Chapter 45: Chapter 45 Memory (2)

The memory starts with Hu'er, Huli Jing, who is five years old. It's the Lantern Festival and her first time going out of the Moon Pavilion. Hu'er is spectating her young self being so excited because Madam Yun finally approved that she could go out. Since little, what she has been wishing is to see what the outside looks like.

Hu'er looks at her with sympathy. This journey of going out is not something she wanted to remember. She has been wanting to avoid it. Even if Hu'er wanted to stop her young self, she knew that she couldn't. This is after all her past. She tried to touch things and even talk but she couldn't touch them nor could they hear her. Hu'er feels so helpless.

Madam Yun is done combing her hair. She sat down to level Huli Jing. Madam Yun then gave her some money and told her what she could do and what to avoid. She also gave her some tips on what to do when something happens. She held young Huli Jing's hand and went out of the room.

Hu'er reluctantly followed them. Her lips are pursed. They passed by her elder sisters, whom she missed and some even died with her. Hu'er is too guilty to look at them.

When they got out of the Moon Pavilion, Madam Yun and young Huli Jing went toward the market where the Lantern Festival is on high. There are tons of people and Madam Yun stops at a shop to look at the lanterns. Young Huli Jing nudged Madam Yun but she didn't look at Young Huli Jing. Madam Yun starts talking with a shopkeeper and Huli Jing couldn't get her attention.

She just wanted to buy something. She looks at Madam Yun and where the stall is. It's very near. She hesitated before running towards the candied haws to buy some using the copper coins that were given to her. Hu'er wanted to stop her young self but couldn't. Young Huli Jing came back to the shop where Madam Yun was but she was nowhere to be found.

Back then she was small and couldn't see Madam Yun. Although Hu'er is only two right now, she is bigger than Huli Jing in this memory. Hu'er unconsciously looked around. Then she feels someone was looking at her,  Hu'er eyesight went up toward the window where the second floor of the shop.

Their eyes widen, as she sees Madam Yun looking down at where Young Huli Jing is. She's so indifferent and cold. This is not Madam Yun that she knows. Madam Yun's eye moved, making Hu'er look back to her young self. She feels so sad right now. She pitied not just her young self who is already crying but also herself. She loves Madam Yun and treats her as her mother. To see her like that, she's not naive to not know that her first time going out was well planned by them.

Young Huli Jing was shouting and asking for Madam Yun. Crying and helpless in the middle of strangers. Men came and told her that they will help find Madam Yun. But Young Huli Jing has a great instinct. She knows that these men are not going to help her but they are bad guys. She ran and ran. The men ran to follow her.

Hu'er looks above to see Madam Yun casually sipping her tea. The man who talked to young Huli Jing is apologizing to the people. Telling them that it is their young miss and they are their shadow guard so Huli Jing didn't know them. After that, the man looks at Madam Yun and nodded to her before running toward where the young Huli Jing went.

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Hu'er followed him and stopped at the end of the alley. She could still remember what this alley is. She got so many nightmares about this alley and they only went away when she was already thirteen. She didn't want to remember it. She tried to go away but couldn't, something is restricting her.

Pursing her lips she steps in. Before she could even take another step three men stopped in front of the man she followed. The man nodded at them. The other man raised one of his hands and laughed. The one who was accompanying him made a shush signal.

Hu'er is looking at the hand that the man raised. There is a red liquid in a small glass bottle. She stiffens. She watched as the three men began their act.

The man who is holding something ran into the alley, he is in a panic. The two men followed him in, cursing. When the two men caught the man they threw him and started beating him. When the man was not moving anymore they stopped and dragged the body out of the alley leaving a trail of blood.

When they were out of the alley, the man who was 'beaten to death' stood up. The man that Hu'er followed gave them money and the three went away. The man is just standing there, waiting. He didn't wait for long, Madam Yun came. She asked if the work was done. The man explained what happened. Madam Yun is satisfied. She gave him a full pouch of coins. The man opened it and grinned. He said something to Madam Yun before going away.

Madam Yun's indifferent expression swept through the alley. She looks disgusted. She closed her eyes and sighed. Soon, she came back as the gentle Madam Yun. She ran into the alley, looking worried and frustrated, even tearing up as she shouted Huli Jing's name.

A sound came from the mountain of trash. Madam Yun looks at it, she shivers and her eyes flash. From the mountain of trash, a little girl who's dirty and messy came out. She ran towards Madam Yun. They both cried while hugging each other. At that time, Hu'er felt she was saved, yet the person who was hugging her is actually the source of her nightmare.

Hu'er could help but tear up. She didn't know why this memory came back to her and it was not even her perspective. She saw what she shouldn't have seen and it made her so disappointed. The person she treated as a mother, the person who raised her is also the person who pushed her into the abyss.

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