Chapter 84: Man vs BFG

They reached the Romanian frontier by nightfall.

The trip had been relatively calm: they tried to stop at an inn that turned out to be a giant mimic, engaged in a gunfight with a group of Mad Max punk raiders, and briefly crossed paths with a friendly undead gunslinger. By post-apocalyptic standards, it was a day like any other.

“My standards for normalcy have truly lowered,” Basil mused as he examined bullets near the campfire. The group had stopped near a broken road in the shadow of a valley. A layer of snow covered the Hungarian countryside as far as the eye could see.

The wind was frosty as hell, but Basil had found an interesting way to protect his team from the cold: fans empowered with Fire Runes. The devices produced heat on their own, blowing a warm breeze over the camp and gently melting snow. Rosemarine rested near the Steamobile while Bugsy and Plato surveyed the demon goulash stew.

Vasi and Kalki hadn’t returned from their recon yet, so Basil entertained himself with crafting sessions. His Runecraft Perk allowed him to infuse runes at nearly any stage of the process, and his current project involved empowering every bullet, arrow, and projectile in their reserve. Exploiting enemies’ elemental weaknesses was becoming a matter of life and death for the team.

“So, I’ve finished the inventory of all the gifts we accumulated,” Shellgirl said as Basil infused a bullet with his Corrosive Rune. “They include four crates of various alcoholic beverages, porcelain tea sets, two tons of food, crystal tableware, twenty colored easter eggs—I ate two, they were delicious—eight handmade shoes, eighty-four Monster Poker cards, and a washing machine.”

Basil frowned at Shellgirl. “Monster Poker? What’s that?”

“I knew you wouldn’t ask about the washing machine,” Shellgirl replied with a grin. “It’s a game the orcs in Budapest played, remember? We could organize a duel.”

“Bored of winning at Board & Conquest?” Plato mused. “I wouldn’t mind playing another game.”

“You only say that because Shellgirl keeps beating you,” Basil said with a chuckle. He had managed to get his entire group to play B&C during the trip—even Rosemarine. Kalki and Shellgirl had turned out to be excellent players with innovative, defensive fighting styles.

Plato… not so much. He insisted on playing Vanir-exclusive armies because they were the only faction with cats, but they were bottom-tier without support. The fact that Garud, Kalki’s avian familiar, defeated him with Aesir troops once didn’t improve his mood either.

“She’s winning because I’m not putting any effort into it,” Plato lied through his teeth. “I can try for real any time now.”

And he was in denial about his shortcomings too, which didn’t help him progress as a player.

“Keep telling yourself that kitty cat, you still owe me money,” Shellgirl replied with a grin. Plato hissed back at her in defiance.

Basil heard a sound at the periphery of his vision and tensed up in alarm. He suddenly relaxed upon seeing the source of the noise: a golden cobra dragging a white deer with fangs across the snow and toward the camp.

Out of Kalki’s two familiars, his serpent Ananta-Shesha was the most mysterious; in fact, Basil wasn’t certain if the serpent could speak their language at all. She understood words clearly but usually hissed in response to them, and always went off into the night before coming back with a dead monster in her jaw.

Considering Kalki’s peaceful disposition, Basil often wondered if his familiar grinded experience for him. The Bard lagged behind the Bohens by ten levels, but that was still surprisingly high for a pacifist.

“Come to think of it, isn’t the mythological Ananta-Shesha supposed to be male?” Basil asked the snake. “But you’re a girl, right?”

Basil didn’t know a cobra could roll its eyes, but Shesha managed the feat. “Sss,” she hissed after dumping her catch near the campfire. “Sss!”

“I’m sorry,” Basil apologized. He didn’t quite understand what the snake meant, but she sounded offended. “I was just curious.”

“Sss,” the cobra replied before nesting near the campfire.

The fact that the System translated every other monster language into understandable words, but not snake hisses, greatly confused Basil. He had tried to question Kalki and Garud about it, only to be met with smiles. “You do not need words to understand someone, only to listen,” the Bard had replied enigmatically. “Thank you Lao Tseu," Basil had deadpanned in response.

Basil guessed he could just craft a parseltongue translator someday.

“Boss, the stew is ready!” Bugsy declared with happiness. “We’re ready to serve when our friends come back.”

“Partner, can you check the washing machine before dinner?” Shellgirl asked. “It demands a lot of water and we don’t have all that much in reserve. Maybe you can optimize it?”

“I’ll infuse it with a Water Rune later,” Basil promised. Refining an item with a Rune meant casting the associated spell. Although they only cost ten to twenty SP, it was still an energy-intensive process. Basil only practiced it in the evening before sleep, since he would regain his lost power after a good rest. “Bugsy, have you chosen your new Metamorphosis?”

The centimagma nodded. “I will go with Volcanipede, Boss. It sounds more natural to me than Archeopede.”

“Archeopede sounds old,” Shellgirl added. “Maybe you’ll grow assets as a Volcanipede? Like me!”

“I hope not, but we’ll check now,” Basil decided as he assigned his new levels. After some consideration, Warrior Saint levels would have to wait until after he filled out Dragonknight. With the Unity and deadly wyrms around the corner, he needed to make Saint George proud.

Dragonknight Level 10 & 11 Stat Gains: +2 STR, +2 AGI, +2 SKI, +1 MAG, +1 INT, +2 CHA, +2 LCK. You earned 60 HP and 30 SP.

Dragonbane II (Passive): Not only will all your attacks made with weapons in which you have a proficiency inflict Dragonslayer damage supereffective against [Dragon] types (x3 damage), but they will also ignore all of their natural forms of damage reductions (Equipments or Spells-related reductions are unaffected) and Resistances (but not Immunities).

Dragons, beware the wrath of Basil Bohen!

“Bugsy, we’re ready for–” Basil stopped halfway through his sentence as he detected two shadows flying under the moon. Vasi and Kalki returned from their scouting by landing in the middle of the camp.

“So, Handsome?” Vasi kissed her boyfriend on the cheek after climbing down from her broom. “How did your crafting session go?”

“I have confirmed that Hungarian beer and Austrian cola combine into a Holy Bomb,” Basil explained with a smile. “Don’t ask me why.”

“When you’re an Alchemist, everything starts to look like a bomb,” Vasi joked. “Or so they say in my homeland.”

“I do find your obsession with weapons somewhat worrying, Basil,” Kalki said as he climbed down from his bird mount. Shesha welcomed her Tamer back with a gentle hiss. Kalki returned the gesture by petting her on the head. “You have amassed enough of them to destroy an army.”

“Considering Apollyon showed up with one in Paris, I would say we’re underequipped,” Basil replied. “How did the scouting go?”

“Very well,” Vasi said. “We’ve located a dungeon a few kilometers beyond the border. It would make for a good shelter for the Christmas event.”

“Which faction is in control of it?” Shellgirl asked. “The Apocalypse Force? Metal Olympus? The Unity?”

“None,” Vasi answered. “It’s an independent holdout.”

That surprised Basil very much. Benjamin Leroy had destroyed a large chunk of the world's dungeons prior to the Battle of Paris. All those that the Bohens had encountered during their journey across Central Europe had either been seized by human Guilds or the three Factions Shellgirl mentioned.

In the savage world shaped by the Trimurti System, isolation meant death and conquest.

“We tried to parlay with the locals,” Kalki said with a sigh. “I offered to share our supplies and assist them to survive the incoming event in exchange for shelter. I hoped they would be open to joining your Guild too, my friend.”

“From your tone, I assume it didn’t go well,” Basil guessed.

“It did not,” Vasi confirmed with a shrug. She sat next to Basil and leaned against his shoulder. “The Boss looked charming at first. A noble count with his pale brides, very eager to trade magical secrets.”

Count? Brides? Basil knew where this was going. “Did he try to drink your blood too?” he asked his girlfriend. “Or offer you a glass of chianti?”

“No, but he tried to feed us to his zombies when I refused to share my spellbook,” Vasi replied with an amused tone. “Then he sent giant bats after us. We killed them all, of course.”

“It was still a pain to fight our way out,” Garud said. The giant bird glanced at the white deer his comrade had brought to the camp. “Mmm. Dessert?”

“Sss,” Shesha replied.

“Aren’t you a glutton?” the bird asked with amusement.

“My poor Vasi.” Shellgirl took the witch’s hands into her own. “How rude of these strangers to mistreat you!”

“Yes, indeed…” Vasi glanced at her boyfriend. “Will my knight avenge my honor?”

“Gladly,” Basil replied. “You’re okay with retaliating, Kalki?”

“I will always fight with words first,” Kalki replied with firm determination. “But if our foes are deaf to them, steel will do.”

“Besides, the dungeon is surrounded by ghost towns,” Garud pointed out. “I’m pretty sure the undead inside killed everyone nearby. We should wipe out their nest for the good of everyone else.”

“Then we’ll seize their dungeon for the Homeowner Revenge Association.” Basil smirked at Bugsy. “Want to lead the charge?”

“Oh yes, Boss!” The centimagma straightened up. “I’m ready to transform.”

“That’s my boy.” Basil opened his status screen and confirmed Bugsy’s new metamorphosis into a Volcanipede. “Let the world fear your might!”

Bugsy started to glow brighter than fire.

“It’s coming!” he shouted with delight. Even Rosemarine woke up and looked at the transforming bug. “I feel the power!”

The temperature immediately increased around the camp. Bugsy’s body lengthened and grew in strength. The scene reminded Basil of a snake shedding his old skin for a longer one. He briefly worried that his insectoid friend would grow too large to manage, but fortunately, the light of metamorphosis died out before they reached that stage.

Bugsy’s new form reached ten meters in length, making him the second-largest member of the team behind Rosemarine. Two scorpion-like pincers had grown at the forefront of his body. His exoskeleton had turned from chitinous flesh to volcanic stone. Lava flowed through Bugsy’s body like blood and exuded steam instead of sweat. Eight eyes of light blinked atop a dragon-like mouth and a pair of sharp mandibles. Fires burned along Bugsy’s spine, and small volcanic craters breathed smoke on his back. The very air simmered around him due to his intense heat.

The change wasn’t as spectacular as Rosemarine’s previous change from a small flower to a colossal tropidrake, but Bugsy did look a lot more intimidating now.

Congratulations, [Centimagma] Bugsy Alphonse Venture metamorphosed into a [Volcanipede]! Bugsy Alphonse Venture learned the [Turbo: Fire] and [Red Volcano] Passive Perks, and the [Earthquake], [Heatriser], and [Magma Bomb] Active Perks! All existing Perks have been strengthened.

Everyone clapped at Bugsy’s transformation. Shellgirl even whistled at him. “Eruption!” she teased him. “Show us an eruption!”

Bugsy inhaled sharply and then released a geyser of steam from his volcanic craters. He was met with coughs and thunderous applause.

“Congratulations, Bugsy,” Vasi commented more modestly. “You look great.”

“Thank you, thank you,” Bugsy replied with embarrassment. Even his voice had deepened like a thrumming volcano, or a teenager who had finally survived the hell of puberty. “You are too kind.”

“You have eight eyes now?” Plato wagged his tail. “How does it feel?”

“It feels good,” Rosemarine commented, having gained many eyes herself during her own transformation. “You see all the bloody details!”

“It’s so weird,” Bugsy replied. “I can sense subtle vibrations everywhere too. Even in the air.”

“Must be your new Perks,” Basil said with a smile as he opened his friend’s status screen.

Name

Bugsy Alphonse Venture (Volcanipede)

Type

Elemental/Bug

Faction

Homeowner Revenge Association (The Bohens)

Experience

1,827,600/2,000,000

Immune

Resist

Weak

Fire, Earth, Critical Hits.

Physical, Corrosion, Metal, Mythic, Ailments.

Bugslayer, Elementslayer, Frost, Water, Wood.

Level

Health Points

Special Points

54

2510

1160

Strength

Agility

Vitality

Skill

76

(A+20%)

53

(C+20%)

76

(A+20%)

46

(C+20%)

Magic

Intelligence

Charisma

Luck

21

(D+20%)

27

(D+20%)

32

(C+20%)

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36

(C+20%)

Physical

Mind

Soul

Corrosion

Metal

Wood

Life

Support

Ailment

Strong

-

-

Strong

Strong

Weak

Strong

Strong

Strong

Fire

Water

Earth

Wind

Frost

Lightning

Light

Darkness

Mythic

Strong

Weak

Strong

-

Weak

-

-

-

Strong

Passive Perks

Active Perks

Raging Inferno

Fire Up

Carapace+

Volcanic Breath

Burrower

Earthquake

Turbo: Fire

Heatriser

Red Volcano

Magma Bomb

Personal Perks:

Raging Inferno: Bugsy treats his natural weapons, like fangs and claws, as if he had advanced proficiency with them (x2 damage, +10 Crit). Additionally, these weapons will inflict an additional 20% [Fire] damage.Carapace+: Bugsy is immune to critical hits.Burrower: Bugsy can sense vibrations in the air and the ground over a large area. This ignores the downsides of the [Blind] ailment even if he is targeted by it, and his normal accuracy is doubled. Additionally, he can dig through the ground at an accelerated speed.Turbo: Fire: All of Bugsy’s [Fire] elemental attacks inflict 30% more damage and pierce through Resistance.Red Volcano: If Bugsy is targeted by Fire attacks, including his own, he regains HP instead of losing them. Additionally, he benefits from a HP/SP Regen effect (recover 1/16th of max HP/SP per minute) in Fire-aligned Fields. Finally, Bugsy can sculpt molten lava as if it were clay.

Active Perks:

Fire Up: 50 SP, [Support]. Bugsy gathers power to buff all of his physical stats for five minutes; additionally, his [Fire] attacks are boosted by 50% during that period. This stacks with Turbo: Fire.Volcanic Breath: 90 SP, [Fire]. Bugsy unleashes a powerful fiery breath of fire and ashes (base power 150 [Fire]). Those damaged by it have 30% percent chances of suffering from the [Blind] ailment due to the ashes.Earthquake: 80 SP, [Earth]/[Physical]. Bugsy stomps the ground to cause a small earthquake, which will damage all creatures and structures within a large radius (100 base power, [Earth]/[Physical] damage). Buildings are especially vulnerable and likely to collapse.Heatriser: 10 SP per minute, [Fire]. While normally somewhat safe to touch, Bugsy can turn up the heat of his body. Everything within a short radius around him will periodically suffer from low [Fire] damage (base power 30) and all [Frost]/[Water] damage he receives is halved, though he will take supereffective damage from them.Magma Bomb: 120 SP, [Fire]/[Earth]. Bugsy fires a powerful bomb of magma capable of great destruction (200 base power, [Fire]/[Earth]). Additionally, any area marked by the magma bomb is treated as a [Volcanic] Field until the lava cools off; this triggers [Red Volcano].

Bugsy’s new build could be summed up in one word: firepower. It was as simple as it was deadly. The Burrower and Red Volcano Perks would also prove useful for his architectural pursuits.

“Bugsy,” Basil said after finishing reading.

“Yes, Boss?”

“I’ve got the feeling you’re going to burn a lot of things.”

The party reached the dungeon’s outskirts on the morning of December 24th.

They crossed the Romanian frontier and drove through the snowy countryside. Due to his body’s temperature, Bugsy had spent most of the trip inside the engine room. His Heatriser Perk made him an excellent alternative to coal to fuel the Steamobile, and he delighted in shaping small dolls out of his own magma.

At long last, the Bohens arrived at their destination: a gothic black castle of majestic proportions sitting atop a mound of earth. Its pointed towers cast a dark shadow on a frozen moat. A large bridge of stone was the only way inside. The place’s bloody stained glass windows radiated a dark red light, and a crimson aurora shone atop the structure. Basil couldn’t help but think back to Château Muloup when he observed it from a respectable distance.

And of course, the inhabitants had impaled skulls on wooden stakes around the moat. What a friendly neighborhood.

Dungeon: Vampire Castle

Level: 50.

Faction: None.

Field Type: Castle/Graveyard.

[Metal], [Soul], [Corrosion], [Earth], [Darkness], and [Mythic] elements are strengthened.[Wood], [Water], and [Light] elements are weakened.When a [Undead] Type inflicts damage in the Field, they regain half the amount in HP.Knight classes and Monsters receive a Strength, Vitality, and Charisma buff while in the Field.

Ah, Romania, Romania! A land with a thousand-years long history, which Bram Stoker had single-handedly obscured with a single book.

“Vampires, of course,” Basil grumbled. How could the Trimurti System’s devs show so little imagination? At least the dungeon’s beneficial properties should help the party survive the Christmas event.

“Mister, don’t vampires burn out in the sunlight?” Rosemarine asked innocently. “Like candles?”

“According to movies, they should,” Basil replied. “Hollywood wouldn’t lie to me.”

Rosemarine stared at the vampire castle for a few seconds, giggled to herself, and then started laughing. It was a dreadful laugh of cruel joy that inspired dread in almost all of her teammates.

“I’m sorry, Mister,” Rosemarine said upon calming herself. “I am trembling with anticipation.”

Aww, she was happy to work! How could Basil be mad at such a delightful creature?

“Where’s the welcoming committee?” Plato wondered. “I expected an ambush or two. I’m disappointed.”

“They must be expecting a siege,” Basil said, crossing his arms. The dungeon was quite large and he suspected the presence of crypts under the mound holding it. “Fighting room by room might prove difficult.”

“Oh, I have an idea!” Shellgirl raised her hand. “Can I suggest an alternative solution?”

“Go ahead,” Basil replied.

“A dungeon heals itself so long as the core Neurotower remains intact,” Shellgirl said with a grin. “And it is protected by an impenetrable barrier so long as the Boss remains alive inside.”

Basil raised an eyebrow. “What are you hinting at?”

“Here’s my suggestion.” Shellgirl joined her fingers together into a ‘gun’ shape and pointed them at the castle. “We blow it all up from afar with artillery, scour the debris to find the Boss, claim the core, and wait for it to rebuild the castle.”

The idea sounded good on paper, and very difficult in practice.

“Castle walls are designed to withstand a lot of punishment,” Bugsy pointed out, once again showcasing his in-depth knowledge of architecture. “Even if we focus all firepower in one space, it won’t be enough to make a way to the Neurotower. Especially if it’s underground.”

“Besides, we already tried a similar strategy in France with Château Muloup,” Basil said. “Not even Rosemarine could breach it for long and the dungeon healed quicker than we could damage it.”

“But we didn’t have…” Shellgirl let her words hang on for dramatic effect, before pointing a thumb at the Steamobile’s roof. “This beauty!”

The Gehenna Cannon stood atop the Steamobile, begging to be used.

The realization gave the group food for thought, Basil included. Apollyon had used two of these devices to blow up the ISS from the sky; after it had been transformed into a deadly dungeon.

“You know, I agree with the start-upper,” Plato voiced his support for the proposal. “We never got to test this gizmo.”

“I’m tempted,” Basil admitted. “I’m tempted.”

“Wouldn’t that destroy all the treasures inside?” Vasi asked Shellgirl. “Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t mind taking a shortcut. I’m just surprised you would write off the loot in the process.”

“That’s the genius part!” Shellgirl grinned. “All the dead monsters will drop loot once the castle collapses on their heads! We’ll just have to pick it up!”

The longer she pitched the idea, the more Basil found it fabulously inventive. The terrible dive into the Louvre Pyramid in Paris had been enough dungeon crawling already.

“Bugsy, do you sense any movement below the castle?” Basil asked the volcanipede. “Do they have a creepy vampire crypt buried underneath?”

“I think so, Boss,” Bugsy confirmed with a nod. “But it’s okay. I can dig a path through even if we blow up the dungeon’s top.”

“Even if we don’t uncover the core, destroying the upper part of the castle means we won’t have to fight the troops occupying it,” Shellgirl pointed out. “Instead of having to fight our way through ten floors, we’ll just have to get past the basement.”

“We will drag them from their coffins,” Rosemarine said with enthusiasm. “They will sparkle and glitter in the sunlight!”

“Fine Shellgirl, you’ve sold me,” Basil replied happily. “You are the Steve Jobs of the adventurer economy.”

“That’s right, I’m a disruptive innovator,” Shellgirl boasted. “I’ve rubbed the big fat cannon long enough! Now is the time to fire!”

And so, Basil comfortably watched the following firework from a distance. Plato fetched him sunglasses as Shellgirl went on to pilot the Gehenna Cannon atop the Steamobile. The device gathered power for a few seconds, fueled by Apollyon’s leftover magic, before roaring into action.

The first shot blew up two towers.

The cannon unleashed a mighty ray of crimson light straight at the dungeon, vaporizing all in its path. Stone, glass, and earth melted away into nothingness. The beam dug a scorched tunnel across the mound and continued its course on the other side.

Zombies stormed out of the dungeon’s gates and monstrous chiropterans took to the sky in response. To Basil’s surprise, the latter didn’t burst out in the sunlight like in vampire movies. Pop culture had betrayed him once again.

Unfortunately for them, the dungeon’s monsters were no more of a threat than the countless mobs the Bohens defeated in Hungary. Rosemarine and Bugsy happily incinerated them before they could get anywhere close to the Steamobile; the former with her sunbeam, the latter with a breath of searing flames and pyroclastic smoke. Dozens of vampires alike burned at the stake and the rest wisely fled in the other direction, far away from the castle.

Even Vasi, who had been on the lookout to support her friends in case the battle turned ugly, eventually rejoined Basil in watching the slaughter.

“You’ve got a damn long range, Bugsy,” Plato commented before pointing a claw at the castle’s left side. “Shellgirl, you can score a full strike with this tower!”

“Oh, thanks for the pointer!” Shellgirl replied from atop the Gehenna Cannon. Her next blast hit the foundation of a tower and caused it to collapse onto others like a fall of domino.

“I’m…” Kalki cleared his throat. “I understand they cast the first stone, but this is overkill.”

“They have a forest of stakes around their house,” Basil replied grimly. “They deserve it.”

“Do we continue, Boss?” Bugsy asked in between volcanic breaths. “I think we soundly routed them.”

“Last time we let mobs go, they returned with reinforcements to burn our house.” Basil had learned his lesson. “Keep firing. We’ll have enough trouble clearing the basement without having stragglers returning for a second round.”

The vampire castle’s walls swiftly melted under the heat of the bombardment. Columns of smoke rose as high as the clouds and the ashes of the slain fell across the windswept land of Romania. The dungeon crumbled into debris, leaving the path to the crypt below clear.

“Basil,” Vasi whispered into her boyfriend’s ear. “Did you keep some of the garlic I brought in Budapest?”

“Yes, of course.”

“What would happen, hypothetically…” Vasi glanced at the impaled victims surrounding the castle. “If we used crafting to combine these stakes with garlic?”

Basil turned to look at his girlfriend, beaming at her beauty and marveling at the depth of her genius.

“If I were a vampire,” he said with a grin. “I would be kissing you on the neck right now.”

“I know,” she replied with a smile. “You can do that later.”

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