Chapter 15: A Date to Die For! (Part 1)

Parker took a deep breath through her trunk. There was no mistaking it – a mansion the size of several terraced apartment buildings inside at-least two-and-a-half association football pitches had to belong to somebody rich and famous! And since there were no film stars, pop-stars, sports stars or pornstars in the neighborhood (and also since this was the address on the back of the business card that a certain author had given the elephant woman), Parker Derm could reasonably conclude that the luxurious abode belonged to one Fumihito Inugami!

Placing her hands on her chest and exhaling, the pachyderm did her best to prepare, both physically and mentally, to confess her love to the cavalier King Charles spaniel. Her ears moved in that way that elephants’ ears do when reacting to an intriguing audio stimulus, as the front gate opened and Fumihito stepped out. Was he talking to someone? Parker ducked behind a lamppost; a crappy hiding-spot for a large-ass pachyderm. She glanced over her shoulder to see who her beloved was talking to, and…

“Usagi…” she grunted under her breath. “What’s that bunny bitch doing with my Fumi?!”

“Well, I’d best be going,” Chou beamed, “this novel isn’t gonna finish itself!”

“Come back, anytime!” Fumihito replied, gently shutting the gate and walking back into his home.

Parker couldn’t believe her oversized ears! Even after she had been so kind as to warn Chou Usagi what would happen if she continued to date the man who so rightfully belonged to the great Parker Derm! …Yeah, this elephant had a serious case of yandere-ism, alright.

“I’ll make her pay!” Parker grunted under her breath, leaving her post behind the streetlight and retreating into the darkness of the night. Her heart was full of malice; her brain likewise occupied with the beginnings of an evil scheme to get Chou out of the picture.

It was then that she saw it – a mansion approximately the same size as Fumihito’s and right next-door to boot! This was the rich district of the city after-all, so it was sorta surprising that Parker hadn’t noticed it before. Once Chou had exited the pachyderm’s earshot, she crept out from her hiding spot to examine the other palace-like house. Its exterior was pitch black – blending into the darkness and offering a somewhat-plausible and super convenient reason as to why the yandere elephant didn’t notice it at first – a stark contrast to the cavalier King Charles spaniel’s solid gold adobe. His mansion reminded Parker of the sort of place a billionaire playboy might have lived in, whereas this second mansion more closely resembled the sort of place one might imagine the billionaire playboy’s bat-themed vigilante alter-ego would inhabit. Just who in the fuck could possibly choose to live in such a creepy-looking place?

“Raluca D. Tepes,” Parker read-out the name inscribed on the dark mansion’s entrance plaque as she rang the doorbell causing the gate to open with a distinctive “buzz”. “Tepes, huh?” Parker muttered, wringing her hands like a Saturday morning kids’ cartoon villain from the nineties. “If my memory serves me correctly, that’s the bat girl that Usagi hates with an undying passion! Perhaps, I would be able to convince her to…”

The trunked mammal was cut-off as a winged mammal opened the mansion’s large front-doors.

“Aren’t you Nosey Parker?” Raluca asked, hanging upside-down from the top of the doorframe. “You work for the same people as Fumihito Inugami and that hack bunny, right? To what do I owe the… pleasure…?” Her tone became much more grim as she pushed that last word out from her fanged mouth.

“C-Chou Usagi,” Parker stammered.

“What about her?”

“Y-You d-dislike her, too, right?”

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“I wouldn’t say I ‘dislike’ her, but she is fun to tease… all of you mortals are, actually…”

Raluca vanished with a puff of smoke – probably a concealed smoke bomb, although she’d like one to believe it was some vampiric ability – and reappeared behind Parker, brushing the elephant’s hair away and breathing on her neck.

Parker rolled her eyes. “The Hell are you doing?”

“Interesting…” Raluca cackled. “See, this is why I like teasing Usagi most. Her reactions are more… exciting. Gets her blood pumping. And there’s nothing tastier than fresh fear-blood.”

“Cut the vampire crap,” the pachyderm grunted. “I’m here to ask a favor.”

“If you want the great Raluca Tepes to read your mediocre novel and offer my impeccable critique, then you can forget it. I’m not interested.”

Parker scowled. “Mediocre”? Who did this chuunibyou-stricken, Halloween-reject fuck think she was? Once she was done with her lagomorph coworker, Parker had decided that the vampire bat would be her next victim.

“I’m not here for writing advice. If I wanted that, I’d just ask my frickin’ editor,” Parker said, “I’m here to propose an alliance. Let’s scare Chou Usagi… to DEATH.”

The winged woman’s eyes widened. “You want to use scare tactics to drive a rival out of the industry, do you? Hohoho… While I can’t see Usagi posing a threat to other authors with her below-average schlock, I cannot deny that having a minion to help me scare her would be quite… exhilarating. Very well…” Raluca outstretched her wings and leaped into the air, leaving only her silhouette against the blood-Moon visible to Parker. “I ACCEPT YOUR PROPOSITION!!!” the bat gleefully yelled down to the elephant. “Now then…” Raluca flew back down beside Parker and wrapped a wing around the yandere’s body, “what’s the plan?”

“The plan, huh?” Parker hadn’t thought that far ahead. After-all, she wasn’t even planning on meeting Raluca that night. “The plan is to wait until Usagi’s next date with Fumihito Inugami and then figure-out the rest from there.”

Raluca raised an eyebrow. Or, rather, she tried to raise an eyebrow. Most people can’t actually raise one of their eyebrows independently of the other, and Raluca was no different. Go ahead, try it yourself. “So, Usagi and Inugami are dating? Well, isn’t that just… cute?”

Raluca threw her head back and let out an evil laugh, which Parker proceeded to copy as she joined in the cackling session. “Usagi won’t know what hit her!” Parker thought.

To be continued…

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