Chapter 1: Ch. 1 – Adagio

“Hello folks, we have a nice prepackaged food here today, fresh off the press.”

My hands worked slowly. I’d like to say more like with practice. My manager would disagree. The assistant one didn’t really care.

“Everyone’s favorite food, well, I like to think so,” I said, losing its confident pearly luster. “Box says makes ten at a time easy in one go in the microwave, twenty-four easily in the oven at three-fifty Fahrenheit, and three to four servings of the latter.”

Wincing, I realized the common plebeian didn’t understand the bare minimum of grammatical structure and phrasing that a small Victorian child of middling birth reading from an English primer two hundred years ago could understand, and more. Now, it was all sparkly inaccurately portrayed vampires knocking up stalkerish human girls, movies where bathroom humor next to tits and ass won multiple movie awards, a hack like-

“Pardon miss, your oven thing is on fire.”

“Wha-?” I stumbled to get out. The kitchen shears I had in my hand I was using to flip out little parchment paper cups to put my demonstrator samples were frozen mid-air. I didn’t even realize the fumes of company dollars being wasted were there until the… kid. Yeah. He looked like a kid. The kid told me.

“Oh fuuu-dgesicles,” I hissed, dropping the glorified scissors and waving my hands over the toaster oven. Smoke and charred bready smell was definitely getting out and obscuring what was going to be my fourth batch on my shift.

Welp, not anymore!

The oven mitts went on, the oven went off, the oven opened. Me cursing the almost ebon black orbs that used to be on their way to being scrumptious little cheesy breads. I think they were a Brazilian recipe. Gluten-free. Over that aways, second row, fifth bin next to the blueberries.

Day in, day out, clock out, go home, play some vidya, veg out, maybe sleep, vidya again, miss bus, get to work, clock in, repeat.

At least this kind of broke up the monotony even if it was coming out of my non-existent tip.

“Do you have to throw those away?” the short person asked. “I would very much like to take them so they are not wasted in some hole in a trash ground.”

“Huh?” I eloquently responded. “Uhh, I’m not supposed to do that, sadly. Anyways, I don’t think anyone can crack these open without shattering a tooth, dude.”

I got a better look at the man. Definitely a man, toned muscles, built like a brick garden wall but thicker. Like, thick enough that had you asking why a garden needed that kind of protection, was it for a small tank? He wore a wide-brimmed hat and a kickass beard, full and braided. And there was a golden keg with his strands woven through and around it. Giant button nose, soft gray eyes etched inside of friendly old grandpa features. Weird juxtaposed against his full orange-golden locks. Were those red eyes?

“Oh, no, it is alright. Apologies, kind man,” he replied, hands out to reflect his statement. The hat was pushed up to reveal more of his face. “I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble with management, cruel taskmasters.”

“Ugh, y-,” I caught myself again. Checking my surroundings, it was just the typical sprawl of people passing by my station and myself with the same way they would ants on a sidewalk. No food, no care, but food over there! Not like there’s a human being over here. Slaving away to make ends-

“Meet?”

“Come again?” I blankly asked.

“I said, is that now your slaver coming to meet you?” the stout individual before me asked while pointing a thumb in the direction of today’s boss lady.

Fuck my life.

“-so it is definitely not her fault, I must apologize, we were having the most excellent of conversations, the young lass is rather good at her job and was quite knowledgeable with her product, I can’t see myself leaving without at least two or three of these things especially after telling me that these are ethically sourced from the southern Americas and an original family recipe that gives back to the community, all the while serving new treats and preparing another batch.”

I blinked furiously. New tray of the cheesy bread balls was warming my mitts and starting to hit my hands. Still with some confusion, I put them down and looked at my tongs like they were an alien artifact. Next was the tub of frozen bags of what I was selling today. Almost empty. I’d already made my quota but I swear it was nearly full a moment ago.

The short man was standing there and chatting up my manager, Maria. Her mouth was doing the fish gill thing, sucking up air and trying to speak but goddamn this guy belted out words like a leaf blower. Sheer force of will.

He popped another gold-tinged-black ball into his mouth from the handful. The one I said I could get in trouble for. My cheeks felt a little red as I watched Maria watch the stranger. A strange foreign tune hummed on a whim and another one bit the dust.

“Well, I, uh, see that there wasn’t actually a problem here. Carry on, Ari,” the she-devil responded. If anything she seemed whipped. Or dazed. I could imagine the bubbles popping overhead as she tried to sift through what exactly just happened.

“Ahhh, yes!”

Crunch.

“Doesn’t that… like, hurt?”

Crunchy crunch.

“Not really,” the man said. A grin flashed, teeth peeking out at the light. Something was off about them. Were they gray? False teeth? I mean that could probably be why, no nerves in them, but the way they sheared through the miniature bricks was uncanny.

“Hey Ketty, breaktime,” a guy’s voice called from behind me. It was Nick. He was on relief duty, or the verbose ‘I’m here to work at your spot for a half hour so you can try and get lunch or off your feet.’ Nick was a decent guy.

“Hey Nick, time break!” I replied, using some finger guns and making silent pew-pew noises. Realizing my childish gesture, I frowned. “I’m not sure why I said that.”

Cruuuunch.

“It’s fine, get on outta here girl,” the strapping dudebro said without missing a beat. “Oh wow, you made numbers? Guess you get a long one now.”

“Uuuuggghhh, thank you!”

Without further ado my feet carried me towards the little deli that the store I worked in sported. Now, see, worked in. Not at. People I worked for didn’t quite have a stake as much as rented space that other people rented us for. To put it succinctly, we demonstrated things on turf we didn’t own with products not of our making. So, so, soooo annoying when people asked me where the left-handed smoke machines were and got mad when I told them I had the same damn clue as they did.

“Enna, same, yaz?” the older grandma auntie type woman on the other side of the display case asked. I winced as a third disambiguation of my name was uttered in the same five minute timeframe.

“Please, thank you,” was my quiet reply. Olenna was good people though. Saying my whole name was tough for her so I had allowed it. One of the few exceptions

Ring ring, rang up my charges, two chicken strips in a bag of potato wedges, plastic cup for a fountain soda, questionable green and yellow substance labeled corn and green beans.

Yup.

This was my life.

Coming to the soda dispenser, I stared at the choices. I know I usually got the cola fizzy death liquid that was probably giving me cancer or at least a toothache. Then I looked at the lemonade, only slightly better because the citrus made me think, tricked more like, that it was healthier. That left the water. I wish it were some vodka, I do, I do.

Crunch.

If I were a cat, I’d be on the ceiling and my tail would be straight up and bristling.

“Listen here you motherf-“

I whipped around and found myself sitting down in one fell swoop across from the wide-brimmed hat, still angled up so I could see the dwarf’s dark scarlet eyes. Really, really weird contact lenses. He just finish a live-action-roleplay event or something? I didn’t think we had any around here. I mean, big town, lotta people, but they all struck me as the boring keep-to-yourselves, enjoy things alone in the comfort of one’s closet type stuff.

Cruuuuunn…cccchhh...chhhh.

He had a cat-ate-the-canary grin as the latest victim cried out in agony. A knot in my stomach twisted. Something was off about this whole thing.

“I assume you have questions and thus I shall be brief, the first thing you are no doubt wondering is about the strange sensation of lost time,” the beard braided bastard began. “It is not so much a loss but a dilation of time. I do believe you are familiar with the concept, having partaken of what your world calls a roleplaying game. Spells and the like, or at least the interesting bounds of theoretical science calls the term exactly that, the manipulation of time, and are in fact put into practice elsewhere. Which, I still have thoroughly enjoyed perusing the ideas considered novel while in this dimension.”

Meekly, I looked down, color draining from my face. My shoulders-, well, more exactly, my armpits-, felt ice cold and I felt like I wanted to run. Yet, I knew that’d be a mistake. So-

“Please, I’m sorry, you must be hungry. I forgot that I’d already gotten my snack.”

Laid out on a paper plate I usually never was a country-fried steak topped with early bird white gravy, a side splat of mashed potatoes. The corn and greenbeans were gone but instead some fruit. Cantaloupe and grape. And a strawberry! It all smelled heavenly

I decided to look around to see if anyone else was looking at us weird. A guy that barely cleared my clavicle along with someone that definitely looked distressed in an apron.

“So,” I said, throat hoarse and dry. “That’s your version of brief?”

“All things are relative if you think about it,” the man replied as he waved his hand over the feast in front of me. I noticed a small puff of orange smoke this time as a fork and steak knife popped into existence. “You seem to be taking this in stride as well.”

“Yeah, well, this could be a dream. I’ve been doing some light reading and I’m sure it’s a figment of my imagination when I wake up and find a one-hundred-degree fever,” I dryly stated. Slowly taking the proffered utensils, they felt solid enough. “Thanks. And it’s a free meal-, unless this is the part,” I continued, putting my elbow down and pointing the knife at him lopsidedly, “where you say ‘gotcha, gimme your soul!’ ‘Cuz that’d suck.”

“But at least it would break the monotony of your life,” he said with a hungry grin spreading across his face, “wouldn’t it?”

“Urfh kursh ett wode,” I grumbled through a mouth full of chewing. “Sho whey n-, ow! Om, nom, ahem, why not entertain the lucid dream?”

“Hah! I knew you were the adventurous type. So quick to touché in a duel of tongues!”

“Sure.”

I sliced another strip and scootched a mass of golden potatoes onto the fork. This was some of the best food I’d ever tasted, but as my dad always said ‘hunger is the best sauce Arienna.’ Thanks father mine for a name straight out of high fantasy with pointy eared princesses and dank caves full of questionably obtained spoils of war. As if my last name wasn’t bad enough.

“The second is that yes, I am not quite human like yourself, rather from a different plane. A separate dimension and not Hell, mind you, which is a rather dull place and the natives are quite ornery most of the time since their travel visas are often unrenewable,” the red-eyed dwarf continued unbidden. “I am fr-“

“That’s nice and all, but can I be the one to ask the questions on stuff I don’t understand?” I interjected. “I feel like that could make this go quicker. Oh, thank you for this, it’s delicious.”

“To the point, aren’t you.”

You are reading story Arienna’s Cadence at novel35.com

“How about a name before I cause a diplomatic incident and call you Stumpy or something?”

“Fair point, fair point,” he said, clasping his hands in front of him, forearms on the table. “Although where time is concerned, don’t worry. Your break can last about an hour and a half past when you’re supposed to be there.”

Absently looking away at the people around us I finally noticed that people were moving like through molasses.

“Huh. Neat.”

“Name’s Theodonian Cragcracker. Theo will work but I won’t mind Stumpy to humor your assessment of the situation.” He’d be the kind to try and flourish. Yeah. I see that. I’m glad we’re sitting.

“Arienna Kestalennetti,” I sneezed out, putting the knife down and sticking my hand out. “Ari, Enna, Kass, Dani, preferably not Tiddies because that usually carries the connotation of a sentence I’ve kicked people in the balls for finishing and turn them falsetto for a day.”

Theo burst into genuine laughter at my comment. I still wasn’t sure about him so I kept my poker resting bitch face up.

“Miss Arienna. A pleasure to meet you.” His grasp was rough. But like soapstone. I wonder if that was soft for his race.

“This the part you tell me I’m special and destined to bring a land out of darkness?” I said blankly. “Oh, or I know, I’ve been selected to champion some semi-cosmic being or force of nature, create a seat of power, recruit minions and build a BDSM dungeon?”

“You have a lot of time on your hands, don’t you.” It was Theo’s turn to leer at me, making me smile.

“What can I say, my hands need something to fuel the motivators for me-time and I like reading stories.”

“Indeed. Have you tried looking for a relationship? This civilization seems to make that particular aspect of society rather easy to obtain.”

“Pffffffft,” I responded with utmost intelligence and respect as I lightly slapped the table and leaned back to pop my knuckles while stretching. “You must be looking outward-in, Stumpy, if that’s all you got from it.”

“I concede that yes, I haven’t much interfered with the natives here. I take a risk talking with you but you looked bored and you were about to lose your job. Perhaps.”

“Oh, so you did the clean-up and prep with the haste-slow combo spell. And the burnt stuff was payment.

“Guilty.”

Crunch, went another cheese bread ball as it was flung into the air and caught by the carnivorous maw.

“Seriously?” I shivered, then going back to my tough gal act. “But other seriously, why chat with me? Please don’t tell me I’m going to turn into something, surprise! Unnatural and disfigured, hunted for the rest of my life.”

“Well, no,” Theo said reassuringly. He took out a long metal coin. It was silver striated with a rainbow of colors that resembled veins. “At least, not if you wanted to in your journey. Should you choose to accept of course.”

The metal disc spun on the table, wavering for a second around before rotating in one place. I looked at it with a bored expression. Guy already had magic, could be crossing his fingers or something. It looked like some type of special item enough, but it could be as fake as what his red eye color could be. Still left the chompy bits that made up his jaws but I was willing to chalk it up to growth disorder.

“A life almost like a game but not, start at square one, opportunities abound, death is a mild inconvenience. I have a good relationship with a Master of that place and he’s more than willing to mix things up in his dimension for, as they say crassly, shits and giggles.” Theo spoke like it was a weather report, matter-of-factly. “I suppose it could be a game. Much like a few of those articles of literature you find… pleasure in reading. Pie, cake, small child?”

“What? One of these things is not like the other,” I snapped with a sing-song voice. “A peach cobbler is out of season and-, oh wow, thanks. That puff stuff doesn’t cause cancer or eldritch mutations to my ovaries right?”

“Unfortunately no, just a sad byproduct of the rapid conversion of matter and air into specific kinds of other matter fueled by my own reserves of energy,” Theo answered. “It would be, as I said, an interesting journey.”

“Okay, here’s one,” I started. “Why me?”

“Why not you?”

“That’s a weak ass answer Stumpy.”

“What, would you rather see someone like Olenna the deli mong or Maria the ice queen get whisked away?” the dwarf growled. The first sign of something other than the bubbly demeanor he’d adopted this whole time. Sighing, he got ahold of himself. “Apologies. I should also mention that time passes by strangely between dimensions in some cases. I haven’t measure the exact conversions between here and there, but I know that age is a fluid concept, perhaps even timeless, depending on what you want to do.”

“Sounds like a rules-lawyer player’s wet dream.” I put my head on my hands, elbows on the table. Peach cobbler gobbled. “Intrigued I am.”

The one-up coin abruptly stopped, pointing itself at me before slowly rolling towards my person. It began to drunkenly go around in a circle, no, like a snail shell, settling towards me.

I thought about the people I’d leave behind.

Then again I’d already kind of dropped off the grid.

“Fuck it, why not.”

“Then pick up the coin and clap,” Theo suggested strongly. He leaned forward excitedly with a blushing poster child schoolgirl’s smile. “I’ll do my best to check up on you as soon as my friend decides to stop off at the Tavern.”

“Come again?”

“Oh, you’ll visit there eventually. Now go on! I’ve never actually seen someone do this.

“Your vote of confidence is awe-inspiring, acquaintance mine,” I rasped.

Clearing my throat I gingerly palmed the shiny coin and admired the colors snaking through the otherwise pure metal, the one heralded as fey-bane and fel-killer.

With a thunderous crash it was goodbye Earth, hello wherever-the-fuck-black-void-place-is!

///

+With a shallow breath the young woman examined her surroundings.+

I was standing on a white hex platform. A deck of cards dealt themselves out, twice as big as me, floating around me before turning themselves over to reveal… words and pictures. Great. I bet this was the character selection part of the ‘game’ world.

Looking at one, it floated over to me and presented itself for my viewing pleasure.

+The barbarian,+ said a voice. Or, kind of, read it. It was a weird sensation and I looked around for the speaker. +Fierce and determined, a raw force of nature on the battlefield.+

A force acted on my body and I looked down in time to see my apron, tee-shirt, pants, knee-high leather boots, felt like they were all getting tugged off and around as they shifted into completely new duds.

Now I was wearing some particularly revealing hide and soft fur armor. I mean, it was fluffy and warm somehow but damn! I felt sorry for my own female characters. If they had feelings. I’m gonna have pretty bad existential questions if I think too hard…

“Nah,” I said, looking at another card.

+The,+ text began to scroll as well as softly spoke again, +rogue. Roguish, dastardly, sneaky, master of dirty tricks. Their mouth runs as their hand reaches down and-+

The animal skins fluttered into a leather two steps from a cat suit.

“Can’t. Breathe.”

I flicked the card away as fast as I could.

“Did the description thing just say ‘roguishly’ next to ‘rogue?’ Dude, whoever scripted this kinda sucks at writing,” I said aloud.

+The fighter-+

No. Too heavy, maybe I get attribute points though.

+The sorcerer, tapping into-+

The fuck was this now, a ribbon hentai gift? Yuck.

+The barbaria, fierce and deter-+

Wasn’t exactly that bad and in some games you can off-tank and go medieval on people’s asses. Still can’t shake the feeling exposed bit though as I lifted the tank-top sports bra and felt how it stretched from my chest, snapping back like spandex.

+The swashbuckler, master duelist at later-,+ the voice sighed in exasperation as the text was interrupted again. This was really poorly designed if every time I touched a UI element a pre-recorded line played. Maybe there was pissed lines like in Crafting Wars. I was tempted to do it.

“Uuugh!” I waved away another card and growled under my breath. Pinching the bridge of my nose I considered my huge assload of decisions paralysis.

+How do you think I feel?!+

“Well this is going to be interesting,” I said without missing a beat. “Hello voice and typewriter person in my head.”

+GAH!+

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