Chapter 29: Chapter 29

Ashe sat in a chair outside Nate’s office, flanked by Cailyn and Aiden. Both had unraveled quickly with very few changes - though Ashe was certain that Cailyn had dropped a cup size and looked a little more androgynous overall. Aiden hadn’t changed a thing, which was perfect in Ashe’s opinion. If it weren’t for the gravity of the situation that brought them to the Underground today, she’d take time to appreciate his looks again.

Nate had called for them to come in early that morning, disrupting a very nice, relaxed breakfast. Other-Cay’s Knot Thing had unraveled overnight, and, well, Nate had said it was better to see than to describe it over the phone.

The office door swung open silently and Nathaniel peered through the gap. “You may come in now. Cailyn, I’d ask you to wait outside for the moment, and speak with her by yourself after this.”

Cailyn shrugged. “Sure.”

Her memories of the events remained, but there was still no emotional attachment - it was like recalling something someone else had done, so she found herself hard pressed to be too bothered by it. Nathaniel had theorized that the real issue ran deeper than that: that Cailyn’s logical self had been split into one Knot Thing, while her emotional self had split into the other.

Ashe and Aiden stepped through the door to the office, prepared for the worst. Sitting in a chair across the desk from Nathaniel’s usual chair was a girl - somewhere between ten and twelve, if Ashe had to venture a guess based on her appearance.

The girl looked exactly like a younger version of Cailyn, but there was an emptiness in her eyes that betrayed hurt beyond her apparent years.

“What…?” Aiden asked first, looking at her like she was a ghost.

“This… is Cailyn, or rather, her secondary self - the part of her that she cast off to retain her sanity after returning to her right mind. The part that was darkened by the things Boucher forced her to do… and the things she did of her own corrupted free will.”

“Her free will? Wasn’t everything because of Boucher?” Ashe asked, studying the broken girl on the chair.

“No,” Nathaniel said grimly. “His orders and the power he exposed her to corrupted her, so indirectly he holds the blame, but she killed several people who were not on Boucher’s list when they got in her way. Those deaths weigh on her.”

“She killed people of her own free will?” Aiden asked in disbelief. 

“Yes, I am afraid so, Aiden. What’s worse is, I believe she might again.”

“What, you think she’s-” Ashe gestured at the girl in the chair, “gonna kill people if we let her out?”

“No, I think that the Cailyn sitting in the hallway will, given enough time.”

Aiden and Ashe let Nathaniel’s words hang for a moment, unchallenged.

“She… put everything in me,” the young-Cailyn said, finally breaking her silence. She hugged her knees close to her chest as she looked over them at Ashe and Aiden. “The bad parts, but she kept the parts that make her happy… but she gave me the parts that tell her what’s good and bad, so I would always know what I did was bad… and feel bad about it…”

Silence retook the room for a long moment, stretching out.

It was Ashe who broke it. “So are you saying she ditched all the responsibility with you, and wants to just go off scott-free and enjoy her life?”

Young-Cay nodded. “But she still knows that hurting people made her feel good because of Mr. Boucher… and since she wants to feel good and doesn’t care how she does it… she’s dangerous.”

“Hey, that’s my sister you’re talking about,” Aiden shot back defensively.

“So am I,” young-Cailyn flinched from his raised voice. She looked to be on the brink of tears.

Ashe placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, giving him a meaningful look.

He relaxed and let out a long breath. “Sorry.”

“So what do we do? We can’t just tear out their souls and shove them back together… not after they just unraveled,” Ashe said.

“I am suggesting a less extreme measure. I have spent the better part of a week speaking with young Cailyn here - who for simplicity’s sake has told me she prefers Caylie - and I believe she is remorseful for her actions. While the lives she took cannot be restored, I believe she would live her life doing all she could to give back to the world she took so much from. However, all of her skills are gone - spare the very basics of living and communicating, she has no memories of Cailyn’s education at all. As such, I propose a recombination - both to prevent more harm being caused by Cailyn, and to give Caylie the tools to try and make amends for the harm she’s done.”

“Wait, so you wanna kill my sister and shove her soul back in with that… other half of her or whatever?!” Aiden demanded as he took a few steps towards Nathaniel.

“I do not want to kill anyone, Aiden. I merely want to facilitate combining two halves into a whole again.”

“What happens to Cailyn if you put her back together with Caylie?” Ashe asked.

“Hopefully the two personalities combine into a new normal, and they’re a balanced individual again,” Nate said, folding his hands in front of him

“And if that doesn’t happen?” Aiden demanded.

“I don’t know, Aiden… but leaving them apart could be very dangerous for both of them. Cailyn is ruled purely by logic and satisfaction, and Caylie is pure emotion.” 

“I don’t know, Nate… it sounds worryingly close to identity death or something,” Ashe grumbled.

“I understand. There is no pretty solution… but they are two halves of the same identity. They merely need to be reintegrated. Nobody is going to die - well, beyond Cailyn’s adult body.”

“How do I explain that to my parents? Just tell them that my twin sister died but it’s OK because she’s back but she’s a kid now?”

“I could always make you younger too,” Nathaniel teased somewhat dryly. 

“Not funny,” Aiden growled. 

“Yeah, no regressing my boyfriend, please,” Ashe added.

“Boyfriend? Ah… Congratulations,” Nate smiled warmly.

“Yeah… I’d be happy for you, if I could feel happiness,” Caylie mumbled from her chair, rolling her eyes.

“Okay, so say we do this, what do we have to do? What about Cailyn’s opinion?” Ashe asked.

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“We merely need to pull Cailyn’s logical remnant from her current body, and place it within Caylie’s body to initiate the fusion of the two halves. In the process, I’m going to see if I can’t scrub clean any lingering influence from Boucher. I found a healthy amount left on Caylie’s soul when I examined it. She has already been cleaned.”

Aiden gasped. “So you’re saying that old bastard still has his slimy claws in her somehow?”

“Figuratively speaking. His energy still may hold some lingering sway - but his consciousness is scattered to the void, thanks to Ms. Gray, here.”

“Not scattered into small enough pieces, in my opinion,” Ashe smirked.

“Heh… Yeah, my girlfriend is amazing, but what about my sister? What if she doesn’t agree to this?” Aiden asked.

“Then we do not do it. Consent is paramount. If she is happy with who she is and does not want to do this… then it is what it is.”

“Alright… I guess I’ll leave it up to her then. I trust my sister… even after everything that happened.”

“Same,” Ashe agreed. “It’s her choice.”

Nathaniel nodded. “Very well… send her in.”

Ashe and Aiden exchanged a glance, then stepped back out into the hall.

 

Cailyn took in the huddled, younger version of herself. She’d been told what to expect when Ashe and Aiden sent her in. “So you’re Caylie, then,” she said evenly.

“Yep… and you’re Cailyn,” Caylie agreed.

“Technically you are both the same person, but in two vessels, sharing unevenly,” Nathaniel interjected helpfully.

“And you want to put us back into one vessel, according to Aiden,” Cailyn mused.

“Correct.” 

“Why her body and not mine? I’m older. It’s more logical to use mine.”

“Because she is younger, Cailyn. You have done a great deal of harm, and even a few more years to spend making it right is more than most in your situation could ever ask for. A part of you lives with the guilt for what you did - a part so damaged by those actions that you would rather tear your soul in half to avoid facing them.”

“And?” Cailyn asked, buffing her nails. “I’m rather happy this way.”

“Because you only kept happiness for yourself you selfish bitch!” Caylie snapped, rising from her chair.

“Quiet down, half-pint. You’d do the same in my position… though I guess you were in my position until you suddenly weren’t.” 

“Cailyn, Caylie, quit patronizing yourselves. This is a decision that impacts your lives - both of them - for better or worse. Cailyn, we do not know what living in your half-state without proper emotional ties to anything could be. Likewise, we don’t know how living without higher logical processing will hinder Caylie. It is for the best if you both rejoin and become whole again.”

Cailyn considered it. Reuniting with her emotional self would certainly bring back all the pain she had felt before splitting. It wasn’t a logical choice. “No,” she said finally. “I refuse.”

“What!? No! You can’t do that! I want to be whole again!!” Caylie screeched, tears overflowing.

“Then I suggest you start working on self-love and acceptance and hit the books, kid,” Cailyn grinned. “I’ve got a life to get on with.”

Caylie slumped to the floor, defeated, sobbing.

Cailyn strode confidently from the office, past Aiden and Ashe without a word.

Aiden exchanged a look with Ashe, then took off after his sister. Ashe remained to check in with Nathaniel.

“I… guess she said no, huh?”

Nathaniel nodded grimly.

“I… I was thinking while I waited out there, maybe I can help.”

Nathaniel quirked a brow “Hm?”

“What if I, theoretically, could find a lost soul of a child that would love to donate her ability to learn and grow, in exchange for a chance to be part of a full life?” Ashe asked.

Caylie looked up at Ashe, shocked. “Yes!”

Nathaniel gasped softly. ‘That’s… an incredible risk. Combining an entirely foreign soul could overwrite one or the other’s personality.”

“It’s worth it! I’ll let myself get overwritten so the baby can live, if I have to!” Caylie nearly rushed over to Ashe. “Please, please!”

Ashe smiled sadly at the girl, then at Nathaniel. “Well? What do you think?”

Nate frowned slightly, brow furrowed in thought. He considered it for a long moment.

“Very well… if she is willing, let’s try.”

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