Chapter 325: Chapter 291 – Thoughts at Night

“Humans are weird. They clearly love to fuck as much as anybody else, but they always had all these funny rules and rituals about it, while some others seem utterly offended if we talked about it in front of them. What’s wrong with just being true to yourself?” - Lok’Tar of Clan Boneridge, circa 621 FP.

“Got plenty in your mind?” Cal asked Giselle as she leaned against the railings on the side of the ship they took to head to the next island. She happened to walk out to the deck that night to get some fresh air, and saw Giselle leaning on the railing while she stared into the distance with a thoughtful look.

 

“Oh, hi teach. Sort of…” replied the girl after a brief surprise at her call, which broke her out of her reverie. She looked conflicted for a bit, as if she was weighing whether she should tell Cal of her personal matters, before she finally made her decision. “I’m just… wondering what I will be doing after this…”

 

“Go on,” encouraged Cal as she turned around to lean with her back to the railing while looking at her student.

 

“I mean after all the journeying is done… It has been an amazing experience, to see so much of the world like that, but right now I’m uncertain whether it’s the right thing for me or not,” admitted the girl openly to Cal. “I guess I don’t feel the call of adventure as strongly as Ognar or Willa?”

 

“Part of me was thinking that maybe I would be better off helping out my parents at the store, just living life in peace and all,” she added as she poured out the doubt that had clearly festered in her mind for a while by then. “Start a family, maybe some kids of my own, continuing mom and pop’s business…”

 

“Well, what do you yourself want out of your life?” asked Cal in return with a kind look on her face. Giselle’s case was not something she had not seen before. Some people went into lines of work that required violence not because they wanted to, but because circumstances conspired to make them.

 

If she was not born with the Blood affinity, or faced the troubles she had in her life due to her lineage, Cal could see Giselle just living happily as a baker who carried on her parent’s craft and business, maybe, as she mentioned, happily married with children as well by now.

 

But that was not how her life happened. Cal had long noticed that Giselle was not as motivated as Ognar or Willa was, though some sense of urgency had spurred her in the harsh training they had undergone early on, and later some competitiveness urged her to keep up with her fellow students. Unlike the other two, however, she lacked the drive, the desire to pursue strength for its own sake.

 

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“I can’t really decide or make such calls for you, Giselle. Only you know how you truly feel deep inside, and can make the call,” she said as she gently placed a hand on the younger woman’s shoulder. “Whatever you do decide on in the end, just know that I am proud of you either way, and should you find that you were unsatisfied with what you chose, you could always look for the other option any time. You are not alone, Giselle. We’ll all be there for you should you need us.”

 

“Thank you, teach, truly,” said Giselle with a smile to Cal’s words. “I guess part of it is just that I don’t feel like I really fit in with the others. Ognar, Willa, even Fheeri… they’re all just so open with themselves and went with the flow. I could never wrap my head around living life like that, I guess.”

 

Cal was not too surprised with that confession. Giselle was the lone conservative out of her four students. Willa, Ognar, and Fheeri had all been far more open, and what was probably more disturbing and awkward for Giselle, far more promiscuous in their life, since their respective cultures were far more open and free about it.

 

She recalled how several times she noticed that when one of the others propositioned Giselle for some fun at night together she would always refuse awkwardly with a blush on her face. Her point of view was not too uncommon in the union, especially amongst the humans, who tend to withhold sexual activities until after marriage.

 

Amongst the therians, goblins, or orcs - Ognar had learned a good bit of orcish culture from stories his parents told him during their visits - such an attitude was nonexistent, and people slept around with each other all the time, especially amongst the youth. Children was born out of wedlock regularly, and nobody would even blink an eye or treat those children any differently regardless.

 

Giselle probably felt that she couldn’t fit in - or at least not without becoming someone who she wasn’t - with the others well because of such discrepancies, which might have led to her current train of thought. Not that Cal begrudged her such thoughts, as living in peace is in many ways a blessing, one that not many might be able to enjoy, be it due to their own choices or circumstances life threw their way.

 

“Either way, you’re still young. You have time to decide, so don’t let it burden your thoughts too much,” Cal said to Giselle as she patted the girl’s shoulder in a gesture of reassurance. “Take your time, think things over. Consult with others where you can or need to, and weigh every option, until you feel confident to make a decision for yourself. Don’t feel burdened by the expectations others place on your shoulder. Your life is your own, so your decision on how to live it should come from you, for yourself.”

 

“Thanks… teacher. For everything, thank you,” said Giselle as she hugged Cal. al returned the embrace and patted the girl’s back, and just hoped that whatever Giselle decided, she would make the decision with no regrets, and to go on to live her life proudly regardless.

 

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