Chapter 8: Chapter 8

 

After a while, I slept.
I don't know what I dreamt, but with my state of mind, it wasn't surprising that it was a disturbed night.
When I woke up again, I didn't know what to do.
This is scary!

I know they won't harm me, but they are there.
Countless spiders crawling inside me.
This is more than I can endure, yet it doesn't work to cry and scream and plunge my nails into my skin.
Which are all things I did after I woke up that didn't help at all.
The revelations from yesterday were still present to me, but I had no way to react to them.
I can't rip off this skin and get them out.
And I cannot tell them to leave me with this link.

I felt them when they came out.

A presence!

Thoughts or at least a ground attitude.

They are there!
A part of me and it got clear that they wanted to protect me as their center which they don't intend to leave.
And because of this, I can't make them go.
Now I just try to ignore it, block it out to no avail.

They are still there!
Even more present than before, now that I'm aware of them!
I think they are worried.
At least this is how it feels.

But I can't react in any way to them.
They are the source of my problems.

How would they react if I tried to kill them?
Yet I wouldn't know how and don't think I could manage to do so.
I was never able to attack any living creature.
Even the spiders, which I feared so much, my parents had to take care of.
And now they're inside me.

But far more frightening is that I continue to produce these creatures.
How am I supposed to deal with this?
Am I really breeding more of them right now?
Can I stop this from happening?
It didn't sound like a possibility when Talisa told me about this.
How can I react?

 

"Uhm, are you there?" (N)

 

I ask into the empty room and the only ones able to hear would be the spiders inside me.
I am a bit disenchanted right now after all my other attempts to get them out of me proved to be useless.
So I have just one way to figure something out.
And for this reason, I call out to them.

 

"I-I'm not going to hurt you! C-can you h-hear me?" (N)

 

At this moment the crook of my arm twitches and right after a small spider emerges.
I almost fail to keep the insides of my stomach where they belong.

This is so frightening!
The spider looks at me as if it's waiting for something.

 

"H-h-hello! I-I'm N-Neri a-a-and it s-seems we a-are so-somehow stuck together. I-is that r-right?" (N)

 

I'm talking to a spider!
This is crazy!
Even more crazy is that I think she has understood me and nods.

 

"W-w-would i-it be po-possible that all of y-you leave my b-body?" (N)

 

Did the spider just tilt her body at me?

 

"They will leave on their own as soon as they are big enough!" (T)

"Talisa?" (N)

 

I throw her a surprised look and find this woman there, without knowing where she came from.

 

"Did you really think I would leave you alone in this state? When you started to claw yourself I was close to intervening! Fortunately, you stopped soon, but your nails might have been able to cut through the webs. After all, they are the same material." (T)

 

I still look at her, unable to find anything to respond.
The spider on my arm seems to have noticed that I don't pay her any attention anymore, so she moves back to the place at my arm and enters!!!

 

"No, no, no, no! Don't go back in! No!" (N)

 

There is nothing more horrific than seeing how my most feared creature intrudes into my body.
I immediately try to press there, rub the area, and attempt to squeeze it back out, but she's already inside and there are countless more.

 

"Calm down, there is nothing wrong!" (T)

"How is this not wrong?! A spider entered my body! What do they even want in there?" (N)

"They are nurtured by what you take in. You are nursing them. You will act as their hive till they have sufficiently matured. This is practically your job and in return, they'll take care of you once they are grown. Because of this, you should consume a little more or you will look like Eritu. Who is seriously taking her breeding too far." (T)

 

I hug myself, she said in fact that I am a breeding stock to spiders.

 

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"Th-they will grow?" (N)

"Don't worry, at a certain size they will eventually leave to make space for the new ones.

I apologize, yet your entry was rather surprising, so we can only provide you with this chamber for now. When they emerge we can designate two rooms for you and your brood, but we have still some time till that happens. However, don't misunderstand. They will still belong to you and are your responsibility!" (T)

 

I don't want to be responsible for countless spiders!

Wait a moment!
How many are we talking about here?
Through tears I ask:

 

"How many will there be?" (N)

"Hmm. It depends. If we are talking about your first brood, I think it will be between fifty and a hundred. But this is just one season. The permanent stock you will have to survey will encompass several thousand entities. This is under the condition that you don't allow them to breed with themselves. We prevent this, as the resulting spawn will be less healthy and such great numbers bring problems to supply them. Yet, there are those like Eritu who has trained herself to breed greater numbers. She is somewhere between twice to thrice the average amount, at the cost of her condition and that of her brood." (T)

 

Thousands!
Thousands of spiders are going to come out of me!!!

This is so scary!
And the first hundred will soon emerge.

 

"You don't need to be scared. If you eat properly you will note nothing." (T)

 

The fact that they are there is enough!

 

"I know you have much to deal with, nonetheless, I want you to know that you are not a prisoner. If you want, I can show you around here." (T)

 

Wonderful. A tour through the spider horror house.

 

"You could also stroll outside, as long you don't go too far. It might be dangerous if you encounter other monsters since you don't want to fight. And meeting humans would have other issues as you might guess." (T)

 

I can see the problem.

I might look human right now, but one slip up, like for example spiders emerging out of my body, and people will see that I'm a monster.
I mean I grow giant spider legs!
This is just wrong!

I can't live around humans anymore.
Only here with those spiders.
This thought is too dire for me to process and make any decisions.
I would certainly have died after those men killed my parents.

However, is this better?
I don't know.
If not for the point that I was tortured they are now awfully nice to me.
I mean shelter, a bed, fine clothes?
I don't want to think about the food, nonetheless if not for my fear, this might be the best that could have happened to me after I lost all I had.
Despite the part where I have to breed spiders.
But there is certainly no escape from this and the only thing I could do to change that would be to kill myself.
If I don't do that, this might be the best I can get.

So I need to decide now if I want to die or choose to live here.
This all is cruel, but I don't feel bad right now.
If not for my general situation one could say that I am healthy and in good condition.
On the other side, I am a monster.
Is this reason enough to kill myself?

This life is terrible, yet it's something I have.
Death would be worse, I think.
I don't want to die.

 

"If you want I can introduce you to the others. They are all quite fond of you, the way they engaged themselves till exhaustion. But in regards to your issue, we might skip Eritu's territory. It's rather cramped there." (T)

 

I can imagine this, even if I don't want to.
She also takes them out with her, so she might sit the whole day in a lake of spiders.
Frightening!

 

"Or we just make a small tour, so that you get an idea of the environment. For today we could also ignore the places you might not like, even if you should get used to them, like the food storage or the gathering halls. Nonetheless, you will certainly see spiders. That won't change." (T)

 

I'm in a spider den.
How should I be able to avoid them?
But they still scare me.

 

"Can you keep them away?" (N)

 

The only ones who care for me are those who transformed me.
Can I really turn to them when I'm in need?
But I need help if I want to make it through this.
Without help, I will lose my mind here.

 

"Sure, just stay close. We have every authority here." (T)

 

Involuntarily, I press myself against Talisa, which surprises her, and she offers me a smile and a pat.
I know it might be inconsistent of me, but I have no one else to lean on.
Like this, we walk further down the hallways.

 

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