Chapter 115: Why Are We Born?

"Sorry," Tania whispered as if those were the only words she knew.  "I was just daydreaming," she continued, subconsciously wanting to hug Baron Jason who was lying beside him.  A second later her sanity returned, thus teaching her about etiquette and manners to behave.

Immediately pulling her hand into a hug, her cheeks flushed even though he no longer caressed her cheek.  "Then what about you?"  she asked, perhaps trying to divert the conversation.  "How was your life in the past?  Is everything okay?"

"I thought you were a sensitive girl."  He sounded disappointed.  "So I think you know how my life was in the past."

Awkwardly, she corrected her unproblematic posture.  "I do know," she said.  "But I don't know the details.  But thanks, it seems you know quite a few things about me.  Did you know it since you were with Ly…" Swallowed.  "With her?"

Shaking his head, reached out to grab her slender fingers.  "No.  I only realized it now."  Played it, rubbed her palm.

"You're smart if you can judge someone in a short time."

"I hope it's a sincere compliment."

"Of course," she nodded.  "I'm sincere about that."

"Thank you."  He also corrected the position of the body, drooping his back so that he could be parallel to her.  "I know you're sincere.  There aren't many people like you that I can find in this world."  His honesty is too exaggerated, to show how sad his life was in the past, or maybe even in the present.

Tania knows enough about that, about the rumors of Baron Jason, who likes to talk big and brag.  His nature tends to want to attract the attention of many people, or maybe he appreciates himself too much.  But in his case, the first is his reason.

"Do you pity me?"  he asked, letting the moonlight hit the tip of his nose. Its reflection made his green eyes glow beautifully.

"Why do you think like that?"

"Because that's how it looks like you gaze at me."  Paused for a moment.  "Looks pitiful to me."

"I do sympathize with you," she admitted, beginning to lose the fear in her soul.  "I feel our life story is almost the same.  It's just that the way we deal with problems is very different."

"Then do you feel you are much better than me in terms of solving and responding to problems?"

"Not really."  She meant it.  "I never thought like that.  It's all subjective, and I'm not the one to judge."

"Good grief!"  he groaned, covering his face with his palms, grimacing in the dim light, causing her to blink rapidly thinking she was in pain.  "Why did I just notice your presence?"  he continued, just before she almost touched his face to check his condition.  "You are my typical ideal girl.  But why… why…"

She blushed again as if there was no end.  The cold that had infiltrated had evaporated, the withered leaves suddenly became refreshed, as fresh as her mood.

"I should have seen you earlier."  His fingers pinched her chin, making her face look up slowly like she was lifting a very fragile plank so that it stood up straight again.  "So that I don't waste my time."

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean."  Bring his face closer, put his lips on her forehead, press gently while sipping her scent.

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"I'm just a commoner."

"Then?"  He seemed to be making fun of her words, with an expression that looked disgusted.  "What's wrong with that?  Lyra was even a commoner, and that didn't stop me from wanting to marry her.  I can do whatever I want."

"Don't the nobles have strict rules regarding marriage?"  Unexpectedly, Tania found out about it.  "If you like a commoner, your family won't necessarily agree."

"I don't have a family."  His expression looked strange when he said that, like blank, disgusted, and embarrassed.  "Except only the biological mother and a few cousins."

"Your biological mother is your family."

But strangely he just shrugged his shoulders, as if he didn't have the appetite to discuss the matter any further.  Tania was quite understanding about it, so she was silent, nodded her head, understood without having to explain it first.

"Do you want to sleep?"

He shook his head, again rubbing her cheeks, then her hair.  "I don't think so," he said with a very long and heavy breath as if he wanted to spill all his troubles through this.  "Are you sleepy?"

"Not really."

"So what are we going to do?"  He asked again, fixing all eyes on her, locking in a shrewd lock.  "Or do you want to hear how my life was in the past?"

"If you do not mind."  Tania seems like a caring mother or a perfect wife.  Her small stature seems fragile and must be protected, her nature is gentle and patient, and her eyes are very soothing.

"From the start, I couldn't be like the other children," he began, pulling her body into his warm and firm embrace.  After their bodies squeezed each other, a sense of comfort spread in each other's hearts.  "Because my mom never really wanted me," he continued.

She listened carefully, keeping the questions she wanted to ask close.  She wants him to let out all the things that are bothering him so that his feelings are more relieved and calm.

"Because she was betrothed to my father."  A smile that resembled a smirk, as if to question why he had to be born between a disharmonious couple.  "My father loved my mother, but sadly she didn't, and even she already had a man she loved.  If you had heard my story up to this point you would have thought that injustice was only directed at my mother, how she lived without much choice and love."

He took a deep breath, there was no sign he was about to cry yet.  Even he looked stiff and expressionless.  "But not really.  She, who had wanted to betrothed to my father, had fallen in love with him.  After both parents agreed, she had to wait because my father was still on duty abroad.  Her wait lasted 3 years, and in the midst of it she found another man."

Covering her mouth, Tania got teary-eyed.  So it's about infidelity.

"Even so, she didn't want to cancel this match because she was too afraid of her parents.  In the end, she remained married to my father, without love, until she had me."  At this point, he began to shake, his gaze unstable, at his dilated and narrowed pupils.

"After I was old enough she started to rebel, started to dare to show her affair to my father, even though from the start he knew everything."  Clenching hands.  "But she doesn't have shame and chooses to go with her mistress.  Even when I found out my father was very sick until he died.  She didn't appear to be present at the funeral, and even I doubt she would take care of me if she didn't get pressure from various parties."

His eyes turned to her, exchanging emotions.  "We are the same."  Combing her hair with fingers.  "We both not wanted to be born," he continued.  "If that is so, then why were we born?"

That question is too heavy to answer.

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