‘can a rabbit murder someone’ remained a hypothetical.

“Can we just - okay, Artemis, you are a rabbit.”

The fur on her back bristled for a moment, before this shudder ran through her as she whimpered and shrunk in on herself. She shuffled further away from us, tucking into the crease between the back and seat of her chair. It was almost like - like she was trying to be angry and to stay angry, but despair kept winning out.

There was nothing I could do about it.

That didn’t feel great.

Luke’s face twisted as he looked out the window. “So what’s the plan?”

Uh, right.

The Plan.

I used these ten hours on the road to come up with the elaborate, genius plan of action known world wide as ‘fucking winging it.’

If we were going North…

What was North?

“We could pay Boreas a visit?” I tried to make it not sound like a question, but it was totally a question.

“Right, the North Wind. He had a card,” Luke murmured.  He gave me a thoughtful look. “Think he knows something?”

“Olympus is right in the middle of the intersection between him and Eurus,” I replied. That’s the East Wind, if you were wondering. The brothers were still arguing over which states counted as ‘North East’ and there was something about the US Census definition and Delaware, but whatever.  “He takes his job seriously and everyone overlooks wind spirits. If they didn’t see anything, they probably heard something.”

Words are wind.

Literally.

Artemis chittered, turning her head with her ears perking up.

“Good idea, right?” I asked her and she reluctantly nodded. I grinned. “Awesome! So we can just get a few plane tickets - “

“And I am stopping you there,” Luke cut me off. “You know Zeus hates you, right?”

Duh.

“If he brings down my plane,” I said darkly. “He won’t need to worry about Kronos.”

Also duh.

“Yeaaaahhh,” Luke drawled with a glint in his eye. “But we’ll still be dead.”

Right.

Why did he have to put it like that?

Wait.

Oh no.

Oh no! 

Fucking no!

“I am relying on Zeus not being a fucking moron!” I yelled out my realization to the heavens and smacked my Gameboy Advance into my forehead. Thunder rumbled threateningly as it began to rain. Argus huffed and silently turned on the windshield wipers. “Like a fucking idiot!”

Luke looked out at the overcast sky that had followed us all the way from Camp Half-Blood. Lightning flickered in the clouds. “No planes. You absolute koala.”

I sputtered. “What did you just call - “

Our rabbit honked.

Luke and I both turned to stare at Artemis who stared back in blank surprise.

“Did you just laugh at me?” I said with a growing smile and watched her quickly turn away and huddle into her loaf again. “I think she just laughed at me. What do you think, Luke?”

His lips twitched. “The rabbit doth protest too much.”

“I think she does.”

Artemis inflated like a furry balloon and then let it out in a loud wheezing bunny sigh.

“Hey Argus,” I twisted in my seat to look through to the front. “You know Penn Station?” Hera’s disowned son nodded with a smile, turning on the right blinker and shifting lanes. I twisted back around. “So we take the train to Quebec City.”

“Canada, huh?” Luke rubbed his chin and then glanced down at Artemis. He looked at me and then looked down again, more pointedly.

I sighed.

“Pet store first.”

If you’ve never been to New York City, I’ll let you in on a secret. If it isn’t fighting for space, it’s huge.

Penn Station was short for Pennsylvania Station, which was the main rail station in New York City underneath Madison Square. The entrance was a giant triangular building with a flat top and the front all covered in glass with dozens of arcing lights making everything dazzle. It was faced by the James A. Farley Building which was basically Doric Order Columns, The Building. Even though it was time for a late dinner, the station was still full of people going places making the long, wide concourse still feel claustrophobic.

Argus accompanied me to the ticket counter where we played Bratty Son, Mute Dad for the lady so I could buy our tickets without awkward questions and the police being called.

People got weird when a lone twelve year old tries to leave the country.

We grabbed two cheesy pretzels at Rose’s Pizza and nabbed a spot on a bench. Argus sipped at his Raspberry Iced Tea as he fished Artemis out of his duster and set her on the bench between us. The rabbit stared at the people rushing by with wide silver eyes. Several people not caught up in their lives did a double take and there were a few smiles. There was this one red headed girl flanked by what I was pretty sure were two bodyguards that noticed Argus instead, doing a triple take before visibly giving up, pinching the bridge of her nose and walking faster.

Clear-sighted maybe?

Cool.

I just saw a demi-alien.

I swallowed a big bite of my pretzel. “Does the Earth Mother talk to you too, like with Hephaestus?”

Argus started to shake his head before pausing and then wiggling his head side to side instead.

“She only shows up in a few Dreams?”

He nodded, absently pulling the edge of his duster out from under Artemis’ furry butt, toppling her onto her side with a very disgruntled sound.

“That’s not too bad.” I reassured him. “Probably only vaguely aware you even exist.”

That got me a relieved smile.

Argus and his brother Hephaestus were living proof of Hera’s brand of arrogance. Elder Gods like Ananke and Nyx could and did have fatherless children. They were powerful gods in their own right. Mom’s firstborn, Adrasteia was hell to experience but I’ve been told she looks the most like our mother who has the title of The Beautiful One for a reason. Nyx was known for monsters, but even the Furies could look however they wanted.

Hera, Young goddess of Motherhood and Childbirth, Queen of the Gods of Olympus was going to do the same. She would have a perfect heir made from her own divinity.

The problem was her inherited divinity had been welded on.

Maybe you’ve wondered for a minute or two why Hera would reject her son for being ugly, when Young gods could change their appearance. They grow up really fast, so in a few days, he would have known enough to hide the defects. His divine form would be more of a problem, but a few Names could paper that over pretty easily. Maybe you thought Hera was just that fucking petty.

I mean.

She is.

But there was a bit more to it.

Hephaestus was given to the nereid Thetis to raise as a two week old baby. It took him over a century to physically mature. He couldn’t change his appearance. He didn’t have a divine form. Hephaestus was able to kill the Giant Mimas by himself, without demigod help. The Fates themselves decreed the Young Gods of Olympus couldn't kill Mimas otherwise. Didn't matter.

Because technically? Hephaestus is not a Young god.

Hephaestus and Argus have a father.

Phanes.

The Light-Bringer.

The star-spawn that Kronos and the others of the Greek pantheon ate alive to become a Titan.

He’s got some weird Domain interactions too. Hephaestus’ kids all inherit from his Names as a god of the Forge and their connection to their grandmother is stronger than usual for demigods. I’ve never heard of Hephaestus having any demigods of Magnetism or Gravity. I wonder if Fire was still too risky? I wouldn’t be surprised if he, like Aphrodite, had ‘defects’ too.

Hera learned the wrong lesson and maimed Argus in a different way.

“Your mom’s a jerk, by the way.”

Argus nodded as he pulled apart his cheesy pretzel, then he shrugged.

“I get it. Mine is too sometimes.”

He nudged me with his shoulder, squishing Artemis a little who protested with a squeak.

“Yeah. She thinks I don’t notice, but I do.” I checked the giant digital clock hanging down in the middle of the concourse with the list of incoming and outgoing trains. “She’s my mother though. And she loves me.”

Argus shrugged again with a helpless smile.

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“She’s got Dad though. Hera’s got a joke.”

The eyes on the left side of his body opened for a moment like he was ‘looking’ in that direction. Then the right side opened. Then left again like he was expecting a ninja to jump out of the crowd. Then he solemnly nodded.

I smiled and pointed at him for the rabbit’s benefit. “He knows what’s up.”

A loud, high pitched gasp interrupted our conversation and I looked up to see a tiny blond boy pulling at his mother’s hand with one arm and a Pikachu pillow wrapped up in the other.

“A bunny!” He squealed. “Can I pet - Mommy, please, can I pet the bunny?”

His mother looked exhausted with dark hair that had been in an updo at one point today, but had long since given in to gravity.

“Daniel…” She sighed and adjusted her grip on the suitcase as she looked towards that big clock. “I - fine, I’m sorry,” she addressed me with a very resigned tone. “Can he - ? He will be careful,” she directed more towards her son who nodded very quickly. “Only for a few moments.”

I looked down at the rabbit.

Artemis looked back up at me with a clear pleading expression, ears hanging down and everything.

This was beautiful.

I grinned.

“Don’t worry,” I said brightly as I snatched Artemis up before she could make a run for it. “She is well aware of how small children are around furry creatures and heals quickly.” I gave the kid a skeptical look as I held out the very resigned small bun. “You have learned that tails are not for pulling, right?”

Artemis let out another one of those wheezing rabbit sighs.

With an eager nod, the little boy stepped closer and gently brushed fingers over her head. That seemed to be the cue for a bunch of less self-conscious people to come forward for a late evening dose of cute bunny rabbit.

Five minutes into the pet show, someone cleared their throat.

I turned and saw Luke standing there bemused with a cat carrier, a small bag of hay under his arm and a churro hanging from his mouth.

He swallowed and put the carrier down. “What’d I miss?”

Argus beamed and with slow, deliberate movements reached out and patted Artemis on the head.

Her wide eyed look of shocked betrayal was justice.

After Artemis escaped into her carrier, the fun was over. We finished our pretzels (and churro) and threw out the trash. Argus escorted Luke and I to our train once again playing Mute Dad. Before we got on the train, the pseudo-Giant stopped us, placing a large hand on our shoulders. Luke looked surprised, his mouth falling open at Argus’ warm smile as he gave us one pat.

I think that was ‘Good luck.’

I smiled back. “Thanks, Argus.”

He walked away, but the eyes on the back of his head and neck opened to watch us board the train. We quickly found seats at the back of our car. Demigod things. Just because we were in a moving metal box did not mean we were safe from monsters. It was just better for our nerves to sit by a clear exit. Artemis was placed on the ground between our feet and I dug my Gameboy out of my bag.

Luke sighed as he leaned his head back. “How much did you spend on our tickets?”

“About two fifty,” I said absently as the Golden Sun logo came up on my screen.

“Two...hundred?”

I looked over to see him staring at me. “Two hundred fifty,” I corrected him. “Well, two hundred forty seven dollars and thirteen cents but who’s counting?”

His brows furrowed. “The camp store usually loans out about a hundred dollars to Quest leaders, but I guess Artemis is…” A rabbit. Or maybe he meant that usually a goddess doesn’t need a couple of Benjamins. “So you got it? Are we broke now?”

“Not even close,” I snorted as I chose my save file. “I used my debit card. Last I checked, I have something like thirty two thousand dollars.”

Luke choked. “How?”

“My allowance, selling Quest rewards and Mom’s part-time job.” I double checked my progress and party members before I felt Luke poke the side of my head. I looked back at him.

“Your mother just gives you all of her money.” He said incredulously. “For Quests.”

It wasn’t like she needed it.

“Dad’s a trust fund baby and corporate lawyer,” I explained. “Mom does random shit when she’s bored and is occasionally paid for it.”

Sometimes it's translating a stubborn text for archaeologists in Ireland (that will probably ruin someone’s theories and/or career) and sometimes it’s getting a dude to volunteer himself as dinner for another dude in Germany.

I know.

I think one of the two had been a demi-something of some sort, but I might be getting that mixed up with something else. It was a few years ago and I’m still not sure what that was about. Dad had been horrified, but he’s human. If I got weird about the guy getting exactly what he wanted, I’d be a hypocrite.

“So don’t worry,” I told Luke.

“No - I mean, that’s great - but it’s more…” He trailed off, searching for the words. “Being a demigod sucks ass,” he said suddenly. “But the more I hear about your mortal parents, and how much your godmother gives a damn, it sounds like it doesn’t suck for you.” His face twisted for a second. “Why can’t we have that? Why don’t we have that?”

“It sucks a few times a year.” I don’t like Mom’s tests. “It’s just...Camp is that bad.”

“Yeah,” he sighed and ran a hand through his thick, blond hair. An alarm sounded as the doors to the train closed. “It is.” As the train began to move, Luke glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “You know, I send petitions every summer to Olympus for more Cabins, more showers, some extra tables at the Pavilion. It’s gotten to the point of including invoices and cost analysis sheets where the Campers do everything.”

I vaguely recalled Mr. D mentioning something about that my first day at Camp Half-Blood.

“Do they even get answered?” I was actually curious.

“Once.” Luke’s smile was sharp. “Apparently, my petitions have been gracing the desk of Hera, as the patron of Camp Half-Blood in her capacity as Queen of Olympus.”

And probably in her capacity as ‘Maybe I Won’t Murder Your Bastards, Zeus.’

So even if someone like, say Hermes, wanted to make some changes, he would have to go through his step-mother that loathed his very existence.

Holy crap.

“Oh,” I said dumbly. “So the reason why Camp is a shitshow circus…”

“It's because it’s being run by a clown,” Luke finished for me. “Yes.”

Our rabbit honked all the way out of Manhattan.

My ass was completely numb by the time we got to the Metro station in Yonkers, New York. Billions of taxpayers dollars bought us only the very finest of hard plastic butt rests, as Dad would say. The sun had completely set when we got off the train. There were only a few people around, most carrying some kind of suitcase or bag as we walked through the old station to the next. I presented our tickets to the old man at the counter, who squinted at them behind coke bottle glasses. He gave Luke directions and then grumbled,

“You’re supposed to arrive thirty minutes before departure for Amtrak.” He tapped the small digital clock he had on the desk for emphasis as I blinked at him. “It’s boarding right now, so be quick.”

Luke looked at me helplessly.

“Uh,” I said. “We didn’t buy Amtrak tickets?”

You kind of need to book that ahead of time, like you would a plane.

That got me the standard ‘Idiot Kids These Days’ look as he leaned over and pointed at the slips of paper in Luke’s hand.

“You’ve got a reservation for the 8:30 departure to St. Lambert in Montreal, dated for today.”

We both looked down at the dancing letters.

I closed my eyes and nodded. “Right, sorry. Thank you, sir.”

“Be quick or you’ll miss it,” he reminded us as he waved the next person up to the counter.

“This font is murder on my eyes,” Luke grumbled as he held the tickets up to his face, squinting. “And why is it so small?” I bit my lip as I scanned the signs, looking for the stenciled letters and numbers on brightly colored circles that would tell me where to go. “I think we have reserved seats? Private car?” He lowered the tickets. “Mr. Moneybags getting us first class?”

“I didn’t buy Amtrak tickets,” I said tensely. “Our tickets were swapped.”

And I didn’t even feel it happen.

Fuck.

Luke nodded and then he registered what I said. He turned sharply on his heel, scanning the entire station for anything out of the ordinary.

“God or monster?” He asked sharply as Artemis thumped in her carrier.

“First class tickets,” I shrugged. “Probably god. Don’t challenge them.”

Whoever it is.

We were both quiet as we checked in, registered our carry on bags and got Artemis’ carrier checked. Luke pulled out this vintage lighter from his pocket (maybe a weapon. He’s not crazy) absently flipping the cap on and off as we shuffled through the rows and rows of seats behind our attendant.

She seemed like a nice lady with mousy brown hair and wide hazel eyes. She probably didn’t deserve Luke eyeing her like she was going to sprout fangs, a tail and second head but…

Lowkey, I was doing that too.

She chattered about the amenities of our private sleeping room and the services that came with our tickets as she showed off how to flip the seats into a bunk bed.

“Breakfast starts at 6:30. There is a last call for dinner due to the train schedule.” She looked at us earnestly. Probably not a monster?

Something was stopping me from being sure about that, which wasn’t a good sign. I didn’t put my bag down and after glancing at me, Luke didn’t either.

“Usually dinner ends at 9 o’ clock sharp, but it's been extended by fifteen minutes.” Her name tag read Alice and she was clearly trying. “I can show you to the Dining Car if you want to get something before the kitchen closes?”

Luke shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“I could eat,” he muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

My stomach chose that moment to demand more offerings. My cheesy pretzel had only appeased it for a half hour.

“So could I,” I admitted.

This was a classic Mouse Trap.

Hungry demigods (or full gods) are lured into doing something they really shouldn’t because they were promised something tasty. One of the oldest tricks in the book.

Because it fucking worked.

My stomach felt like it was trying to eat itself and I knew my half-melted Snickers in my backpack were not going to help.

Luke lifted the carrier so we could all see the rabbit. Her nose was twitching like crazy as she sniffed around her carrier, but when she noticed we were looking she froze like a deer in headlights.

“Verdict?” Luke asked.

The rabbit shrugged.

We turned back to Alice, who had a very confused, very strained smile on.

We’re not crazy. We’re demigods.

“Lead the way,” Luke said with a frown.

“If we meet anyone, let me talk,” I said. After Artemis, I had priority, but Artemis was a rabbit.

Luke nodded. “I understand. I won’t say anything.”

Luke was also a goddamn liar in need of duct tape because the moment we got to the Dining Car, he zeroed in on the lone passenger seated at a table and snarled out,

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

The definitely-goddess with short, curling black hair under a black and red baseball cap tilted her head back. “And who do I look like to you?”

I spoke up before Luke did something stupid.

“Your eyes are awesome.” I complimented her.

Imagine two mirrors facing each other, reflecting the same image between them in an endless corridor. Now imagine the image being reflected were teeth. Two endless corridors of gnashing fangs, needle hooks, serrated shark teeth and grinding molars. Her pupils were the centers of the infinite gullets.

The goddess had a vaguely familiar lop-sided troublemaker smile. Who did I know that smiled like that?

“Thank you, uncle.”

Okay.

That narrowed things down by a lot, but that still left way too many. I had six siblings.

“Your welcome, niece,” I said with a forced smile as I squinted at her black leather jacket and blood red shirt. “Sorry, I must have missed you at the last family reunion? So I have no idea who you are.”

Luke did a double take and squinted as well.

“So not Hermes,” he whispered.

Hermes?

Wait.

“Wait,” I said out loud, holding up a hand as the goddess opened her mouth. “Let me guess.”

I walked towards her table as I examined her. Everything else could change but her eyes. Maybe this was a stretch, but they reminded me of the drooling mouths of Night’s shadow. The more I thought about it, the better I felt about that guess. Hair color didn’t mean anything, but she did cast a very dark shadow.

One of Nyx’s.

“Nemesis?” I ventured. All I had to go on was Nyx's and looked like someone who had wronged Luke. The forgotten car attendant let out a low chuckle as she passed us, holding menus.

“So not just a pretty boy?” ‘Alice’ asked teasingly. 

So I was right. This was Nemesis, the goddess of Retribution.

“Are we seriously going to use the word pretty?” I gave Whatever-The-Fuck-She-Is a flat look as I pretended to scratch the side of my neck. I was about five seconds from unsheathing Damocles.

Nemesis snorted. The teeth in her eyes shifted as she looked over us both before gesturing towards the seats across from her. “I am willing to swear on Earth, Heaven and the River Styx that I mean you no harm, uncle.”

I wasn’t the one I was worried about though.

“Don’t bother with that little stick, boy.” ‘Alice’ rolled her eyes at Luke. “You are not worth the effort.”

Luke ground his teeth and the handle of Artemis’ carrier creaked.

I sighed.

The attendant could be like Mr. D and his perfect mortal guise? Another goddess playing second fiddle to Nemesis, Daughter of Night? That didn't seem likely. Olympic gods usually didn't mix with gods of the Underworld, so it had to be another chthonic...is she a god? She felt weird. Maybe she was an immortal spirit or a monster? Probably a monster? I couldn’t see a spirit pulling off a convincing human act.

I sucked on the inside of my cheek.

‘Alice.’

“Alecto?”

Luke gasped and then glared. The Fury eyed me. “Not just a pretty boy at all.”

I scowled at her.

“Sit,” Nemesis invited us. “You have a long trip ahead of you.” She glanced at Alecto who handed Luke the menu. After a long moment, he stuffed his lighter back into his pants pocket and took it. “And I hope you succeed in your Quest.”

“Really,” I drawled as I shoved my backpack against the wall and sat. “All this just to see me off? You could have stopped by Camp sometime over the last forty eight hours? Ethan would have loved it.”

Luke hissed through his teeth as he sat, but thankfully he didn’t say anything.

“Yes,” was all Nemesis said.

The goddess of Vengeance, Balance and Retribution had not been spanked enough as a kid. I was telling her father, Erebus that in my next postcard for the holidays. Maybe bitching about his daughter over the holidays might be an awkward Thanksgiving at Nyx’s house, but damn it. She threw Ethan away!

“If you are willing, we would add additional objectives to your Quest for the Master Bolt,” my niece said as we grudgingly opened our menus. “Consider it an official request from the Lord of the Underworld.”

Fucking what.

Luke froze and I looked towards Alecto, who was leaning on the table on the other side of the aisle.

“The Master Bolt was stolen during the Winter Solstice,” was all the Fury said.

In other words, the one day of the year Hades is allowed on Olympus. He lost something important enough to flag down Questing demigods for it. And he lost it on the same day Zeus Bolt was stolen and had reason to believe Questers looking for that would find his toy too.

“What the fuck is Olympus using for security?” I muttered. Either the thief was a literal god (not possible) to swipe two symbols of power in one night under the gods’ noses. Or this was the equivalent of securing the nuclear football with a Post-It Note saying ‘donut steel’ and a Chinese Finger Trap. “Fucking shitty padlocks?”

Luke swallowed a laugh.

“Their hubris has been repaid,” Nemesis allowed. “Do what you will with the Bolt.”

That sounded like Hades’ hubris had been repaid.

Zeus was still in the red.

“I will.” Once I figured out what I wanted to do with it. “Alecto, I get it now, but what do you want?”

Hades couldn’t really order Nemesis to do anything. Neither could Zeus or Poseidon, making her something of a free agent. She was Balance. She had to be. Also?

She said ‘objectives.’ Plural.

“Two things,” the goddess admitted. “Firstly, I am curious about the demigod Mother has taken to.” Her grinding eyes looked at me like she was memorizing every detail. “It seems She has taken an interest in your development.”

“More than an interest,” Alecto murmured. The hazel of her eyes burned away to reveal brimstone. “It’s as if he’s a lost pup, can you feel it? She’s touched him.”

“What?” I said dumbly.

Was that - was that what Hypnos had been trying to tell me last night? That Nyx had actually poked my soul?

And instead of explaining, he just laughed at me.

Like a jerk.

“And he didn’t go mad.” Nemesis sounded almost impressed. “It seems our brother does have a decent taste in friends after all.”

“Talk about a backhanded compliment,” I complained.

There was an amused tug at the corner of her mouth. Ethan’s mother tilted her head towards our menus.

“Order. I can hear your stomach from here.” I coughed a little. “Perhaps a salad as well,” Nemesis told Alecto. “For the sister of the Sun.”

Wait, how did she - oh. The Goddess of Retribution probably knew the second Mom rabbited Artemis.

I am not gonna lie.

It was a little weird telling Alecto, the Persecution and eldest of the Furies, to go get me a sandwich.

A BLT, extra bacon and fries.

Luke was an extra picky four year old, changing his mind at least three times and being very specific with his shrimp scampi. I am pretty sure it was just to annoy the Daughter of Night for some reason? The food was actually really good. She might be a terrifying bat lady monster, but she knew her way around a kitchen.

We let a very reluctant Artemis out onto the table for the large plate of greens and a few blueberries. The rabbit’s ears were spread and flat against her back. She was crouching and didn’t move from where Luke put her, staring at her dinner. Was she shaking?

“Artemis?” I whispered and she let out a short, keening wail.

Nemesis flashed a smile filled with teeth.

“I have not forgotten about you,” the goddess purred. “Eat. It would be absolutely tragic if you were to starve.” That didn’t seem to help. The bunny was practically vibrating. “I have a great amount of respect for you, Daughter of Leto. You have always been so very committed to getting what you deserve.”

Ouch.

“Mom just thinks she’s funny,” I mumbled around some fries.

“Perhaps we should convince her to write the punchline to more jokes,” Alecto said with a side glance at the frozen rabbit and Luke tried to laugh around a mouthful of pasta.

It didn't work.

Once he was sure he wasn’t dying anymore, he pointed at the Fury with his fork. “I still don’t like you.”

She rolled her eyes. "It was nothing personal."

“Mother taking passing interest as the Night would have been impressive enough,” Nemesis cut in. “But she - “ Her eyes flickered to Luke. “ - bothered to offer you a measure of protection from us. Her children.”

“...no more Hellhound attacks?” I asked hopefully.

“...less.”

I’ll fucking take it!

“Grandmother must have invested quite a bit in your birth, which makes it all the more interesting.”

“Because I’m a demigod.” I’ve heard that before, from Apollo. He was used to demigods being throw-aways. Dad set him straight.

Alecto scoffed. “Try spawn.”

Rude.

“Demigod,” Luke snapped. He flinched, but held his ground when the Fury’s burning eyes shifted to him.

“Reaaally,” she said.

“I bleed red,” I muttered.

Nemesis frowned and shared a glance with Alecto.

“Not all mortals are human,” the goddess said quietly. I frowned. I knew that. “I suppose we shall see. Grandmother clearly has a plan for you.” A slightly satisfied expression came over her face. “At the expense of the Fates’ plan. And mine.”

I frowned.

I came at the expense of her plan. Ethan had to wait two years for his mother to Claim him. 

“That’s why you Claimed Ethan, isn’t it?” I asked with a sinking feeling. Did learning I exist change her mind?

“He was made for a role that is no longer required,” Nemesis confirmed and beside me Luke stiffened. “A pity. I invested quite a bit in that boy.”

“What…” I began slowly. “Did you need him to do that meant you let him inherit a lot, but didn’t want to Claim him?”

That annoyingly familiar smile came back. “Force my hand.”

Uh.

What?

“I am Balance,” Nemesis explained. “Does Olympus seem balanced to you?” Luke snorted. “I enjoy tearing down the proud and powerful, but the Fates have seen fit to restrict me. I will not let Mother be the arbiter of my Domain - “ Good call. Nyx being in charge of Greek karma sounds like a terrible idea “- and so I must make do. Demigods are loopholes.” She pinned me with this look I didn’t know how to parse. “Remember that.”

“Okay…” I mopped up the rest of my sandwich and fries. “You still haven’t said what you want.”

“I want you to continue on your Quest, succeed and receive your due.” Nemesis eyes trailed to the rabbit on the table. “Without her.”

“Um.”

I did not expect that.

“This train will not reach the US - Canada border,” Nemesis stated and Luke went still. “There will be a technical difficulty and all passengers will be asked to transfer to another at the station. There will be a ten minute layover. Leave her, or die with her.”

Artemis whimpered, shuffling back towards Luke. My brain stopped working for a minute. That was why Apollo had looked so defeated. That was why his sister had been so depressed. Artemis had to eat and use the bathroom, because she was fucking mortal. 

Mom turned her into a regular rabbit.

She can die.

“Wa - wait, can’t we talk this over?” I tried. “I’m sure she did some, uh, shit in the past but Mom gave her this Quest - “

“You will have problems of your own to handle. It is out of respect for your mother that I am telling you this at all, uncle,” Nemesis said blankly as her dark shadow crept up her red shirt. “Choice and consequence is her Domain.”

What was left behind was a seething mass of snapping, grinding teeth, inky shadows spilling from between the cracks like blood. Luke hissed, turning away and shutting his eyes as if someone had shined a spotlight in his face.

“V̶e̴n̸g̷e̷a̷n̶c̶e̶ ̷i̸s̸ ̵m̷i̶n̸e̵.̶”

Her shadow shattered into a billion pieces, making me flinch. When I opened my eyes, she was gone and Alecto was once again a hazel eyed train attendant. Before she left, the disguised Fury reached across the table to nudge the salad plate back in front of Artemis with a malicious grin.

“Enjoy your last meal, huntress.”

I didn’t say anything as I finished my sandwich. Luke didn’t either until he went to pick up his bread roll. He put it up to his mouth, glanced down at Artemis and sighed, putting it back down.

“Well, shit.”

“We can’t abandon her,” I said immediately.

“Can we afford not to?” Luke asked mildly.

I turned on him. “We can’t - the Quest - “

“War, remember?” Luke cut me off. “Millions of people at risk, remember that?” I bit my lip. “And...like it or not, your mother is Fate. We’re Questers, yeah, but it's about you, isn’t it?” Luke savagely bit into his bread roll. “It’s always going to be about you. Not Artemis. Not me.”

“I’m not leaving you,” I promised the rabbit even as I felt my chest ache as every ounce of fear I thought I got rid of came flooding back.

I just accepted a lethal side quest.

Worse.

A lethal escort quest.

Mom’s tests were simple.

There was no such thing as extra credit.

“You should eat though,” I said thickly. “You’ll need the energy.” The rabbit looked up at me with wide silver eyes, but eventually started nibbling. “We’ll be fine,” I said with false cheer, patting her back. “Didn’t Chiron say you were the best swordsman he’s seen in three hundred years?”

Luke smiled weakly.

“That’s right.” He brought out his lighter I saw earlier. Up close, it was actually pretty cool looking. It was made out of bronze and was patterned out of grooves in the metal making gentle curves reminding me of waves. “Hermes gave me this to celebrate that.”

He frowned at the lighter, before twisting the cap and a shining Celestial Bronze sword sprung out. 

“Whoa.” It was a harpe sword with that characteristic sickle or hook-like extension near the tip. It wasn’t all bronze. There was a thread of greenish-white crystal winding through the blade. “It’s laced with Adamantine,” I said in awe. “Do you know how rare that is?”

Luke frowned harder. “Like his own sword, huh?”

“Have you named it?”

Luke’s face went blank as he stared at the weapon.

“...ανασώζω.” He said eventually. “Reclaim.”

I wasn’t going to ask why he chose that name. It seemed personal.

“Hey,” Luke said softly. “I haven’t gotten the chance to ask, but all those myths about the Titan Lord? That it was a Golden Age for humanity, that he was King of Elysium and all that.” He was still staring at his sword. “You said the Titans didn’t make humanity and he’s still locked away. Does that mean they were lies too?”

“When the Titans ruled, people lived longer,” I said. “That’s just how we were though. Reaching seven hundred wasn’t rare. Sickness wasn’t really a thing.” I frowned and looked out the window of the Dining Car. It was just black with the occasional flash of light from buildings and lamps. “He ruled well, before he lost his fucking mind. Mom approved of him, I think.”

She never said it like that, but I got that feeling.

“He did govern Elysium though. Athena gave him parole.” I frowned as I rested my head against the window, squinting out into the darkness. “Atlas and the others helped Zeus overthrow her and he stabbed them in the back.”

“Of course,” Luke muttered.

“I’m going to get Mom and Dad to adopt Apollo,” I decided. “After the Quest.” Artemis squinted at me. “You’ll still be his sister,” I reassured her. “But you might want to ask Demeter to make your thing official too. Two moms aren’t bad to have.”

The rabbit’s ears drooped a little as she went back to her meal.

Shit, Leto. Her mother was still three-quarters dead.

Right.

That night, I claimed the top bunk bed to Luke’s rolling eyes and Artemis huddled into a corner. I called Dad, because ghosting my father was not an option, and made small talk. I let him know I was leaving the country in case he got pinged about my passport and that I was traveling with a qualified Camp counselor to run a little errand for Olympus.

Yes, I prayed to Mom about it.

She said it's okay.

Technically true.

Luke eyed my phone as I put it away. “I want one of those.”

I laughed. “I’ll ask.”

Holy fuck, Percy, I thought as my eyes closed. How are you going to get out of this one?