Chapter 41: Chapter 006.2: A Scientist Doesn’t Need To Pretend As One

Just kidding.

It was just a split second imagination brought by my maladaptive daydreaming.

For me to get this sudden daydream after so long, I'm pretty bored don't I?

It seems like I'm craving for a stimulation. I think I'll go back to writing.

The car didn't hit Eli-chan. There's no way that's possible. She's an incredible fighter and pretty agile at that.

So even if she was out of focus, she instinctively stepped back barely avoiding the car.

Besides, the car wasn't driving fast. So it immediately stopped upon the driver stepping on the break.

“Are you alright girl?”

The driver went down and asks Eli-chan who is still in daze.

“Eli-chan.”

She looks at me.

“Is she with you? I'm sorry about that.”

“No. I apologize on her behalf. Eli-chan is fine.”

“Is that so? I'm sorry again. Well, I'm on a rush so I'm leaving. My wife will kill me if I'm late hehehe.”

He nods at me gently with a wry smile on his face.

Then he drives away from here. Much slower than earlier.

“Well let's go Eli-chan. What are you thinking earlier?”

“Uh... no.. it's nothing.”

She still looks in daze.

“Are you in shock? Are you afraid? Or did you actually got hit by the car?”

“Eh? Car?”

She looks confused.

“Yes car.”

“Oh. I'm fine.”

“Wait. Are you dissociating?”

“No.”

Well I don't think so.

I walks behind her.

Then we starts walking with me pushing her forward towards the cotton candy vendor.

“Don't touch me Mark.”

“I'm not. It's your bag I'm touching on.”

“Is she your girlfriend?”

The cotton candy vendor offers me a blue cotton candy.

“Are you okay?”

He then gives Eli-chan the pink colored one.

“I'm alright thank you.”

“Kuya, is this seat free?”

There's a stationary bench behind him.

“Oh yes.”

“Thank you po. Well then Eli-chan, let's sit there.”

“En.”

“Wait.”

“What?”

“Do you have a tissue with you? There's a sauce stain on the bench.”

“Oh. It's in the lower pouch of my bag.”

She turned around and allows me to to get the tissue paper from her backpack.

*Ziiiii~iip~*

Oh. Found it.

I took a few and started wiping the stain off the bench.

Well, that should do it.

“You can sit now.”

She sits beside me with few inches gap from me.

There's a trash bin 7 meters away and I shoots the crumpled tissue paper into it.

“Ohh. That was incredible.”

The cotton candy vendor complimented me.

“Thank you po.”

“........”

“Well then, Eli-chan what was on your mind earlier?”

“........”

“Don't ignore me.”

“There was just really nothing.”

She answered me while focusing intently on the candy.

Uwaah, You looks so adorable.

“!! You can't touch me!”

Oh. I reflexively tried to poke her cheeks.

“It was a subconscious action. I didn't mean it.”

“Liar. You've been trying to touch me since we're riding the jeep. What do you want?”

Did I?

I don't remember wanting to touch you though.

“To touch you.”

“I knew it."

No. You don't.

“Well I'm missing cuddling my dear girlfriend.”

“!!”

“Are you aware that your skin is so cozy to touch? It's relaxing Eli-chan.”

She blushes.

“L-Liar.”

Fufufufufu.

“Not being able to touch you all this time is maddening you know.”

“T-That's not true..”

She's hiding her face with the cotton candy.

For some reason, that magnified her cuteness.

“Touching your skin reminds me of the pleasure I felt the first time I injected myself with amphetamines.”

“!!!”

Eli-chan cringes herself telling me that she's embarassed.

“Fufufufu.. Now then tell me why I cannot accept you for who you are. You're skin is just one of your best qualities my lovely Elizabeth.”

“!!!!”

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“Hey Eli-chan. Are you ignoring me again?”

“....Is that why..?”

What?

“I cannot hear you properly.”

“..Is that why.. you're doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Being sweet to me..?”

“Yes. If I don't want you Eli-chan, I would have long thrown you away.”

Eli-chan went silent again but she's shivering this time while still hiding behind the cotton candy.

“Liar...”

“I'm not lying. Why would you think like that again?”

“.....I'm going to buy us a drink.”

She stands up and immediately runs away.

“Wait!”

Oh hell. She uses the crowd to hide from me. She's out of sight.

“What the heck was that?”

I sit back on the bench.

“She most likely thought you weren't being sincere. That's why she called you a liar.”

Oh.

“What do you mean by that, kuya?”

“She doesn't believe that you're being sincere with your sweetness.”

“But I was. Besides, I have always been like this..”

Wait.

Come to think of it. It's rare for me to dote on her. It's usually her that dotes on me.

Oh hell...

“I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I can't help but to hear it if you talk while just being separated from me by a meter.”

He sits besides me on the bench while saying so.

“To me, it sounds like she assumes that you have a motive for being sweet to her. Can you tell me what could it be?”

“You don't look like a gossiping man you know.”

“I am not. Your situation with your girlfriend just reminds me of my own past.”

“Tell me.”

“Answer me first.”

“Well, she probably thinks that I'm only being sweet to her to convince her that I do accept her for whoever she is. That or perhaps she assumes it's only a trick of mine to change her again.”

“You said a lot. But.... In short, you wanted to convince her you do love her.”

Well.... ‘Love’ huh...

“Just like me and my wife before.”

Oh. So you were projecting your story to ours.

“My wife used to distrust everyone around her. She thinks they're all out to get her. She's always on guard and suspicious. I had a hard time just getting closer to her.

Similar to your girlfriend, she doesn't believe that I do love her. She thinks I am scheming something.”

“Well, you look like a scammer fufufufu.”

“That's harsh of you.”

“I was joking.”

“I know.”

“Anyway, please continue. How did you managed to convince her to marry you?”

“I did not.”

“What? But you said she's your wife. Are you perhaps being delusional?”

“No. We now have kids you know! I mean, uhh, well I tried to convince her at first by giving her flowers, shortcakes, love letters— Heck! I even serenaded her. It... It was an embarassing night.”

“Was the serenade the final push she needed?”

“Nope. Courting her like that just made her more suspicious. To the point where she almost left the town because of me.”

“So?”

“So I realized that I'm doing things for the wrong purpose. What I had been doing is to convince her that I truly love her. I wasn't courting her because I love her, I just wanted to convince her. That's what she thought at least.”

“Ohh..”

“You said earlier you were trying to change your girlfriend, no?”

“I did.”

“Why?”

“Because her mindset is what brought us to this situation. I can't convince her that I didn't lie to her. I couldn't convince her that I do trust her. Even with the evidence I gave, she doesn't want to believe me. I know it is because of her black-and-white mindset.”

“No wonder she'll assume you're lying. Although her personality has significant effect, what made her not believe you is because she already know you're trying to change her.”

I see.

“Let me tell you now, there's no need for you to change her. You can't change her. She's the only one who can do that.”

I know. But I still need to try.

“Forcing her to change just make her more reluctant to change. You wanted her to believe you do love her so you do things to prove it. But she takes it as you just doing it in order to prove yourself. You doesn't do it because you are sincere of it.

Ahh. You really have the same situation as I had.”

“I see.”

“That's why when I realized my mistakes, I stopped caring whether she'll believe me or not. I just wanted to love her so I did. So that when she look for the reasons behind my actions, she'll find that it's because I really love her. Not to convince her.”

So because I was trying to change Eli-chan, for her, my actions are now just because I only wanted to change her. Coupled with her own thoughts, I'm actually a ‘liar’.

Fuf-hahahaha.

I should have known this. Yet I forgot.

“Thank you kuya. You helped me remember something.”

“Is that so? Then I am glad I am of help to you youngsters.”

He stood up and points to his cart.

“I have customers so I'll go now. Remember, just be sincere. Whether she'll believe you or not is her choice.”

“Yes. Thank you again kuya.”

I now remember.

I can't believe I forgot the most fundamental program of all sentient beings— ‘desire’.

No matter what I do, if Eli-chan doesn't want to change, she won't change.

If she doesn't want to believe in me, she won't.

I can't change Eli-chan. That's not on me. That's on her. That's for her to decide.

If she believes that I don't trust her, that's on her.

I just need to show her that I do. And once she believed that, it will naturally clashed with her mindset. Which will put her into a disorder. Confused of the truth.

And that's when the seed of doubt I planted will creep into her psyche. And she might just change.

I was too hung up with her dichotomous thinking that I failed to see just why she stubbornly refuses to believe in me.

I fail to realize just what is it that makes her be obstinate.

Oh hell....

Just what is it that you truly desire, my lovely Elizabeth?

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