Chapter 115: Day CCCXLII, Part I

I had nightmares all night. Burning city, Aisha backstabbing me, people dying on the streets, chaos. Nadia was there too, she was laughing at me, and my stupidity.

It was always something different, but some patterns repeated. The first one was betrayal, and the other was flames. Something was always going up with smoke.

I woke up for the first time with cold sweat, and a heart trying to escape my own ribcage. Every next time was a bit less impactful. 

When the first rays of sun sneaked into my house, I was awake but didn't want to get up. I felt fear lurking in the dark corners of my mind. I didn't want to confront Aisha, Hailwic and for sure not Nadia. In the end, my feelings didn't matter. I had to do it.

I rolled over my bed to the floor, and slowly picked myself up. I really, really didn't want to go.

I got blinded a little by the light outside, but still kept walking. Problems needed to be resolved, or at least talked through with Will and Hatta.

The first one I met in the city center. He was sitting on a piece of rubble and slowly nibbling on a piece of fresh bread, looking at other people. Mainly craftsmen buying materials with help of the device, and moving it out, or straight working there, just out of the way to not get disrupted.

- Morning bastard - I dais to him.

- Morning gorgeous - he answered not even looking at me.

- Why so sad?

- I'm waiting for Hatta. He is still passed out.

- Then we will wait together.

- Sure.

After a moment he suddenly turned to me, with concern painted all over his face.

- Are you really gonna do it? I mean talk with Hailwic. Do you think it's a good idea? She might just go straight to Aisha. Well... Maybe that's for the better? - he turned his eyes to the sky like somebody would write the answer there.

- No. It's fucking terrible idea. I don't know what to do. 

- Maybe I should talk with Vesa.

- No. I'll deal with it. I'm probably the reason why Aisha is doing whatever she is. So let me resolve it.

- It doesn't matter. If they lied to us... If it all was fake, then... I don't know. I thought I have a chance here, to build a new life with somebody I like.

- You have your family back on earth.

- I know, but I'm here, and who knows if we will ever be able to come back. I wish we would, but reality doesn't really care about my wishes.

- Yeah. Maybe you are right.

He peaked at me for a moment, then turned his gaze back to the people.

- I know I am. It's good to have dreams, but remember to live in reality. Anyway... There is Nadia, right there - and he pointed at her, walking to the device.

I turned to have a clear view of her, then without a word started walking. She noticed me soon after and changed her direction slightly, now heading towards me.

- Morning Peter - she said with a smile, then kissed me on the cheek.

- Morning.

My response was quite cold, but I just couldn't act to deceive her about the state of my mind.

- Something is wrong.

- I'm just worried. Is Velvet Lotus doing ok? I hope nobody tried to do anything stupid when I was gone?

- No. It's all good. They kept watching us for the entire day, but now, when Aisha and the rest are back, those people are gone.

- Good. I was very worried about you throughout the whole day.

I wanted to say more, but Andy walked by us. Yes, the same Andy I slapped in the face. With a black eye, and ugly grimace twisting his face, he spat on the ground, just next to my foot.

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- Garbage - he said, but didn't stop walking.

- Hey! - Nadia yelled at him. - Hey!

He kept moving, so she rushed at him. I tried to stop her, but I was too slow. Probably because of my emotional state.

She grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to turn around.

- What do you want whore? - he responded immediately.

She slapped him. Andy didn't expect it at all and was kinda shocked, but that was not the end. Nadia kicked him between the legs, and when the guys rolled up stumbling backward in terrible pain. She punched him in the face.

It might sound strange to you, but that was deciding fact to me. I had to talk with her about Aisha. I grabbed her hand and pulled her.

- Come with me.

She nodded quickly, probably thinking we should just run away before some justice warriors will try to fight us for what Nadia just did.

I kept leading her to the old firewood storage. She was kinda confused, but I needed privacy. Many people every day went thru Velvet Lotus, so Aisha had her ears potentially everywhere.

- Where are we going? Why here?

- Just follow...

She didn't ask any more questions, and when we finally ended up inside, she just stated. 

- You wanted privacy.

- Yes.

It was dark inside, but the light sneaked in through the slightly opened door, just enough so we could see each other.

- Why? Did something happen? That's why you were so emotionless? Tell me.

- Yes. Did you lie to me, Nadia?

- What? - At first, she was genuinely shocked by my question, but then her expression changed a bit. - Wha...

And silence. She nodded slightly, curling her lips to the inside, licking them. Clearly thinking what to say, but I already got my answer.

- I won't lie, but this is more complicated than you think - she started. - It's more complicated than I ever wanted it to be.

Her hands unconsciously moved to her head, to comb the hair.

I on the other hand was furious. I was clenching my fists so hard, that I would probably pierce my skin with nails if it wasn't so damn tough. Knuckles had to be as white as snow, but in the dim light, that was something barely visible. She probably wouldn't notice anyway, to focus on what was going on in her own mind.

- Aisha she... She came to me one day, asking to get closer to you. She... - her voice cracked. - She told me, that it's too hard for her to hide feelings she has towards you. I refused her. I was done with being a whore, no matter who asked. I would rather die than go back to the life Mark forced upon me.

I noticed tears, slowly making their way down her cheeks, leaving invisible trails.

- I tough it was behind us. I thought she will never ask me again, and she actually didn't. It's just... - her voice cracked again. - When you came back, with all those secrets. Asking to gather all important people. She just gave me a look. I still didn't want to do it, but it was enough to make me think.

She started sobbing, gasping for the air, even though didn't stop talking.

- Yo-ou we-ere b-behind mo-ost o-of the go-ood cha-anges in this c-city. I checked you thoroughly a-after you ki-illed Ma-ark. If somebody ever was to make us co-ome back, that is yo-ou. A-and coming back to e-earth is wha-at I want the most. Le-eaving here was like he-ell to me. Even a-after Ma-ark was gone, and all of his men, I couldn't sleep, I wa-as sca-ared of almost everything. Of the darkness, of being alone, of noises... It was ter-rrible. So I de-ecided to ge-et clo-oser to yo-ou, b-but no-ot for he-er. For my own sake!

After that she completely broke down, hiding her face in her hands, and just wept. For a moment I wanted to get closer and hug her, but I didn't. The fact of her betrayal brought too strong emotions to simply ignore.

- I u-used you, I k-know, and I'm so-sorry, b-but tha-at's no-ott the t-truth a-anymore. I kno-ow y-you might no-ot be-believe me-e any-ymore, bu-ut ju-ust ple-ease li-isten.

I was listening the whole time, very carefully. Not only because I wanted to know the whole story, but also because I just couldn't find any words to tell her. My throat was squeezed by anger and sorrow.

- You cha-anged me. You cha-anged me fo-or the be-etter. Ma-aybe it was no-ot lo-love at the beginning, bu-ut fo-or me-e, it sure is now. I ca-an sle-eep whe-en yo-ou a-are in my be-ed. My fear is gone when you are clo-ose. I feel safe. So, please... I beg you...

It was hard for me to just say anything. Could I believe her words? Her tears? She lied to me before, so she could as well be lying now. But there was something and this something just kept drilling a hole in my head. A feeling that she is telling the truth. Feeling that maybe the start was fake, but all that happened next was genuine.. Even though, It was just a feeling.

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