Chapter 1: 1. Nervous!

All through dinner I was quiet. I barely had any appetite either, but I knew if I didn't eat anything my folks would give me a hard time. Dad already thought I was too skinny, too small for my age.

Fortunately my little sister Kimmie was her usual boisterous talkative self, which meant mom and dad mostly paid attention to her and ignored me.

I pushed my food around my plate and ate just enough that I hoped my folks wouldn't catch on. And I mostly ignored whatever my sister was gushing about, and went over everything in my head for the twentieth time.

It was the last Friday of May and tonight was the night, assuming I didn't lose my nerve. After dinner Kimmie would go and watch TV and I'd ask my mom and dad to stay at the table so I could talk to them about something.

If I didn't lose my nerve, I was going to tell them... I was going to try and come out to them.

Just thinking about it made my stomach churn. I was pretty sure they'd be supportive, but that didn't do anything to stop a hundred different horrible imaginary outcomes from roaming around my mind.

As scared as I was though, I had to do it. I wished I was brave enough to do it months ago, but I couldn't put it off forever. And I'd read enough to know the sooner I could get started the better.

I knew realistically even if I did come out tonight it might still take months to get on hormones and stuff, but putting it off would just push that stuff further into the future. I had to do it tonight. I had to.

I focused on Kimmie long enough to hear her rambling on about something she and her friends did today. Then I tuned her out again as I thought back eight months ago, to how it began. Or the way my online friends put it, the moment the first cracks appeared in my eggshell.

It was one Monday morning at school last November. We had a substitute teacher that day and she did the attendance thing. And that quiet kid who always sat at the back corner of every class gave a girl's name. Up till then I thought she was the same boy who always sat back there.

I could still picture the other guy, a bland nondescript boy who was a lot like me. They were shy and quiet and slouched a lot, and rarely spoke up. They'd been in a lot of my classes since grade nine, though I never learned their name. Just like me they were usually there in the background, but they were very forgettable.

Except suddenly she was a girl. She was really cute and she was smaller than before, but she was still shy and quiet.

She almost always wore a big navy blue hoodie and she continued to try and blend into the background. But where she'd been a loner before suddenly she was always hanging out with that girl with the colourful glasses. Actually there were a few other girls she'd become friends with too. The tall athletic brunette, and that grade twelve girl. Even a couple grade ten girls were friends with her now.

Pretty much everyone else at school continued to ignore her, but after that one morning I couldn't get her out of my head. I couldn't stop thinking about how she'd been a guy then suddenly she was a girl. It didn't take long before I started looking into that sort of thing online, and within a week or two I was on a few trans discords, reading trans fiction, and learning about what it meant to be trans.

At first I tried to tell myself I was just curious, I was only trying to understand what happened to the shy girl in class. I insisted I was just interested in that stuff because it was fascinating. Like who wouldn't be curious, right? Wasn't that the sort of thing every guy daydreamed about, turning into a girl? Then in my darker moments I worried I was into it because of some sort of fetish or something. Or I told myself it was just a phase, and soon I'd get bored with it and be interested in something else.

Except I'd never been as interested in anything else as I was in being a girl.

I definitely wasn't interested in all the so-called guy stuff I was supposed to like. I never got into hockey or football or any of the other sports my folks tried to sign me up for. I was happier hanging out with Kimmie, playing with her. At least I was when we were younger.

As we got older she lost interest in hanging out with me. She decided I was her gross older brother and she didn't want me around when she was with her friends. I never let on how much that hurt, and at the time I didn't even understand why it hurt. I just wanted to be one of the girls, but back then I didn't have the words to explain it.

Now I did, and I couldn't deny it any more. I was a girl, and as soon as I understood that I started to feel desperate to make it real. I needed my parents to understand. I needed them to accept me and support me. I needed to be myself.

With that in mind I started going over things in my head yet again. What I was going to say, how I'd break the news to my folks that I wasn't really their son. And how I'd react when one of a hundred different awful outcomes came true.

I was lost deep in those thoughts when I suddenly realized someone was talking to me.

"Huh?" I asked as I looked up.

Mom sighed, "I said you've hardly touched your food. It'll be stone cold now."

Kimmie giggled as she took her plate over to the sink, then skipped out of the kitchen towards the living-room.

"Sorry mom," I grimaced. "I'm uh... I'm not hungry."

Dad started to say something about my health and needing to build up some muscle or whatever, but I cut him off.

"Dad, mom, I uh... I need to talk with you both. Ok? It's uh, it's serious."

My parents exchanged a worried glance, then mom took my cold food away and put it on the counter for now. She put her and dad's plates in the sink, then she came back to the table then sat down across from me. Dad was still in his usual seat to my left.

"What's wrong hon?" mom asked in her concerned voice. "Are you in some kind of trouble?"

I shook my head, "No mom, I'm not in trouble. It's..."

This was it. My sister was watching TV, it was just me and mom and dad. This was the moment, exactly as I'd planned it. All I had to do was tell them.

Except my mouth had gone dry and my stomach felt like it was full of a hundred butterflies, and every last one of them was throwing up.

My right hand shook slightly as I picked up my glass and had a gulp of milk. At the same time I reached into my hoodie pocket with my left hand and pulled out that little plushie I got last week. I needed to fidget, I needed something to focus on so I could talk without looking at my folks.

After draining my glass I set that back down then rested my hands on the table. I took a deep breath then started talking. And as I talked I focused on the little beige bunny in my hands.

It was knitted, the head and body were stuffed with something soft but the arms and legs and ears were sort of loose and floppy. The tail was soft and poofy, and the ears were soft too. Its tummy and chin were a lighter beige, it had a little pink nose, and its eyes were a couple brown knots that seemed to sparkle when the light caught them just right.

You are reading story Bnuuy! at novel35.com

I'd got it in one of those capsule vending machines at the grocery store last week, it was a spur of the moment thing. A cheap two-dollar toy with a little clip so you could hang it on a keychain. I got rid of the clip though and just carried it my pocket. It was cute, and guys weren't supposed to be into cute things. But I wasn't a guy.

And that's what I was telling my mom and dad, while I continued to fidget with the little bunny plushie. My voice was almost like background noise, something I was just barely aware of.

I heard myself talking about being trans, telling my parents I was really a girl, really their daughter. About how I wanted to change my name, how I wanted to start dressing differently. I wanted to learn to do make-up and do my hair differently. I wanted to update things with the school too. I told them I couldn't keep this hidden anymore, couldn't keep it to myself. I told them how it hurt when people used my boy-name, how it made me feel sad or sick when people called me a boy or treated me like a guy.

And in the end when I ran out of things to say, I continued to stare at the little knitted bunny in my hands rather than risk looking up at my parents. They were both staring at me, I could tell even if I didn't look up. And all three of us were silent, the only noise was from the TV in the living-room.

I had no idea how long it was before someone spoke up, but in the end it was my dad who broke the awkward uncomfortable silence.

"I'm sorry hon," he said in a soft voice. "I'm sorry you're so uncomfortable, I'm sorry you're suffering. Do you have another name in mind already? What would you like to be called?"

I blinked a couple times as I felt the sting of tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat.

"Kenzie," I half-whispered. "I want to be called Kenzie."

Dad got to his feet and moved closer as he said, "Stand up Kenzie. Let me give my daughter a hug."

I felt almost numb as I got up, and dad gently wrapped his arms around me. By that point I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, I just stood there quietly as they streamed down my cheeks. I'd imagined a hundred ways this would go wrong, but I'd never dared to think it might go right.

A few seconds later mom was standing next to me and dad, she joined us in a group hug.

"This is a lot to take in uh, Kenzie," mom said quietly. "Your dad and I are going to have to do some reading, we need to find out what's involved and what we can do. But we're your parents hon, and no matter what you're our child and we love you."

Dad agreed, "Thank you for trusting us with this hon. I know it had to be scary."

I didn't trust my voice so I just nodded quietly as they both held me a few more seconds. Finally we all let go and sat down again, and I wiped my eyes with one hand while I continued holding my little plush bunny in the other.

After a couple deep breaths I said, "I have stuff I can send you... Websites and stuff like that. I've been reading and studying and learning about this stuff since November."

"You've been suffering with this that long?" dad asked in a sad voice. "Hon I'm so sorry..."

I shook my head, "Not exactly. It took me a while to figure it out. I had to learn and read and understand. It's only been three or four months I guess, since I've been sure."

He was still sad that I had to deal with this on my own for that long. I just nodded slowly as I wiped my eyes again.

Then mom gave me a small smile as she asked, "Kenzie? What's that you've got in your hand? You've been playing with that the whole time we've been talking."

I figured she was trying to lighten the mood or something. Not that she wanted to change the subject, but things got kind of heavy and I was obviously pretty emotional.

"Oh, it's a little plushie I got last week," I sniffed. Then I forced a smile and added, "It's my cute little bnuuy."

I set it down on the table so they could both get a good look at it, then a moment later I twitched my nose in embarrassment as I realized what I'd just said. I meant to say it was a bunny, but people on a couple of the discords kept posting bunny pictures and calling them bnuuys. I thought it was cute, and it kind of stuck.

Mom and dad looked at the little plushie, then back at me again. Their eyes went wide and mom's face went white as a sheet while dad's mouth hung open.

I was leaning on the table and tilted my head slightly as I tried to understand what was wrong. My stomach flip-flopped, this was the sort of reaction I'd worried about when I told them I was trans. Except I didn't think they'd get so freaked out over a little stuffed bunny.

I pulled back and dropped down onto the chair so I didn't have to see their faces. Sitting on the chair all I could see was their legs underneath the table, and for a few seconds I stared at my mom's knees in confusion.

Normally I couldn't see under the table while I was sitting on a chair. Something suddenly didn't quite add up.

"Kenzie?" dad asked, and my ears twitched. His voice was quiet and he sounded like he was in shock or something. "Is that you?"

My ears twitched again as mom said, "This isn't possible!"

I took a few short steps back, until my behind was against the back of the chair. I still couldn't see mom because of the table in the way, but from the back of the chair I could see dad. He was staring down at me in shock.

Finally I looked down at myself to try and figure out what got dad so freaked out. I realized my clothes were on the chair underneath me, somehow I was suddenly naked. All my beige fur was on display, and my nose twitched in embarrassment again.

My ears twitched once more as Kimmie appeared at the kitchen door. She took one look at me and shouted, "Bunny!"

I blinked as I looked back and forth between my little sister and my dad, then down at myself again. And finally it hit me.

I'd turned into a bunny!