Chapter 10: Makoto Flashback Chapter 7: Weekends

God, I fucking hate weekends, I thought to myself as the pain in my toes, glutes and calves got so bad that it made sitting a literal pain in my fucking ass.  I can't even read this fucking book because my neck and hands are getting so numb and tingly, to the point that I can barely stand it.

It was 2:00 PM on a Saturday afternoon and I was trying my best to enjoy my weekend.  So far, my Saturday had consisted of doing my morning stretches, doing some writing, showering, eating breakfast and now, doing some reading to pass the time.  I was so invested in my book that I didn't realize that 45 minutes had already passed by.  45 minutes...yep, that was it...about all I could handle per day for reading.  Everything in my life...had to have a fucking time limit so I didn't push my body too far.  Let's see.  For my morning writing, I could only do that for about 30 minutes before my hands began aching and tingling like crazy.  Then, for my reading, I could only do about an hour a day but it had to be split up into 45 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening.  If I did any more reading than this, my hands and neck would hurt like crazy the next day.  I could only watch 2 episodes of anime a night while I was eating which equaled about 45 minutes and if I tried to watch anymore, my back would start hurting really badly and the shooting pain in my toes would become horrible.  Playing video games was something that I still attempted to do, daily, but I could only muster about 45 minutes of this as well before one of my hands would go completely numb.  Feeling discouraged, I put the bookmark in my manga and placed it on the side table, next to me.  

Won't be too much longer until reading physical copies of books will be a thing of the past.  I'll have to start using the fucking kindle.  Stupid fucking kindle.  I hate using that thing.  How pathetic do I have to be to not be able to read a damn book at my age? 

One of the worst things about having all these stupid time limits was that it prevented me from ever binging anything that I liked.  I couldn't binge watch an entire anime series in a single night...I couldn't read an entire book that I was super invested in, even if I had the time to do so...I couldn't spend the whole day playing a video game I loved like I used to when I was a kid.  I had to pace myself for every single fucking thing.  I hated it.  It made me feel like I would never be able to watch all of things that I wanted to watch or read all of the things that I wanted to read.  I could only read or watch what my body could handle...nothing more, unfortunately.  And nothing was stopping these time limits from decreasing as I got older and my pain got worse.  

Realizing that I was getting too wrapped up in my own thoughts, I got up from the recliner I was sitting in.  My back was sore and my neck popped a few times because of how stiff it was from reading.  My body felt exhausted from all of the things I had already done in the morning which, to some, may not seem like a lot.  Hell, it didn't seem like a lot to me, either.  

"Looks like it's time for my afternoon nap...doesn't look like my body can handle too much more, at the moment," I said to myself, heading to my bedroom.

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I crawled into bed, naked, and pulled the sheets and covers over myself.  Yeah, I knew sleeping naked was weird but it helped me feel more comfortable when doing it.  If I wore any clothes to bed, it made my body hurt so much worse making naps or sleep in general impossible.  Made sex easier, though, since I could skip the taking clothes off during foreplay part.  Not that I cared too much since having sex was about as much fun as being punched straight in the vagina due to the fact that every time I was finished, my entire body felt like literal fucking death.  I made sure a pillow was under my knees and that my neck was in a neutral position.  I stared up at the ceiling, depressed.  I glanced over at the time on my alarm clock and it read 2:30 PM.  This was usually about how long I could last without a nap on a Saturday.  It was funny.  People always told me that I should try doing something fun on the weekends, like going out with friends or eating out...my pain was bad enough doing the mundane things I always did.  I knew pushing myself to do extra things would only make my pain worse so that's why instead of doing any of these extra "fun" things, I chose to sleep half of my day away, instead.  I had tried to do some extra reading or extra video game time, instead of napping in the past, but that just led to fucking up my body really bad for a couple of days.  It just wasn't worth it for me.  That extra amount of pain.  As much as I hated how I had a time limit on everything I did, it kept my pain symptoms less severe so I had no reason to try and push myself past them.  I just had to accept that this was my life and that my days of actually enjoying my weekends were long gone.

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"It's alright, Makoto, just hold my hand," said Andy as the two of them walked into the general store to get Makoto a sketchbook. 

Makoto held onto her father's hand, tightly, and hid behind his leg, due to how frightened she was to be in such a public place.  Andy tried to make sure that he didn't walk to closely to other people on their way to the isle that had the sketchbooks, to avoid making Makoto feel overwhelmed.  Andy could hear his daughter's humming but tried his best to ignore it, knowing that he had to get Makoto used to going out into more public settings, more often.  She hated it and he knew this but she would never get more comfortable, unless he pushed her to come with him on errands.  The sound of his daughter's humming did break his heart because he knew that it meant she was struggling.  All of the sudden, the humming stopped and Andy felt a light tug on his shirt.  He looked down and saw Makoto pointing at something they had walked by.  Andy looked at where she was pointing and saw that she was pointing at a comic book that was on sale that had caught her attention.  An idea popped into Andy's head but he knew his daughter would hate it.

"Oh, that comic book looks pretty cool," said Andy.  "Do you want to go look at it?"

Makoto nodded her head, yes.

"Alright, I'll let you go look at it but you have to do it by yourself," Andy challenged.  "I'll be standing right here, I promise, but I want you try and walk over there and look at it by yourself.  I think you can handle that."  

Makoto's grip on Andy's hand didn't lessen.  If anything, the grip got tighter because of how distressed this challenge made Makoto feel.  Andy didn't back down, though.

"Okay, I guess we can't look at the comic, then...let's keep moving," Andy provoked as he, finally, felt his daughter's grip on his hand lessen.  

To his surprise, his bluff worked and Makoto fully released her grip on his hand and walked over to where the comic book was by herself.  Andy could hear her humming quite, loudly, and she began biting on her lip as well.  

I'm sorry, Makoto, Andy thought to himself, sadly.  This is good practice for you, though.

Makoto arrived at the comic book and picked it up to look at the back of it.  Andy could see that Makoto's hands were shaking from nerves as she held the comic book to read it.  At least, there wasn't anyone close to her which was good.  Andy kept a close eye on her just in case anyone else in the store got close to her.  Luckily, this wasn't the case and, after reading the back of the comic book to herself, Makoto made her way back to her father as quickly as she could, still holding the comic book in her hand.  She held it up to her father's face.

"Oh, remember Makoto, you have to use your words or I won't know what it is you want," Andy claimed, even though he already knew exactly what she wanted.

Andy just wanted to see if his daughter could mand or ask for the thing she wanted by using her words.  He knew that was something Ms. Yuuki was working on with her as well and thought this would be a good opportunity to practice this skill.  

"C-Can I...have...comic book...please?" asked Makoto, struggling with each word.  

Andy smiled.

"You know what, since you did such an awesome job walking over there to look at the comic book, all by yourself, I'd say you've earned it, sweetheart.  I'm really proud of you.  You were very brave.  It wasn't so bad, was it?"

"I...didn't...like it," Makoto answered, honestly, which caused Andy to chuckle.

"Fair enough.  It'll get easier, though.  Come on, let's go see if we can find you a sketchbook for school.  We'll have to tell mommy how good you did in the store when we get home.  She'll be very impressed."

Makoto grabbed onto her father's hand with one of hers’ while holding the comic book in her other.  

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"Boom.  Smack."  

Makoto's noises that she made to herself caused Andy to look in his rearview mirror to see his daughter already looking at the comic book he had boughten for her.  He noticed that she was chewing on a strand of her curly hair instead of her mouth which was a replacement behavior Ms. Yuuki had introduced to her, to help her break out of the lip biting habit.  Andy questioned how much of the comic book his daughter was actually reading but realized that it didn't matter, as long as she got enjoyment out of it.  

Superheroes, huh? Andy thought to himself as he slowed down to a stop for a red light.  I used to love superheroes when I was a kid too.  I think it was because I looked up to them.  There were so many times when I was kid that I wished a superhero would show up and save me.  So...many...times...and they never did.  Not once.  I guess that just goes to show that there isn't such a thing as a superhero, no matter how much I wish there was.  Hm.  

Andy glanced at his daughter, again, who was invested in the comic book she was reading and this brought a smile to his face.

Then again, who knows?  A superhero might not have come to rescue me when I needed help but there's still a chance that, one day, one might show up to save my daughter, when she needs it the most.  The world is such a big and vast place.  It's hard to believe that there isn't a real superhero out there, somewhere.  Hell, for all I know, Makoto could grow up to be a little super hero, herself.  Wouldn't that be something?  My little superhero, Makoto.  

The thought brought a warmth to Andy’s chest and the light he was stopped at turned green.  He pressed his foot on the gas pedal and continued to drive his daughter home so he could brag to his wife about how well she did in the store.  

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Makoto and Andy made their way into their house, via the front door.  Makoto was holding her comic book and sketchbook.  After hearing the two of them come in, Minerva stopped her dinner preparation to greet the two of them.  She knelt down in front of Makoto.

"How did it go?" she asked, smiling.  

"She did very well," praised Andy.  "She was able to go and get that comic book all by herself without holding my hand.  She even picked her sketchbook out by herself too.  She's come a long way."

"Wow, that's amazing, Makoto!" exclaimed Minerva, excitedly.  "You're becoming so independent.  Ms. Yuuki would be so proud of you."

Makoto pointed to her sketchbook, rapidly.

"Remember, Makoto, try to use your words," reminded her father.

"C-Can...I...draw?" she asked.

"Dinner won't be ready for about 45 more minutes so yeah, go ahead, sweetie," Minerva allowed.

As soon as she gained permission, Makoto rushed upstairs to work in her new sketchbook.  

"Seems like the sketchbook is already a good purchase...she's definitely excited about it," observed Minerva.  

"Yeah, hopefully, it helps her some at school.  Ms. Yuuki really sounded like she thought it would and when has she led us wrong so far?"

Minerva stood back up and returned to the kitchen to resume her preparation of dinner.  Andy followed her into the kitchen to help.

"Was it...a rough day at work?" asked Andy, pointing to his own right eye.

Minerva knew that her husband was commenting on her right eye that was bruised.  She forced a smile to put his mind at ease.

"Yeah, sparring was just a little more intense than usual because of the upcoming fight," Minerva explained.  "It's nothing to worry about, though."

"That doesn't mean that I won't worry because you know I always do.  Have you given any more thought about the chat we had a couple of weeks ago...about...you know...maybe, not fighting, anymore?"

Minerva sighed at the mention of the topic.

"Oh, right...that ugly conversation we had...the two of us don't usually fight but that topic really brought out the worst in us, didn't it?" recalled Minerva, remembering how angry she got about Andy telling her she should quit boxing.  "I...have given it some more thought, for what it's worth.  I...don't think I'm going to quit boxing...ever, for that matter."

"Yeah, I figured you wouldn't," said Andy, disappointed.  "You love it too much.  I know that...it's just...I worry about you...a lot...and so does Makoto, even though she doesn't really say anything about it.  She notices all of your injuries and comments on them and I just assure her that mommy has a tough job.  Can't imagine that helps her understand much, though."

"I've been boxing most of my life, Andy...hell, even when we were first dating.  It's been such a staple for me that...I just can't see me giving it up."

"Then, can I at least ask you this?  If something were to happen to me and you had to take care of Makoto by yourself...would you quit then, so you would be around more for her?" asked Andy, seriously.  

Minerva thought about this for a moment.

"Don't say such silly things," she deflected.  "I can't even imagine taking care of her without you. You've always been the one that's better with her.  I'm...nowhere near as good as you...Makoto needs you a hell of a lot more than she needs me."

"That didn't answer my question, Mine," stated Andy, not satisfied with his wife's response.

Minerva scratched the back of her neck, nervously, not knowing what to say to her husband's question.

"I'll...have to get back to you on that one, after I've had some time to think about it.  Let's not stress about it and let it ruin the night, though.  Please?  Can't we just try to have a nice family dinner?"

It bothered Andy, deeply, that his wife still refused to answer his question.  He could tell that she was holding back her response because she knew he wouldn't like it.  Despite this, he knew that his wife was right and he didn't want to ruin another night because of the boxing topic.  

"Fine, but this conversation isn't over, okay?  We'll just...put it on the back burner for a little while."

"Works for me," said Minerva, relieved.  "Now, are you just going to stand there or are you actually going to help me?"

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Back in my bed, already...seems like I was just in it, I thought as I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling.  

It was dark in my room because of how late it was.  I couldn't go to bed too early because of the mid-day nap that I was always forced to take on Saturday and Sunday.  It was Sunday night and the day had played out the same exact way Saturday did...well, almost.  I did my usual amount of writing, usual amount of gaming, usual amount of tv watching...but I was so wrapped up in the manga I was reading, that I spent an hour and a half reading in one sitting, instead of 45 minutes...that's almost double what I was used to.  I remembered getting up from my recliner and my neck, hands and mid-spine all ached horribly and now, as I laid in my bed, I could feel the pain getting progressively worse.  This made me believe that I wasn't going to be feeling the best, tomorrow.  Hopefully, I could push through it, though, because I knew Makoto needed me.  My entire life...entire existence...was such a fucking contradiction that it made me feel like such a hypocrite.  Every day, I wanted to die so much...to be free from all of the excruciatingly awful pain.  To just be...done with it all.  Another part of me, feared death.  There were so many books that I hadn't gotten to read, shows I hadn't gotten to watch, video games I hadn't gotten to play and things I had wanted to accomplish.  For example, I had always wanted to write a book because of my love for writing but I was only halfway done through my first rough draft of a story I'd come up with.  I was most likely going to die before I was ever finished with it and this...depressed the shit out of me.  I hadn't gotten to experience being loved by anyone...having a partner...getting married...having children of my own.  I would always tell people that I loathed these kinds of things but what the fuck was I supposed to say?  They were all so far out of reach, that they seemed impossible to obtain.  What good would getting my hopes up do?  I felt something rolling down my cheeks and realized that thinking about this stuff had actually managed to make me cry.  How fucking pathetic.

I wiped the streams of tears away with my elbow and tried to push the depressing thoughts to the back of my mind and forced myself to focus on, tomorrow, when I began working with Makoto at her school.  My life was already universally fucked and hopeless but, at the very least, I could make sure that her life at school got better.

 

Author's Note: Hello, thank you so much for reading this chapter!  I thought it would be an interesting idea to depict two different characters' weekends, one being Makoto and the other Mayumi.  Mayumi's weekend showing how, even on her days off from her work, her life his hindered by all of the pain she's in.  Makoto, on the other hand, through her father's help, shows bravery and even a little bit of inner strength in order to do something that would, normally, be outside of her comfort zone.  I think this also, shows a contrast between the two characters, where Mayumi is being consumed by her own physical weakness while Makoto is overcoming one of her own weaknesses.  Thanks again for reading this chapter!

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