Chapter 6: Chapter 6: The Grand Ball

I stare into my cup of tea. What little is left has surely gone cold by this point. Cold, and black.

I hosted a tea party for the highest of the high ladies at the school today across all three years. It was a comfort to slip on the mask of Lady Lataille, and just have pleasant conversation for a few hours. I still play the role well. Or maybe it is who I truly am underneath it all, when I'm not such a mess. Though everyone has left by now.

They say there are people who can divine the future through the medium of tea. But somehow I doubt this blend, nice though it is, could give me any satisfying answers. It really sucks not knowing what is going to happen.

There is a heavy sigh. I realise it comes from me.

"Are you okay, Lady Francine?"

Well, Bella and Eloise are still here. I appreciate them not leaving me alone.

"Yes, I'm fi-" I nearly give the automatic response, but then hesitate. "No. To be quite honest, I am not."

The two of them exchange looks. I don't think they expected that response. I'm not entirely sure why I gave it. They aren't used to me speaking so candidly. Nor have I ever really had cause to. My followers. Apparently that's what that type of character is called in these games, so that's how I started thinking of them. They follow me anywhere I ask, after all, and follow my directions. But... they're not really my friends, are they? Have I ever treated them as such? Do I have anyone I can call a real friend? Not at this academy. The hated Lady Francine Lataille didn't need any for the purposes of this game.

Maybe... even if they're not my friends, maybe they could be? I sure could use one, or two.

"Bella. Eloise. May I confide in you?" I ask.

They look at each other again. I imagine they're surprised I would speak in such a manner.

"Of course, Lady Francine," Bella says, and smiles at me.

"Anything you require," Eloise concurs.

I set my cup down. They probably don't deserve this, but... here goes.

"I'm a bad person, aren't I?"

Their shock is palpable.

"O-of course not, Lady Francine," Bella is quick to say.

I smile. "I understand that you mean well, but please do not patronise me. I deserve to be told the truth."

"Milady?"

"Even you two, who have stood by me since the start of the semester, I have not treated fairly. I have just wielded my status over you," I say, trying to suppress the bitterness I'm feeling.

"That's not true at all," Eloise tries to assure me.

"Isn't it?" I glower at the teacup.

There is a heavy pause.

"Is this about Grenier?" Eloise guesses.

I hesitate. But when I've gone this far, what point is there in holding back? "Yes. I've treated her so cruelly, and for what reason?"

"Well... she is lowborn," Bella points out.

"True, but I'm not sure if that's a valid defence of my character," I say. "Lord Arthur would never do anything of the sort."

"Well... she..."

They want to ease my conscience, but I don't deserve it. "She did nothing wrong. You both know that as well as I do. I just... did it because I thought it was fun. I'm truly a bad person."

"Lady Francine, please..."

"Am I wrong?"

Another pause. I knew it. It really isn't fair of me to put them through this.

"You have really changed, Lady Francine," Eloise says.

"Huh? I... I suppose so..." At least she doesn't make it sound like a bad thing. I keep thinking of old Francine as if she was a completely different person, but I wonder to what extent that is true, and how much of it is simply wishful thinking. "I just... I've done too much to her. Even I realise that. I should stay away from her from now on." It's the least I can do. "But I can't help wondering if there's any way I can make amends..." That is definitely wishful thinking.

"Perhaps you should apologise?" Bella suggests, though she sounds a little hesitant to do so.

I consider it. "I... probably should." I don't deserve forgiveness, but maybe it could ease the hurt somewhat. "Thank you. For listening."

They clearly didn't expect that either, judging by their surprised expressions. "Um... you're welcome, milady."

"So... is it true, then? What you said?" Eloise asks in a cautious tone. "That you lo-"

I cut her off quickly. "I have no idea what you are talking about." I'm not getting into that can of worms right now.

* * *

I'm a coward. While I agreed that I should apologise, the only thing I've been doing is avoiding Emma as fervently as possible since that I slipped up. Even if I'm not entirely sure how many days it's been.

That I've been able to do so is just more proof that this is no longer the game I know. There were supposed to be like... three encounters I should have been involved in before the next event. Maybe more, depending on what activities the player picks. I wonder if there are any activities for me... maybe they tried picking some, but I've managed to steer clear of those too. Imagine that. A game character not doing as the player wishes.

I'm still not sure whether it's the thought that I might have free will, or the thought that I'm simply following a new script, that scares me more.

But now the next event is upon us: the grand ball. This is a semi-fixed event. Everyone dances at the same time, and we switch partners at regular intervals. It's set who dances with whom at which points. A chance for Emma to have some one-on-one conversations with the boys before the player makes their final choice in the not too distant future. They get to go through some dialogue options that depend on what has happened so far.

In theory this should be a safe one for me. I know the order of switching by heart. And I really like dancing, so I always used to look forward to this event.

Now I go into it with a sense of unease.

Everyone has shown up in their finest gowns, or tuxedos. I have an elegant light blue one that my mother had made for me when I started at the academy. Emma is wearing a yellow one that matches her sunflower hairpin. Even though she is wearing a different pin this time, the dress remains the same. She's so cute... no, now is not the time to think about that. I should abandon all such thoughts.

We get onto the dance floor, and things proceed as they're supposed to. Actually, I should probably stop thinking of it that way. I no longer know what is and isn't supposed to happen, but I can't help falling back on what I know from the countless times I've seen everything play out. Until this run.

The hairpin was where it all started. The first sign. And I decided to ignore it. At the start of this playthrough I was so certain that I knew everything. Now I feel... lost. Helpless. It's not pleasant.

Ah, time to switch partners again. Let's see, by this point I should be switching to Arthur. We typically have a pleasant conversation, but I'm not sure I'm in the mood this time around.

Hang on, this isn't Arthur. This person is much too short. I look down at a familiar brunette. "Em- Grenier?!" Damn, I almost did it again. The nearby dancers probably heard my outburst, but I have more pressing matters than checking whether they're looking.

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"Lady Francine." Her tone is demure, but at least she's not trembling or anything. That's... something?

Ugh... no no no, what am I thinking? Why is this happening? It's hardly unheard of for girls to dance with girls, or boys to dance with boys, but why... I should have expected this. These aren't just glitches. Someone is intentionally doing this to me. To punish me. And I can't break away, or leave. That would be a horrible breach of etiquette. Ugh... okay, calm down, Francine. First thing's first. She's shorter than me, so I should put my arm around her like so... oh God, she's so soft. And she smells good. I might faint. That would be one way out of this. Is this confirmation that I'm a love interest now? Why would anyone put that into the game? I'm so...

"You... you can call me Emma if you want, Lady Francine," Emma says, breaking my train of thought.

Of course she caught my little mess-up. Oh... I want to so badly, but... "I really can't," I say instead.

"Oh... but..."

She seems to be searching for the right words, but I would rather she didn't probe too far into this.

"I want to apologise." This is my chance.

"Huh?"

I should have practised this more. "I went too far," I start with. "I'm sorry I took your silver case, and... no, not just that. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. You didn't deserve any of it. I know it's probably not worth much coming from me, but I am truly sorry." My emotions are starting to well up, but I need to remain calm.

Her wide-eyed expression is probably a good indicator that she didn't expect to hear that. "But... why did you do it...?"

I look to the side so I don't have to meet her eyes. "I have no excuse."

She falls silent. It's hard to enjoy the music, but I feel a little impressed that she hasn't missed a step of our dance.

"Lady Francine, I... accept your apology." She falls quiet again, though I can tell she's thinking about something. "Um... do you think we could be friends?"

It sounds so innocent when she says it, but I really wish she hadn't asked. "I'm not sure that's possible." How could it be?

"Oh... do you really hate me that much?"

Way to stab right into my heart, Emma. "No, that's not... I'm a bad person, Grenier. You should stay away from me."

"I've tried."

I know. I know you have. I'm the one who's been hounding you. It's what I was made to do. Not that I have that excuse any longer. I look at her again. "I promise to leave you alone from now on. I'll stay away. You will never need to worry about me again." That... hurt more to say than I thought it would.

"But..." I can't decipher the look she's giving me. Relief? Pity? Surprise? Joy? Sadness? Any, all, or none of the above? "What you said at the end last time..."

"I don't recall saying anything," I boldly lie right to her face.

"Oh."

What? Why is she smiling at me? It's so bright.

Oh thank God, it's time to switch partners again. Yet... I don't actually want to let her go. I want to hold her forever. But I can't. Goodbye, Emma.

I feel... no, I can't cry. I won't allow it. Not here. She's better off now. I should be happy for her.

A couple of partners pass by before I see the next step of my punishment approach.

"Lataille."

"Valleroy."

We have both done this enough that we know how to endure a partner we're not fond of, but I'll admit it's a bit of a strain right now.

"You just couldn't stay away, could you?" He says accusingly. I know what he's referring to.

"You think I planned it?" I hiss.

"Didn't you?"

I glare at him. "Of course not. You really think that's possible?" I snap at him. If he thinks I'm lying, there's not much I can really do to convince him otherwise, but I find myself unable to hold back.

He doesn't look convinced, but he moves on. "Well? What did you say to her?"

I want to tell him it's none of his business, but he won't leave it at that. "Don't worry. I apologised, and told her I'll leave her alone."

"You..." His look of surprise is oddly satisfying. Though it's quickly replaced with suspicion. "Good. But know I'll be watching you."

I roll my eyes. "Of course you will."

* * *

Finally back at the dorm room. I lock the door, and throw myself onto the bed. This is going to ruin the gown, but I'm just so exhausted.

So that's it. I've done my part. I'm out of the game. It's for the best. For her sake. She'll be happy. It's...

"Emma..." If only... if only I wasn't... wasn't so...

"E... Emma..." My chest hurts. My eyes sting. I hate it. I hate all of it.

Why did they have to add this to the game? I'm not... I shouldn't be... who would want... me? Why would they do that to me?

I know the answer. It's my punishment. For all the times I've just sat there, and watched myself torment her. I needed to suffer consequences.

"Em... ma... whyyyyy..."

Is this the first time I've actually said her name out loud? I don't deserve to speak it.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I wasn't powerless. Maybe I could have done something sooner. Maybe I was unlocked at some point. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I was too much of a coward. Maybe... maybe maybe maybe... gaaaahhhhh!!!

"E-e-emmmmmaaaaaa..."

It's hard to breathe. I'm so pathetic. So gross. Blubbering like a baby. I wish I never had to leave this room again.

Can it be game over soon?

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