Chapter 7: Interview With the Vampire Bat

A bookshop in the middle of the local mall. The store chain was a subsidiary of the same company that Chou’s employer was a subsidiary for. That was why she was currently sitting at a deserted stand in the middle of the store floor pushing the button atop her pen up and down.

Click! Click! Click!

The satisfying sound reverberated through the empty store. What was supposed-to be a book-signing was quickly turning into a waste of the rabbit girl’s time. Why wasn’t anybody showing-up?!

Chou looked up at the surveillance camera. If she left her post to go read some of the books, she’d probably be punished by Mister Fox. Chou looked at her pen, then back at the camera. Pen. Camera. Pen. Camera. A smirk swept across her face as she stared head-on at the CCTV recorder and clicked her pen to the tune of “fuck this shit” in Morse code.

“Oh, Chou, there you are,” Fumihito smiled, walking up to the stand.

“Fiiinally~” Chou lay her upper body on the desk, arms out and lifting her head to face her coworker, “I was wondering where all my fans were! Y’want my autograph, Fumihito?”

“Oh, uh…” A bead of sweat rolled down the doggy’s face. “I was actually just here to buy a copy of Raluca D. Tepes’s Toto’s Absurd Happenings: Phantom Brad. I didn’t even know you were doing a signing. Sorry.”

“I-It’s ok!” the bunny stammered, sitting up straight and patting the stack of books beside her. “I’ve got signed copies of my book right here! It doesn’t matter that you didn’t bring your own copy! It’ll only cost you an extra hundred bucks!”

Fumihito subtly stepped back so as not to hurt Chou’s feelings by indicating that he thought her autograph and/or novel was not worth that much money. “Yeah, I’ll consider it…” he sheepishly grinned.

“Are you saying that Tepes’s book is a better way to spend your money than mine?!”

“W-What? No! It’s just I, uh… I already have your book, and I don’t have the money right now to buy a signed copy! But, if I buy Toto’s Absurd Happenings now, I can just get the author to sign it for free a few stores down!” Fumihito covered his mouth as he realized what he had just said. “Uh… so… Yeah, Tepes is doing a signing in the other mall bookstore, right now. BUT I’ll be back once I get her to sign her book for me, ok?”

“Fumihito, you traitor!” Chou thought. Raluca didn’t even work for their company! In-fact, her employer was their biggest rival! Raluca made the bunny girl’s blood boil, which was just the way Raluca liked her victims’ blood to be, it seemed! If the famous horror author wasn’t trying to boil the blood of her enemies, then she certainly didn’t act like it! Her “spooky scary vampire” act drove Chou nuts!

“Oh, don’t worry about leaving me,” the rabbit smiled, “I’m coming with you!”

“Won’t Mister Fox kill you, if you leave that post?” Fumihito asked.

Chou scoffed. “I’m sure he’ll understand,” she said, standing up and wrapping her arms around the King Charles spaniel’s arm, “I’m just taking back the readers that Tepes stole from us!”

“Oh, brother…” Fumihito sighed.

 

Arriving a few stores down the mall, Chou let go of her colleague’s arm, shoving past the hundreds of animals who were lined-up to receive Raluca D. Tepes’s autograph.

“’Cuse me, coming through!” Chou stopped in front of the rival author’s stand, placing her paws on her checkered hips and leaning her face into Raluca’s. “Hello, Tepes…”

“Usagi,” Raluca smiled, flashing her sharp upper fangs, “what is a mortal like you doing here?”

“You’re stealing my fans!” Chou growled. “Did you deliberately choose the day of my signing to do your own?!”

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“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Raluca winked, flapping her wings and swiftly flying behind Chou. “Now, if you don’t want my autograph, I suggest you scram, little bunny…” Raluca tugged at Chou’s left shoulder, slightly pulling away her jacket, tank-top and bra strap as she leaned her face in close to the lagomorph’s neck, “unless you want me to suck your virgin blood?”

Chou gulped. Even though she knew Raluca’s vampire act was but a chuunibyou delusion, she nevertheless found the bat’s persona frightening.

“D-Don’t play dumb with me, Tepes,” Chou scolded, “I know your signing is driving attention away from mine! There’s no other explanation! It must be the work of an enemy stand!”

“Mhuhahaha,” Raluca said, imitating a villainous laugh. “Have you considered that maybe…” The bat slid her face up Chou’s cheek before reaching her floppy ears and whispering “your novels are just bad?”

Chou hopped back, her left bra strap snapping against her back like a tape-measure in the hands of a clumsy child. Raluca raised her hand to her mouth and chuckled as Chou winced from the mild pain.

“You mortals are so funny,” the winged mammal cooed. She flew back to her stand, landing atop the desk and striking a menacing pose with a vampiric growl. “Wryyy!” She looked over her sea of fans and smiled. “Sorry about that. Now, whose turn is it for an autograph?”

“Hey there, Tepes, I’m your biggest fan,” a familiar voice said, causing Chou’s ears to twitch. “I’m actually an author myself, and…”

“Yes, I know who you are…” Raluca said slyly, taking a copy of her book from Fumihito’s hand and signing its copyright page without breaking eye-contact with the spaniel before handing it back. “Fumihito Inugami, yes I know everything about you…”

The romance author shivered in place. “O-Oh, I-I’m honored, Miss Tepes…”

Chou rolled her eyes, grabbing Fumihito by the tail and dragging him back to the store’s entrance. She glared across the shop at all those brainwashed sheep eating out of the palm of Raluca’s hand. …She hadn’t noticed before just how many of the bat’s fans were ovis aries.

“If you want an autograph from a REAL author, then I’ll be waiting in Books R Us!” Chou announced, to the attention of literally nobody. She hung her head in disappointment and tugged on Fumihito’s sleeve. “You’ll pay for my signature, right, Fumihito?”

“Oh, uh…” Fumihito sheepishly scratched the back of his head. “Sure, anything for you, Chou.” He could already hear his credit card crying out in pain at the bunny’s ludicrous prices. But if he could show Chou that he was truly serious about his feelings for her – that he was worth dating for-real – then he’d do whatever it took! “Let’s go, Chou,” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder as the two of them returned to the rabbit’s deserted stand.

 

When the two of them arrived at Books R Us, Chou hoped she’d be greeted by a mob of passionate fans! …But, of-course, the store was still empty, apart from one lone fox standing angrily behind the stand with his arms folded.

“Hey, Mister Fox,” Chou waved, “you here for my signing?”

The editor’s expression didn’t change. “Why did you leave your post?”

“She was trying to round-up readers!” Fumihito butted-in. “She was just doing her job!”

Mister Fox didn’t seem convinced, but regardless he stepped out from behind the stand, offering Chou her seat back and walking away with a look that screamed “I don’t have time to deal with this bullshit.”

And so, the day passed with Chou only selling one autographed novel. At-least Fumihito seemed happy with the purchase…

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