Chapter 8: ♡ | V : Wo Ai Ni ~I love you.~

After eating two bowls worth of fruit and driving Rui and Granny Suyin crazy, I sent the ladies off to bed and began pacing back and forth like a moron in my room. Evidently, I knew why I was not the one to go pick up Kana’s son in person but it still irritated me to do nothing but wait! Obviously, I was in no position to enter a brothel since I was a woman and only males could go there so the only logical thing to do was to have Jahei pick him up in my stead but ughhh!! I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING SO BADLY! WAHHH! I let out a loud shriek followed by a fruit scented burp.

“Gosh, I’m going to drive the whole damn house nuts if I don’t shut up!” I reprimanded myself while sitting back on the bed, trying not to jump out of my own skin in the process. My impatience grew the more I waited for Jahei to return and all I could think of was why I didn’t just dress up like a man so I could go and kick ass too? Regret over my lack of creativity got the better of me as I tried to still my impatient nature.

“Should I just wait until tomorrow and then go and kill them? Should I just kill them all right now?” At this point, I started rambling crazy things to myself with anxiety and bloodlust surging through my veins as I spat out chaotic words under breath. Seriously, why shouldn’t a Goddess such as myself kill whomever I deem is worth punishing? Am I not the one with authority to do so?

But then again, this is how God and I always ended up in our bitch fights too. I bet she’d have field day if I really tried something tonight! “Meh! I should just wait until Jahei comes back with the boy then we’ll take it from there.” I mumbled under breath in an attempt to reassure myself. In spite of these words, I continued to sulk and bemoan in my empty bedroom until I started crying from frustration as well as indigestion.

 

Regardless to say, I knew my first objective was to save the boy and then I could go willy-nilly and fuck shit up later if I really wanted to. Yet, like a child, I clicked my tongue in annoyance as I made an effort to restrain my temper for the time being. Ironically enough, while I was pacifying my temper someone knocked on my door and I jumped up like an alley cat that just got drenched in rain water.  

Composing myself rather quickly, I asked, “Father is that you?” As soon as I said that I could sense Jahei’s presence and immediately I sighed in relief. Thank God the worst is finally over now! Swiftly, I reverted to my proper ladylike mannerisms and straightened up my clothes before doing anything else. “Yes, it is I,” Jahei said in his most solemn tone. “May I enter your room, my dear child?” Jahei asked while cracking the door slightly and peering into my room.

“Yes, of course father dear. Please come in~ There’s no need to stand there so humbly,” I reassured him. My son, Jahei who was currently pretending to be my father entered the room with a young boy standing behind him. “Have you behaved yourself in my absence?” Jahei asked with concern. I smiled and turned to meet his frowning face. “Why yes of course father! I was behaving myself. Me and Rui were eating fruit while I waited for your return. I missed you so much father, I hope you had a productive outing,” I spoke with a steady eloquent voice.

Taken back, Jahei played along to his best ability. Mannerly, he closed the bedroom door and the two gentlemen stepped into my room with grace. After adjusting himself, Jahei looked at me and said, “darling, were you crying?” He immediately pointed out my tear-stained face and looked worried. Though, I was too embarrassed to say I was crying because I was anxious about the boy and then I indulged in two bowls of fruit which gave me indigestion so I stood there rather dumbfounded for a few moments thinking up a good excuse to give him. HE MUST NEVER KNOW! My head rang in circles with this thought as I smiled awkwardly and replied back.

“Ah well, I was a little emotional earlier because I missed you so much but it’s nothing to worry about father. I’m okay now. Really, Rui cheered me up while you were away!” I tried my best to sound convincing but he sighed as if he already knew what happened. He then proceeded to rub my face with his hands, wiping my tears away with his soft caress.

 

At this point, I did not have the courage to admit the truth but my heart was at ease since Jahei understood me despite my awkwardness. I was so conflicted about the boy and the food and my own loneliness and then my anxiety it was a miracle I could still act so well. My head was swirling since the day we started this journey. Everything about me was dramatic today so I kept my mouth shut and turned my attention towards the youngster huddled behind Jahei.

Taking note of my diverted attention, Jahei spoke suddenly. “Ah yes! Risa, this is your new servant, Mei Shen”, Jahei said in his most composed tone. “Servant?” I asked like a clueless hick. Oh! Is that the story you went with? Jahei fill me in on shit before you throw me on spot like this. I was looking back and forth at him and the new kid Mei Shen with the most clueless expression. For a moment, I was in a daze by how adorable the boy looked but quickly snapped out of that mushy state. I realized just who was waiting for me and turned my full attention towards Kana’s son, Mei Shen.

 

My eyes grew soft as I looked at the young boy, barely a teen and so tall too! Gosh he looks just like a young Kiran but with Kana’s fair complexion! I was internally squealing with joy at how much he looked like his parents but the more I studied his appearance the more I went from joy to rage. On closer observation, he seemed malnourished, weak, and fragile. I could smell blood too, was he injured? This made me concerned but I didn’t lose my composure just yet.

 

Hesitantly, the young boy looked at me, he was clearly nervous. Mei Shen was a beauty to behold but his eyes were empty and devoid. He looked like a soulless doll. As if someone tore out his heart and put him on display, his current visage seemed forced and fake. Indeed, I could tell that behind the beauty and frills, Mei Shen was just a boy. He was young and tattered and pale as a ghost with dull, faded eyes. It was as if he was trying so hard to survive in this godforsaken world yet it was clear as day that he was exhausted and clueless about why he was even here. In spite of this, he kept staring at me intensely.

What an odd boy... Was he scared of me? Perhaps I should be extra gentle with him, he seems so timid. I couldn’t help but think this way. Right when I was about to speak to the boy, our eyes met directly and locked in place. Something was magnetic about him. It was a feeling that compelled me to look at Mei Shen and suddenly a sharp pain hit me in the chest. My heart began to race wildly like the sound of a beating drum. I had no idea what was causing this but my mind was blanking out and I felt abnormal pains all over my body, as if something was crushing me to death with a heavy object. This was clearly an unexpected feeling.

At this rate, I could really pass off as a sickly young lady with all these weird symptoms attacking me at once. Something was definitely off about Mei Shen; he wasn’t just an ordinary human. The moment we stared into each other’s eyes I knew something suspicious was happening to me. This situation was alarming and to my best effort I tried to remain composed and act like nothing was happening to me.

However, the more I thought about it, the more it was beginning to seem like an auspicious sign. Perhaps Jahei was right, he is really my guardian, isn’t he? Is this what it feels like to be in the presence of a chosen one? What a strange feeling indeed. Without warning, as we broke out of our trance like state and my eyes began to water. Like a bolt of lightning, my mind felt rush of emotions. “It’s him,” I whispered unconsciously as tears trickled down my cheeks. Just seeing this boy made me cry. I wanted to pass out from the shock of realizing who he was but many emotions beyond what words could explain just poured like a river instead.

Despite wanting to look cool, my eyes knew no bounds and my heart was too enraptured to care about my composure. Slowly, I gestured for the two males to sit as I seated myself on the edge of my bed and wiped my tears. “Pardon us,” my son responded as he beckoned for the boy to sit in my room. Hesitantly, Mei Shen sat on a chair near my dresser and continued to observe me in silence. Cautiously with eyes that searched at all possible directions I could see his apprehension, his fear, and his concern. It was natural since he knew nothing, and he could do nothing to escape his fate.

This child was like me. Trapped by fate and tortured by the gods. He was merely an instrument in this game of life. All he knew was nothing but pain so, it was natural for him to tread lightly in my presence. With a push of encouragement, my nephew spoke the first words to help us speed up this lengthy process.

“Mei Shen will be under your care from now on Risa,” Jahei said while switching his gaze from me to Mei Shen. “As for you Mei Shen, you will be serving Lady Risa from now on. I bought you from this purpose. For as long as she needs you, you are to serve her as she sees fit. Is that understood?” He asked with a stern, emotionless tone. Hearing Jahei made me feel very awkward but I knew under the given circumstances we had to keep up this ridiculous act.

 

As I listened to Jahei, Mei Shen finally spoke up too. Softly, with a charming gentle voice he replied, “Yes, Lord Jahei”. Quietly and submissively without a trace of humanity the boy only spoke those few words before silencing himself once again. My heart ached from hearing his lovely voice so dispirited. I could not help but interject with compassion. “Don’t call him Lord! You are not a servant! All I want is for you to live here and be happy. Just stay right here and everything will be okay,” my body shook uneasily as I spoke, and as my fortune would have it, countless tears poured down my already redden eyes.

 

Was I a fire goddess or water goddess? At this point, even I felt confused by this horrible display of emotions! Knowing how obvious my heart threw caution to the wind I said fuck it and got up. Taken back, the two men just stared at me as if to say what on Earth is wrong with her? How well did I know my words and action were not of this era but my heart was not content with this coldness?

 

Instinctively, I walked over to Mei Shen and he promptly stood up. Uninhibitedly, I held him in my arms and cried. Tightly, and warmly, I held him hoping to bring life back into this corpse of a child. In tears, I trembled with unrestrained emotions as I hugged this pitiful, wounded child with such might that it felt like my life depended on this very moment. Nothing else mattered to me, as long as he was here. As long as he was in my arms where I could protect him from everything that wanted to harm him, nothing else existed to me. Nothing else mattered because right there and then, I knew he was safe in my arms.

 

Uninterestedly, my nephew blankly stared at us, judging our awkward hug with his dead as a door nail face before opening his mouth to speak. “Well, it doesn’t bother me either way really. Address me however Risa wants you to or simply don’t address me at all. I really don’t care if you ignore me or avoid me either. You belong to Risa not me so, do as you see fit. Now then, I’ll leave you two alone, do whatever you want Risa. I’ll be in my bedroom, good night.” Jahei stated his thoughts in the most half assed way possible before closing the bedroom door behind him.

 

“Oi, asshole, DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH A BOY! NO NORMAL FATHER WOULD DO THAT!” I shouted psychically to Jahei who was already out the door. “Hmph, do whatever you want mother. This is already too much drama for me. I’ll be in my room working,” Jahei retorted telepathically before his voice went silent.

My brain was screaming but Jahei left us in this long-awaited embrace speechless and slightly dumbfounded. Goodness, his reaction is nothing like a proper father at all! To think I trusted him to act more accordingly! In spite of this, I felt at ease knowing Jahei did not intend to interfere with my relationship with Mei Shen. After all, in my heart, all I wanted was to love this child and keep him safe. I had no intentions of harming nor hindering his life, I only wanted to save him as he begged me to.

 

Even so, it was impossible to keep up this tender, emotional mood with that sort of statement running through our minds. Hastily, I looked up at Mei Shen with doe eyes and spoke. “I have always wanted someone to stay by my side. I have been waiting for so long to meet you. Thank you for coming to meet me, Mei Shen.” I blurted out the words that I kept pent up for so long in the most awkward way. To my surprise, Mei Shen looked shocked but mummed his lips. “Why aren’t you saying anything Mei Shen?” I asked, truly concerned as to why he remained so silent all this time.

 

Despite his silence, he was hugging me back and wouldn’t release me anytime soon. I found his behavior to be very peculiar. “My lady, your father bought me to serve you, isn’t that correct? Then, how should I serve you right now?” With cold eyes, he spoke so formally that I couldn’t understand the meaning of his words. Yet, I felt like something was off, something that I wasn’t quite aware of just yet.

 

Hesitantly, I tried to explain things in a way that was more understandable. “I’m not sure what you mean Mei Shen but I don’t want a servant. I want a friend. My father didn’t buy you to be my servant... Although I must admit his way of talking is hard to follow and he shouldn’t have referred to you as a servant. Truthfully, he just did as I said because I asked him to help you. I asked him to buy you with the intent to give you a better life. I just want us to be friends and to help you live a more peaceful life,” I stated humbly.

Looking at me with a suspicious face, Mei Shen began to question me harshly. “Miss Risa why would you buy a male prostitute who dresses like a woman to be your friend? That doesn’t make any sense.” Mei Shen responded with a curt tone. “Well, when you put it that way it does sound kind of weird doesn’t it?” I replied awkwardly, trying not to sound out of place for a young lady. Meekly, I went on to say, “I just sort of... thought it would be nice to have a friend. I asked father to find someone who would stay by my side and live with us so that I wouldn’t be lonely anymore and things turned out this way.” Callously, I tried to fix the situation but clearly, I was only making it worse.

 

In an attempt to clear the air, I decided it was best to drop the good girl act and just say what needed to be said. “M-mei Shen! This may sound weird but do you think you were brought here to have sex with me?” I bluntly asked the question no lady would dare to say. Even so, I did it because I felt like this is what was sparking the hostility in the room. Mei Shen looked at me dubiously and nodded confirming my suspicions to be true. Unease by this tension, I tried to clarify the misconception. “I didn’t buy you for such things,” I exclaimed in hopes that Mei Shen would stop misunderstanding my intentions.

 

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However, the young lad ignored my words and responded by loosening his shirt and undressing before me. To my shock, he was acting so brazen, I didn’t know how to react. My mind went blank with panic when I caught a glimpse of his scared body and burn marks. I felt so uncomfortable by what was occurring I immediately grab his hands firmly to prevent him from removing his clothes any further and quickly tried to fasten his shirt back in place.

 

As if my common sense and etiquette all flew out the window I reverted to my natural personality and started chastising the boy. “Oi you moron! Stop undressing! You have it all wrong! I did not ask my father to help you so that I could play weird games with your life!” I shouted defiantly, much to Mei Shen’s surprise. He stood there in bewilderment as if he was thrown for a loop and I continued to speak inelegantly in the heat of the moment.

“Please listen carefully Mei Shen, I’m not interested in your body. You are not prostitute anymore and no one in this house will treat you like one. My intention is to help you so don’t assume strange things on your own. Please. I’m not interested in hurting you. I’m sorry if you misunderstood me but I just wanted you to be a part of my family. At most I was hoping we could eat snacks together and talk about trivial things like normal kids our age do! Really... I just wanted to keep you safe and be friends with you,” I explained in a desperate emotional state while crying remorsefully as my grip loosened and my head sunk.

Sniffling like a fool, I now realized that the situation I got myself into wasn’t as simple as I thought it would be. How could I be so insensitive? It was clear that Mei Shen had many unhealed scars and my careless words and Jahei’s acting messed things up even more. I felt like a fool for not being able to fix things in a more reasonable way. And I hated myself even more for being the one to cry so shamelessly in this moment where I didn’t even deserve to cry.

Painstakingly, Mei Shen looked at me like he just realized he fucked up and I felt so bad for yelling at him and acting so foolish all this time. The room became tense and awkward as we struggled to communication but in spite of this, I tried to make peace with the boy. “Mei Shen, please don’t undress in front of me ever again. Your well-being is important and you shouldn’t feel forced to do such things. Sexual actions should be done with love and kindness. Without mutual consent and respect, it’s not right to behave this way. If anyone tells you otherwise, they are bad people. I know up until today you had to deal with many bad people but as of now there are no more bad people around you. So, please do not do these kinds of things anymore,” I begged him, hoping he would understand my words and believe in me.

 

“You don’t have to suffer anymore. No one will hurt you as long as I am by your side. And if anyone tries to hurt you, I will kill them all. I swear. I won’t let anyone mistreat you ever again! So please... calm down, Mei Shen.” I reassured him, still clutching to his wrists as I lifted my head up to look into his bemused face. Visibly, I could tell Mei Shen was awestruck. He was looking at me with eyes that showed fear and confusion, it made me anxious just to meet his gaze.

 

Slowly, I retracted my hands and slumped my shoulders in silence hoping by some miracle he would open his heart to me after I said so many emotionally charged words. To my surprise, the boy let out an out shriek and began to reply. “Huh? Wait! You really just wanted a friend? Really? This isn’t some trick? Miss- I mean My Lady! What are you talking about?” Mei Shen stuttered on his words while blushing and holding back his own tears. From the way he looked, I could tell he was embarrassed too.

 

“W-what can you even do?! You talking about killing with that cute baby face and those tiny little hands of yours? Are you serious? That’s like asking a kitten to defeat a lion! Don’t make me laugh!” The boy rambled on but it was as if his emotions were all jumbled up while he tried to piece together what was happening. Mei Shen looked at me as if he was going to cry and laugh simultaneously. All the same, I began to feel really stupid because of how to he described me.

“Hey, don’t bully me! I may be tiny but I care about you and will definitely help you- WAIT! Did you just call me cute?” I retorted like a hissing kitten before realizing Mei Shen complimented me too. Somehow, the transition from one topic to the next made me feel embarrassed and awkward. We both appeared to be very flustered from all the chaotic emotions swirling around in this conversation. Upon seeing my reaction, Mei Shen softened his gaze and started petting my head as if I were his pet cat.

 

The young fellow continued to gaze at me and sighed timidly. It was almost like watching a person switch from defensive mode to calm mode. I could not quite figure out what type of personality this kid had but I allowed him to pet my head because it seemed to calm his unsteady temper. Perhaps he thought I was non-threatening now? If this is what it takes to establish trust then so be it, I told myself while observing Mei Shen carefully.

 

Suddenly, the boy smiled at me with a small awkward grin and spoke clearly for the first time. “Indeed, you are really cute My Lady. Heh. But your words scare me and I don’t know how to trust others. For what reason am I here? Friendship you say? I’ve never had a friend in my entire life and my family abandoned me years ago. You don’t honestly expect me to believe your father adopted me to raise me as a young lord, do you? My lady, even someone as uncultured as myself knows that is impossible,” Mei Shen stated harshly. Undoubtedly, he was calmer now but his attitude was highly skeptical and for good reason.

In this situation, I wanted to add in my own two cents but I could tell this was not the time for my words to be spoken. Right now, Mei Shen had things he wanted to get off his chest so I kept my mouth shut and allowed him to say his piece without interruptions. Noticing my silence, the youngster continued to air his views and I gave him my full attention.

“My lady, you should know better than anyone else that social class is not an easy feat to overcome. Even as a servant of such an extravagant house I do not deserve this type of kind treatment. In reality, I am just a cheap whore. I am dirt to people like you. Why not just make me your new lover little lady? In the end, you will betray me anyways... even if you don’t realize it right now,” Mei Shen taunted me with his words. Plain as day, I could tell he was trying to bait me but I refused to yield to his pettiness.

Instead, I bit my tongue and silenced myself. He then proceeded to lecture me even more. “Why are you so silent, my lady? Won’t you admit it? We both know this is the truth. I already know that no one wants me for me. People only see me as a tool. I am not human; I am just a hollow doll set on display. To use and abuse. Just play with me then toss me aside like everyone else does. You don’t need to play nicely my lady, I won’t fall for your fake sincerity,” Mei Shen blurted out, his words becoming sharper and more arrogant as he spoke.

 

My short fuse was nearing its limit and I ended up lashing back out at him. “Mei Shen, I can take a lot of crap and listen patiently to your words, BUT I AM NOT INSINCERE! So, don’t mock me with your slanderous comments!” I berated him knowing this would ignite a dangerous flame for the both of us. Slyly, he glared at me and shouted back indignantly.

“Don’t act like you care about me when you know nothing about me! The wealthy have always been liars who say fake words to toy with defenseless people! You may be young and naive now but surely one day you too will turn on me! So just cut the charade and just do what will you now... don’t make me believe there’s hope behind your kindness when it’s clear that such hope will never exist for people like me!”

After saying such cruel words, Mei Shen began to quiver his lips and his eyes grew watery. Despite his sharp tongue, I could see that he was really hurt by the things he said too. Perhaps he wanted hope in a hopeless situation and now that there was a glimmer of hope he could no longer believe in its existence? I felt pity for him. He was trying so hard to protect himself even though he was just a child, barely a teenager and already he was so hurt by this cruel world.

 

As I stared at him, reflecting on what just happened he was left there standing before me breathless and aggravated. In all honestly, I knew he was holding back his true feelings, I was no fool when it came to hidden emotions. What is more, I realized based on his previous actions, he didn’t hate me either, which calmed my worries slightly. In the end, Mei Shen was just a hurt and confused child who had pent up emotions that needed to be expressed. I felt at peace knowing after such a long time he was finally able to speak his mind freely. It must have been very scary for him to stand up to me, I couldn’t help but smirk at this thought.

 

With a smile, I looked him in the eyes and said, “I’m glad you finally showed me your true colors Mei Shen. I like you more when you are honest with me. But!! You are a big idiot! I’m not like other rich spoiled brats so don’t lump me together with them!” Huffing as I spoke these words, I continued to reintroduce myself in an attempt to smooth things over between us. “I am just Risa, no more no less. I don’t mistreat people. I am loyal and kind so don’t you forget it mister! In this world, I am always me and only me! I am not a fake back stabbing snake!” I declared firmly while Mei Shen looked at me as if he was watching an unruly child spout nonsense.

 

Embarrassingly, I continued to reassure Mei Shen in hopes that something I said would take root and knock sense into his thick head. “Mei Shen! I will always protect you. Even with these weak, tiny hands and this cute baby face that you mock so arrogantly! So, don’t forget! You are not an object; you are a human being like me! And you’re right. I don’t know you but I want to get to know you because you are my important new family member!

 

We are going to live together and be friends and that’s it. Whether you love me or hate me, all I want is for you to live a happy life! That is the reason why I brought you here. What you choose to do with your freedom is up to you. However, if you want to stay here, if you want to stay with me then shut up and just stay here. Stop looking at me like I’m your enemy! I’ll always be on your side Mei Shen!” I confessed at the top of my lungs as the words came out like a whirlwind.

 

Intimidated by what I said, Mei Shen looked at me with the most awkward expression. “My lady… please, please stop! I don’t know how to trust you or anyone!” He admitted, clenching his fists, and crying bitter, unwilling tears. Before my eyes I could see this doll like child, so broken by the world finally becoming a human who was capable of expressing emotions. Yet, in spite of his newfound humanity it was clear that he didn’t know what to do to continue to be a human being. Upon seeing his raw emotions, I couldn’t help but feel relief. Mei Shen was finally accepting his human self despite the pain that came with it.

Gently, I smiled at him while raising my hand to stroke his face, slowly wiping away his tears in the process. “It’s okay, Mei Shen. Listen to me, for as long as it takes, for as long as I live, I will spend my entire life proving to you just how trustworthy I am. I promise you, with all my heart and soul that I will heal your pain without fail. I will always be here for you. I won’t betray you.” I comforted him with my words and he let out another shriek of sorrowfulness before holding my tightly.

Instinctively I hugged him back, lovingly, and tenderly. “Everything will be okay. As long as I’m here you will be okay. I promise you that everything will be okay. No matter what happens, I’ll make it okay.” These words escaped my mouth, as I consoled this pitiful, hopeless child whose humanly rebirth left him speechless and paralyzed in a sea of endless tears.

As the night grew darker and the tears dried, Mei Shen fell asleep in my room, holding me closely as he slept peacefully for the first time in a very long time. I didn’t have the heart to send him away so I gently cuddled him against my chest and rubbed him back as he slept. It was like holding a baby duckling, I wanted to protect him and keep him safe from all the bad things in this world.

Despite my gentleness towards the young one, my feelings for the gangsters were a whole different story. While Mei Shen slept soundly in my arms, all I could think of was how I would never forgive that brothel owner and his hoard of illiterate monkeys. With seething rage, I laid there plotting my vengeance and imagining various way to wreak havoc upon my new prey.

 

My mind kept playing back to the scars and wounds I saw on Mei Shen’s body when he tried to undress himself. The sight of his injuries was burnt into my memory like a painful scar. As he slept, I continued to notice more injures all over his neck and hands as well. Now that we were lying so close to each other it was apparent that he was heavily injured. To think those monsters would hurt him so severely! I was itching to spill blood at this point. Remorsefully, I didn’t even want to imagine what horrific things happened to cause such injuries.

 

To make matters worse, in the back of my head, I knew because he was a prostitute there were risk of many more injuries too. More than likely, he was suffering from illnesses and infections too, considering many prostitutes died from sexually transmitted diseases and battery. Trying to put myself at ease, I decided to just ask Jahei to treat Mei Shen when morning came by.

After reconciling with these thoughts, I gazed at Mei Shen’s sleeping face and tried to calm myself. He looked so peaceful in his sleeping state I couldn’t help but feel protective. With not an ounce of hesitation, I really wanted to fillet the people who hurt him. Under no circumstances did I tolerate rapists nor pedophiles! After all it was well known amongst the people of Gahar, my religious group, that we punished all sex offenders and violent abusers with death penalty! Hopefully, I would get an opportunity to lop off some heads pretty soon, those undeserving swine! Realizing I wasn’t going to get much sleep, I continued to plot my divine punishment as the night went on and Mei Shen remained soundly asleep.

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