Chapter 3: Chou-sama: Love is Warren

The beach. Why did it have to be the beach? When Fumihito said he knew a great place to go out for a date, the last thing that came to Chou’s mind was the beach! Now, the rabbit girl may have had no knowledge of romance, but she couldn’t see how getting sunburned or having sand crawling into your swimsuit was supposed-to be romantic! Chou hated sand. It was coarse, rough and it got everywhere! There was no way she was ruining her good clothes by taking them to the beach. Which meant…

“So, that’s Fumihito’s game?” the bunny chuckled, digging through her closet. “That dirty mutt wants to see me in a sexy swimsuit, doesn’t he? Well, tough shit, Romeo, I’ve got other plans!”

Although the aromantic Chou had agreed to date Fumihito for research, she wasn’t about to demean herself by showing up to their rendezvous in a string- or micro-bikini! Of-course, Chou DID have an army of such outfits in her arsenal, if she wanted to deploy them! Over the years, the lagomorph had amassed many outfits designed for all manner of occasions, in order to experience what it was like to wear them! That was par for the course, for an author as devoted as she was!

“But that’s enough gushing about me, narrator,” Chou broke the fourth-wall, “there’s no time to waste!” Eventually, after digging through many, many, MANY suggestive outfits, Chou put a paw on her hip in frustration, the other meeting her face as she grunted into it. “I know I didn’t want to turn-up in a sexy swimsuit, but this…” Chou stared at the last remaining swimming costume from her vast wardrobe; the only one she deemed fit for wearing in Fumihito’s presence.

The plain black, shoulderless one-piece taunted Chou with its simplicity. It certainly wasn’t very sexy, but that was the problem.

“This is TOO safe!” the bunny moaned, hopping onto her bed and stuffing her face into her pillow. “If Fumihito sees me in this, he’ll think I’m too embarrassed to show-off my body!”

…Which was true, but Chou didn’t want him to know that.

“M-Maybe there’s still time to buy a new swimsuit? Sexy, but not ‘too sexy to show my coworker’-sexy!” Chou looked over to her nightstand, the digital clock confirming her worst nightmare – she was out of time to find a new swimsuit. She considered asking her sister if she could borrow one of her bikinis, before realizing that their body-types weren’t… compatible. “Fuuuuck!” Chou whined, unzipping her skirt and letting it fall to her bedroom floor as she lifted her pink tank-top over her head. She placed her hands on her hips and stared daggers at the black one-piece. “So much for ‘dressing fancy on a date’…” she grumbled, remembering what the King Charles had said after their last date.

 

At the entrance to the public beach, Chou hopped off her bicycle and shackled in to the nearest bike-rack. She had already changed into the plain swimsuit, having vowed not to take her favorite clothes anywhere near that accursed ocean dust!

“It’s fine,” Chou sighed, “if Fumihito dragged me out here just to see me in a smokin’ swimsuit, then he probably forgot to put effort into his own appearance!”

“Chou?” the spaniel asked, interrupting her train of thought.

“Oh, hey, Fumihito,” Chou nervously responded. “This is it,” she thought, hiding her face in her palms, “Fumihito’s gonna take one look at me, and dump me on the spot! I’m not sexy enough to be his girlfriend!”

In that moment, all of Chou’s standards left her mind. She seriously wished she had just swallowed her pride and put on the damned string-bikini! Chou peeked through her fingers cautiously, preparing for her fake boyfriend to call off their fake relationship. Instead, she was greeted by her coworker’s face, tongue-out and rosy-cheeked!

“I, uh, think you forgot to put sunscreen on your face.”

Fumihito chuckled. “Oh, uh… no, it’s just that… well, that swimsuit… along with your ears and tail…” The dog gulped. “You look like one of those erotic bunny-girls!”

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Chou hopped back. “W-What the f-fuck is an ‘e-erotic bunny-girl’?” she stammered.

And so, Fumihito spent the rest of their beach date educating Chou on the sex appeal of one-piece outfits and bunny-ears.

 

“So, this was your plan, all-along, huh? You knew I’d come here accidentally looking like one of these… ‘playful boy bunnies’?!”

“W-What? No! I just wanted to doggy-paddle, honest!”

“But this is a date, right? And you told me that people are supposed-to look their best on dates!” Chou poked Fumihito’s bare chest. “You just wanted a better look at my body, didn’t you?! You wanted a rough idea of what I look like in the bedroom, right?!”

Fumihito fell backwards onto the sand. “Of-course not! You’ve got it all wrong!”

“Oh, really? I’ve read enough books to know that the only reason anyone dates is because they want to find a mate! I’m ashamed I didn’t catch-on sooner!”

Fumihito stared blankly at Chou before laughing. “You think… You think I’m dating you just to mate with you?” he said, in between a cacophony of chortles. “Chou. There’s more to dating than getting into bed afterwards! This is our third date, and I haven’t ever once asked you about coming to my bedroom or going to a love hotel!” Fumihito stood up, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes. “Hoo, you sure do crack me up.”

Chou’s fur had turned bright red with shame. She had just totally outed herself as a love noob in front of an acclaimed romance author! Fumihito would never let her live it down.

“You’re a riot.”

A riot? He thought… she was joking?

“AHAHAHAHA!” the rabbit girl fake-laughed. “Yep, that’s me; Chou Usagi, master comedian!” Her beetroot red skin was still visible under her fur. “I got sunburned, so I’m going home.” Chou lied as naturally as she breathed.

“Oh, uh… sure,” Fumihito said with confusion. “But… please d-don’t die of heatstroke.”

Chou darted across the sand all the way to her bike, peddling away before Fumihito could realize that she was genuinely so completely unaware of how dating was supposed-to work. Results for that day’s date: Chou lost.

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