Chapter 3: 3. Big D*ck Problems

3. Big Dick Problems

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“COCK SLAM!” he roared, slamming his unconventional weapon on the poor slimes.

 

You have gained 10 EXP.

Progression toward level 3: [39 EXP/39 EXP]

You’ve reached level 3.

Progression toward level 4: [8 EXP/55 EXP]

You have gained 2 ability points.

 

“That should be the last of them,” Jake thought, looking at yet another schlong marking he had made. “This engraving is a little concerning, though. I can’t expect the NPCs to act the same as in-game. It wouldn’t be a problem if people found them, right?”

“Congratulations on reaching level 3,” sounded the system from within. “Please read the instructions below.”

You have unlocked a new location: The Beach.

Please follow the main road to your destination. Upon arriving at The Beach, you will be rewarded with a new ability to combat creatures residing there.

Pressing the close button, Jake ventured deeper into the forest. As he searched for his following location, he couldn’t help but wonder what other challenges this new world had in store for him. After all, there were no beaches in the original Bladecraft tutorial. Upon slaying a miniboss called the Duskwolf, players would leave the forest by teleporting to the central city, Ludron.

“I’d better be careful from now on.” he thought. “For some reason, I thought I knew everything about this game, but now it’s different. Besides, I probably won’t respawn if I die.”

As Jake walked down the forest path, he couldn’t help but be struck by the beauty of his surroundings. The trees were serene and verdant, their branches reaching high toward the sky. Sunlight filtered through the leaves, casting a soft, golden glow over the forest floor. The air was filled with the sounds of birds singing and small animals rustling through the underbrush. The creamy, earthy scent of the forest filled Jake’s nostrils, making him feel alive and invigorated. And as he neared the beach, he caught glimpses of the crystal clear waters, the waves lapping against the shore in a benign rhythm. It was a breathtaking scene, one that could never exist inside a screen.

The transition from the soft, springy grass of the forest to the warm sand enveloping his feet was lively. Beneath his toes, the grains shifted and slid with each step. He could feel the sun beating down on his skin, the heat almost palpable. And as he gazed over the boundless horizon, he felt a sense of freedom wash over him. This was a world where he could forget about his past worries—one that marked the beginning of a new adventure.

“What monsters reside here that Cock Slam doesn’t work on?” he wondered, walking further toward the sea. “And this should count as The Beach, right? So why isn’t the system triggering?”

He walked along the waves, staring mesmerized at the cliffs in the distance. “Maybe, I had to encounter something before the system would give me the ability it promised,” he thought, catching a glimpse of his new appearance in the reflecting water.

“Wait, what’s that?” Jake mumbled. He stepped away from the water as something crawled out.

A group of spiked crabs emerged from the ocean, their shells and sharp spines glinting in the sun's rays. They walked in a tight formation, their pincers snapping and their legs crunching against the sand.

He felt a pang of caution as they approached with hostile intent. He knew he couldn’t use his signature move Cock Slam, if he wanted to keep his genitalia intact.

“Hey, hey, System! When the hell do I get the ability to defeat these?”

“Not yet.”

“How the hell do I deal with these, then?”

“Run for it.”

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Jake turned on his heel and sprinted back toward the place he came from. The sand felt soft and slippery beneath his feet, making it hard to keep his balance. Looking behind his shoulder, he noticed the crabs were sluggish but continued to track him down, even when he struggled to locate them from a distance. He remembered that certain creatures from the game had an incredible sense of smell, stronger than even the best dogs. Those crabs must’ve been one of them.

Running back to the forest was an option, but then he couldn’t make progress. “There must be a glitch in the system,” he thought. “For now, I’ll head to the other side of this beach to see if it triggers anything.”

Suddenly, a tender voice sounded from the forest. “Hey, you there! Wait for me!”

Jake turned his gaze toward the voice. It was a dainty young woman dressed in just a bikini as if she had gone swimming earlier. “Where did you come from?”

“That should be my question. I was right here a while ago, bathing,” she answered, hurrying up to Jake. “By the way, umm… Those marks in the forest. Are they yours?”

“Oh, you mean….”

“Yeah, I mean the dick marks.”

“Sorry, I tripped,” Jake said, scratching the back of his head. “You know. Just big dick problems.”

“Huh, no way… Is it actually that big? I mean, the girth of that thing was nearly the size of my thighs,” she exclaimed, interested for some reason.

Jake sighed. “Well, not really, but it’s hard to explain. Besides, I’m on the run; I gotta go!”

“Wait! Could you at least tell me how I can reach out to you later?” she asked, tugging on his arm. “You know, if you don’t mind, we could… enjoy each other a little, if you know what I mean.” She was blushing lightly, unable to keep eye contact while her other arm squeezed against her semi-soft chest. “Ah, not like you have to; I’m just saying I’m interested in….”

“Uhh, I-I don’t even know how to contact people in this worl—I mean, just come with me, and I’ll tell you later,” he stuttered, clueless about how else to respond.” There are some crazy crabs chasing me.”

“You mean those Spiked Crabs?” she asked as we broke into a run. Ugh, they’re so annoying. I wish I could help you, but I left my staff back home. They’re quite magic-resistant, so my abilities on their own won’t do much. I’m sorry.”

Finally, the ability panel appeared after she spoke.

You have unlocked a new ability: Magical Semen.

PASSIVE: The player’s semen can be imbued with any magical attributes.

Jake halted instantly, his face expressing something bewildering as a thousand thoughts processed simultaneously in his head.

“Why are we stopping?” she asked, looking confused at Jake. “I thought we were running away.”

“My name is Jake. What’s your name?”

“Alea, but why did we stop?”

“Say, Alea. About that offer, you told me earlier….”

“You mean… you wanna do it?”

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