Chapter 35: CH 35

The dinner Fikar brought back was local-style curry. It didn’t feel like I was eating curry, but if I had to describe it, I would have to call it curry. It had the same brownish look with a blend of spices and stewed ingredients, however, the spiciness was more like Sichuan or Japanese peppers rather than chili peppers. It also had a sweet smell similar to jasmine, though eating too much would make your tongue go numb.

It was one of the foods I’d grown to love because it was so delicious, but I’d never made it myself. There were two reasons: one, I would need a lot of different spices; and two, frog-like meat was required. The frog-like meat came from fairy mockingfrogs1 and was used for flavor. Scooping out a frog leg made me lose my appetite the first time I saw this dish, so I’d never eaten its meat. People raved about how good it tasted, but I couldn’t stand the way it looked. I hated it so much that Fikar started to remove them before we ate. How gentlemanly of him~

Once the unsightly meat was removed, it because a truly delicious dish of the people, best served with bread as hard as a baguette.

Dessert after dinner was the name given to the first breath after a shower – the sweetness of this curry’s spices held the same bliss.

As a sort of side dish to our dessert, I often talked about my day with Fikar. Fikar didn’t talk much, though, so it was mostly me talking. Since our mornings haven’t changed since we got here, today’s conversation naturally focused on the afternoon, where we were on separate assignments.

We talked about the suggestive lyrics in the biting wine song, how the boys trying to get a peek of us had to be chased away by the strict overseer2 three times, how I was in the same group as Tarina-san, and there was Tussa-san too.

“… So, there were a lot of girls asking about you, Fikar. They know us, but I don’t know them and it’s hard to remember who’s who.”

I drank some tea and gathered up the peel of the citrus I’d eaten for dessert. Apparently, if you left it on your windowsill, it’ll keep the bugs away, but I didn’t know if it would do anything since there weren’t that many bugs this time of year to begin with.

I used my legs a lot today, so I was tired. Getting on the bed and curling my toes back and forth, I got the feeling that my thighs were going to be sore tomorrow.

As I stretched gingerly, Fikar, who had finished cleaning up, suddenly moved the partition between the beds. Watching out of the corner of my eye, I saw him crouch beside his bed and, in no time at all, our beds were together again. It was nighttime, so he took care to lift it up and place it back down without making a sound.

“…… Umm…”

While I was struggling to make a comment, Fikar satisfied himself by fiddling with the sheets and pillows, and then moved the lamp to the side table, against which he set down his freshly cleaned sword. He was ready to go to bed.

“I’ll ask just in case, but you know that Tussa-san gave us a room with two beds saying, ‘I don’t think you should be sleeping together,’ right?”

So what? – is what Fikar’s nods looked like they wanted to say.

In other words, Fikar didn’t like the idea of sleeping separately. It’s not like I didn’t understand that feeling. Mornings and evenings were cold and I slept better when together with him. And waking up earlier in the morning than usual because of work, I was very grateful that he waited until the last moment to wake me up.

…

I asked Fikar, who was lying on the bed,

“Fikar, do you like me?”

Fikar nodded. His deep blue eyes looked straight into mine. By the light of the lamp, his silver hair gleamed with a soft iridescence.

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“That…”

What do you mean by that? But I thought, “What’s the point of asking?” and backed down. No matter which meaning he answered with, the situation would’ve inevitably turned awkward.

In the first place, even if it were the romantic kind, I don’t think I could’ve responded to his feelings.

When I was a high school girl back in Japan, I was interested in romance to a certain extent. In those three years, exams and other things kept me from actively trying to find a boyfriend, but I still enjoyed listening to my friends’ rumors and gossip.

But now, I didn’t feel that way at all. After all, I nearly collapsed. Fikar was first to collapse and finding him blew me away, but my life was also in danger in a more subtle way, so since then, I did my all to make a living for myself and to fit into this world.

There were many kind people who helped me, but a 17-year-old was already an adult in this world. I had to earn my keep.

We went through such a situation together. I could lean on him as a reliable man, and he was very affectionate, even if he was more like a cat or a stuffed animal at times. Without Fikar, I’m sure it would’ve taken me much longer to adjust to this world. I was lonely while he was away and it was reassuring just to have him back, even if I didn’t do anything.

Perhaps I was just hanging on by a thread. There were so many obstacles in front of me and the days passed just trying to get through them. I didn’t have time to look back and see what I had accomplished.

Perhaps I was subconsciously avoiding romance and more intimate relationships. I felt that rooting myself in this place would be the same as breaking the psychological bond with my original world. I was afraid because I knew that I would be abandoning my family and memories.

“I care about you too, Fikar.”

I smiled, and he smiled back.

I wondered about Fikar.

Why did you collapse in that place? Why are you so strong? Do you have any family? But I can’t ask him those questions if I can’t even answer my own. When I have more time, when I can take in the world around me, I’ll look back on myself. I don’t know when that will be, but it’s not now.

The lights were turned off and the room turned pitch black. I pulled the slightly cold bedsheets over me and closed my eyes, the hot water bottle holding me from behind. Warm and gentle, the hot water bottle tightly sealed the gap between us.

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TL Notes:

1: They’re called カエルヨウセイモドキ (ka-e-ru-yo-u-se-i-mo-do-ki), or カエル妖精擬き (ka-e-ru-you-sei-modo-ki), with カエル meaning “frog”, 妖精 meaning “fairy”, and 擬き meaning “pseudo/false” or “mocking”. I’m not too sure which meaning of 擬き to use, but turning mockingbirds into mockingfrogs sounds funny. (Though, it doesn’t really make sense since frogs, despite being able to “sing” like birds, can’t hear the calls of other species and thus can’t mimic them.)

2: The word used here is metsuke (目付), which were (sorta?) proto intelligence officers of the Tokugawa shogunate.

3: Aïe, Sumire…

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