Chapter 18: 3.3

Chapter 3: Art Emanates From Pain and Sadness

 

Part 3

 

 

The next night, my hand froze momentarily when an unexpected call suddenly came in. After a deep breath, I press the answer button.

[TN: sorry for the interruption, but it seems that my chapters are stolen again. To support me, please read on Travis Translation.]

 

“Hello?”

 

–“Ah, Sousuke? I’m going to walk the runway at the Kanto Girls Collection on March 17, and I want you to watch me. I’d love to have you come to the show, but it’s on short notice and the tickets are sold out, so you’ll have to watch the online streaming. I’m going to send you the ticket, enter the serial number written there into the link I’m going to send, okay?” Her explanation gave me no time to refuse.

 

Unprepared against the torrent of instructions, my brain slowly processed. The unfamiliar terms were just simply too much.

 

“W-wait a minute please,” I spluttered.

 

–“I thought about it a lot, about what I should do so my words could reach you, about how to convey this. But I’m on the ‘talented’ side, I can’t truly understand your struggles. That’s why… But I want you to watch me, I want you to see my cheer of encouragement to you, Sousuke.”

 

And even before I could reply, Senpai hung up.

 

I was astounded at how I had only been able to say four words during the entire conversation as the ticket appeared on my screen. 

 

I had assured Senpai that I could get back on my feet on my own, but had ended up like this. If the problem was so ingrained that I couldn’t handle it on my own, then should I stop being stubborn and just accept the given kindness?

 

The Utako in my memory urged me on. For a little while, I felt optimistic.

 

***

 

The Kanto Girls Collection was streamed in real time, from 12:00 to 18:30. Ten minutes before the start, I waited in front of the computer. I felt that watching the show without proper knowledge would be disrespectful to Senpai, so I had been researching a lot about fashion events.

 

To put it simply, it was an event where models wear fashionable casual clothing on stage to pique the audiences’ interest and offer the very same clothes both online and onsite. The event was very popular among young girls since the models were popular models from magazines and celebrities. The event also featured famous artists doing live performances during intermission too.

 

In the meantime, a flashy intro clip played and the show finally began. Models walked the runway as the audience cheered.

 

“Wow, it’s the actress Sakira Irie! And there’s Aki from Marunouchi 35!” The excitement of seeing famous actresses and idols appearing one after another made me hollered. Across the screen, I could see them walking confidently on the stage in their gorgeous dresses. 

 

Then I realized that Senpai must compete with these people, despite it being none of my concern, I began to worry about Senpai. Even though she was said to be the most beautiful girl in Maimori and had considerable experience as a model, the industry was still easy on her because she was just a highschool student. Now, in the wider world, would she be alright?

 

I was concerned about such things when she appeared. My eyes widened the moment I focused on her.

 

Her black one-piece dress, belonging to a certain brand’s new item, was encrusted with sparkling embedments. There was no particular explanation, but from the way Senpai walked and the expression on her face, I immediately recognized it as a space-themed dress.

[TN: The same scene as in the character introduction illust]

 

Seeing her walk down the runway with such charm and charisma while being hailed by countless spectators made me ascertain that this was not the time for an ordinary person like me to stand still.

 

—If you want to come to this side, then move fast.

 

It was as if Senpai had said that. She wasn’t just telling me to cheer up or to work hard, those words could never reach me. Instead, amid the eyes of the world, on such a stage, she sent me a silent encouragement…

 

 Fierce, determined… She was the coolest woman I had ever known.

 

Amongst a crowd of distinguished women, her presence was preeminent. Seeing how she shined, I became certain.

 

My petty grievances were nothing but rude to her.

 

She was definitely going to become one of those accomplished people.

 

***

 

The excitement and gratitude was so overwhelming that I can’t help but want to talk to Senpai immediately.

 

But the Senpai at Tokyo was probably busy with the afterparties and such. So I stared at my phone, hesitant. As if she could read my mind, she called me.

 

“Hello, Senpai? I watched the stream! You were really cool!”

 

There were so many things to say, yet I just said what a typical fan might say. At the realization, I blushed. 

 

She giggled and said, –“Thank you…I’m going to say something a little embarrassing, but please listen.” She took a breath. –“I like you, Sousuke. Let’s go out.”

 

The word rang in my ears.

 

I wasn’t that insensitive guy, so I had a suspicion that she might have feelings for me. But I couldn’t be sure about it, not until now.

 

My heart thrummed. A woman that beautiful fell for an ordinary untalented guy like me, there was no way I wasn’t grateful. Besides, I was sure that if I went out with her, there would be tons of fun and exciting things in store for us. We might fall out sometimes, might encounter some trouble along the way, but she would surely take me to a world far away from this despair.

 

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In contrast to her bold confession, slight trepidation tinted her voice. For the first time, I felt apprehension from Senpai who was always overflowing with confidence.

 

I was sincerely grateful for how she inspired me, how she gave me the courage to face this problem. Her confidence, her maturity and her kindness befitting a senpai. That was why I admired her.

 

Having someone as beautiful, kind, and popular as Senpai as my girlfriend would surely make everyone jealous. Perhaps she would even unbind me from the sense of inferiority I had been harboring toward Yuri.

 

But still, the answer was already decided.

 

I took a deep breath and squeezed out my own feelings. “The answer you’re looking for, I can’t give you that. I still love Utako.”

 

Senpai was charming. That was exactly why I needed to be sincere to her. Even though her mother forced us to cut ties, there was no way I could forget about her right away. And no matter how bad things were, I didn’t want to choose the easy way out.

 

A clear refusal against her direct affection.

 

How much of a shock that must be for Senpai, how much I had hurted her feelings, I couldn’t possibly know.

 

I neglected Utako’s situation, and I would repeat the same mistake again if I didn’t change. I was too focused on drawing and Yuri. Did I even have the qualifications to like someone, or was I good enough for someone to like me?

 

But still, I chose Utako. I chose to continue liking her.

 

–“If I am the girl who said, ‘Okay, I get it.’ here, then I wouldn’t have come this far.”

 

Contrary to my expectectation, Senpai sounded the same as that time when I first turned down her offer to be my model.

 

The image of Senpai proclaiming that she hates losing was so impressive I still remember to this day.

 

—Really? That’s fine for now. But keep in mind that I hate losing. I’ll definitely win you over sooner or later.

 

If she was meaning the same thing as then, then…

 

–”Sousuke, are you listening?” Her voice pulled me back to reality.

 

“Ha! yes! I’m listening!”

 

I was glad this was a phone call. Had this been in person, I would have provided her another topic for her to tease me.

 

–“My fans are not just young girls, I have about three hundred thousand followers on SNS. By my manager’s estimation, that number would double within a year… That’s how much fans I have, and will have in the future. But from the countless people who like and choose to support me, only you are special to me. That’s why… Sousuke, have confidence in yourself.”

 

Encouraging words that made me happy like this surely wouldn’t come around often.

 

The sensation ran through me, coursing through my veins just like oxygen as my heart pounded at the joy of being acknowledged. The realization hits me that this feeling is one of the greatest forms of happiness. All of my instincts screamed and commanded me, ‘It’s not too late. Keep her by your side and ask for her support.’

 

The hand gripping the phone tensed as there was something I needed to tell Senpai, even if the earth were to end in a minute, I must say this.

 

“Thank you, Senpai, for the whole runway thing. I now realized that it’s not the time for an untalented average guy like me to stand still. Even though you are talented, you aim high and spare no effort in accomplishing it. Seeing you using your talent to the fullest, I can’t help but admire you… You’re hella cool.”

 

After being encouraged by such an amazing woman, how could I not try to change things? That was why I needed to tell her, despite being unable to answer her romantic feelings, I felt a heartfelt respect for her. 

 

–“Among the things I have heard, this one made me happy the most. Thank you, Sousuke!”

 

Her voice was so bright I could imagine her smile.

 

***

 

After watching Senpai’s show, it was as if my heart was lit on fire, I was sure that I could draw now. But it wasn’t enough. To break out of my shell, there were problems that I could no longer avoid.

 

First was Utako. Losing her was like losing my backbone, I needed to do something about it. 

 

There was no other way but to reexamine how much I cared about her and how much she had supported me, and to rebuild myself.

 

And the other—my nemesis, Yuri.

 

But to purge myself of accumulated jealousy and sense of inferiority, it took a lot of courage and determination, and there was also a sense of resistance.

 

But outside the window, the stars shone.

 

Even though we had drifted apart, as long as the stars shine in the night sky, Utako would never fade from my memory. Even if I lose sight of myself, I could continue fighting with all my might, knowing that I have a place to return to.

 

I wished nothing from the stars. I just want them to watch over me.

 

Looking up at the clear, starry sky of Maimori that Utako had praised, I decided. 

 

Tomorrow, I will face those blue eyes head-on.

 

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