Chapter 4: Chapter 4: The Burning Drive to Succeed

Leir greedily tore through his breakfast gruel, but his mind was elsewhere. He was no closer to finding a way back home, and for every day that he was gone there was certainly another problem he’d have to deal with when he got back. Nobody could run his business but him; if he was gone for a week, things might be fine, but Leir needed to be back sooner rather than later.

“Slow down,” Melisende instructed, pouring a little more food onto his plate. “You’re going to make yourself sick.”

“I’m fine,” Leir mumbled.

“Leir,” Eudes said, pushing his own plate away. “I need to go to the shrine this morning and I was wondering if you wanted to come.”

Leir stopped eating for a moment to say, “I’m not all that religious, actually.”

Eudes seemed unfazed as he continued, “That’s fine, but if you want to come I think it would be a nice experience for you.”

Now that the subject had been brought up, Leir was a little interested in what religion looked like in this world. He ended up following Eudes a short distance away from the house to a little building nestled between houses. It looked much the same, but had an open front covered with curtains instead of a proper door.

Inside the curtains was a main room where four small idols sat perched on pedestals: an elf, an orc, a dwarf, and a goblin. In front of each was a bowl, each filled with small bills, coins, and small filled bags. The bowl in front of the elf statue was much fuller than the others by far.

“Elves revere the four gods of the world,” Eudes explained, gesturing to the statues. “Amirs created the elves and the forests, Rolenne created the dwarfs and the mountains, Catenne created the orcs and the snow, and Onfrier created the goblins and the sea. People come to the shrine to pay their respects to the gods from time to time.”

“Everyone believes this?” Leir asked.

“Not… everyone, but it’s fairly rigidly enforced within elf territory.” He picked up a broom and started sweeping the stone floor, explaining, “In addition to being the town’s only magus, I’m responsible for taking care of the shrine.”

“I can help with that,” Leir said quickly, turning away from the statues. “If you pay me for it, I can start paying you rent and buying my own food.”

Eudes furled his brow and stopped sweeping, telling Leir, “I’m happy to let you help out around the house or the shrine if you’re interested in contributing, but I won’t pay you for it, Leir. Nor do I expect you to pay me back for taking you in.”

Leir curled his hands into fists and stomped his foot, insisting, “That’s not how this works. I have to pay you back for helping me. That’s only fair; it’s what keeps the world operating smoothly.”

Setting the broom aside, Eudes said, “If that’s how you grew up to see the world, then I’m afraid that I feel a little bad for you, Leir. That doesn’t seem like a very healthy or enjoyable way to live.”

Leir could only stare, dumbfounded. Did Eudes really not understand what Leir was saying? Or was he just trying to make a fool of Leir? A low, frustrated growl escaped Leir’s throat.

Taking a deep breath, Leir tried to steady himself. He kept giving into these childish behaviors. It was important for him to remember that he was an adult man and he had to act like it. If Eudes was ever going to respect Leir as an equal and stop being so paternalistic, then Leir needed to prove that he deserved the respect.

“I won’t bring it up again,” Leir said.

He would find some other way to make money; someone would hire a go-getter like himself. It’s not like there were any jobs in the town that required a specialized skill set. Leir would be fine: he’d repay his debts and he would leave as soon as he was done.

Eudes seemed pleased and picked up the broom again. Leir sat cross-legged on the ground to sulk and watch him wander around to sweep the floor or dust the walls. When was Eudes going to teach him magic like he had promised to?

“If we finish here faster, will you have time to teach me magic today?” Leir asked.

“Hm… Yes, that does sound reasonable to me,” Eudes replied.

Leir sprang to his feet, asking, “What can I do to help?”

“I need you to get a tub of water so that we can wash and clean the idols. Then, we’ll count the offerings and record them properly in the ledger.”

“I can do all of that,” Leir assured him, already looking around for a tub.

It was noon by the time they were done, and the two had to return home for lunch. Leir was a little dirtier than he would have liked after being reduced to housework for a change. Fortunately, Melisende already had a warm meal prepared for them, and Leir ate quickly despite her stern warnings.

Afterward, Eudes took Leir to the edge of town and into the woods. Leir found himself a little on edge, twitching at every rustling leaf lest there be another mountain lion around. Eudes brought him all the way to a large clearing a good distance away from town; Leir could only barely see smoke from the village off in the distance.

“This is the best place for you to practice your magic,” he told Leir. “If you want to practice without me, I ask that you come here to do so.”

“What’s special about this place?” Leir asked.

“It’s far enough away from town that we won’t be an inconvenience or a threat to anybody,” Eudes explained. “Though magic is available to everything, not everyone wants it in their life. And you must remember: magic is extremely dangerous.”

He sat down in the middle of the field and Leir sat across from him.

Eudes explained, “There are two types of magic users that I’ve encountered directly. Witches create potions and totems to combine magic of different domains for a short amount of time. Magi, of which I am one, use magic directly, but can only use one domain of magic at a time. Domains are varied: life, death, speed, light, cold, gravity, and so on. The one that I’ll be teaching you to utilize today is fire. Most magi know a broad range of domains, if they’ve been practicing for long enough, but only become proficient in a small handful.”

Leir nodded, then asked, “So, what do I need to do to use magic of my own?”

“Close your eyes.” Leir did so. “You’ll need to calm your mind and empty yourself of thoughts. It takes a strong meditative state in order to open your spiritual energy to the world around you. Now, breathe in.”

He took Leir through some breathing exercises, but Leir found himself fidgeting a lot. It was impossible to completely quell the tide of thoughts, especially from a mind as impressive as his own. Eudes had him continue to breathe and stressed the importance of patience.

“Breathe in, and out.”

“This isn’t working.”

“You just need to be patient.”

Leir could be patient. He absolutely could be patient. Anyone telling him that he couldn’t just didn’t understand how fast his mind was working at all times. If this was going to work, it would have worked for Leir immediately.

“It’s still not working.”

“Give yourself over to the flow of the universe.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

Eudes opened his eyes and explained, “You need to reach an altered state of consciousness, Leir. In order to do that, you need to focus on letting go of each thought instead of holding onto them.”

“What am I even trying to do?” Leir asked, the smallest trace of helplessness seeping into his voice.

“You need to be able to feel your focal energies and push them into the proper alignment in order to access the domain of fire. This is what separates you from a lesser spirit, Leir. If you can master this, then you can cast any kind of magic that you can imagine.”

Leir grumbled, but closed his eyes again and tried to focus on breathing. He let every thought go, even though most came rebounding back. Every few minutes, he had to remind himself to relax his muscles.

“There are six focal energies,” Eudes said softly. “Your heart energy, your head energy, your stomach energy, your throat energy, your hand energy, and your feet energy. If you can feel each one, you can align them.”

They were out there for hours as Leir tediously found each of his focal energies. Eudes had him concentrate on the image of fire, trying to connect with its ‘primordial form,’ whatever that meant. If Leir could understand fire at a basic level, he could force his focal energies into alignment.

“Fire craves the freedom to burn and grow,” Eudes explained. “You must feel the passion as well as the physical heat, the need to expand and fill the world. The purpose of fire is to transform beyond recognition whatever it touches, and if controlled can be the most valuable tool you’ll ever use. To embody fire, you must endeavor to be an unstoppable force of change that always fights against being imprisoned.”

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Leir could feel his focal energies shift. He felt warm. His breathing was slow and controlled. At Eudes instruction, he held out his hand.

“Open your eyes.”

A small flame sat in the palm of Leir’s hand.

“I did it!” Leir cried, springing to his feet and accidentally extinguishing the flame. “I did magic!”

Eudes stood up and said, “Congratulations, Leir. You’ll need to continue meditating and self-reflecting in order to increase your mana. With more practice, you’ll be able to increase not only the amount of mana you can use to fuel your flames, but the range of what you can do with those flames.”

Leir nodded, still staring at his open palm. He clenched his hand into a tight fist and grinned. This was only the first step in getting back home, but he was confident that he’d be able to pull it off.

“Let’s go back home,” Eudes said, patting Leir on the back and directing him toward town. “It’s almost time for dinner.”

Leir found a spot in the clearing and became intimately associated with it. He sat for long hours every day, making the flame in his hand a little bigger each time. Sometimes, Leir would stand and try to move the flame between his hands, getting it to dance along his fingers for a few seconds before it disappeared.

Sometimes, he’d take a break and wander into town, where the local dwarfs would continue to give him little gifts of food and trinkets. It became difficult to keep track of whom exactly Leir owed money to. Everyone insisted that it was fine, and every time they did Leir would grind his teeth a little.

A week passed like this, an entire week of Leir’s stomach churning at the thought of what his company was going through. He’d skip lunch sometimes in order to keep practicing his magic, only to return home weak and starving. Some days, he’d push himself so hard that he’d pass out after dark and wake up the next morning on his straw mattress.

The morning gruel had become familiar and, as a result, a little bland. Leir ate slowly, occasionally picking at the bandages on his hands from where he’d been unable to completely handle the flames correctly.

“They won’t heal properly if you don’t take care of them,” Melisende scolded him, taking the plate away.

Leir got dressed; Eudes had gotten him some new clothes in a more masculine cut, but the drab green and brown tones left a lot to be desired. In addition, Eudes had given him a pair of sandals, but for reasons Leir was struggling to put into words, he frequently went without them unless he was visiting the shrine. He’d finally gotten a haircut as well and was relieved to not have to push hair out of his face anymore.

Wandering through the village, Leir took a deep breath and sighed. It was impossible for him to deny how comfortable this sleepy little village was. As much as Leir missed all his luxuries, as determined as he was to get home, he understood how poor people could be happy with how little they had. It just wasn’t the life for him.

Leir stepped into a little carpentry shop, looking around for the owner. As much as he wanted to do nothing but finish learning magic, Leir needed to do something about his money problem. Surely, someone would give him a part time job that he could do in his spare time.

“Hello there, young sir,” the dwarf man said from across the room. “Can I help you?”

“I hear around town that you’re looking for additional help,” Leir said, leaning up against the counter. “I’d like to work here, if you’re willing to teach me.”

The man gasped and nearly dropped the tools he was holding.

“I could never!” he insisted, hurrying over. “The thought of a spirit working for me! The scandal would resonate across the entire land. I won’t hear of it. If there’s anything you need, I will do anything in my power to help you out.”

“That’s not the point!” Leir insisted, grinding his teeth again. “I need to be able to earn my keep.”

The dwarf scratched his scalp, looking skeptical.

“Perhaps that’s how they do it in elf cities, young sir, but I won’t have it in my shop.”

Leir sighed and headed for the door. There were other businesses in this village not run by dwarfs. Leir wasn’t physically fit enough to cut trees with the orcs—though he would undoubtedly be a good manager if they’d have him—but there was something for him in this town.

There was a cobbler in town who was also looking for help. Leir entered the building, wishing that he’d stopped to grab his shoes for once. The woman at the counter perked up as he entered.

“Hello, I’m looking for a place to work,” he explained. “I have a very good work ethic and I learn quickly.”

The woman blinked in surprise, furled her brow, and asked, “I’m sorry, but what does a spirit want with a job?”

“I’m trying to earn my keep as a respectable citizen.”

The elf grimaced at his answer and glanced away.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think that you would be a good fit, here.”

“I assure you: I’m adaptable. Once I know the basics, I’ll be able to keep up with the workload.”

“It’s not a question of skill,” she insisted. “I just don’t think that it would be appropriate for a spirit to be working here.”

Leir was fuming as he left the shop, muttering bitterly under his breath. He found his way to the shrine and slipped inside, finding a few people there praying. Slipping into a back room, Leir sat down and curled up into a ball.

It was a struggle not to break down into tears. All Leir needed was a bit of money to pay back his debts. If he only had access to a few resources, he could probably just invent all his problems away. Why was he stuck in a world with no substantial technology? What had he done to deserve such a cruel fate?

For every moment that he wasted here, his company was struggling more and more without him. What kind of life was he even going back to? That McFee woman was probably smearing his good name in his absence.

Once he’d wiped his tears away, Leir took a deep breath and stood up. He picked up a broom, heading into the main room to sweep up a little. Whenever he felt awful about his situation, the simple task of cleaning the shrine helped him calm his emotions a little. The work was beneath him, but having a task to perform calmed his nerves.

Elves were still praying to the idols; Leir had never seen anyone except elves in here, barring himself. Again, the bowl in front of the elven god Amirs was the most full. According to Eudes, there were four gods, and Leir couldn’t help but wonder why there wasn’t a god associated with greater spirits. What did that make him and Melisende, according to this religion? Everyone certainly treated him like an outsider.

When he was done cleaning the shrine, Leir put his tools away and left the shrine. Leir had skipped lunch today, so he was more than a little famished. As he got to the house, though, Leir heard raised voices inside. He pressed his big fox ear to the door, flopping the other one down to block out all other sound. Melisende was inside, making the most noise, and Eudes was speaking to her more softly.

“—arrogant and stubborn and ungrateful! I don’t know why you feel so determined to care for him! He’s healed up, so he should go! We only have enough to take care of ourselves in the long term!”

Through the door, Leir could barely make out Eudes say, “He’s young and needs emotional guidance. It would be reckless to send him off on his own when he’s struggling to find his way.”

“Another thing! We don’t know anything about him. He won’t share any details about his life. How can we trust someone like that?!”

“He’ll trust us when he feels like we’re trustworthy, Melisende. I know that his behavior is frustrating, and I’ve been trying to broach the subject with him. We have to give him the opportunity to grow and learn.”

They left the main room to continue the conversation. Slowly, Leir pulled away from the door, shaking. He started walking away from the house, headed towards the woods. Tears were welling up his eyes. Even here, people didn’t like him, but Leir didn’t understand why. Leir was a complete nobody in this world, so why was she targeting him? Nobody here should have any reason to want to tear him down!

Leir hung his head and entered the woods. He knew for a fact that he wasn’t a bad person. People had always unfairly targeted him because he was ambitious, but Melisende didn’t know about any of that. Why was she treating him like scum?!

It was getting dark, but he was able to follow his own scent trail back to the clearing. Once he was there, Leir reached down the front of his shirt and pulled out the crystal. It was wrapped in a small metal wire and attached to a thin rope, glistening a little in the moonlight like it was mocking Leir.

He reached inside himself and pulled at his spiritual wellspring. All Leir needed was power; he didn’t need to align his focal energies. Once again, Leir summoned up all the mana he had and started pouring it into the crystal. This continued for a few minutes until his breathing became labored. The golden flecks on the crystal started to glow, just the slightest bit.

Finally, Leir’s energy gave out. He drooped his shoulders and started breathing heavily. The glow faded from the crystal and it was as inert as ever. The simple fact was that Leir didn’t have enough mana for this to work.

Leir let loose a string of curses as he waved his arms around. He hid the crystal under his shirt again and started walking back. His eyes were closed the whole way home; scent was just much more reliable in the darkness.

When he got back, Leir curled up on his little bed. All he wanted was for his life to go back to normal. Having a way home and not being able to use it was almost worse than having no hope at all.