Chapter 19: Chapter 18 – Festival of Wonders (Part 3)

“Now what? You complain that the plants I sold you ate your puppies? They’re called Man-Eater Plants, genius! Why would you plant them anywhere near puppies for Igunacio’s Sake!?” -Cormin Hornswaggle, Goblin Alchemist, dealing with another complaining customer.

The rest of the first day’s festivities were filled with other visiting Magus and Archmaguswho displayed their results on the field of spell research. Cal watched all the new methods the mages came up with, from a Light-affinity Magus that hailed from the Hassid Caliphate in the north of Ur-Teros, who displayed how he could recreate vivid, moving images with only Light magic and an appropriate surface, an elven Ash-affinity Archmagus from the Great Emerald Forest that mastered the aging aspect of her affinity so finely she hatched a freshly laid chicken egg in minutes in front of the audience, and produced a healthy chick, and a dwarven Metal-Magus from the Kingdom Down Under in Southeastern Alcidea, who displayed his new spell, which separated the elements of an alloyed metal from a cold state.

 

Throughout all the festivities, many hawkers travelled the stands, as they brought with them various sorts of foods and drinks that they sold to the spectators. Truly, it was much like a festival in any other town, as long as you ignore that the participants in the festival were all old mages who has worked on their craft for decades if not centuries, and the audience itself contained what would likely be the greatest concentration of Magus and Archmagus in the World as a whole, since so many came to visit for the festival. Cal counted at least a thousand Archmagus present, and gods only knew how many more Magus on top.

 

The second day of the festivities started at the same hours of the morning. This time the mages who lined up displayed practical inventions meant for everyday use - new enchanted objects not included, a topic saved up for the third day. First up was a dwarven alchemist from Ur-Teros who displayed his invention of dehydrated foods that returned to a nearly-fresh state with the application of water and a reagent. An impressive invention saddled by the still-prohibitive costs required for the process.

 

One of the later participants drew Cal’s attention partly because of her utterly flamboyant appearance, and partly because of her curious heritage. Botanist Magus Bonaduce of the Hornswaggle tribe was tall for someone of goblin descent, as she easily crested a meter eighty, her long, pointed ears that resembled a rabbit’s ears not counted. She wore frilly clothes in a riot of colors, decorated with feathers of various fowl, that when mixed with her yellowish-green skin and pink-dyed poofy hair made her look like a walking rainbow, while her nose - and the whiskers next to it - further resembled a rabbit, complete with the large upper incisors shown when she smiled at the audience, contrasted by the orcish tusks that sprouted from her lower jaw.

 

“Respected Audience!” She started. “To bring proper understanding to my invention I must first share with you my story.” Said the botanist with her shrill voice.

 

“My parents were but lowly farmers, and just a decade past, a horde of pestilence descended upon their fields near harvest time.” She told the audience. “Despite all their efforts, those pests ruined fifty out of a hundred of every crop they planted! Fifty! That’s as many as five tens! And that’s Terrible!” The botanist’s shrill voice rose as she told her tale, which lent a somewhat comical air with how her voice mismatched the story.

 

“It was from that experience that I chose to dedicate my research into plants that would not be affected by such pests, and this year, I have brought results!” Bonaduce clapped her hands twice, and aides brought out a large rectangular glass container filled with soil, and from what the audience could see, with turnips planted in the soil - visible through the glass sides -, ones with unusual bulbs that grew from the center of their leaves. To Cal’s observation, curiously it seemed like the aides carried the container while they stayed as far away from it as they could.

 

“First, I will demonstrate what happens should a swarm of locusts beset my pest-proof plants.” Said the botanist, as another aide brought out a large wire mesh cage filled with hundreds of locusts. The aide gingerly placed the cage on the rim of the glass container, before a wind mage enacted a barrier around the whole thing to keep the locusts from escaping. The aide then opened the cage, and the swarm of locusts flew out, straight towards the planted turnips.

 

And promptly got eaten alive. By the turnips.

 

The bulbous growths split open and revealed a three-sided maw that resembled that of carnivorous plants, and any locust that got too close to the plants were promptly gobbled up whole. Bonaduce then repeated the performance, this time with a cage full of large rats, each larger than bulbous growths on the plants. They fared no better. The maws just bit them in half before they threw the half that would not fit towards another plant that still had room to spare.

 

“As you can see, most pests are no match for these babies of mine. And any pest so consumed contribute to the plants as fertilizer!” Boasted the botanist as she patted the glass container with one hand. To everyone’s amusement though, the nearest plant to her turned, and chomped at Bonaduce’s head, its maw distended wide but failed to fit her head inside, its jaws strained but barely broke her skin, and only caused thin rivulets of blood to flow down her face. “Though countermeasures that allow them to differentiate the farmers from the pests still need more work.” She added nonchalantly while she shooed off the plant like she had chided a child, before she bowed to the audience’s laughter-mixed applause.

 

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Next on the dais was actually an acquaintance of Cal’s. Martha’s husband Vernon took to the stage, still with most of his black outfit as befitted a necromancer, but for the festivities he had his flesh grown back and Cal saw the man in his actual non-bone appearance for the first time. The man clearly had some mixed heritage, his face much resembled a goat’s, albeit with pointy teeth typical of goblins and orcish tusks, while he had gray wool that grew over the visible portions of his arm.

 

“Gentlebeings, before I start my presentation, I will first showcase the results of my endeavors.” With a clap of his hands, a group of skeletons - dressed in fine clothes that resembled a butler - made their rounds around the audience, and distributed various fruits and vegetables. Some of the audience gave Vernon a skeptical look, which prompted him to say his next piece. “Rest assured that I had Wilma check these for hygiene and cleanliness already this time. A repeat of what happened three years ago will not happen.” Three years ago Vernon’s produce had sent a portion of the audience that sampled them straight into the toilets with the runs, an incident that everyone teased him about over the next couple of years.

 

“This is… normal?” Cal said, after she took a tentative bite out of the cucumber given to her. Aideen munched on a ripe tomato next to her.

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“I think that’s the intention.” Aideen said in between bites. “His research isn’t in the vegetables themselves but on the way he grew them.”

 

“You mean…” Cal stammered, as she recalled the sight of the undead abomination, chunks of its flesh sloughed off at intervals, as it worked the plow.

 

“Undead labor, yes. He is convinced that heavy use of them would push many fields into a new age.”

 

“As you have tasted, there is absolutely nothing out of the ordinary with these produce.” Vernon continued, while many of the spectating mages nodded in reply. “Now allow me to introduce the farmers that grew them.”

 

With a snap of his fingers, a horde of skeletons in farming overalls and straw hats marched out. They carried hoes and rakes in their arms. The skeletons lined up into a neat formation before Vernon, before they held their tools as if they were weapons, then straightened up and simultaneously gave him a military salute.

 

“I have solved how to keep undead laborers from going out of control by treating these children much like how I would raise a horde for war.” Vernon explained, his hands encompassed the neatly arrayed skeletons before him with a gesture. “They are highly disciplined, relentless and tireless in their unending drive to produce the finest vegetables man can have!”

 

“They have no need of rest, of sleep, of food, of reimbursement!” He continued and extolled the virtues of his undead laborers. “They are the best, most efficient, cheapest labor any employer can dream of! They will revolutionize the labor market!”

 

“And that is not all, they are also highly customizable, suitable for specific usage that one might need. Allow me to present an example.” Vernon snapped his fingers, and out walked an undead abomination, a towering creature sewn together with a multitude of corpses, which shambled and shed some flesh with every few steps. “This abomination I have created to plow the fields, removing the need of having a beast of burden for the task.”

 

“But that is not all, observe how the abomination sheds a measured portion of its flesh at fixed intervals.” He added. “Its flesh I have composed out of the finest compost and rich mud conjured by certified mud-mages, mixed with fresh ground meat and bone powder for anchor. Each dollop of this shed flesh is nothing less than high-grade fertilizer, perfect for plowing the fields while simultaneously fertilizing it!”

 

The crowd gave a somewhat restrained applause at his words, many clearly still more than a little disturbed at the idea of undead monstrosities that grew their food of all things, while some others already thought of the possibilities this new approach provided.

 

“That is… unexpected.” Cal commented to Aideen. "Never crossed my mind that one would turn necromancy to labor pursuits."

 

"The hardest part for Vernon is getting over the old prejudices, I think." Aideen replied. "Necromancy had too much of a bad name that most people can't see past what had happened before to embrace new paradigms. Something he had been trying to alter for centuries now."

 

"It doesn't help his case that he is personally responsible for one of the biggest necromantic disasters in the history books either, though." Added the Silver Maiden with a knowing smirk.

 

Cal just rolled her eyes at that absurdity thrown at her.

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