Chapter 74: Chapter 74 – To Live With Pride

“Lift your head,” I press a finger under the goblin’s chin and lift her head until she is looking me in the eyes. The whites of her eyes are closer to yellow, and the colour of her iris’s the same as her skin, the green of a ripe apple. Her new outfit, that of a maid, is already torn in places where she’s tugged at the cloth in discomfort.

“Can you understand me?”

Her eyes flicker with confusion, as she bites at her lip, shivering in place and looking as if she’s about to wet herself. I move especially slowly so that she can see my every motion, so as to keep from frightening her further.

“Christina.” Ollie slithers closer to my side towering over the little goblin and standing even taller than myself. I hadn’t noticed it until now, but she’s been keeping herself at lower than my eye level until now, something done to complete the picture of a submissive slave, no doubt. With a self-conscious glimmer in her eyes, she lowers herself down to my height, not an inch lower, before continuing the conversation.

“I can talk with her, but only in simple words,” Ollie says with a cheerful smile. I repress a frown as I take in her words, she understands the language too well for someone who cannot speak it without a thick accent. That an intelligent being was forced to sit in silence long enough to learn this language to such a degree without ever having a proper chance to speak it with her own tongue…

It is an unforgivable wrong that has been done to her, and to many others like her.

“You share a language?” I ask Ollie, turning between her and the newest member of my retinue.

“Before I came here, my people would trade with theirs.” Her expression is unfairly calm given the trauma she’s no doubt passing over with so few words. It is a measure of self-restraint that only nobles and their servants should ever be forced to endure, perhaps merchants as well.

I should be glad for it, training her how to hold herself as a proper member of my family’s staff, but never before has the idea simply tasted wrong to me. No, she is not a simple maid or footman, closer to a knight and knights are granted more leeway in how they act. While she may never be titled, I do hope for her to live with the same confidence and dignity.

“If you could translate for me, I will try to keep the ideas simple,” I wave her closer as I take in the sight of the young goblin and find the right words. “Why do you behave yourself now? Why were you so violent before?”

Ollie takes a moment to think before speaking a few clipped words to the little goblin, whose reply is hesitant as she continues to watch me for any sign of discontent. Her sharp teeth ensure that there is a slight lisp to every word.

The alien sounds twist about within my ears but no matter how closely I listen the meaning eludes me. I still my limbs to keep from wringing my hands and shuffling in place, it’s so very embarrassing to be incapable of understanding someone whom I am meant to be serving. I must find some better way than this to understand her, and all others as well.

I do not need sleep, there are a few hours that I can schedule for language studies. The less mind-intensive magic training should allow me a chance to double the use of my time.

“She was violent because she was free and didn’t know what else to do, now you are her- what’s a word for it? Chieftain? Leader? Master?” Ollie explains, touching a finger to her lip as she looks up at the ceiling.

“Thank you,” I nod to her, thinking of a response. The fact that she now sees me as her master is a good place for this to start but I suspect that she’s perhaps too obedient.

Ultimately, I would wish to teach her to obey social rules to such a point that I can trust her to live as any other commoner under my rule, which should mean that she will act in a moral way, not because of my oversight and fear of punishment, but because she understands why it is right and good to act with a mind for the community we are a part of.

“Then, let me tell her the rules I expect her to follow,” I smile warmly down at the goblin, brushing back my dress as I kneel to level my eyes with hers. “And how others are expected to treat her.”

I will not allow any unjustified whippings or punishments. She is a part of my house now, and she can only be expected to act as a person if granted the full dignity of a person. Though her penchant for violence may become a problem if not properly directed.

Turning her sooner rather than later should likely be for the best, but I will need fresh blood for the ritual.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

“Gwen,” I stop before the vampire, chained into her cell where the slaves were once kept. She stands with the poise of a noble while bowing subserviently toward me. Is it a habit, or a will to resist?

I can only hope for the latter. She will need a strong will to survive the changes to come, not least of which is the realization that she is no longer a noble. The blood that gave her the title is now mine.

“I have come here to give you a choice.”

She smooths out her simple clothes, apparel that could not be considered undignified by anyone’s measure, though the simple whites are browned by the dirt and soil. She’s holding herself together, but her expression is fraying at the edges, her smile twitching, her eyes stained with tears.

She’s still holding onto what makes her human.

“There are three ways for me to keep you contained, and to ensure that you cause no harm to others when outside of my supervision,” I explain, touching the chains that bind her in place. “This is the method that I would choose for myself, but then I would not think to decide this for you.”

She shivers, looking across to a stain in the corner of the room. It is only for a moment, but I do not miss it.

It’s where she killed and consumed the man that I brought here. His blood was ambrosia that brought her mind back from the madness that consumes the dead, and though I removed his body before she could find her senses, I’m sure that she has some worries that I cannot easily dispel.

Not without lying to her.

“You could stay here until I find it in me to trust you,” I begin, lifting a single finger. “I could put you in a collar that will restrict you, and see you killed should you cross certain unforgivable lines, or, I could order you to obey my rules.”

“Order me?” She smiles though the edges of her lips tremble.

She’s followed me through the night once already, and she’s maintained a fine sense of dignity throughout, but it seems here she loses much of that. Perhaps the chains remind her of the chasm that lies between us, or perhaps the night offers distractions that can’t be found in this small place.

“If I will it, you will do whatever I demand of you. You are less than a slave, merely a puppet to my will, and I’m sure that if I wanted to, I could demand that you love me as a good servant loves their liege. I could make you want to serve me. I could even make you forget every reason you should have to hate me…”

I take a sharp breath, my head hurting as I press against an idea that I cannot conceive.

My memories can be twisted beyond my will.

The threads in my mind are temptingly close to my touch but it’s as if I can’t pull them. Something stopping me, something that I can’t push through, no matter how close I am to the realization. The idea that should be simple simply can’t be realized.

“I could forget?” Gwen asks, blinking at me as she shakes her head in disbelief.

“I could make you forget,” I tell her simply. “But I do not believe that this power is as useful as it seems. You are not an animal to be tamed and forced to heel, to use such brutish tools would reduce you into something less than human. At least in my hands, it is the best you could hope for.”

Aldramodore hesitates to use his power on me because he has failed so often, and I know that I am not wiser or more capable than him. This a power that no person should be capable of wielding over another, and the thought that I could easily be twisted by that monster only sickens me. I can, and must, be better. If not in skill then at least in restraint.

“I would use this power only to limit your ability to do violence, but it is your choice.”

She blinks at me, her mouth opening and closing before she collapses, falling neatly into a kneeling pose as she grips her dress between her fingers. She stares not at me but at the muck beneath her feet.

“Can… may I ask to be made forget?” Her voice is bordering on hollow. “Would you do that?”

“There is something you wish to forget?” I bunch up my dress and kneel before her. Is it proper for me to sit in the muck, just to look her level in the eyes?

By all that I know and understand, it is not, but the same would be said for how I treated the slaves kept here before her. They were undeserving of all that they suffered here, even if she is needing correction to live a proper life, she will learn best through example.

Whatever crimes she may bear, it is no different from the goblin in my care. One cannot be expected to act as a person if they are not granted the dignity of a person.

“I… there are things I do not want to remember.” Her voice is warbling as she looks up to meet my eyes. “You would do that for me?”

Pressing my lips tight together, I take in the sight of her. Her poise is broken, her strength draining away in the face of an offer I never meant to give her.

“You wish to forget your death?”

“No, not that, it’s…” She bites her lip, shaking her head and hiding her true expression as she becomes lost in her own mind. Her breathing is rough and difficult, the noble mask slowly being pieced back together.

“I would need to know what you wish to forget,” I reach out and place my hand over hers where she still grips her dress tight. “Even then, I’m not confident in my abilities. I do not want to mess with your mind, but if it is by your will, then I will consider it.”

She nods slowly.

“I… I have to think about it,” she replies her noble mask all but gone now as she answers me honestly. “Can I have something to drink?”

“You will need to wait for tonight,” I shake my head. “Can you be patient?”

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She nods quickly and I take my leave.

Ollie is waiting outside, slithering by my side as I return to the main house, I have more lessons with the tutor that Semi has sent to me. The longer I spend with him, the more clearly I see the broken bones that once held this society together.

“How is she?” The serpent asks, and I slow my step to entertain the conversation.

“She’s obedient, just as she was last evening on our stroll through the city. Her mind is still in good order, but I’m sure that she’s scheming something, though it doesn’t feel like her spirit is in it. I do not feel as if she’s being entirely honest with me,” I allow myself a soft sigh.

“Isn’t obedient enough?”

“No,” I shake my head. “I believe that no one should be stripped of their freedom, it can be sacrificed willingly to a trusted leader, or in truth, it’s society itself that we should sacrifice our freedom for. To keep a person bound and imprisoned, to control them as a slave, is a temporary measure meant to guide a person to a better path.

“It is all so that she can be trusted with her freedom. If we can never reach that point, then, rather than keeping her like a pet, I’d rather let her escape into the next life.”

Ollie’s tail curls up and around, her head tilted as she stands much taller than me, stretching herself up her face briefly overcome with the pleasure of stretching. The servants at the door are gathering large barrels and suitcases full of warm clothes, sorting them into a long caravan meant to be leaving on the coming dawn. There is more to be done in this city, but I would rather they be safe while I finish things here.

“Are you lying?” Ollie finally asks her words still twisted by that alien accent as she stands above me. “You don’t care about any of those things when you hunt. You didn’t care when you killed her the first time.”

My breath freezes in my lungs as I let the pretence of my humanity die, considering not just her words but the ideas behind them.

I must be better than human.

“Before you were brought here, you were a part of a tribe? A town? A community?” I turn to her and look up into her eyes. She is older than me and not by a small margin. Through her life, I’m sure that she’s gathered a wealth of unique experiences, whereas I’ve barely only started to explore the world.

“It was a tribe,” she nods, crossing her arms and peering down at me with sharp eyes, looking for my intent.

“There were rules against killing other members of your tribe?” I ask and she nods. “Did your tribe ever war against another? Did your warriors ever kill another intelligent person, for any reason?”

“That’s different.”

“Of course, it is,” I nod quickly. “Killing done in war, for battle, or anything the same is entirely different to killing between neighbours.”

“You’re at war?” Ollie asks, looking back into the slave shack.

“We are,” I hesitate at the doors to the house I will soon abandon and consider the coming night. The knights have been sent out to hunt bandits, but it is ordinary men and women that they will put to the sword.

The other monsters, titled or otherwise, inhabiting this city must learn that the night is not theirs.

“Make me strong like you,” Ollie looking me straight in the eyes as we turn instead to stroll the streets of the town that has formed around my estate. I’ve made room within the walls where I can, even though it’s given us some troubles, but there are still others coming to us for protection.

“This curse isn’t something you should be eager for,” I meet her gaze, maintaining a perfectly calm expression as a flutter of excitement and worry blend in my cold heart. “There are other ways for you to grow strong and I would not rush you for this.”

Unlike Gwen, she is someone I can treat as a peer. If I turn Ollie, I will no longer be alone, but at once, it would cement our roles and perhaps even cause her suffering.

“You’re hunting knights,” Ollie says, her eyes reflecting the flickering light from the lanterns as freshly lit as the darkness of night settles around us. To me, it is as a warm cloak in the dead of winter. “You are weak and young, but you are hunting knights.”

“I am being reckless.” I smile through my admission. “I haven’t the time to prepare appropriately, there are people that must die tonight and I have some responsibility to ensure that it is done. They may still kill me.”

“Turn me. I can help,” Ollie slowly circles me as she wrings her hands. “I want to fight. I want to hurt them. I want your strength.”

“Fine.” With one single word, I freeze her in place, and she stares at me with wide-open eyes and a smile showing fangs larger than my own.

“I promise to do all I can to protect you, but there is only so much I can achieve. If Aldramodore takes notice of you…”

She shakes her head, smiling viciously.

“I’ll die first.”

“If that is your wish, then I will try my best to ensure you have that escape, at least,” I nod to her, before heading inside the estate to speak with my tutor for lessons on the great merchant families from the south, and how their money influences this city.

After that, I have a hunt to focus upon.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

“Who are you? How are you hiding in that empty part of my mind?” The words slip through my lips before I can even consider them. I let my mind become still as an undisturbed lake, reflecting only the warm, comforting emotions that I can’t seem to explain.

The stars above shine bright through the depths of the night, a red cloud gathered around a swath of golden pinpricks in the blackness veil of the evening sky. It is a more beautiful scene than I’ve ever thought it to be in the past, my eyes able to see so much more now that I’ve lost my humanity. These last few weeks I’ve been struggling so hard within myself, that I couldn’t find it in me to notice any of the beautiful or wonderous things around me.

I rejected my emotions, repressing them. I tried to be the monster that I thought I had to be, while somehow hoping to protect the noble values that my family raised me with. Now I walk the delicate line, indulging my monstrous desires, while still holding myself to values, only slightly changed from before. I wasn’t wrong in what I valued, I was only mistaken in matters of fact, lost in a fiction that excused countless cruelties.

Yet I don’t know what changed me. Why don’t I feel that terrible panic gnawing at my insides? Why don’t I seek love? Someone to assure me that I still deserve such affection even as an undead monster? Something has changed me, and I do not know what, but I do not think that it was Aldramodore.

“What happened to me?” I ask, settling my eyes on the young criminal lord that rallies his people for war in the courtyard below. “Why am I not desperate for affection, for acceptance? For love? These past weeks it’s all that I’ve been seeking, it’s why I’ve been trying so hard, but now…”

I can’t think. The moment I even tug upon the strings and dare to think that I’m forgetting something, I lose my mind a little more.

“The knights are coming,” A scout rushes to the young bandit still strapping a sword to his waist as he prepares his spear. “They’re coming.”

The people here know that they can’t fight, but there is a quiet fire in them, something that so many others have lacked. When they look upon the castle a black mark that mars the star-sprinkled sky, their glares could nearly set the stone walls alight. They know that they are to die, but they intend to fight regardless.

Slipping from the roof, I fall into their midst. Few notice me at first, but even without seeing me, those nearest freeze in place, their skin becoming pale and ridden with goosebumps. One young man, more a boy, even faints upon seeing me, my shadows are strong enough to catch him and soften his fall.

The fire in their eyes is turned to pure frost in less than a heartbeat.

“Who…” The leader of their gang barely whispers the word, struggling to stand tall against me.

“Mr Gale,” I address the young man, still covered in scars that he has not seen fit to heal. “Perhaps we could help one another in this evening’s events.

“The Countess…” He looks at me, somehow overcoming the horror that he feels at the sight of me and recognising my voice.

“No, this evening I am something else,” I shake my head slightly, stepping closer, bits of bone rattling with my every step. It was quite a bother to sew it all so neatly into the dress, but I believe that the results speak for themselves.

I am bathed in the dying screams of a man left to die in a most torturous manner. Bereft of arms with which he might have fended off his attacker, without legs with which to escape, he was denied even a chance to scream, as that would have disturbed my staff. He watched a dead family member rise from the dead, only to be consumed by the mindless ghoul that she became.

Now, his ribs embrace me, somehow still warm though it’s been a full day since his passing. His skull, missing a lower jaw destroyed by Gwen as she mindlessly drank away his life, rests at my hip, sinew knotted together as if ribbons filling the voids from which his eyes were plucked.

Even a week ago I would have hesitated to take my instincts to such an excess, but not anymore. I’m confident that there is someone out there who would accept me even as I am now. Even in this dress, I’m sure that she’d…

I smile through the moment as my mind slips away from the thought.

 “Tonight, I’m but another monster on the hunt, and you’ve made yourself into a fine bait but I’d rather leave my prey to starve a while longer. So, if you could perhaps try to escape as I have my fun with the knights?”

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