Chapter 9: Chapter 8: Disownment (2)

I forced myself up and almost as forcefully fell back down, my head spinning.

The room, ‘yes Gregoire must have?'

I looked around for the glass of water, and there it stood within arm’s reach. Despite myself, I smiled.

The glass now in my hands, its contents soothing my parched throat. I tried again to stand up and force myself through the doorway.

Once there, using the walls as support, I walked until I got out.

‘What will I do once there?’, this question trotting in my mind.

My step was unsteady, and my head was heavy. Still something compelled me to move forward.

After a few minutes of such strenuous walk, I had reached the entrance of maid house. And the manor was right in sight, as I saw it, I sighed.

Looking to my right, I could see the gates of the residence, that at such time was supposed to be manned.

But while I could see them, they were all lazing around.

In hindsight, while there were many guards employed by the family, we, like them, didn’t consider their job, as no one would expect idiots to dare attack the Great Balmungs.

‘Still, in broad daylight?’

There were 4 guards at the entrance. 2 in watchtowers, and 2 in front of the door. The 2 in the watchtower seemed to sleep. the two on the ground were battling, inside the domain.

Clang Clang

“Hahaha, seems like you improved since last time,” said one guard to the other.

“What do you mean improved since last time?” He jabbed forward with his spear. “I am on a winning streak, dumbass!”

The dull thuds of wood striking wood, and the shrill hisses of metal hitting metal filling the air.

‘What the hell are they doing?’ I thought to myself as I got closer.

Forgetting why I was outside; allowing myself to be distracted from my escapade.

The first guard grimaced as he danced in the onslaughts. “Are we really doing that again? I am the one winning! 1071 to 1069 at that!”

As he said that he dodged and then parried his opponent’s blow, throwing the spear that had already missed him totally off course.

Vwoomph, a crisp and low rumbling noise, like a heavy whip breaking through the air, reverberated.

Mana channeling.

‘I wish I…’

He stepped forward in the space he had just created, channeling his energy into his legs.

The dark purple mana gushed from his core, right around the diaphragm, to the tip of his toes.

He gripped the spear; aiming for one last strike at the side of his destabilized opponent.

The spear made a bursting noise as it sped up forward.

“And that’s 1072!”

“I can’t believe it... learn to count!” The opponent with no care for the spear coming for his flank.

More so than the blazing speed at which their mana flew through their body, the impressive thing was how relaxed their speech was, they didn’t even seem to need to breathe.

As his own spear had been thrown off course toward the left, he used the momentum to spin and narrowly avoid the attack, when his rotation was over as he grew too close to wield his spear he dropped it.

Using his opponent’s weapon as support, he placed a high kick square into his opponent’s jaw, all in one swell swoop.

Bam!

As the limp body fell.

“And that’s 1072 for ME!”

The guard who got decked flared his nostril barely managing to eke out, “You, 1072, preposterous!”

Before he fell asleep.

‘Amazing.’

The exquisite way in which they moved their mana from the core to their different limbs, and used it to enhance their movement along with the sheer amount of mana in their core, showed how skilled and gifted they were. I didn’t know if this was really the standard of mere guards, or if they were a cut above the rest; but they were strong.

The winning guard humphed before going to fetch what looked like a wooden basin. He then filled it using a nearby well and came back with a devilish grin on his face. “Wake up, dumbass!” as he dropped the basin instead of the water on the face of the guard who had been knocked out cold.

As it fell, water spilled out. It didn’t seem calculated, or maybe it was as before the basin touched his face. This low rumbling noise filled the air again.

As he channeled energy into his legs, he darted away. A stupid grin on his sweaty face.

The guard who went from seeing stars to seeing red both from anger and his own blood yelled “Y-YOU!” as he stood up and ran after the offender.

The two guards on the watchtower woke up from their slumber, “Aaaaaaah,” a husky, bearded man said through a yawn, “Barry and Harry are back at it again”, the other, younger and lankier answered sleep still in his eyes “Don’t they ever tire of this..”

“Eh, why would I care? Just means it’s time for dinner,” said the first one, his tone light.

“Hey you are right!”, said the lanky youth as he suddenly jumped to his feet.

Harry and Barry were impressive, but it was unnerving to see that the two men that had just woke up did not seem to fall short in term of mana reserves.

‘Did we always had such powerful people here?’

Still, what they had said was true. It was indeed time for dinner and now that they had left; I was left to wonder about what I had just bore eyes to.

After concluding that this was simply how strong guards were expected to be, I looked up at the sky. Right there, in a sea of clouds could be seen the sun at its highest shining unbridled. As I saw the two warriors run off, and the other two leave their post for dinner, I remembered why I had come in the first place.

‘Oh yeah…’

#

After this weird show, I walked towards the manor.

It was clear I couldn’t be seen in the hallways. So instead, I marched along the walls. She would probably give birth in their bed chamber was visible from the garden, so I headed there.

Only when there did I step from the wall.

I stepped away from the wall.

1 step,

2 step

3 step,

Soon I’d reached close to 30 steps. Now I could roughly see the insides of the rooms. It was convenient then that the garden, with its trees, allowed me to elevate my view.

I climbed one..

I almost fell from the tree right then, my head and body feeling light.

But from up there I couldn’t see mom, so I climbed back down.

I repeated this dangerous game many times, with no regard for my life.

Soon I had found the right window, and I could see the inside of the room.

It was the 7th month of the year 35000 of the Archturian Calendar.

I was waiting outside perched on a tree, looking nervously at my mom, eyeing the happenings inside the room, and the general bustling. The nurses running around like headless cuckoricoos.

I looked even more helpless as I watched mother fighting for dear life trying to bring to life this kid, my brother.

I couldn’t hear it, but seeing the contortions on her face, it was obvious.

The stress was building and then after a while the pained expressions subsided, and the powerful cries of a baby were heard.

Even from how far I was, could hear them.

My dad bursted in the room, pushing past the nurses who tried to urge him outside. His face marred with black circles under his eyes, but beaming. He was also looking at the baby that was currently being tended to by a nurse.

They talked.

And he seemed to gesture her to lie down, the smile on his face not fading even a bit.

Still in her state, she insisted on grabbing her newborn baby first and, after much resistance, the nurses finally folded to her whims. The baby whose cries resounded even here instantly calmed down, as if soothed by her motherly aura. He then tried to awkwardly move his heavy head and look at mom’s face, before laughing in happiness. His little tiny face beaming with joy.

His skin was pale, and his eyes like a night without moon as was characteristic of the Balmungs. His hair color wasn’t obvious yet, but his eyebrow were like onyx — showing promise.

My father then slowly took my brother and held him high in the sky.

At that young age, he was already magnitudes stronger than me, his bustling mana reserves seeping out of him; like a big bucket overflowing.

My face darkened at the sight.

The baby burst out crying.

“Wahhhhhhh wahhhhhh”

As he cried, squirming in father’s hands, the aura he exuded grew by orders of magnitude surpassing easily most 5-year-old kids.

I almost fell from the branch, staring at the scene in shock.

I wasn’t the only one, though. Shock could be seen clearly on the face of all the nurses and even on my mom’s, who was then sitting.

Dad’s smile grew even brighter, his face then darkened quickly. He gave him back to a nearby nurse who was still in shock and went back to mom eyes filled with a mix of concern and happiness.

He was obviously ecstatic, but he seemed like he was reining his energy to not burden her.

He said something else.

Mother looked at him, eyes widening in surprise, and then laughed weakly before nodding. She then lay on the bed, ready to sleep.

Then, as if she had just remembered something, she rose again; frantically looking around her, repeatedly saying something as if chanting.

She then turned towards dad and asked.

Dad first tried calming her, but she didn’t. Soon, the door opened again.

A figure entered the room.

A young kid, my spitting image, entered the room.

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I couldn’t discern mom’s face then, her face turned away from me.

But she looked at him for a long time, and soon she laid.

Not too long after, this boy was handed my brother. He looked at him emotionlessly and after stroking his head while looking carefully, gave it back.

It was then that it finally hit. I didn’t cry. I couldn’t cry.

Still in shock, all I could say was “Ah..” looking at the scene my mouth agape. Soon father seemed to notice something as he approached the window, and as he saw my figure closed the curtains, his expression unreadable.

“Ah ...” I repeated quietly as I went down the tree and walked as if all my energy had been sucked out of me (even more so than before I had arrived).

Ever since that night, I had a feeling, a certitude that it was but time until I was abandoned. I pushed that thought away.

There was no way the father I knew would do that; there was no way he would really disown me.

But now, I had no hope anymore. I was forced to accept the truth.

My life as a Balmung was over.

I marched again, following the walls and then walked up back to the maid house, my walk a slow crawl.

When I returned to Gregoire’s room, I went back to my corner and sat.

Staring at the wall.

Broken.

It was over; I thought. What point was there to hope anymore? This curse of a core had caused me to lose my family. Worse, some other kid was living my life.

Brother, I thought as I remembered his small face, his plump cheeks, his frail nose bridge, his dark but somehow shining eyes and his pale skin...

We’d probably remain strangers forever.

“Ah,” I repeatedly sighed.

I finally let the anguish devour me. To be honest, there wasn’t anything to devour anymore. It was over.

It was over.

Over.

Time passed.

I didn’t care anymore.

Gregoire came.

Gregoire left.

This cycle happened once, twice, thrice.. and more.

I didn’t care anymore.

How many days had passed was of no import. I stayed there in a sort of vegetative state. Shutting off every thought.

It wouldn’t hurt if I didn’t think.

Hunger became unsupportable. Hoarse stomach roars resounded in the room as I felt the digging in my belly. Painful.

Painful.

But weirdly, it felt good.

I deserved it; I thought.

It’d be better if...

A month.. a day? A week?

I didn’t know anymore.

Time passed like that. I had started seeing phantoms, and my vision had become fuzzy.

Gri.. what was his name again?

Gre... greg... someone entered the room.

I didn’t bother looking.

I kept staring in front of me. I had long now abandoned any pretense of productivity, letting my thoughts drift to whatever flavor of self derision and hate felt attractive at the moment.

I almost managed to ignore the steps of the person next to me.

But its repetitive and indecisive steps made it impossible.

That person walked around the room, pacing it incessantly. He was near, then far away… near, then far again.

Soon, however these steps neared resolutely, I thought this was another phantom, another illusion. And thus I waited, wondering what would happen this time.

Suddenly, however, a familiar voice said, “Forgive your servant’s disobedience.”

I could barely comprehend what had been said before. My mouth was forcefully stuffed with a spoon full of food.

“Hmph” Quite against myself, I swallowed, and the taste and aroma exploded in my mouth.

The deep umami flavor, the smoked saltiness, the smoothness of its texture and its comforting warmth. Delight.

My brain was overrun.

I lost control. The food that had seemed so unattractive days before had now become the only thing I could think of. I looked around for food and leaped forward like a wild beast, making Gregoire jump back before carefully putting the bowl on the ground.

I dashed forward up to my target, this bowl filled with delightful amber sustenance, damn-near inhaling its contents.

I grabbed the bowl and immediately started lapping the broth like a wild dog.

This was unsightly, but I didn’t care.

I ate.

I ate.

Then I ate some more.

It was a simple bone broth.

But its flavors were delightful, and as I ate, my eyes started watering.

‘Uh?’

I kept eating.

‘What?’

I kept eating. Soon enough, the bowl was over. And my vision had become totally blurry. Not from weakness or tiredness, but from tears overflowing.

‘Hey..’

‘Hey!’

I shook myself, trying to knock the emotions down.

‘HEY CALM DOWN!’

I slapped myself with both hands,

‘You can’t cry’

SLAP

‘You can’t cry’

SLAP

‘You can’t cry’ I ordered myself as the emotions had blocked started obstinately overflowing .

‘No…’

My mouth moved on its own. “It’s over…”

“I tried, but, “ I said as I choked a big ball in my throat.

“It’s o-bwaaaaaaa”

The pain, the anguish, the sadness... Everything

Everything bursted outwards, the dam finally broken.

I started crying hot tear; I was thoroughly tired and dehydrated, and sad, and angry, and confused, and ashamed, and other things that at the time I couldn’t identify.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” I cried as if alone. I didn’t care about appearances anymore.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” I cried my birth, I cried this world, I cried my powerlessness, I cried my failures.

The birth of a so obviously talented brother was the final nail in my coffin. There was no way back now.

I cried and cried, cried and cried.

I couldn’t see Gregoire, and I didn’t care.

I just wanted him away. I wanted everyone away.

People had gone from respecting me and nurturing me to mocking me behind my back. The farther away, the lesser the risks of being hurt.

In my tears, I cursed the world for making me a broken vessel; I cursed the world for the birth of my brother; I cursed the world for all the people mocking me. I even cursed my own existence.

After producing enough water to make even the Sage of Snowy Fields pale in envy, I finally calmed down, head heavy and throbbing.

In hindsight, it was honestly a miracle that I could cry that much.

I had come to terms with my position.

On the cold wet and hard ground I laid, tired.

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